Crashed
by CynicalRomantic09
Summary: Dimitri is no longer the hunted--he's the hunter and he's out for blood. And he wants Rose. SK spoilers possible. RoseDimitri.
1. The Fight

**STOP!**

I beg you not to read this, pretty please. Lol. There is so much wrong with this fiction and I can only apologize, really, for the mess of mistakes, especially in the beginning. And, I suppose if you must read, please note that there **will be a re-write **in the future. Some things will be completely missing altogether because they are useless to the overall plot and just... yeah. Sooo, excuse me while I go bury my head in the sand and pretend that this doesn't exist. Oh dear.

And if you still feel compelled to read this, just remember that you have been warned of the atrocities that are about to follow...

*facepalm*

* * *

**Chapter One**

"The Fight"

* * *

Dimitri.

After all this time looking for him, he was there, right in front of me, unaware. It was the perfect opportunity to attack. He'd never suspect a thing.

I bit my lip, hating myself for hesitating. I'd waited for this moment for so long. So damn long. I owed it to him to kill him. He didn't want this life. Or lack thereof.

As I stood there, not making a sound, I reflected on the last six or seven months. I gave up everything for him. I gave up becoming a guardian; I gave up protecting Lissa. I abandoned her. Sure, I could still feel her through my bond with her, even all these miles away with me in Siberia, but it wasn't the same. I missed her.

One stake to the heart was all it would take. This would all finally be over and I could move on with my life. Or attempt to. I just had to find the courage to actually do it.

I made a move towards him, after finally coaching myself and repeating over and over that it was the right thing. Only he did something I wasn't expecting; he turned around. And what I saw made my heart convulse in pain. Those red eyes were boring into mine and it made me think of him the way he was. Before he became this creature standing in front of me. Why? Why did this happen to him? He was supposed to be a god, right? People like him were supposed to be indestructible.

I stood there, frozen and unable to move. He, on the other hand, had no problems moving.

He walked towards me and stood right in front me. I didn't know what to do. I just stood there, motionless. A few moments passed with us just looking at each other and then he sighed, as though he were bored.

"Why did you come here?"

Somehow, I found my voice. It was amazing, even to me, that I remembered how to form words. "You know why," I whispered.

"I wish you wouldn't have."

I tightened my grip on the stake and shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. It was almost like he was studying me with the way he was looking at me.

"I don't have a choice. I'm sorry," I said quietly, but determinedly.

"Me too, Roza. Me too."

Then his face morphed into this cruel, un-Dimitri type of creature. He became evil.

His lip sneered upward as he backhanded me, catching me off guard and I staggered backward. Wasting no time at all, he then grabbed me by the shoulders, lifted me off the ground, and threw me across the room; I grunted in pain—it was excruciating. I hit the wall of the cabin we were in and I could have sworn I saw stars. If I thought he was strong when he was still a dhampir, I should have expected this. I should have expected him to be a powerhouse as a Strigoi.

I gingerly touched the back of my head and winced at the slight pressure. I saw him moving towards me rather slowly, almost nonchalantly. I looked around me and then I panicked when I realized that the stake slipped out of my grip. It was closer to Dimitri. Shit.

He smirked evilly and picked the device up by the point, let it slide down his hand, and then caught it and gripped it tight by the hilt.

His eyes roamed the piece of metal almost fondly. He looked as though he were lost in his own kind of revere.

"What a pain in the ass these things are."

I trembled as he started walking closer towards me. It was the only time in my life I'd ever feared Dimitri and as I looked up at him, I resigned myself to the fact that I was going to die. I would never beat him and make it out alive.

But just because I knew I was going to die, didn't mean I was going down without a fight.

"Please. Don't do this," I said softly.

He stopped his advance momentarily and I quickly sat up and retreated towards the wall. I hugged my knees tightly and braced myself when he closed in the distance. He crouched down in front of me as though I were a small child and he sighed.

"It doesn't have to be this way, Roza. My Roza," he said as he brushed a piece of hair out of my face.

Wary, I asked, "What do you mean?"

"What do you think I mean? Come with me. This life—it's not as bad as we imagined it to be. We could be together. We wouldn't have to worry about guardian politics anymore; we wouldn't have to give up our lives to protect those insufferable Moroi. We could be together," he repeated. He leaned forward and brought his lips to my ear, causing shivers to run down my spine. Even as a Strigoi, his body still had the same effect on me. "Forever."

The offer was far too alluring for my liking. All this time I'd spent looking for him, coming up with ways to kill him, didn't take away the fact that I missed him; that I still loved him. I loved him so much it hurt. Some nights, it would get so bad that I would end up crying myself to sleep.

I wanted to be with him. Oh, I wanted to be with him more than anything. But this wasn't him. His soul was gone. This wasn't Dimitri. It was just his body.

"I'd rather kill you," I said defiantly.

He sighed, sounding somewhat defeated as he hung his head. "Shame," he said. He then lifted his head as he quickly raised the stake, getting ready to plunge the point into me.

But I was ready for that.

I waited until his body was in the perfect position; the stake had just barely grazed my skin when I heaved every ounce of strength I had and kicked him in the stomach. The stake went flying out of his arms and he landed flat on his back.

I quickly stood up and readied myself, knowing that wouldn't keep him down for long.

Sure enough, he got up and a low chuckle escaped his throat. "Do you think this to be wise? How often did you beat me when I was alive?"

We began dancing in a kind of circle, each of us waiting for the other to make the first move. "There's a first time for everything," I said through my teeth.

He laughed outright and clapped his hands together. "I taught you everything you know, Roza! Come now, this is rather foolish, don't you think? I'll beat you," he said cockily. "You'll die." He sounded almost sad as he informed me of my near-future death.

"I know," I said.

He looked equal parts shocked and confused at my statement, which was just the opening I needed. I threw my first punch and he stumbled, surprised by the sudden contact. I used the opportunity to throw my second, which hit him square in the jaw, and managed to get a kick in there, too.

Dimitri clutched his stomach as he stood up. He spit out a tooth and I watched in amazement as blood followed. "Impressive," he said truthfully. "The question is, how long can you keep it up?"

"Long enough."

He nodded as if he were humoring me and did that eyebrow thing he used to do when he was still alive. "And you've been conditioning? I highly doubt that. You've spent the last seven months chasing after me. That hardly leaves time for training," he said as he crossed his arms.

I shrugged, unwilling to give it away that I _had_ been training. Every minute that I wasn't looking at clues, trying to decipher just where exactly he was, I was running. I was at a gym, utilizing every skill he ever taught me. I wasn't about to let it go to waste.

"Guess we'll found out, huh?" He glanced at me curiously and hesitated, suddenly unsure of himself. "Come on, _Dimka_," I said and fought back a laugh at the face he made. I never called him that. I actually kind of hated that nickname for him. "Give me your best shot," I taunted.

He smirked and despite the fact that he was my enemy now, it still made my heart flutter the tiniest bit. Damn his body. Inwardly, I chastised myself and pulled it together. Now was not the time to be thinking about how perfect his body still was. So instead, I got ready for any blow he was about to deliver to me. I knew we would fight—he wouldn't pass this opportunity up.

As expected, he delivered in spades. He swung, but I ducked, and he only hit air. I hit him square in the nose. This seemed to piss him off and make him angry, which couldn't mean anything good for me. He growled and went for my stomach, which sent me reeling. It knocked the wind out of me and had me staring at the ceiling.

_Get up, Rose,_ I said to myself. _Finish this fight. You can't go down in one swing._

Grimacing, I pulled myself to my feet, ignoring the searing pain that was consuming my body. That earlier meeting with wall and this punch to the stomach was not doing the best of things for my health.

I was weak, but I still attempted to swing anyway. Bad move. Definitely, bad move. He deflected the punch easily and grabbed my left arm, twisting it behind my back. I cried out in pain, hating myself for it. I should be stronger than this. "You can't beat me!" He then kicked me in the back, which propelled me forward and I hit the ground again. My arm was throbbing; I was sure he dislocated it somehow.

I was getting ready to give up and give in to the pain when I saw it: the stake. It wasn't that far away from me.

I willed myself to get up and once I was on my feet, I started running for the stake, which had landed over by the fireplace. I was almost there; it was within maybe two arms' length reach. But I wasn't quick enough. He dove for my ankles and I went down hard.

He twisted me around so I was on my back, once again. I struggled and tried kicking him, but he was expecting that. He had my knees pinned. Damn him.

"You can't kill me, Roza. You're not strong enough."

I glanced sideways and tried reaching for the stake with my good arm. But he obviously saw what I was trying to do and he beat me to it and threw the weapon across the length of the room.

I shut my eyes and felt defeat course through my body. I lost. I couldn't save him; I failed him. Fighting back tears, I let my head fall back against the floor. This was it. There was no possible way I could get out of this alive.

He placed his hands around my neck and slowly started applying pressure. Oh God. He was going to choke me to death.

I wiggled underneath him, trying to get loose, but I knew it was no use. He was so much stronger than me. I wouldn't beat him.

I felt my air supply being cut off and a million thoughts began swarming through my head. I thought of my mother and realized that I was actually sad that I would never see her again. We had just started to attempt to patch up our relationship and I had left everything behind me, leaving practically no chance of reconciliation.

I remembered all of my friends back at the academy, including Christian. Oddly enough, I would miss him and his sarcastic sense of humor. We probably would have been good friends if I had given him a fair shot.

Surprisingly, I even thought of Adrian and his suave demeanor. It looked like I wouldn't be returning to give him a fair shot.

And Lissa. My heart constricted as I thought of Lissa and everything we had been through together. We were each others' rocks and we were always there for each other. At least it had been that way until I left her behind. I would never get the chance to tell her that I was sorry for abandoning her, or that I loved her.

Finally, I thought of Dimitri. I thought about how much I loved his smiles that he seemed to save just for me, his laughter that was so rare and that twinkle in his eyes that would accompany it. I thought about our time at the cabin and how that was the only moment we ever gave in to our feelings for each other.

I willed myself to open my eyes, even though his red eyes were not the last thing that I wanted to see before I died. I gripped his hands and tried to pry them off my neck, but his grip was ironclad. There would be no budging.

"Dimitri, please," I wheezed. "You promised to protect me, remember? You promised."

But he didn't listen to my pleas. I felt the last of my air slipping and off in the corner of the room, I saw Mason standing there. He had already moved on, but apparently, he was back. Back for me. While his presence was of some comfort to me, I realized that I didn't want to die. I wasn't ready.

Just when I thought I was done for, suddenly, I could breathe again.

I gasped for breath and started coughing as I looked up at Dimitri, who was now standing. He was looking at both of his hands and he actually looked shaken. His red eyes were confused and for a second, while I sat up and rubbed at my neck, I saw his eyes bore into mine.

When I could finally breathe again without wheezing, I stood up and walked over to him warily.

He glanced at me with uncertainty in his eyes. They were no longer cold and empty. Despite the redness, they almost reminded me of Dimitri before he became a Strigoi. "Dimitri?" Had he heard my pleas after all? Did he save me? I dared to walk closer, but he dashed out of the cabin before I could even make a move.

"Wait!" I screamed, but he was gone.

I went to the front door and saw him running off into the night. There was no way I'd be able to catch him. He was too fast.

Feeling overwhelmed, I dropped to the floor and started sobbing.

I had failed him. I knew he didn't want this life and I hadn't been strong enough to put him out of his misery. I hesitated, just like he knew I would.

Suddenly, I felt a throbbing, blinding pain overtake me. My head was dizzy and my arm felt like it had been ripped out of its socket.

I attempted to make it out the door of the cabin to get to the safety of my motel, but I was too weak. I reached out with my good arm to try and steady myself, but it was no use. For the fourth time since I had been in this wretched cabin, I collapsed into a heap on the floor. But this time, I wasn't getting up. All I saw was blackness.

* * *

Hey there!

First, I wanted to say thanks to those who took the time to comment. It's because of you that I'm uploading this new chapter. I really appreciate the feedback, so thanks!

Second, this next chapter skips her journey of looking for him and goes right to the point that she finds him. I wasn't going to include this fight scene, but I decided to give it a shot. Plus, this will kind of give some hints for future chapters. I hope you all enjoy it!

So far, I've had a ton of fun writing for this. It's different from anything I've tried before and it's a breath of fresh air for me. I just hope I can keep readers' interest.

Oh, and someone asked if Rose and Adrian are married. Their relationship is complicated. I won't say now whether or not they're married, but it will be revealed later on in the story what the status of their relationship is.

Anyway, on to the chapter. Please keep the comments coming! I love all of them!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own these characters.


	2. Broken

**Chapter Two**

"Broken"

* * *

When I woke up, I immediately recognized my surroundings to be that of a hospital. Great. This was just what I needed. I didn't have a clue how long I'd been in here and when I looked down at my arm, I saw I was wearing a sling. Fantastic.

I tried to sit up and instantly regretted it. The room started spinning and I felt like I was going to be sick.

Nearly as soon as the nauseous feeling hit me, the door opened and in walked the last person I wanted to see right now. "Easy, little dhampir. You got diagnosed with a mild concussion, so you're probably not feeling too hot right now."

"Whatever gave you that impression?" I remarked dryly. I slowly pushed myself up with my good arm and let my head fall back on the bed.

"Well, it's good to know you're sarcasm is still in tact," he said as he sat down in the chair next to the bed. "I wouldn't know what to do without it."

"I'm sure you'd manage. But, I don't think you'll have to worry about that going away."

"Glad to hear it."

An awkward silence passed for a minute or so and I couldn't take it anymore. Plus, I was curious as to how long I'd been in here. "How long was I out?"

He shrugged. "A day or so." He tried to keep his voice level and controlled, but there was a grimness to it that made me uncomfortable.

I nodded and finally asked the first question I should have asked to begin with. "So how'd you find me?"

A smile tugged at the corner of his lips and he grew amused. "You don't remember?"

"Remember what?"

"When you were unconscious, I contacted you. You told me where you were."

"I don't remember," I said quietly.

"It's okay. You were pretty out of it, even in your dreams." He was quiet for a minute or so and it made me nervous. Adrian was never this quiet. "Please don't ever do this again. You gave us all a scare, Rose."

I stared, feeling thoroughly shocked and surprised. He hardly ever called me Rose.

Adrian brought his hand up to my hair and brushed it away to reveal my neck. I grimaced when he touched a bruise. "It was him, wasn't it? He did this to you." I looked away, unwilling to answer. The pain was still too raw to think about it.

"You can't keep chasing after him anymore. You need to stop."

"I can't," I said quietly. "I wasn't ready this time, but next time I'll—"

"Next time?" he interrupted irritably. "Next time he'll probably finish you off! Just look at what he's done to you, Rose! You have bruises everywhere, he practically ripped your arm out of place, and he gave you a concussion!"

"Mild," I argued lamely. His eyes narrowed and he gave me a pointed look, letting me know that he wasn't amused. "Look, I appreciate your concern, but you don't know what happened back there, Adrian."

"Don't I? He tried to kill you. That's enough information for me."

"He saved me," I countered.

He scowled and was clearly disbelieving of this information. "Excuse me?"

I sighed and started relaying everything that had happened. I was actually surprised I was telling him all of this, but with him . . . I don't know, with him, it was just easy. He let me go at my own pace and didn't pressure me at all to keep going. I think at any point I wanted to stop, he would have been totally cool with it.

Adrian looked like he was going to be sick when I told him how my arm got dislocated. I asked him if he wanted me to stop and he shook his pale, ashen face so adamantly that I nearly started laughing at him.

And then I got to the least fun part of the cabin, the part where I nearly died. "He was choking me and then all of a sudden, he just stopped for some reason. I swear, for a minute it was almost like it was _really_ him again, Adrian."

At that, his eyes darkened and he clenched his jaw. "That's not possible, little dhampir, and you know it."

"I know, but—"

"No!" he yelled. I blinked; Adrian never raised his voice. He was so easy-going and laid back. I think that's once of the qualities that drew me to him. We sat in silence for what felt like eternity. He rubbed a hand over his face and he sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. But Rose . . . you have to know that no matter what you think you saw back in that cabin that it wasn't Belikov. He's gone, Rose."

Tears pooled in my eyes and I knew he was right. No matter what look Dimitri had on his face, it didn't change the fact that he was still one of them now. There was no coming back from it, either. It felt like I lost him all over again, only this time it was so much worse. I blinked back the tears that were threatening to escape and nodded.

"Damn it, I'm sorry."

I shook my head and gave a pathetic, weak excuse for a smile. "It's okay. I needed to hear that. Besides, it'll keep me prepared and keep my head out of the clouds for whenever I find him again."

"What?"

I nodded and felt more determined than ever to find Dimitri again. I couldn't let him roam the earth, killing people. He wouldn't want that. "As soon as my arm's healed, I'm going back out there."

Adrian swore under his breath. "Have you not been listening to me? Have I just been talking to that wall over there?" he exclaimed heatedly.

"No, I heard you. Loud and clear. But you can't make me quit, Adrian. I need to get back out there and fight him and finish the job. He doesn't want this!"

"Then let somebody else take care of it!" he argued. "You nearly died, damn it! Don't you care that he almost killed you?"

"Of course! Of course I care, Adrian. I was scared out of my mind! But I can't let that stop me from doing this. I can't just let somebody else 'take care of it'. We promised each other."

"I'm not letting you go back out there again, Rose. It's not going to happen."

I raised my eyebrows at his audacity. Has he not met me before this? "You're not going to _let_ me? I'm sorry, I didn't realize you gave me orders."

He smirked and crossed his arms. His pompous air returned and I remembered why he got on my nerves. I figured my, "Adrian's so nice" phase wouldn't last too long.

"I don't give you orders, no. I wouldn't dream of it. But I can easily cut off your money supply," he said smugly.

I glared at him and tightened my fists. He was not playing nice. He knew I needed that money. There was no way I'd be able to do this search without it. "You can't do that."

He laughed outright and quirked a brow. "It's my money, little dhampir. I believe I can do what I want with it."

"Adrian—"

"I am _not_ going to pay you to kill yourself, Rose. If you want to continue this suicidal quest of yours, go ahead."

"Oh please! I am _not_ suicidal!"

Adrian scoffed, clearly losing his patience. "Did you forget that I can see auras? That hasn't changed since you've been away. I can see yours now, and honestly? I wish I couldn't."

That caused me to falter just the tiniest bit. What did he mean? Was there something wrong with me that I didn't even realize?

"You're making that up," I said with uncertainty.

He shook his head sadly. "I'm not. I wish I were, but Rose . . . I've never seen one quite this dark before. There's nothing positive about it. It's all shadows and darkness," he said quietly. "It's like you've lost your light."

I shut my eyes and tried to ignore the pain that was piercing my heart at his observation. I lost my light a long time ago. A little over seven months ago, to be exact.

"Look, I'm not the best with words when it comes to stuff like this. I've never lost anybody the way you—" he stopped in mid-sentence, and I was surprised that he was trying to censor himself for my sake. "Well, I just have never lost anyone I truly cared about to the Strigoi before. I couldn't imagine what you're going through right now."

I glared at him. "No. You can't," I said somewhat bitchily. I felt bad, but only a little. He didn't understand and he was judging me like he had every right in the world to. I didn't appreciate the fact that he seemed to think I was so depressed that I wanted to kill myself. I wasn't to that point and hopefully, I would never get there.

"I know you're upset, but this isn't healthy. It's turning into an obsession and you don't even realize it," he said softly.

"That's not true," I refuted.

"It is. You're not even healed from your last encounter with him and you're already in talks of starting up your search again."

"Please understand. I _need_ this. Don't you see? It's the only way I'll be able to move on with my life."

He shook his head once more. "I'm sorry. I don't understand. I won't ever be able to understand this. You're slowly killing yourself with this and I can't sit by and watch it happen."

When I didn't say anything, he heaved a heavy sigh and I heard him stand up. "Like I said, if you're so insistent on continuing this ridiculous search, then be my guest. Just don't expect my help. You'll have to find somebody else to be your backer," he said somewhat bitterly.

"Fine, I will!"

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, good luck with that Rose. I need to get out of here. You're making me . . . irritated."

He stormed out of the room, not even giving me a chance to say anything else.

I huffed in annoyance. It wasn't a "suicidal quest" as he called it. He was just being overdramatic and completely unreasonable. Did he forget that I trained to hunt these things? Did he forget that before I bailed on the academy that I was close to becoming a guardian and make a living killing Strigoi? What a drama queen!

I folded my arms and began taping my index finger on my forearm, still angry. He hadn't even asked about all the other Strigoi I killed along the way, which was so many I lost count after the first twenty. So really, I was doing just fine. I made one mistake and suddenly it's a quest for me to kill myself.

The brooding continued and most of the time, I was having an internal bitch-fit about Adrian. He was ruining everything!

I was in the middle of thinking up ways to get him away from his guardian so I could kick his ass when the door opened again. I looked up and saw Lissa and Christian together. For once, I was rendered speechless.

"Hey, Hathaway. How are you feeling?" Christian asked when Lissa didn't say anything. Looking at her made me feel immensely guilty for abandoning her and I promptly avoided her gaze.

"I've been better," I mumbled.

"Well you look like shit," he said truthfully. "I'd say it's a vast improvement though, honestly."

Lissa glared at him, but I actually laughed. I'd missed this a lot. This felt normal. It felt nice. There was just one huge difference stopping me from fully enjoying it. I tried not to think about that difference though because it would just depress me again. So I started talking.

"What are you guys doing here?"

"I'm here because I was dragged here," Christian said impatiently.

"Whatever, Christian. You were worried about her, too," Lissa said with a smirk. Relief flooded through me. It was the first thing she'd said since they walked through the door.

Christian's cheeks flamed with embarrassment and I knew Lissa was telling the truth when he didn't offer a witty retort. His lame response was, "Whatever," and he walked out the door, leaving just Lissa and me in the room.

A few moments of silence passed before either one of us said anything. I still felt too guilty.

"So, now that Christian's gone, how are you _really _feeling?"

I sighed. "I'm fine, Lissa."

"Don't lie to me," she snapped. Okay, so apparently, she was angrier than I first thought.

"Lissa . . ."

"You owe me, Rose. You weren't exactly truthful with me when you were still at the academy and then you left—after you promised to always protect me, you left me. And now that we've come all the way over here and had to watch you fight for your life, you're _still_ not going to tell me the truth?"

I was going into guilty mode again when something she said caught my attention. "What do you mean 'fighting for my life'? Adrian said I was only out for a day or so." She didn't answer me. She was biting her lip and looking away from me, and I felt myself growing irritated. "Lissa?"

"Rose, you died, okay! You shouldn't even be here right now," she said quietly.

"What?"

She nodded and tears began streaming down her face. "You died from internal bleeding. They couldn't stop it."

"Did you, you know, heal me?" She shook her head and started sobbing harder. "Then how am I here? How am I still alive?"

"I don't know," she choked out. "But I'm glad you are. Even though you freaked the doctors out," she said with a low chuckle. "When they came out of the operating room, they were all scratching their heads."

I allowed myself a small smile, but I still felt uneasy. I shouldn't be here.

And then I thought back to the cabin all of a sudden. I don't know what made me think of it, but I remembered the fight clear as bell. But the thing that confused me the most was what Dimitri had been able to do.

My eyes widened. "Lissa, I'm sorry, but could you get Adrian for me? It's important," I said hurriedly. She glanced at me warily, but nodded. "Hey," I said, stopping her before she left. "We'll talk later, okay? I promise." That earned a small smile from her and made me not feel like such a heel anymore.

Once she was gone, I was reeling over what I had remembered. How had I not seen it before? Why didn't I pay attention in the damn cabin?

A few moments later, Adrian appeared in the doorway with his hands in his pockets. He still looked pissed off from earlier. "You beckoned?"

"Yes. I know, you're still pissed at me, but hear me out. I just remembered something and I think you might be interested in it."

"I'm listening."

"He touched the stake," I said quickly.

His nose scrunched in confusion and he tilted his head to the side. "Excuse me?"

I let out an exasperated sigh and sat up straight in bed, ignoring the dizziness that came with the action. "Dimitri. When we were fighting, he touched the stake! Actually, he held it for a long time."

"So?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Aren't you forgetting something, Adrian? You shouldn't be asking 'so'? You should be asking 'how'."

Now his eyes widened in recognition and he sucked in a breath. "He's a Strigoi. He can't touch those things."

"Exactly. So the question is, how did he do it?"

**

* * *

**

Hey!

Time for another update. Thanks so much for all the reviews. You guys rock! I'm having a lot of fun with this and I hope you all keep reading.

Hope you all enjoy the chapter. Please keep those comments coming :)

DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters.


	3. Comrade

**Chapter Three**

"Comrade"

* * *

Stone crashed around me as I took my frustration out on the wall. I pulled my fist out of the rubble and took in my bloodied knuckles before I opened my hands and stared at the palms. They were still red from the stake.

Honestly, I was surprised that I had been able to pick the damn thing up. I don't know why I had even considered it, but I guess I had still been so used to being able to hold one. When I had first picked it up, the silver burned right through my skin, but I didn't care. I could still touch it.

I don't know what makes me so different from any other Strigoi. The only thing I can think of is that I haven't killed yet. I've been living off animal blood. It's disgusting, but I need something to keep me strong and I refuse to drink off humans or Moroi. For some reason, I just can't bring myself to do it and it's pissing the rest of the Strigoi off, too.

That couldn't have made that much of a difference, could it have? I was still one of them by nature, even if I haven't given into their tendencies yet. Yet, being the key word. I'm afraid that one of these days I'm going to break.

I sighed and ran a shaky hand through my hair. This whole situation made no sense and it was frustrating me to no end. Everything I had ever learned when I had still been alive was turning to dust before my eyes.

Why wasn't I turning into some bloodthirsty monster? What made me so special, so different? I almost would have preferred that to this. I was no longer a dhampir—that life was ripped away from me, taken from me before I was ready to have it be gone. But I also wasn't one of _them_ either. I was stuck. I was fighting the urges to kill off all the time and I didn't know how much longer I was going to last. It was only a matter of time, right?

I turned around and, unfortunately, there was a mirror on the opposite wall. I hated mirrors. They forced me to see what I got turned into against my will. They forced me to remember everything that I had lost when I didn't come out of the cave before being bitten. I lost my friends, my family, my career that I had worked so hard for . . .

And then there was the most painful reminder. Rose.

God, she still looked beautiful. She looked better than I remembered. And me? Well, I looked like _this_. I was a monster. There was no comparison. She was Belle and I was the Beast, simple as that.

I remembered her devastated face when I turned around in the cabin. It was as though I'd killed her without even lifting a finger.

I stared at my reflection some more and I despised it. She was wasting her life away, jeopardizing her chance to become a guardian—and all because of me, because I had faltered in that cave. Feeling angrier than ever, I ripped the mirror off the wall and threw it, watching the glass shatter all around the frame. Damn mirrors.

"Belikov!"

"Damn it," I muttered under my breath. "What do you want James?"

I turned around to meet one of the Strigoi that was responsible for me being turned. They hadn't turned me when they whacked me unconscious. That would have been no fun, apparently.

When I had come to, it had taken three Strigoi to make my transformation successful—two to hold me down, and one to bite me. He was one of the ones that held me down. I hated him.

"You're due." I didn't say anything. I just glared at him and he cursed under his breath. "You haven't forgotten, have you?"

I rolled my eyes at the stupidity of such a question. I didn't forget anything ever. "No. I haven't forgotten."

"Well? Where is she?" Again, I didn't say anything. It made me angry just thinking about it. "We had a deal, remember?"

"I remember," I said with a bored tone. I played with my fingernails and ignored the little bastard. I _really_ hated him.

"You're lucky it's me coming to you and not Desden. Make good on your end of the bargain, Belikov." The tone in his voice actually caused me to look up and there was a gleam in his eyes that I didn't quite like. He smirked at me. "You know, I could use some good old fashioned home cooking any day now—"

I shoved him against the wall and placed my forearm against his neck. He laughed at my rage. "Stay away from my mother you little punk, or I swear to God, I'll rip your throat out."

He obviously didn't take my threat seriously because he was still laughing. He tsked at me. "Temper, temper, Belikov. Luckily you don't have to worry about things like blood pressure anymore." He chuckled again briefly, but then went back to 'reminding me' of our deal. "Make good on your end of the deal and mommy's soul will remain in tact."

"If you even _think_ about making a move on her, I'll start handing you your own body parts, James." I mustered my deadliest, most threatening glare and growled. "You picked the wrong guy to turn into one of you little freaks. I was strong then, but I'm twice as strong now. And I still hate you bastards. Make me mad and I promise it won't be pretty. And it won't be quick either. I'll torture you to death, just like you did to me. Remember that fun little game you guys played with me?" At that, James paled and his smirk and cockiness were both suddenly gone. "You'll be _begging_ me to kill you by the time I'm just getting started."

He remained silent and for a moment, I thought I had won. This punk was afraid of me. At least when he didn't have Desden around him he was afraid of me. I was stronger and he knew it.

We continued our glaring contest and for some reason, his uncertainty left him, only to be replaced by his smugness again. "You keep your end of the deal, and we won't have to worry about this, will we?"

Disgusted, I shoved him against the wall and turned away.

"Give us Hathaway, Belikov. You're time is running out."

I heard James walk away and I gritted my teeth. Great. This was just great. Jesus, what the hell did I get myself into?

* * *

About an hour later, I was standing outside the hospital that Rose was recovering in. There was no way I could go in there—there were too many guardians and I couldn't risk getting caught. Plus, my eyes would kind of give me away in a heartbeat, so I remained in the comforts of the shadows.

I had a plan—it wasn't a very good one, but it was still a plan. And I needed this to go right. I couldn't afford anything to go wrong. But, if my calculations were right, the person I needed to see would be coming outside any minute for a smoking break. Hopefully.

The double doors slid open and I peered around the edge of the building and groaned in frustration. It wasn't him. Where was he?

Just when my confidence in my plan was dimming, sure enough, that cocky son of a bitch Adrian Ivashkov came out through the sliding doors, cigarette in one hand, lighter in the other. I rolled my eyes at his predictability. Last I heard, he hadn't been assigned a guardian yet, so thankfully, he was alone. That made my job easier.

I studied his appearance and scowled. Okay, so maybe he didn't look so cocky now. He was clearly stressed out and worried. Luckily, he was standing right underneath a light, so his face was lit well enough. At least that was one thing going in my favor right now. But as I took in the royal's slumped over posture, I grew uneasy and frowned—had he been crying?

It was evident he wasn't having a good day. Part of me almost felt guilty for what I was about to do. Almost.

After waiting for the few stragglers to go back inside, I came out of the shadows, snuck up behind him and clamped my hand over his mouth. He started to struggle as I pulled him around the corner and out of sight. "Be quiet," I growled. "I'm not here to hurt you. I just need to talk to you."

Finally, he nodded and I decided it was safe to let him go. When he turned around, his eyes widened and the kid look like he was going to wet himself. If only Rose could see him now, I thought as I chuckled to myself.

"You," he stammered. "Y-you're really—"

"One of them now? What was it that gave it away, kid? The pasty, pale skin or my new eye color?"

He ignored my sarcasm and then, his lip curled into a sneer. He squared his shoulders, narrowed his eyes, and lifted his chin somewhat defiantly. I raised an eyebrow at him and folded my arms with barely restrained amusement. He put his cigarette out and clenched his fists. "What do you want?"

"Easy there, champ. Like I said, I come in peace."

He scoffed. Clearly he didn't believe me. "Yeah right. You're one of them now, Belikov. Your kind doesn't know what 'peace' is."

"That's true. They don't know what peace is—but _I _do."

He took a step back while confusion and uncertainty marred his features. "You're lying. I don't know what game you're playing, but I'm not buying it."

"You have every right to be wary, Ivashkov. I would be too if I were in your position," I said honestly.

"Thanks for your permission," he said stonily.

"Think about it, though. If I wanted to kill you, I would have been able to snap your neck in an instant and you know it. You're still breathing, right?"

He looked more aggravated than anything, but it seemed as though he was starting to believe me. "Okay, then why? Why don't you want me dead? Isn't that part of your nature?"

Frustration bubbled up inside of me and I began to rethink this whole 'not-killing-him' plan. It was tempting right now. I had forgotten how annoying he was. "You're not hearing me, are you? I'm not like the others, Ivashkov. I don't want the same things they want. I don't live the same way they do."

"Why?"

"That's none of your business," I snapped. "Now, do you want to know why I came here, or not?"

I had him. He gave in and nodded. "Fine. What do you want?"

"It's simple really. I have a message for you."

"A message?" he asked warily.

"That's right, dream boy," I said as I leaned against the wall with a lazy smirk. This was more fun than I thought it was going to be. He was truly terrified of me. "A message."

"What is it?"

My face turned serious, all previous pretenses gone now. "Get Rose to back off and stop searching for me." He started laughing and I frowned at him. I wasn't aware I had said something funny. "Did I miss something? Care to fill me in on the joke?"

He was still chuckling when he asked, "You're serious?" After I nodded, he turned perfectly sober and groaned, placing his head in his hands. "Jesus Christ, Belikov. You do realize that's going to be next to impossible, right? It would have been easier if you had come here asking me to figure out how to manage world peace!"

"I'm sure you'll find a way," I said through my teeth. "After all, don't you pride yourself on being persuasive?"

He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "She won't listen to me on this. I've tried to get her to come back loads of times and she wasn't having any of it. She's determined. Rose has it in her head that she can save you," he said bitterly.

"Well get it _out_ of her head."

"I've tried!"

"Then try again! Get her off my back, Ivashkov. I'm serious."

"And if I can't?"

I kept my eyes like steel, my face void of any emotion. I walked up to him and leaned forward to whisper in his ear. "Then she's dead."

The young Ivashkov royal looked like he was going to be sick. I started walking away, figuring he got the message loud and clear. But I didn't get very far because his next words stopped me for some reason. "You bastard. She loved you! I thought you said you were different than the other Strigoi and that you didn't want the same things they wanted? You'd really do that to her?" When I didn't say anything, he continued on with his spiel. "Guess you're all the same after all."

I spun around in the blink of an eye and shoved him against the wall, frightening the wits out of him. But, to my astonishment, he held his ground. I'd never admit it to him, but I was impressed. "You have no idea what she's getting herself into. Don't even _think_ that you know something about this. You have no clue," I said, my voice dangerously low.

"Next you're going to say that this is all to protect her," he said dryly.

"She's out numbered, Iv—Adrian." He blinked in obvious surprise. I was hoping that if I called him by his first name, he would get that I was trying. "You claim to care about her—"

"I _do_ care about her," he interrupted.

"Then get her to stop. Do whatever it takes."

"How?"

"I don't know. You'll think of something."

I turned around again and started walking away when he stopped me once more. "Belikov. This thing . . . how bad is it?"

I didn't say anything. I figured my silence would be enough of an answer for him. "I'll be seeing you, Ivashkov."

Before he could say anything else, I walked off into the night, once more surrounded by shadows and darkness.

With any luck, he'd pull through on this and get Rose to back off. For some reason, she was drawn to him. I could see that even before the attack happened. It may not have been in a romantic sense, but something about him intrigued her and maybe, he'd be able to use that to his advantage.

I just hope I didn't make the world's biggest mistake by entrusting him with this. Rose's life depended on it.

**

* * *

**

Wow! Thanks for all the awesome reviews! I was pleasantly surprised when I saw how many were coming in for this story. I'm glad you all are seeming to like this.

This part will more than likely be confusing to all of you, so I apologize in advance. But hopefully it will make sense later. Originally, I'd had more written out for this, which equaled more details for my readers, but I didn't like it and I didn't want to reveal so much this soon in the story, so I nixed it. I'm actually quite fond of the conversational piece towards the end of the chapter, though. I usually tend not to like my writing, but I'm somewhat pleased with how this turned out. So, I hope you all enjoy it as well.

Anyway, some brief background information on this chapter is really just one thing and that is that it takes place up to right before Adrian walks into Rose's hospital room the first time.

Please keep the comments coming. I'm loving them! :)

DISCLAIMER: I do not own these characters. If I did, Dimitri would not have gotten captured in that freaking cave. Boo.

P.S.--Sorry for the shortness of the chapter. They'll start to get a little longer after this hopefully.


	4. The Odd Couple

**Chapter Four**

"The Odd Couple"

* * *

_Two days later_.

I was pacing the length of the room, feeling more frustrated than ever.

After I got released from the hospital, I thought we were going to go looking for answers as to why Dimitri was able to hold that stake—why he didn't kill me when he nearly had me dead. Ever since I remembered that he had held that stake in his hands, it's been driving me insane. What made him so different from the rest of the Strigoi? Why was he special enough to be able to hold one of those things?

When I first told Adrian about Dimitri gripping the stake, he'd been just as flabbergasted as I was. We'd tried concocting a few theories, but they all were weak at best. He'd gone as far as suggesting that the stake was faulty. I'd considered it for a moment, but then realized it was impossible. That stake was practically brand new.

Then, the strangest thing happened.

After only a day of trying to figure out what happened at the cabin, Adrian seemed to have lost all interest. It was like he did a 180 on me or something. I didn't understand it in the slightest. In the beginning, he was all for helping me. Now it seemed like he was against me.

Adrian was being impossible. Not only did he stop helping me think of theories, but he's been making sure that I didn't go after Dimitri again. Somebody was _always _with me and it was beginning to anger me. When I asked him about it, he brushed it off, saying I was being paranoid. But it's almost like I was under house arrest or something. It wasn't as though I were some child that needed to be watched and I sure as hell didn't need to be standing around being completely useless!

I was feeling perfectly fine. Better than fine, actually. Lissa completely healed me, despite my protests, and I was back to being one hundred percent.

Lissa.

Things with Lissa were more complicated than they had ever been and it was killing me. We were talking some, but I could tell she was holding back how hurt she was. I didn't need some stupid bond to tell me that she was still feeling the betrayal I had dealt her.

What I did to her sucked. I kept the most important piece of my life from her, I kept a secret that I shouldn't have—especially since our friendship ran deeper than most. She was one of the few people I trusted, yet I failed to tell her that I had fallen in love with my mentor. Every now and then, I could feel her worry over me, her hurt, anger . . . even her jealousy. She still didn't understand why I left on this mission.

Guilt consumed me. The more I was around Lissa, the more depressed I grew. I know, that sounds horrible, but it's true. All I wanted when I was gone was to see her, but now that she's actually in the flesh, I've done nothing but resent her. I've been fine these last few months I've been away. I didn't have constant reminders of my past being thrown in my face. But now that I was with Lissa and Christian again, unpleasant, unwanted memories attacked me hourly and I hated it. I hated every minute of it. I hated watching them together. It made me angry. Why could they have the perfect life together?

I quickly put a stop on those thoughts. Nothing good ever came out of them.

I looked over at Christian, who was lounging in an oversized armchair, making fire appear and disappear in the fireplace. He was bored, that much was evident. But as I watched him making that magic, a thought occurred to me and it was one that I didn't quite like.

"Has she still been using her magic?" I asked quietly.

He didn't answer me, didn't even acknowledge my existence. The jerk.

"You don't have to be here you know," I snapped. That seemed to get his attention. I was expecting some kind of response from him, but that apparently wasn't happening. He simply smirked at me and continued on with his little game with the fireplace. "Damn it, Christian! I don't need a babysitter. If you're not going to actually speak to me, then I'd like to be by myself, thanks!"

"And I'd like Adrian Ivashkov to disappear from my life forever. Apparently, that's not gonna happen, though, so guess what . . ." he trailed off, gesturing around the room, letting me know that he wasn't going anywhere.

I grabbed the nearest pillow and chucked it at the back of his head. "Okay seriously, _what_ is your damage, Hathaway?" he exclaimed angrily.

"You are! All of you are! You can't keep me here forever. This isn't fair!" I shouted angrily.

He raised an eyebrow, an action that painfully reminded me of Dimitri. I quickly shoved the unwanted aching away. I wasn't going to let something that small get to me. I had to be stronger than this. _Suck it up, Rose_.

"This isn't fair? What are you, five?"

"I _need_ to be out there, damn it! I can't be cooped up here for the rest of my life!"

"Well, Ivashkov is worried about your safety, and while I hate to agree with anything that scum says, I have to admit that he's right. You're head's not on straight, Rose."

"My head is just fine, thank you."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Then what's your plan of attack? How are you going to beat him when you find him again? Do you even _have_ a plan?" I bit my lip and looked away from him. Damn him. "Yeah, that's what I thought. You don't have a plan, do you? You were just going to go in there, guns blazing and hope to come out alive, and the alive part is if we're lucky. You'd probably be happy not coming out of the fight at all, isn't that right?"

"I'm not suicidal, despite what you've probably heard from Adrian."

"I don't need to hear anything from Ivashkov. My eyes work just fine on their own. You're out of control, Hathaway."

"I am _not_ out of control! You know something, I thought _you_ would at least understand," I bit out.

"Why would I understand this? You seem to be forgetting that Belikov was incredibly powerful when he was a mere dhampir. The dude had skills, and I can only imagine how much they've amplified now that he's a Strigoi. Why would I support you going on a mission to kill yourself?"

"Thanks for the faith."

He sighed and studied me a little bit. He looked as though he were choosing his words carefully. "It's not that I don't have faith in you, Rose. I'm just being objective. Something you can't seem to do right now. You're too close to this."

"Can we talk about something else?"

He shrugged and stared back at the fireplace and started his fire game again. "Fine with me."

But, for a while, neither of us spoke. He sat in that stupid chair, playing his stupid game, while I was stuck being useless. Normally, I'd have no problems taking him out and escaping, but I'd been thinking about it and honestly, it wouldn't be very smart. If Adrian was telling the truth, my money supply was gone now. Somehow, I don't think he was bluffing. So really, even I did manage to escape, it's not as though I'd have any means to travel and hunt down Dimitri.

So now, I was forced to be in the company of one Christian Ozera while Adrian and Lissa were out doing who knew what.

As I was pacing, I looked up at the clock and saw that a half hour of silence had gone by. Incredible. It didn't seem like the time should be passing this quickly when I was bored and frustrated out of my skull.

"You know, you never answered my question."

"What question is that?"

"About Lissa. Has she still been using her magic since I've been away?"

He stopped creating the fire and glanced over at me, his expression unreadable. "Like you care," he snapped.

I grit my teeth together and clenched my fists. That was an unnecessary, unfair question and I didn't like what he was implying. Of course I cared about Lissa! "What's that supposed to mean?"

He shrugged and resumed his stupid little game. I could feel my anger bubbling up inside, waiting to erupt. Nobody, not even Adrian, managed to get under my skin quite like Christian Ozera. At least _that_ hasn't changed.

"Don't start something you don't have the balls to finish!" I snapped. It seemed as though my earlier anger and frustration was returning, full force. As was Christian's, apparently.

"Trust me, you _don't_ want to get into this with me."

"I think I do," I countered angrily.

And it was true. I _did _want to get into it. For some reason, I was looking for a fight. I was growing restless. I hated being cooped up like this and while I knew I was being ridiculous, I just couldn't seem to stop myself. I knew I was taking out my frustrations on him and that it wasn't fair, but at the moment, I couldn't bring myself to care.

He looked back at me, his eyes dancing with passion. Passion for Lissa.

And then, suddenly everything made sense. I was wondering why he'd been so nice to me in the hospital. I mean sure, before I had left, we had gotten along tons better than when I had first met him; I no longer despised him. But I thought it was odd that he'd been acting as nice as he had been when they first came to see me. Now I knew. He'd done it for Lissa. Just like he does everything else in his life for Lissa. The realization made my chest ache. I used to have someone like that. Now I didn't.

"Don't push me, Rose. The outcome won't be pretty."

I don't know what was wrong with me. Christian could dish fights out just as good as I could. Though I refused to recognize it verbally, we were far too similar for my liking. So I honestly didn't know why I was pushing his buttons. I should have stopped. But it was like my lips had a mind of their own.

"Come on, Ozera. Your girlfriend's not here to protect you, now, so you can actually strap on a pair for once. Why don't you say what's really on your mind?" I taunted.

His eyes were blazing by now. "Look, don't start a fight with me because you couldn't win _yours_. Don't take out your failure on me." Those eyes now widened and he instantly regretted the words. I could see that.

But it felt like I had been sucker punched. Raw, blinding pain came at me like a tidal wave and I did the only thing I could think of to deal.

I didn't think, I just swung and my fist quickly connected to Christian's face.

He staggered backwards and grabbed his eye. The dark-haired Moroi stayed crunched over for a moment or two and when he looked back up at me, he didn't look pissed in the slightest. In fact, he looked sympathetic and I couldn't take that. I would have rather faced an angry Christian than see that 'pity Rose' look in his eyes. My chest was heaving by that point—I could scarcely breathe. I could literally feel myself crumbling to pieces and when the pain got to be too much, I did something I never thought I'd do in front of him.

I broke down.

I collapsed to the floor and started crying. I'd cried over Dimitri before, but nothing ever quite like this. Whenever I had first learned that his body wasn't in the caves, I couldn't grieve the way I should have because nobody knew about us. Even though he was gone, I still had to keep it a secret because I wasn't about to tarnish his reputation. So I buried the grief deep inside and kept it hidden. And those nights that I had cried myself to sleep . . . well, those were bad, but for some reason, this just hit me right in the gut and forced me to feel everything I'd been repressing all this time. Christian's comment had been like a slap in the face, a reality check of sorts.

I hugged my knees and rested my forehead on top of them.

To my surprise, he was right by my side as soon as I went down to the floor. He wrapped his arms around me and began rubbing his hand on my back in a soothing, circular motion.

"Why?" I choked out. "Why h-him?"

"I don't know." He whispered words of comfort into my ear and surprisingly, I began to feel a little better. The sobs became less and less and I felt like I could maybe start to pull myself together.

"I'm sorry," he said suddenly. "I didn't mean it."

When I finally stopped crying, my gaze flickered up to meet his. I attempted a feeble kind of smile and shook my head. "It's okay. I'm okay. It's all fine, Christian."

His eyes narrowed and he frowned. "Look, I know I don't know you as well as Lissa, but I know you well enough to know that you're not fine! You're not very good at hiding this, either."

I stood up and shrugged out of his embrace. While it had felt nice when I was in tears, it just felt weird and awkward now. "I'm the one that's sorry," I said as I wiped a stray tear away. "I shouldn't have said what I did to you. I provoked you."

"But—"

"Christian. It's fine. Everything you said was true, anyway," I said weakly. His eyes narrowed in confusion and I smiled humorlessly. "I failed him. I wasn't strong enough."

"Rose, no. I'm not saying this to be condescending, believe me. But it was an impossible task in the first place."

"No it wasn't. There isn't a single Strigoi out there that's invincible, Christian. Not even Dimitri. I hesitated. That was my mistake."

"But Rose—"

"I won't make that mistake again. I wasn't prepared the first time, but now—"

"Now what? Now you'll magically get over the fact that he's not Dimitri anymore? You can't do it, Rose."

"Why? Why are you so sure that I'm going to fail?"

"Because you loved him! You loved him just like I love Lissa. I like killing those bastards and I still believe that Moroi should be out there fighting. But I would never be able to kill her if she . . . if she got turned into one . . . I just couldn't do it," he said as he repressed a shudder.

The thought of Lissa being turned into one of those foul creatures made me go cold. I didn't want that to happen to her. I don't know if I could survive if that happened to her, too.

"Well I'm stronger," I said defiantly after a moment of silence had passed, even though I didn't know if I really believed that.

"How can you be? Rose, no one is going to think any less of you if . . ."

"If what? If I just let him stay stuck in that kind of life?" I shook my head and walked away from Christian. "I'll die before I let that happen. I'm going to kill him, Christian. One way or another, with or without Adrian's help."

"What about my help?" he whispered.

Shock reverberated through me. "What?"

"Let me help you. Let me go with you this time." I stayed utterly quiet, not knowing what to say. Was he serious? He came up behind me and place both hands on my shoulders and I swallowed hard. "We make a great team, Rose. We've fought Strigoi together before. Let me do this. You don't have to go it alone."

The offer was alluring. And he was right. We did make a good team. I bit my lip, contemplating this decision. If I said yes, I would be putting a Moroi's life in danger, which was something I've been taught not to do my entire life. But if I said no, I'd be stuck here even longer, wasting even more time than had already been wasted, that couldn't afford to _be_ wasted. I had to kill Dimitri.

"What do you say?" he asked quietly.

"What about Lissa?"

"She has Ivashkov now," he said bitterly. "She doesn't need me. Hell, half the time, I don't even know if she _wants_ me anymore."

"I can't take you away from her. Me leaving is one thing, but to take _you_ as well would be too much. She might go off the deep end."

"Lissa will be fine. You don't know how tense things have been between us lately. She's already sneaking around with Ivashkov, she's been lying to me. I think things are well on their way to being over."

"But you love her," I argued. "You just said earlier—"

"Exactly, Rose. _I_ love her. I have no idea if she feels the same way anymore."

"So you're just going to give up and throw in the towel? You're going to bow out and let Adrian win?"

He laughed bitterly. "He's already won. Don't you see? He has her eating out of the palm of his grimy little hands."

"But he doesn't _want_ her like that. He's just using her, don't you see?"

He spun me around so that I was now facing him. "Why are you fighting me so hard on this? You like fighting together! I know it."

"I do," I admitted. "But Lissa is my best friend. I can't do this to her."

"We're not doing anything wrong, Rose! Besides that, two heads are better than one."

"She needs you."

"So do you," he countered.

"How are we going to travel? It was hard enough traveling by myself. Now we're going to need _double_ the funds."

He smirked and folded his arms. "Have you forgotten that I'm a royal? Adrian's not the only one that has financial access."

"What? But I thought—"

"I have money. I just don't like to parade that fact around, unlike Ivashkov," he said with a disgusted tone.

"But . . ." I was running out of arguments.

"Please? Let me help you. We can do this together. Besides, you can't think of anything else to fight me on. Admit it."

I shut my eyes as his grip on my shoulders tightened. I could get in so much trouble for this. "Pack one bag."

"Already done."

"Mine is too."

"Well then? What are we waiting for? Let's get out of here before they get back. It will likely be a while before we have another opportunity to leave."

What he said made perfect sense, so we quickly parted ways to gather our belongings. I scribbled a brief note to Lissa and Adrian, letting them know that we had gone, leaving out as much detail as I possibly could. Once we were finished, I placed the note on an end table and Christian grabbed my bag as well as his own.

We took one last look around the room and Christian whispered, "Come on, Rose. We need to leave."

I nodded and tried to shove the guilt away.

"You're right. Let's go."

_Please forgive me, Lissa,_ I thought desperately as the door quietly locked into place behind us.

**

* * *

**

Hello!

First, I must apologize. Things have been so crazy around here that I've had to put all writing on the back-burner, unfortunately. Projects have been time-consuming, plus, I'm getting ready to graduate from my university and step out into the real world. Yipes! So, this could be the last update for a while. At least until graduation and everything else is finished. I will probably put up an author's note at some point to let you all know what's going on and when you should expect a new chapter.

Secondly, I didn't read through this again, so it's probably full of mistakes. I will take the time later to go through and find everything, but right now, I just don't have the time.

This chapter going to shake things up a bit. I enjoyed writing it, so I hope you all like it.

And finally, thank you _so_ much for the reviews! You all are awesome. Please keep them coming!

Hope you enjoyed the chapter!


	5. The Plan

**Chapter Five**

"The Plan"

* * *

Sneaking off with Christian was a terrible idea. What the hell had I been thinking?

The most obvious answer, of course, was that I hadn't been. I'd had a one-track mind and all I had been able to think about was finding Dimitri and killing him like he would have wanted. I hadn't been considering any other consequences of my actions at all. I briefly began to wonder if perhaps Christian had tried using compulsion on me . . .

My eyes widened and I punched him on the shoulder. He immediately grabbed at the spot I had punched at and glared at me. "Ow! What the hell was that for?"

"You used compulsion on me, didn't you?"

At first, he stared at me like I was insane. Then he started laughing at me, which made me even angrier and I hit him again. "Ow! Ow!" he yelled after I'd continued punching him. "Stop doing that!" he said through his chortling.

"Why are you laughing?"

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to. It's just the idea of me using compulsion on _you_ of all people is something I find rather hilarious. That's all."

"Why's that?" I asked crossly.

"Rose, I suck at compulsion. You know that. You saw how bad I suck firsthand when we went to Spokane. Remember?"

"Oh," I said quietly. Christian seemed to immediately sober at the mentioning of Spokane. Neither of us liked to remember that time and we tried to keep any talk of it as limited as possible.

"Sorry," he whispered.

"It's okay."

An awkward, tense silence passed between us and I couldn't stand it. Usually silences between Christian and me were comfortable—welcomed even. Now, neither of us really knew what to say to move on from his mention of our brief visit to Hell.

"What makes you think I used compulsion on you, anyway?" he asked as an afterthought.

I shrugged and fell back on the bed. We were staying at a crappy, three-star hotel at the moment going over possible leads we had picked up on Dimitri. It had been just over a day since we left Adrian and Lissa and Christian was starting to look pale. Well, paler than usual. I didn't even know when the last time he'd had a feeder was. It was stupid of me to allow him to come—I had completely forgotten about him needing a feeder. He was going to need some sort of sustenance soon, that much was obvious.

I stared up at the ceiling and sighed. "I just don't know what the hell I was thinking when I agreed to let you come with me."

He laughed and quickly followed suit, settling in place beside me as he put his arm around me. There was nothing romantic at all about our positioning, even though a perfect stranger might argue otherwise. He smiled at me, which was something that he very rarely did, and said, "You were thinking that if you didn't let me come with you, you'd still be stuck back at that stuffy five-star hotel of hell."

Now I laughed and immediately felt surprised at myself. I couldn't remember the last time I truly laughed like that. It felt good. No, it felt great. And nearly as soon as I thought that, I started feeling guilty. I quickly stifled my laughter at the realization that I was actually enjoying Christian's company. How can I be laughing when Dimitri's still out there killing innocent people?

I could feel Christian's eyes boring into me and I reluctantly glanced over to see his own eyes were softened as he stared at me. "It's okay to laugh, you know? It wouldn't hurt you to start smiling again, either," he said with a nudge.

"I smile," I argued.

"No you don't."

"I do, too. You just never see it because you don't give me a reason _to_ smile," I said jokingly.

"Oh-ho! Was that sarcasm?"

"Nope. Just the truth," I said with a smile.

"Fair enough," he said with a chuckle.

I watched his playfulness disappear and his eyes shut. I could hear his sharp intake of breath and watched helplessly as he put his hands to his forehead. "Christian—"

"No."

"But—"

"Forget it, Rose. I'm not feeding off of you. I'll find some other way."

"But you need blood, damn it! How else do you expect to survive this trip? It's not going to be a quick find. Christian, it took me months to find Dimitri the last time. _Months. _He's sneaky. He's a damn good hider. He won't be found until he wants to be found."

"So he wanted you to find him the last time?"

"No, I—" I cut myself off, considering that possibility for the first time. When I had pieced the clues together, it all seemed like _I _had snuck up on _him._Had I been duped, though? Had he _let_ me find him?

I thought back to the expression on Dimitri's face when he had heard me and turned around. He hadn't looked surprise at all. In fact, it was as though he were expecting me. Perhaps he did let me find him.

What a fool I had been! How could I have not seen that before? He had trapped me! That bastard had lured me there!

"Son of a bitch," I murmured.

"What?"

"It was a setup. That whole mess back at the cabin was a setup. He had to have known that I was looking for him. Hell, he was probably planting me false leads along the way. Damn it! I am such an idiot!"

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Rose. It's an easy mistake to make."

"You don't get it! I can't afford to _make_ mistakes! One mistake could mean my death and despite what you all think, I am not_,_ for the _thousandth_ time, suicidal. My mental health is perfectly intact, thanks."

"Okay," he agreed, apparently not wanting to argue. "But now you have to ask yourself _why_? Why would he lure you there? Was it to kill you? And if it was to kill you, then why didn't he do it?"

"All very good questions. And ones I think we should find the answers to. Let's go," I said as I stood up from the bed.

He sat up and glanced at me curiously. "Where are we going?"

I smiled at him after I grabbed my jacket and had my hand on the doorknob. He was quickly following suit, taking my lead—surprisingly. "We're going hunting."

* * *

_Dimitri_

I saw Adrian Ivashkov standing outside smoking. Again. I shook my head at the ridiculousness of that habit. I could never understand why a person would want to be controlled like that by a little stick of death.

He took a few more drags and was looking slightly calmer than when he had first come outside from the stuffy hotel. Only slightly.

I snuck up behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder and the kid nearly jumped out of his skin. "Jesus, Belikov. Could you start wearing a bell or something?" he asked crossly as he tossed the bud on the ground. "What do you want?"

"Have you made any progress on Rose?"

"Define progress . . ."

"Ivashkov. I'm not in the mood for games," I growled.

As I glared at him, he sighed and leaned against the wall. "Well, I thought I had."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that I thought I had made progress, just like you asked." I let out a frustrated groan and turned around, trying to ignore his assiness. Man, that kid still managed to get under my skin. I wanted to punch him in the face, but realized that wouldn't do me much good. So I sucked it up and tried counting to ten in my head, remembering that it used to work when I was still a dhampir. "But when Lissa and I got back to the room today we saw that their bags were gone. Plus they left a vague-beyond-vague note. Ozera and Rose bailed."

My eyes snapped open and I immediately whirled back around. "What?"

"I swear it wasn't my fault!" he exclaimed as I started to advance on him. "The three of us had worked out an arrangement to make sure that Rose didn't sneak off and that's the truth. One of us was always with her, watching her. Today was Ozera's turn."

"Then why are they gone, damn it?" I said through my teeth.

"Your guess is as good as mine, Belikov. I have a theory, though."

Reluctantly, I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "What theory is that?"

"I think Ozera wanted to go. Granted, Rose has been itching like crazy to get out of here, but she never would have taken Ozera with her on her own accord. I can't honestly say I believe that this was Rose's plan. Besides, Ozera loves fighting Strigoi and what better opportunity than to go with her? Hell, he probably had to coax Rose into going. She never would have immediately agreed. She wouldn't do that to the princess."

While I didn't like how well he seemed to know Rose's personality, I had to admit that his theory made sense.

I groaned and ran a hand through my hair and grit my teeth together. This was turning out to be rather problematic. First I had Rose to worry about, which was difficult enough, to say the least. She had hunted me like a rabid dog, intent on a kill and she wasn't giving up. Yes, I planted those trails, but they were difficult to find in the first place. No other guardian could have possibly found them. A small part of me was proud that she actually _had_listened to me during our sessions. There were times I had been going over tactics that I had been positive she hadn't listened to me, but quite clearly, she heard every word. But I couldn't believe how easily she had fallen into my trap—I taught her better than that! She should have known.

But, I had no doubt in my mind that she would figure out soon enough that it had been a trap and when she did, she would be an even bigger headache. And as if she weren't enough to deal with, I now had that stupid Ozera boy to worry about. Just fucking perfect. This was not part of the plan, damn it. This was supposed to be _over_ already.

After my encounter with Rose, I hadn't planned on ever seeing her again. Well not alive, anyway, not as _Roza_. The plan had been to hand her over to Desden, but when I had been choking her, I realized there was a flaw in my plan. I couldn't hand her over. Not then, not now, not ever. It wasn't going to happen. Not _her._ When I realized I couldn't commit to Desden's idiotic plan, I bolted from the cabin. Looking down at her practically mangled body fucked with my mind severely, especially since I was the cause of it. On the one hand, it sickened me—the part of me that still remembered what it was like to be a dhampir, to be alive. But the other part of me . . .

It was strange. Even though I refused to feed off humans like the other Strigoi, I still sometimes . . . lusted, I suppose would be a proper term, for violence. Smelling her blood had been intoxicating to me and my natural reaction had been to drink in that blood. I had this inexplicable rage buried deep inside of me and despite the fact that a part of me knew I had loved Rose, the animalistic instincts in me overpowered me. It took everything I had in me to fight them off, too. And truth-be-told, I almost hadn't fought off the urge to kill her, or at least knock her out to drag her body to Desden. For a moment in the cabin, I had nearly lost myself and I shudder to think what would have happened if I hadn't controlled myself.

I'm still not entirely sure of what they want with her. I've asked James repeatedly what Desden is going to do with her once he has her, but I still don't have a lot of answers. Part of me believes that James is at liberty to tell me, but simply enjoys dangling his power over my head. He has information I want and he knows that I'm growing restless.

I glanced up from the ground to look at Ivashkov. "How long have they been gone?"

"I don't know. The princess and I only just got back late last night and when we arrived at the room, I can only assume that Rose and Ozera were long gone. They could be anywhere by now."

"Fantastic," I mumbled. "Have you been able to contact Rose at all? You know with your dream thing?"

He shook his head and his shoulders slumped at the admission. "No. She hasn't been asleep long enough for me to get inside her head. Every time I try, she wakes up. It's almost like she can sense what I'm trying to do."

"Damn it!" I cursed and took notice of the young royal jumping at my outburst.

"Calm down, Belikov. She has to sleep sometime. And when she does, I'll be ready. We'll find her."

"You don't understand," I muttered quietly. "It's not that simple!"

Defiant eyes met my own and the princess's cousin folded his arms and took a stubborn stance. "Then explain it to me."

A low growl escaped me. Perhaps he was right. Maybe he deserved to know.

"You might not like the truth, Ivashkov."

"I don't care. If she's in danger, I need to do what I can to protect her. I owe it to Rose."

I glared long at hard at him before nodding. "Fine. I'll tell you what I know. It's not much, but the parts I do know aren't good."

"Stop avoiding it. I can take it."

"Okay. If you're sure . . . When I was first captured back in the caves, I didn't immediately get turned. I was tortured for about three or four days. I don't really know, honestly. I kind of lost track." Adrian winced and I couldn't help but mirror it. This was the first time I had ever actually spoken out loud to anyone that I was tortured. I took a deep breath and clenched my fists. "I had almost gotten out of it, but I was outnumbered. It took three of them to turn me.

"A Strigoi by the name of Desden was the one that actually turned me. By the time I woke up from the transformation, they were all long gone. I was weak when he found me again. I don't feed off dhampirs or humans, and I was living like a rat. So when he found me, I was in no position to strike back and get revenge."

"But I thought when you turn, you don't have any control over it. You don't have a soul. That's what we've always been told, anyway."

"Believe me, nobody's more confused by this than I am. I don't understand it anymore than you do. My willpower just must have been stronger than I thought. I put up a hell of a fight."

Adrian snorted. "Of course you did. You were one of the best dhampirs out there. You weren't going to roll over and let them take you without one."

I blinked, feeling rather astonished. Had this royal brat just paid me a compliment? "Thanks."

"Look, I may not like you, but I like those things even less. That's something we've always had in common." He cleared his throat and leaned back against the wall. "So. What did Desden want with you?"

"He wanted me. He wanted me to join his clan and I refused. They dangled fresh meat in front of me on a daily basis. No matter where I went, they found me. I couldn't escape them. They had my scent locked in their systems.

"But when he finally realized I was never going to join them and turn to their way of living, he proposed a deal of sorts."

"What kind of deal?" Ivashkov asked with wary eyes.

"A deal I never should have agreed to," I said through my teeth. "They wanted Rose. They still do."

Anger flashed in the royal's eyes. He looked like he wanted to kill me. Can't say I blame him, though.

"And you agreed?" he exclaimed as he took a menacing step forward. "I thought you loved her!"

"I did," I snapped.

"Did?"

I wanted to tell him the truth. I wanted to tell him that I _still_ loved Rose, but really, who would believe it, anyway? This kid was having a hard time coming to grips with me being in control of my killings, or lack thereof. He'd never buy it if I told him the truth and unfortunately, I needed him in my corner for as long as he would stay. He was my inside man and without him, this whole thing could blow up in my face.

"Did. As in past tense. As in when I was still a dhampir. Yes. I loved her _then_. I've no obligation to her now," I said indifferently.

"I don't believe that," he refuted. "If that were true, why didn't you kill her at the cabin when you had the chance?"

"Because that wasn't my goal! Don't you get that? They didn't want her dead!"

"Well then what do they want with her?"

"I don't know. That's the honest truth. All I know is that Desden found me again and threatened to use my mother as his next meal if I didn't bring him Rose. They knew I would be a weakness for her because of our . . . relationship. He thinks it will be easy enough for me to capture her."

Confusion marred Ivashkov's features. "But what do they _want_ with her?"

"That, I don't know. I can't get anyone to talk. But I have a hunch."

"Which would be?"

"They want revenge. They want her to suffer."

"But why?"

"Because she killed two members of their clan. Remember those first two Strigoi that she got?"

"Yeah," he said as he paled.

"Well, she picked the wrong two to kill. Let's just say that they were popular amongst the Strigoi and lots of them want revenge. Plus, there's all the others she's killed since then. She's not very popular right now. She's feared, yet loathed. A lethal combination."

"So basically, she's doomed?"

"Not if you don't screw this up."

"Screw what up?"

"My newest plan. Are you in?"

He didn't even hesitate. He immediately nodded with a grim look on his face. "Whatever it is you want to do, count me in."

"You're sure? You haven't even heard it yet."

"Doesn't matter. I'm in this. Now tell me the plan."

I was stunned. I wasn't expecting such devoted loyalty from the youngest Ivashkov. Most royals I've ever met didn't know the meaning of the word. It was then that I decided to put whatever distaste I had for Adrian aside. I didn't like him, but I had a feeling I could learn to come to respect him.

I nodded in return. "Okay. Here's what we're going to do . . ."

* * *

_Rose_

I made my way over to Christian, who was sitting at the bar with a grin. He motioned for me to come over and his smile widened when I got closer. "I have to say, this hunting thing is great!" he shouted over the music.

I raised an eyebrow in doubt. Strobe lights flashed around us as people on the dance floor shook their bodies to the music. The place smelled of sweat, sex, and alcohol. This used to be just my kind of scene. I used to love a great club. Now this was just business. The thrill I used to get no longer got me going.

"I kind of thought this wouldn't be your thing," I shouted back.

"It isn't. But there's beer," he replied, smile still in place. "And beer _is_ my thing."

I laughed and grabbed my own drink that he had handed me. "Don't have too many of those, Ozera. We're here on business, remember?"

"Way to kill the mood, Hathaway. Since when did you become so boring?" he asked in a teasing tone.

"Since I became responsible for other people besides myself," I snapped.

He grew sheepish and took a drink out of the long neck. "Sorry," He mumbled. "So what are we doing here, anyway?"

"I think there might be a lead here."

"Why would you think that?"

"Well for one, it's loud, dark, and full of unsuspecting humans. Most of them are too drunk to even notice red eyes," I yelled.

"But what makes you think that you'll find answers here?"

"Call it a hunch," I said with a shrug.

I studied the room and all of its occupants, looking for anything out of the ordinary. So far, there was nothing that seemed odd—except perhaps a few peoples' choice of clothing. I crinkled my nose in disgust at some of the poor fashion sense.

Granted, I wasn't one to talk much these days, but back before I had become serious about my training, I was a fashion guru and, as such, still had the occasional lust for glamour. I still knew what looked good and what looked bad. Some of these people should just have their clothes burned. It honestly made me feel sorry for them.

As my eyes continued scanning the room, I zeroed in on a man in the corner. He had a dangerous glint in his eyes and I could feel my heart start to race as I focused in on him. He had brown hair, brown eyes. There was something about him that was drawing me to him and I couldn't quite place it.

I noticed that he was scanning the room as well, only as he studied the people, his expression appeared bored, amused even. He looked so familiar and it was bugging the hell out of me. I felt like I've seen him somewhere before, but the time and place was evading me. My eyes traveled the length of him and narrowed as I saw something silver sticking out of his pocket.

Stake.

This man was a hunter. Just like me.

"I'll be back!" I shouted to Christian as I set my drink down on the counter.

I was making my way towards the stranger when, through my peripheral vision, I spotted a familiar tinge of red. My head snapped towards the left and focused on a couple on the dance floor. There was a drunk redheaded girl who was entranced with her partner. My jaw clenched. Red eyes. My hand automatically grabbed for my stake. The Strigoi was coaxing the human outside towards the back and my hand tightened around my weapon.

The Strigoi was leading the woman out of the hoard of people towards a more secluded part of the club. I was prepared to follow them when a funny feeling overtook me. The man at the table. For some inexplicable reason, I wanted to see if he was still there, but when I glanced back towards the table, disappointment clutched at me. He was gone. Not that I expected anything different, really.

I let out a sigh and began weaving my way towards the swarm of people and headed towards the back alley where I had seen the Strigoi take off.

I went through a narrow hallway that led to a door, which, I assumed, lead to the back alley. I bit my lip and when nobody was looking, got my stake ready for attack. I quietly slipped through the door my breath caught in my throat when I saw the Strigoi getting ready to kill the human girl.

Anger flooded through me and I started running towards them. The girl the Strigoi had was positively frightened out of her wits and shaking. I grabbed the monster by the shoulder and threw him off of the girl.

I looked at her with a reassurance. "Get out of here, now! Don't look back," I ordered seriously. She looked reluctant.

"Go!" I said forcefully. Dangerously, almost.

She seemed to get the picture that I could take care of myself because she nodded and raced out of sight.

The blonde Strigoi emitted a low snarl. "You frightened my next meal. Do you have any idea how good she smelled?" he leered.

"What's the matter? Your kind hasn't ever heard of soap?" I offered as I twirled my stake.

"You've got to be kidding me. You're one of those?"

"One of who?"

"One of the idiots that tries to be all witty with snarky comebacks."

I shrugged. "Honey, I don't _try_. I'm just naturally good at it," I said with a smirk.

He chuckled. "They said you were a piece of work. Can't say I believed it, though. _Rose,_" he replied as he shook his head.

I froze and my grip tightened on my stake. "How did you know my name?"

"Why you're Rose Hathaway, daughter of Guardian Janine Hathaway. You made your first kill before others your age would even _dream _of killing. You're one of the chosen."

"Chosen what?"

"Sorry. I'm afraid I'm fresh out of information. Besides . . . you let my dinner get away," he complained.

"What do you know?" I said through my teeth.

"I know that your hunt for Dimitri is a waste of your time," he said with an annoying smirk. "You really should just give up, you know. Or do you like being humiliated?"

I shoved him against the wall in a moment of anger and pointed the tip of the stake against his throat. He squirmed under my grip and suddenly didn't look quite as cocky. "What do you know about Dimitri?"

"I know more than you think. You wouldn't like it, either," he said through a strangled breath.

"Where is he?"

"Why should I tell you? You're going to kill me anyway."

I contemplated this. He had a point. I was going to kill him, one way or another. The only reason he was still occupying space was because he seemed to be useful. I feigned a sigh and kept my face blank. "Fine. Tell me what you know and I'll let you go," I replied as I slightly drew back the stake in my hand.

"How do I know you're telling the truth?" he asked warily.

"You don't. But you should know that if you _don't _tell me, this stake will go right through your non-existent heart."

When he remained silent, I shrugged and began plunging the silver piece of weaponry towards his chest. His eyes widened and he began squirming even more. "Okay, whoa, okay, wait, wait, wait. I'll tell you what I know."

"That's more like it. Where is he?"

"That, I don't know." My doubtful glare caused him to throw his hands up in surrender. "I swear! I don't know where Belikov is. But I do know what he's planning on doing to you."

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

"Turning you over to a very angry Strigoi. You wouldn't last five minutes against him, either."

My hearted started pounding in my chest. That couldn't be true, could it? He wouldn't turn me over. He wouldn't. "I don't believe you."

"Believe what you want. It's no skin off my back. But you should know that Belikov or no Belikov, Desden's looking for you, sweet cheeks. He'll find you, one way or another. He wants revenge."

"Well you should give this Desden guy a message from me," I said through my teeth.

"What's that?"

Quick as a flash, I drove the stake into the Strigoi's heart as surprise lit his features. Immediately, I withdrew my weapon and watched as it fell to the ground in a heap. "Tell him to bring it on."

I shook my head as I stared at the heap of a body in the alley and began to make my way back inside when a voice stopped me.

"Your technique is odd," a Russian accent drawled.

I spun around to find the stranger at the table inside. My eyes narrowed and I immediately took a disliking to this man. "Got the job done, didn't it?"

"But without all the mindless chatter, it would have been finished so much quicker, no?"

"Well, it worked out in my favor so I'm not too worried about it. Now if you'll excuse me."

"Why did you indulge that Strigoi? Most guardians do not give them the time of day."

"Technically, I'm not a guardian, Mr. all knowing sage of annoying. What does my technique matter to you, anyway?"

"First, my name is Aleksandr. Second, your technique most certainly matters to me."

I let out a frustrated sigh. "Again. Why?"

"Because it is important to me to know if my brother wasted his time on you, or not, young Hathaway."

My heart stopped. I could literally feel it stop beating for a second or two. Or three. "Brother?"

"Dimitri. Guardian Belikov was my brother."

**

* * *

**

Sorry it's been so long. I got to a point in the chapter where I was stuck for a little bit, but I got past it. Hope you all like it!

Thanks so much for the reviews! I'm glad you all like the story. It's definitely different then other things I've written and I'm happy it seems to be working. Please keep the reviews coming :) I love reading them!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Vampire Academy.


	6. The Other Belikov

** Chapter Six **

"The Other Belikov"

* * *

Christian was studying Aleksandr with reproachful eyes back at our hotel. It was clear he didn't trust this man. Not that I could blame him. I can't say I did, either.

But there was almost no denying that he was Dimitri's brother. They looked as though they could have been twins.

"You can't seriously say that you believe him, Rose? Some guy claims to be Belikov's brother and you automatically take his word for it?"

"Look at him, Christian. It's hard to deny that he was related to Dimitri."

"Then how come he never mentioned having a brother who was a guardian as well?"

I remembered the numerous times I had gotten frustrated with Dimitri when he retreated into his shell. But whenever I would ask him a question, he would usually answered me. I had just asked the wrong questions, apparently. I hadn't even thought to ask if he had a brother. But a part of me couldn't help the bitterness stewing inside of me. I shouldn't have had to. He should have told me on his own. But he hadn't. He hadn't trusted me enough. "There were a lot of things Dimitri didn't tell me; there were a lot of things I didn't know about him," I mumbled under my breath.

Aleksandr's eyes softened. "That's not surprising. He was a very private person." He paused, then glanced over at Christian's accusing face. "And I'm not a guardian, young Ozera. I forfeited the right to be one a long time ago. It is probably why my younger brother never mentioned me. We had quite a falling out over it."

My eyes narrowed at this. "What do you mean you, 'forfeited the right'? How can you forfeit the right to become a guardian?"

"I fell in love with my charge. When the courts tried to reassign me when they found out about the affair, I resigned my position. Normally, it wouldn't have been a big deal, but in my case, I was guarding a royal." Christian let out a whistle and shook his head in sympathy. Aleksandr smiled. "So you see the dilemma then, yes? Anyway, they wanted to send me on the other side of the world to the States and I wasn't having it. I hated guardian politics and everything involved, anyway, so I quit."

I swallowed. The thought seemed forbidden to me to just quit like that. I don't know if I could have ever considered it. "You quit?" I asked quietly.

He nodded with a smile on his face. "Best decision I ever made, too. I'm happily married to the love of my life and I don't regret a single moment of it."

My chest tightened and I shut my eyes. I fought back the taste of bitterness in my mouth and avoided Christian's sympathetic gaze. What had we done wrong? Why did everybody else get to live happily ever after, but Dimitri and I get refused our ever after?

"Excuse me," I said quietly.

I grabbed my jacket and ignored Aleksandr's puzzled eyes. "Did I say something wrong?"

Shaking my head, I headed towards the door. "No, no. I just need some air."

I offered a feeble smile and quickly headed outside, not bothering to hold back the tears. Being around Aleksandr was too much. He resembled Dimitri too closely and it was like a knife to the gut every time I looked in his eyes. He had the exact same eyes as Dimitri.

It was what had drawn me to Aleksandr back at the club. I was sure of it. It made sense now. Before, I hadn't been able to figure out why, out of all the people in the club, my attention had focused on him, but now I knew. And I wish I didn't.

I wish he had just disappeared and I never met Aleksandr Belikov.

In my back pocket, I pulled out a folded up picture I kept with me at all times. It was a picture of Dimitri and me and he was actually smiling. I traced the curve of his lips with my fingers and felt my heart breaking.

If they hadn't held me back that day at the caves, maybe he would still be alive. I should have gone after him. I should have saved him. I let him down . . . I failed him.

I angrily wiped at the tears and felt startled when a hand touched my shoulder. I whirled around to see Aleksandr there, looking uncertain.

"Aleksandr. I didn't hear you come out."

"Of course you didn't. We're trained to be quiet and unnoticed, remember?"

"Yes, but you're no longer a guardian," I pointed out.

He chuckled and leaned against the wall. "That is true. But some habits never leave you, I'm afraid. Besides, I was naturally quiet to begin with in movements, anyway. It's just how I am. My wife, Innya, on the other hand, stomps around the house. She likes to be heard," he said still smiling.

I wanted to look at him. I really did. But I just couldn't.

I avoided his gaze and I heard him sigh. He sounded sad. "This must be difficult for you." I didn't say anything. I seemed to have lost my ability to function properly around this man. "I know . . . I know I resemble him. But, as we are brothers, we are bound to look similar. I am sorry."

"It's okay," I said quietly.

"Clearly it is not. You have not looked me in the eyes once since you found out Dimitri was my brother. You must have cared for him a lot."

"Can we talk about something else?" I pleaded. _Anything else_, I thought desperately.

"You don't want to know what he was like, then? Not at all?"

"I knew what he was like," I forced out as I shot him a glare. The pair of them had a falling out, so who was he to tell me what he was like? He was the best person I knew, the strongest. He was everything to me. What else did I need to know?

"As an adult, perhaps, but I highly doubt that he talked about his life in Russia that much, if it all."

"He's talked about your mom."

He nodded. "That somehow doesn't surprise me. Dimitri loved our mother very much. If he were to talk about any of it, he would talk about her."

I studied him and noted the bitterness in his eyes. It was the first hint of it I've seen since he talked about his past. The only thing I could figure was he was either mostly at peace with his past, or, he was much better at guarding his emotions than his brother. I shivered at that thought. I couldn't really imagine someone perfecting that mask better than Dimitri had.

"He never mentioned you once."

"Yes. Your friend pointed that out, already," he said. I couldn't help but notice that he had balled his hands into fists. It looked like Dimitri was a rather sore subject—perhaps more than he was letting on.

"Was it really just because of the whole guardian thing?" I accused. "I somehow doubt that. Family was important to him."

He froze and things instantly became tense. "Perhaps family wasn't as important to him as you think."

"What does that mean?" I asked, frowning.

Aleksandr gave me a fake smile. I could tell he was trying to be easy going about the whole thing, but it didn't seem to be working out for him. The smile was totally forced and I had no doubt he knew I could tell, which was probably why he dropped it all together.

"It means that he abandoned his family when we needed him most," he said tightly.

Disbelief shot through me in an instant. That didn't sound like him. Any time he talked about his family, I could remember the longing look in his eyes. He loved them. "You're lying."

"You think so? Did he tell you about our grandmother?"

I vaguely remembered him mentioning his grandmother. Mostly, he just talked about his mother, though.

I nodded slowly. "Yes. Yes he did."

He laughed and shook his head. "I'm sure he did. I'm sure he told you about our mother's mother. Our father's mother, on the other hand . . . well, I'm not so sure he would be quick to mention her."

"Why's that?"

"He hated our father. Despised him."

I remembered. And he had good reason as far as I could tell. "And you blame him?"

He shook his head again and his eyes softened immediately. "Not at all. I agreed with him, in fact. Our father was a horrible man."

"Then what's the problem?"

Aleksandr sighed and glanced off into the distance. "I don't think he meant to, but he pretty much ignored our father's side of the family. Granted, there weren't many to ignore, but still . . . He and our other grandmother did not get along very well."

"Why's that?"

"I'm not certain, honestly. He mentioned to me once a very long time ago that he and grandmother had a fight and a nasty one at that. He was very young when it had happened."

"I'm still not understanding what a fight with your grandmother has to do with anything."

He took a deep breath and avoided my gaze. His eyes shut as he shoved his hands in his pockets and leaned his head against the side of the building. "Our grandmother got ill. Everybody else in our family supported her and was there for her, even our mother. When we tried contacting Dimitri, he was apparently too 'busy' to be bothered with coming back home."

"That doesn't sound like him," I said with a frown.

"Well it wouldn't. He was the golden boy that could do no wrong to you," he said with a smirk.

"That's not true," I refuted angrily. This man was really starting to get on my nerves. He assumed a lot about me and that wasn't something I found to be fair. "Dimitri was not perfect, but he was a good man. He dedicated his life to—"

"To serving and protecting and blah, blah, blah. My brother was not as perfect as you believed him to be. And don't bother trying to deny it. I saw the look in your eyes when you were looking at that picture of him."

My patience snapped at that point. I decided that not only did I not trust Aleksandr, I didn't like him either. "Shut up. You don't know the first thing about my feelings for Dimitri. You know nothing. Actually, I'm not even sure why I'm talking to you right now."

I started to go back inside, but he stopped me. "Because you're intrigued with my brother's past." I paused and my hand stayed frozen in place on the handle. Damn him. Why was it that he seemed to know the right buttons to push? "You want answers," he continued. "I can give those to you."

I let my hand drop from the door and fall to my side. Slowly, I turned back around. "What do you want?"

"I'm sorry. I'm not sure I understand."

"In return? What do you want in return?" People always wanted something in return. It was just an inevitable fact of life.

He blinked, looking taken aback. In fact, if I were to guess, he almost looked insulted. "I want nothing. Only for you to find my brother. Or what's left of him, anyway."

"But it took me months to find him last time. I'm not having much better luck this time around. I just come across Strigoi with annoying attitude complexes. What can you contribute?"

Amusement twinkled in his eyes and his lips twitched. "You seem to have forgotten that I was a guardian. Tracking was my specialty," he said proudly. "Besides, there's something else you are forgetting, young one. Dimitri was my brother. I know how he thinks . . . thought," he corrected himself with a far away look. He gave himself a brief shake and tilted his head to the side. "I have an advantage you could never hope to have. I want to help you. If you'll let me."

I bit my lip and gazed thoughtfully at him. "Why?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"I want to know why you want this. We could have very different motives for all I know," I pointed out. "Me? I want to find him because he told me once a long time ago that he'd rather die than become one of those things. We made a promise to each other and I intend to keep mine. What's your excuse?"

His fists clenched. "Same as you. I don't want him wandering around for the rest of his life as one of them. Is that a good enough answer for you?"

I sighed and nodded.

Lord, I was stupid. First, I had allowed Christian to help me, which was proving to be a very bad idea indeed. Now, I was going to agree to let Aleksandr come along for the ride so I could torture myself some more.

It was official. I was an idiot.

"Fine," I finally let out. "You can join the search. But step out of line once and you're gone. Understand?"

He nodded. "Of course. This is your operation. I wouldn't dream of stepping on your toes, Roza."

I stiffened. The name made me feel a dull ache that refused to go away. It was always there, lurking in the shadows. I had only ever allowed one person the privilege of calling me that.

Turning, I gathered my deadliest, most threatening glare I could. Apparently, it was bad enough, because a flicker of anxiety flashed in Aleksandr's eyes. He backed away slightly and sucked in a breath.

"Don't ever call me that. I won't tell you again," I said quietly.

He nodded. "You don't have to worry about that. Won't happen again. I would like to hang on to my balls, thanks. I'm rather fond of them."

I couldn't help the smirk and felt myself relax immediately. "Why would you call me that, anyway?"

He shrugged and gave me an apologetic look. "I knew a Rose once a long time ago. I used to call her that all the time. Must have just slipped. Sorry," he said sheepishly.

I sighed and accepted his apology before turning to open the door. I ushered him inside and found Christian sitting at the table, rubbing his temples in a circular motion. I shook my head and walked over towards him.

His obvious weakness concerned me and I place a hand on his shoulder, causing him to jump at the contact, though he didn't look up.

"Go away, Hathaway," he mumbled.

"You need blood. Quit being so stubborn, Christian. Just let me help you."

"No. I won't drink your blood. Stop asking me to."

He was being completely unreasonable. I used to feed Lissa all the time when we had been on the run. Letting a Moroi drink your blood wasn't bad at all. I had grown accustomed to it, actually. So it wasn't as though I couldn't handle it. In fact, I _wanted_ it. I couldn't remember the last time I felt the satisfying rush of having my blood drank.

I was willing and able. Why wouldn't he let me do this?

I tried a different approach. "Look, when I let you come with me, you essentially agreed to having me as your guardian, which means that I have to protect you. Allowing you to starve hardly counts as protecting."

"I don't need your protection. I can take care of myself," he said, shrugging out of my grip.

I rolled my eyes. "Bang up job on that so far, boy scout."

"Shut up," he mumbled.

Feeling irritated, I snapped. "Are you _trying_ to get yourself killed? Is that it?"

He let out a weak laugh. "Maybe I'm just taking a page out of your book, babe," he practically slurred.

I winced. He must be more delirious than I thought. He never called me 'babe,' no matter how sarcastic he was being. I studied him carefully.

"When was the last time you even fed, Christian?"

"Ivashkov," he said weakly. "Shift."

Now I was a little angry. So I had been right. They had been babysitting me.

I grit my teeth together and pushed the anger aside almost as quickly as it bubbled up inside of me. Noticing how much weaker he was becoming by the second caused me to forget about it.

"Christian, you can barely sit up. Stop being so stupid and just drink my blood, damn it."

He shook his head and swayed slightly. "Could bleed you dry. No."

For the first time since we returned to the room, I glanced over at Aleksandr, who's face was a mask of unabashed concern. "What's wrong with him?" I asked quietly. "When we went to the club earlier he was fine. He was weak, but fine. Why is he like this?"

He studied Christian and brought his hand to his chin, while his other arm was folded across his stomach. He looked thoughtful as he shrugged. "Could be a number of things. He might not have had much to drink the last time he fed." He shook his head. "I honestly don't know what's causing this. But I do know that he was right to refuse your blood."

"See," Christian said with as much smugness as he could muster.

I ignored him. "Why?"

"For exactly the reason he gave you. One taste of your blood could cause him to lose control if he's as dry as I'm thinking he is. I've seen Moroi lose control before and it's not pretty."

Exasperated, I threw my hands in the air, feeling helpless. "He needs blood!"

"Not yours," they both said at the same time.

"Well then who's? How are we going to fix this?"

"He can drink mine," Aleksandr offered.

I gaped at him. "But you can't!"

"I think I can. I'm not saying this to be chauvinistic, but I can handle this better than you could. I have more blood pumping through my veins." He paused and looked uncertain for a moment. "Besides, I've done this once or twice."

Realization dawned on me. I remembered Dimitri telling me that he had been raised with blood whores. Aleksandr's readiness made more sense now.

"Fine," I said quietly. I looked over at Christian, whose head was now lying on the desk. "Is this okay with you?"

A grunt was the only answer we received. I turned back towards Aleksandr with a grim expression, which he wholeheartedly returned. I nodded. "Just hurry."

He mirrored my nod and I immediately excused myself. I just couldn't allow myself to be present for that feeding. Watching it would only make me uncomfortable.

But when I stepped outside, something immediately felt wrong. I couldn't begin to explain why I got the off feeling, but I did and it caused the hair on my arms to stand up.

The gravel crunched beneath me as I began walking around the parking lot. It was pretty empty as far as I could see. There were a few cars and some litter spread throughout various spots, but it all seemed pretty normal. Nothing was jumping out me.

At least that was true until a cat raced from the edge of the woods. It was running in a terrified sprint and the feline took cover underneath one of the cars. I took note that it was hiding behind the tire, trembling.

The cat's behavior only heightened my uneasiness as I neared the beginning of the woods. That was all we were surrounded by. Christian and I had chosen this place because it was out of the way. It was basically in the middle of Nowheresville. The drive to the club had taken us a good half hour, and that was being kind of generous with that time frame.

I walked over towards the set of trees that began the wooded area and felt my heart quicken. I didn't like this at all. Yet, I couldn't walk away from it.

Instinctively, I reached into my pocket for my stake and panicked. I had taken it out back in the room. A nameless fear crept up into my blood. Hand-to-hand combat would only work for so long. I was out here unarmed, unprotected.

__

Great job, Rose

, I thought to myself. _Could you be any more reckless?_

Before I could ponder my next move, though, a figure emerged from the shadows. My breath caught in my throat and I swear that my heart stopped beating.

It was Dimitri. And he looked deadly.

I felt frozen in place. It was as though I couldn't move. "Hello, Roza."

"H-how did you find me?" I stammered.

"I have my ways. Have you forgotten that I was an excellent tracker, Roza?"

I hadn't forgotten that. I never forgot anything when it came to him. "Like your brother?" I offered.

His eyes narrowed and turned into deadly slits. The threatening gleam in his eyes caused a shiver to run down my spine.

I stepped backwards. He moved forward.

"Where's your trusty stake?" he mused, ignoring my comment on Aleksandr.

"Around," I lied.

He chuckled. "You are a liar." I forced myself to not look back towards the room. Looking back would do me no good now.

"How were you able to touch it before back at the cabin?" I couldn't help the memories that flooded me. Just as I couldn't help my curiosity. It was an anomaly that should never have happened. But it did. Twice.

He shrugged as he leaned against a telephone pole. "Consider it a fluke. Haven't been able to touch one properly since."

I didn't believe him. I would be an idiot if I did. But I couldn't stop the onslaught of questions. It was like a kind of word vomit that I had no control over.

"Why didn't you kill me?"

"My, aren't you full of questions today?" he asked with a smirk.

"Why go through all that trouble planting those clues, setting me up at the cabin, only to let me go?"

Dimitri gazed at me thoughtfully, then looked impressed. "I was wondering how long it was going to take for you to figure that out. You guessed it faster than I would have thought."

"Stop being so damn evasive. Why?"

"To make you squirm?" he suggested. But then his lips turned into a cruel, twisted smile. "Because I love you," he said.

Pain seared through me. But it was only for a moment.

When I allowed myself to really look at him, though, I no longer felt pain. All I felt was hate. Hate and rage and pure bitterness.

"You have no idea how badly I want to kill you right now."

He approached me with swift movements, graceful. He grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me towards him and I was helpless to do anything to stop him. His movements had been so quick and I hadn't been expecting it.

I wiggled in his grasp and moved my shoulders side-to-side wildly, trying to get free, but nothing was working. He let out an annoyed huff and spun me around so he could pull my backside against his chest. I felt a fleeting rush of panic. He had a much better hold on me now and I was powerless. Pathetic.

"I think I have an idea," he whispered into my ear. He buried his head into the crook of my shoulder and I felt him inhale me. "Your neck . . . you really have no idea how easily I could take you right here, right now."

"Please. Stop," I whispered.

I could call for help, but it would be useless, I knew. Dimitri would be long gone. He was too fast. Besides, my screams could attract unwanted attention, not just Christian's and Aleksandr's. I was on my own.

My eyes shut tightly as I fully began to realize my predicament. I was going to die. He was going to kill me right now. I had no idea if he was going to turn me into a Strigoi or not, but either I way, my life was over.

I was waiting for my life to flash before my eyes, for memories to come, but none did. I couldn't help the disappointment in my chest. I was truly alone. Not even my memories would keep me company.

I tried to think of anything else. Lissa, Christian, Mom. . . Dimitri.

But when nothing came, anger gnawed at me. Why wasn't I fighting back? I was going to be a guardian, damn it. I couldn't be taken down this way!

I tried thrashing myself once more. I tried every maneuver Dimitri had taught me during training to get out of a situation like this, but he was too damn strong and his grip on me was too low for me to try and bite him. I was nothing compared to him.

I even tried stepping on his foot with all the force and strength I had in me, but he only laughed at my attempt and tightened his hold. "Stop fighting me."

"Not a chance in hell," I said through my teeth.

"Then you leave me no choice, I'm afraid. Forgive me," he said softly.

The next thing I felt was a blinding pain in the back of my head. All I could see was white and all I could feel was pain.

I fought to stay conscious, but it was a futile attempt. I felt my knees give out and was aware of Dimitri catching me in is arms. He turned me over and brushed my hair out of my face and his face was the last thing I saw before I was left with blackness for company.

**

* * *

**

Hello!

This chapter gives you some insight on Dimitri's brother (obviously). I'm really liking him so far, and I hope you all do as well. He's fun to write.

I've read over this and can't think of anything else to add at the moment. Though, I would like to apologize if anything seems wrong with Dimitri's background. Keep in mind this is a fanfiction, so I'm taking some liberties and twisting some things around.

Anyway, enough of my blabbering and on to the chapter!

OH! PS, before I forget. As always, thanks so much for reviewing. You guys are so awesome and I love that you all are loving this (or liking). Please remember to keep them coming! Those reviews inspire me :)


	7. Bed of Lies

**A/N:** The following chapter contains mature content.

* * *

**Chapter Seven **

"Bed of Lies"

* * *

Nausea filled my stomach. That was the first thing I was capable of realizing. It took all the strength I had in me to not vomit and my eyes hadn't even fully opened yet. The more I attempted to open them, though, the more pain filtered through me. My head was pounding and part of me didn't even want to open my eyes. I was afraid of what I would find.

Was I dead?

No. Surely I wouldn't be in this much agony. Death was supposed to be peaceful. No pain and all that. And I definitely felt pain.

Dread filled me as an awful thought occurred to me.

If I wasn't dead, that meant he had turned me into a Strigoi. That was the only possible explanation. Why else would he have me within his grasp twice and not turn me or kill me?

"That's it. Open your eyes, Roza."

That was Dimitri's voice. I was certain of it.

"I know you're awake. There's no use pretending," he said logically. Damn him for always being logical. Even now.

Well maybe I didn't want to act _logically_ for once. If I kept my eyes closed long enough, perhaps my fate would be different. Perhaps I would wake up and realize that _this_ was a dream and not reality.

Because all I knew was that if this was truly my reality that I didn't want to face it. I didn't want to face knowing I was less than human; that I was a monster.

Tears prickled at my eyes and I shook my head. I wouldn't wake up. I wouldn't do it.

I heard Dimitri sigh and then walk away. Immediately, my body tensed. What was he doing? Surely he wasn't just going to leave me here? Wherever here was.

A few moments passed and the next thing I felt was pure shock. Surprise grappled at me and forced my eyes open due to the sudden cold, wetness I was feeling. That bastard dumped cold water all over me!

I gasped and sputtered out the water that had trickled into my mouth.

"What the hell?" I spat angrily.

"Well you weren't waking up on your own and my patience was thinning," he said with a smirk.

I blinked several times and rubbed the back of my head. I felt the tender spot that had rendered me unconscious and winced at the tinge I felt. My head was throbbing.

As I sat up, dizziness overtook me and I grit my teeth while Dimitri stood by, looking amused at my pain and suffering. The old Dimitri would have been at my side in an instant. He would have helped me, protected me . . . held me. But not this new Dimitri. This Dimitri was not _my_ Dimitri. He was cold and cruel and uncaring. He was taking pleasure in my weakness. _He probably realizes he can just kill me faster, now,_ I thought dramatically.

Slowly I took in my surroundings and my face blanched. It was the cabin we were at when I saw him for the first time since his turn. This was where he nearly killed me and I saw Mason standing in the corner, waiting and ready for me.

My eyes circled around the room and widened accordingly when they fell on a stray figure. Adrian.

My blood ran cold. If he was here, then who was with Lissa? Who was protecting her?

I forced thoughts of Lissa away and tried getting up and going to him, but I was too dizzy. Ignoring the sickness rising up my throat, I felt my way along the wall for support and once I reached Adrian's passed out form, slumped forward in a chair with his hands tied behind the rickety piece of furniture, I collapsed on my hands and knees by the side of his chair.

I took his hand in mine and tried nudging him awake. "Adrian. Wake up," I pleaded.

Dimitri's amused chuckled filled my ears. "Sorry, but that won't happen any time soon, I'm afraid. Boy took a nasty blow to the head."

Anger pierced through me and my jaw clenched. He had taken this too far. I never would have dreamed he would have dragged somebody else into this mess. But then, it shouldn't have surprised me. Dimitri wasn't Dimitri anymore. It was time I learned that and got it through my thick, disbelieving skull. "Leave him alone. He has nothing to do with this."

"He doesn't?" he asked, feigning ignorance. "I believe it was Adrian Ivashkov that financed your 'mission' to find me, was it not?"

"No," I lied.

He laughed and clasped his hands together. "Really, come on now. I know better. You couldn't pull off traveling on your own as your funds were slim to nothing. This boy who plays at being a man tripped all over himself trying to impress you. All you had to do was snap your fingers and tell him to jump and he would ask how high. He would have done anything for you, including helping you find your old lover," he said smiling.

I felt the color leave my face. That was all true. I had played on Adrian's affections, not caring that I would never fully be able to return his feelings. I had lied to him when I told him I would be back to give a relationship a try. And he had believed me. Like a fool, he had trusted me.

I hung my head and blinked back threatening tears. Nobody should trust me. I destroy everything I touch.

And now Adrian was going to pay for it.

"He's not helping me," I tried again. I knew he wouldn't believe me, but I had to try. I had to give everything I had to try and get Adrian out of here. I wouldn't let him pay for my mistakes. "He's not helping me," I repeated. "He never did and he never will."

"Really, Rose. Lying is not your forte. You're a very easy person to read, you know that?"

"Let him go, please. He's innocent in this," I argued.

Dimitri grunted and folded his arms. "You clearly do not know young Ivashkov here as well as you think. Innocent is not a word I would use to describe him," he taunted.

"What do you mean?"

"No matter," he said, waving off my question. "It's unimportant. Your dear friend over there is not what I'm concerned with. Let's just say he's a bit of insurance."

I gulped and looked up at him with a horrifying feeling penetrating my veins. "Insurance?"

"For your cooperation, of course. You do what I say, and Mr. Ivashkov, here, goes unharmed. Everybody goes home happy. How's that sound?"

It sounded too good to be true was what it sounded like.

"I don't believe you," I said as I gripped Adrian's hand tighter.

Dimitri placed both hands over his chest and feigned hurt. "Why, Rose. You cut me to the quick. Have I ever lied to you?"

I shook my head. "Doesn't matter. You're Strigoi now. Strigoi lie. Your kind has no conscience."

"If only," he muttered under his breath. Clearly I hadn't been meant to hear that, but I had. Our gazes locked and damn it, I felt something curl in my stomach and it wasn't nausea. The moment our eyes locked, it was like he had some kind of hold over me. He was no longer cruel and cold. I could almost imagine him as he once was.

The redness in his eyes seemed to fade, though I barely noticed. All I noticed was that I felt like I had felt with _him_. It was like we had gone back in time and the past few months were nothing but a bad dream.

He walked over towards me and cupped my cheek. His hands were cool, almost like ice. But I ignored that. The temperature of his body didn't seem to matter. I leaned into his touch, savoring it, relishing it.

I released Adrian's hand and placed my own over Dimitri's. It was as though I were in some kind of trance. I was enthralled with him, enamored. I stood up on my knees as he brought his forehead to mine.

He shut his eyes. "I can't do this."

I felt my whole body go rigid. It was like he'd splashed cold water on me all over again. I tried moving away from him, but he stopped me.

"That's not what I meant," he said with a small smile.

"I don't understand."

"I meant that I can't lie to you anymore." He opened his eyes and they bore right into mine. My breath quickened and I could feel my heart fluttering in the confines of my chest. "You think I enjoy seeing you in pain. You think I mean harm to you. I don't. How could I?"

"I . . . I'm confused."

He smiled and brought me to him, embracing me. Was I dreaming? I had to be. This made no sense to me. He was acting as though he were really Dimitri. But how could that be?

"I'm afraid I've been less than honest with you. I know you believe that I'm just like every other Strigoi out there. You think I'm something cold and ruthless. If only that were true." I stiffened and felt my entire body go tense. "You have no idea what it's like, fighting urges to kill day in and day out. I've not had a single drop of human blood since my turn."

I looked up at him and gaped in shock. "What?"

"Every time I look in the mirror, all I see is a monster. I see a monster who has my old face and body. I'm not one of them, I refuse to be. But I'm not a dhampir, either. It's as though I have no place in this world anymore."

"Dimitri," I whispered. I brought my hand to his cheek, like he had done to me only moments ago. He shivered and his gaze penetrated into me.

"You shouldn't let me touch you like this."

"What if I want to?"

Before I knew what was happening, he pulled me against him and his lips crashed onto my own. I melted into his touch and felt exhilarated. I hadn't felt anything like this since Dimitri and I had been together before he was captured.

I felt like my body was on fire. I adjusted myself to where I could lock my arms around his neck and was aware of his hands on my waist. He nipped gently at my lower lip and a low whimper escaped my throat.

His lips moved to the corner of my mouth, then to my jaw line. I could feel him hovering above my neck and felt his uncertainty. The waiting was driving me crazy and I couldn't take it. I pulled his head down and practically fell to the floor when his lips finally began moving on my pulse point.

I felt him smirk and a chuckle filled the air.

The next thing I know, I'm being picked up bridal style. He began walking towards the bedroom and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Adrian, still slumped over.

I knew that I should have stopped once I noticed him, but my body felt alive for the first time in months. No other man could touch me like him. No other man had made me feel so awake. It was like I had been in a deep sleep these last few months and was only just waking up.

All rational thoughts were out the window. There was no logical thinking, no nothing. Everything was forgotten except for what we were doing right now.

The sound of the door closing rung in my ears and I was gently placed on the soft bed. I couldn't believe how careful he was being with me. It was shocking, but comforting. This was the Dimitri I remembered, the Dimitri that I loved. I felt home again.

He leaned over me, hovering above my lips. "Do you want this?" he asked with an unsteady breath.

I looked into his eyes, amazed that red was no longer what I saw. My heart soared and I nodded wordlessly, bringing his lips down to mine again.

Clothes began to come off, piece by piece. He explored every inch of me, taking his time. His lips found my breasts and my back arched as my eyes fluttered shut. He took a rosy nipple into his mouth and sucked greedily.

His hands found my heat and I couldn't bite back a moan. I wanted him. I doubt he needed to touch me to know that, either. I squirmed under his touch, becoming impatient. The foreplay was wonderful, but that wasn't what I wanted or needed. All I needed was him inside of me again. I needed to feel as though we were one.

He seemed to sense what I wanted because the next thing I knew, his body was suspended above mine again. His eyes asked me if I was ready and I eagerly nodded. "Now," I whispered.

He entered me swiftly and gently, waiting for me to find a rhythm. We easily found a good pace and when his body continued moving against mine, our mouths reconnected. It was as though we couldn't enough of each other.

I wrapped my legs around his waist and gripped his shoulders tightly. My nails dug into his back and I raked them down the length of him. His eyes shut, seemingly of their own accord and I smiled.

I hadn't really gotten the chance to explore his body because he'd been so dominating with me, but he seemed to be enjoying himself.

I felt my muscles tighten and let a small cry as I climaxed. He followed shortly after and collapsed on top of me. His breathing was heavy, as was my own. He buried his face in the crook of my shoulder and nipped at it once more.

He rolled himself off of me and I suddenly felt . . . vacant. Bereft, I suppose.

I blinked several times, trying to fight back my emotions. I was feeling so overwhelmed. So many different things were coming to mind and heart all at once and I was having a difficult time processing what just happened.

For months, I believed him to be worse than dead. I believed him to be a monster.

But the man lying next to me was no monster. He defied everything I ever thought I knew about Strigoi.

When I turned over to face him, though, a shock greeted me. His eyes were red again. I could have sworn they hadn't been red anymore. What happened? Had they always been red and I had simply imagined things?

I watched with bated breath as he removed himself from the bed and began gathering his clothing. He didn't once look back at me. He kept his body movements stiff and short and I felt dread in the pit of my stomach.

Suddenly feeling self-conscience, I pulled the sheets tightly around me, covering as much as I could. What had just happened? I couldn't fight the feeling that this had all been some kind of cruel trick.

"Dimitri?"

He didn't say anything. He simply pulled his shirt over his head, ignoring me.

Confusion and hurt washed over me. "Dimitri?" I asked again, more quietly.

"Get dressed," he said gruffly.

Without a glance back, he left me alone in the bedroom. I stared, finding it difficult to comprehend just what was happening here.

Blinking back unwanted tears, I climbed out of the bed and began to gather my clothes. My whole body was shaking as I dressed. I felt humiliated.

After I was finished, I sank down on the edge of the bed, trying to collect myself. Everything I had thought to be so beautiful and magical was turning to dust before my very eyes. It was very clear that this was not going to be a happily ever after judging by the way Dimitri was carrying himself.

I bit my lip, then took a deep breath and held my chin up as I prepared to go out of the bedroom.

When I found Dimitri, he was checking Adrian's pulse and guilt washed over me.

I couldn't believe I just had sex while Adrian Ivashkov was knocked out unconscious in the next room. That really wasn't like me.

But when I saw how gentle and caring Dimitri was acting, all other thoughts seemed to fly out the window. I had lost my ability to think properly and I hated myself for it.

He glanced up at me and held my gaze. "He's fine. You don't have to worry about him. He's got a very strong, steady pulse."

I kept my face as blank as I could and nodded. "Good."

A smile played at his lips as he drew himself to his full height. He walked over towards me and I backed away, uncertainty and some fear gnawing at me.

He shook his head and crossed his arms. "I see you're catching on to what's going on?"

"I have an idea," I said through my teeth. "Let me guess? The old love 'em and leave 'em routine?"

"Possibly," he said amused. "Though perhaps you should drop the 'love them' part of the saying."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and forced myself to not crack in front of him. I couldn't let it show that he was getting to me. I had to pretend. I wouldn't give him the sadistic satisfaction.

"Though I must say, you seemed to enjoy yourself back there," he said with a smirk.

"I have needs and desires just as you do," I said evenly. Or at least what I hoped to be evenly.

He nodded. "Honestly, I'm a bit surprised. I would have thought it was going to be harder to rope you in. You were a bit eager," he said, amused.

I could feel humiliation threatening to break me. Every word he was saying was true and I hated him for it. I felt my arms shaking by my sides and I tried desperately to get them to stop.

"So was any of it true?" I asked. My voice sounded dead. Just like I felt. I felt like I was dying. Or already dead.

"Any of what true?"

"Any of that speech you gave to me before . . . ?" I couldn't say made love. It would have been false. And I couldn't refer to it as sex, either. It had been more than that to me.

He laughed. He outright _laughed_ at me. "Of course not."

"So it was all a lie, then?"

"That's generally what one means when they answer 'of course not' to 'was any of it true?'" he said slowly, as if I were some child who did not understand him. He was mocking me, mocking my pain. I stupidly believed every word of his lies and opened myself back up to him. I allowed myself to believe . . . to hope. And it was all thrown back in my face.

"Why? Why did you do it?" I asked, unable to keep my voice from cracking.

"I'm a Strigoi, Roza—"

"Don't call me that," I said through my teeth, feeling angrier than ever.

"Strigoi lie. I simply did it because I could. I knew you would allow me to; there was no doubt about that. I know how you think. I know how your mind works."

"So you used it against me and played me like a fiddle?"

"Well, I don't know about a fiddle, but yes, I suppose that's the gist of it."

"I was just some game to you?"

"A very fun one. Not to mention, pleasurable." He walked even closer towards me and attempt to trace the side of my jaw. I jerked away from him and smacked his hand away from me. "What's the matter? You're not up for another round? Could be fun. Angry sex is the best sex."

"Go to hell," I snapped.

"Oh I'm sure I'm already there, sweetheart." He moved away and began walking towards the fireplace. "I'm disappointed in you, Roza."

"I told you not to call me that."

"Surely you didn't think I bedded you out of the kindness of my heart? What did I always tell you during our training sessions?" I grit my teeth together and kept silent. I wouldn't dignify his question with a response. "Never hesitate. Strigoi aren't who they once were. It's no different for me," he said quietly.

"Why did you tell me you never drank human blood? What was the point of that? What was the point of telling me you were refusing to become one of them?"

He let out an exasperated groan. "You are like a broken record! How many ways do I have to say the same thing for you to understand why?" He sighed again and tilted his head to the side, studying me intently. "By telling you all of those things, I roped you in, you silly little girl. And you believed every word of it."

"Like a fool," I said bitterly.

"Like a fool," he agreed. "I'm no different than any other Strigoi out there. You believed what I wanted you to. I played on your desires, your hopes. I know you all too well, Roza."

Numbness washed over me. He used me. Like an idiot I had let him!

My eyes narrowed as a thought occurred to me. I remembered what that Strigoi had said back in the club about Dimitri's plans for me. Some Desden guy.

"Who's Desden?"

His head snapped towards mine and his entire body stiffened. His fists clenched into tight balls and the muscles in his jaw moved back and forth. Then in the very next instant, he relaxed. It was amazing really. If I hadn't been watching him, I wouldn't have noticed him tense at all.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

I snorted and allowed myself a small smirk. "Liar. How stupid do you think I am?"

He quirked his eyebrow and suddenly looked amused all over again. "Do you _really_ want an honest answer to that question?"

"Who's Desden?" I repeated, ignoring him.

"He's of no concern to you, that's who he is."

"Well I hear differently and I want to know who he is."

He began pacing back and forth, still ignoring me. The only thing this could mean was that that Strigoi had been telling the truth. Dimitri was planning on turning me over to this guy. Whoever he was. I shook my head as the realization occurred to me and realized that had to be why he went looking for me and then found me. There really wasn't any other explanation.

"Okay, so you're planning on turning me over to him, then. I get it."

He stopped pacing and whirled around, glaring fiercely at me. "You get _nothing_! You know _nothing_! So quit talking about things you don't understand!"

"Then explain it to me. Because from the sounds of it, you were told to turn me over to him. And judging by your reaction, you have every intention to."

A cold, humorless laugh echoed in the walls. "You really are clueless, aren't you?"

The next thing I heard was a small, pathetic moan. I turned towards the sound and saw that Adrian was waking up. I raced over to him and knelt in front of him, looking up at him.

I brought my hand to his face and smoothed back some of his hair. "Adrian?" I prodded quietly. "Adrian can you hear me?"

He nodded slowly. "Where am I?"

"In a cabin. Do you remember what happened?"

He shook his head and winced. "No. No I can't remember much of anything."

"And Lissa?"

He tried to give me as much reassurance as he could without words. "Taken care of. Promise."

I nodded and started to untie him. I half expected Dimitri to say something about it, but no one was stopping me. When the rope was undone, Adrian rubbed at his wrists and looked at me with nothing but gratitude. "Thank you," he said meekly.

I gave him the best smile I could and turned around, getting ready to say something to Dimitri. But he was gone.

"Son of a bitch," I mumbled under my breath.

"What?"

"Dimitri. He's gone."

He looked alarmed as he tried to stand up. He was a bit unsteady on his feet and I went over to him immediately, trying to help him keep his balance. "Belikov was here?"

"Yes," I said warily, studying him. "You didn't see who it was that did this to you?"

Frustration built on his face and his jaw tightened. "I told you. I don't remember how I got here. I didn't see who knocked me out."

I sighed, but nodded, believing his story. "It's okay. As you more than likely already guessed, it was Dimitri that did it to you."

"What's he want with me, though?" he asked, perplexed.

I shrugged and turned away from him. "No idea. He wouldn't really tell me anything."

"Where do you think he went?"

"Hell if I know." All I knew was that I was more determined than ever to kill him. I had made the mistake of letting my emotions overrun me this time . . . and the last. But not again. I was not going to let him escape me a third time. I was going to kill him if it was the last thing I do. And it just might well be.

Suddenly, every hair on my body stood straight up. A foreboding feeling overtook me and a familiar smell filled the air. I sniffed and Adrian looked at me as though I were crazy.

"What are you doing?"

"Do you smell smoke?"

"No." He paused and looked around the cabin, scratching his head. "Should I?"

"I'll be back," I said hurriedly.

How could he not smell that? I raced towards the bedroom and when I walked in and habitually shut the door behind me, I saw that the curtains were on fire. It was too big to even try to put out with the comforter. Panic formed in my gut and I went to rush out the door, but when I went to turn the knob, I found it was stuck.

"Oh no," I whispered.

The whole room was catching on fire now. I tried desperately to jiggle the handle again, but it was too hot now. I yanked my hands back and started coughing relentlessly. The smoke was really starting to get to me. I had never been able to tolerate smoke very well.

I wanted to yell for help, but I didn't want Adrian anywhere near this room. I saw that the window was open. If I ran for it . . .

The next thing I knew, the fire had circled completely around me. I was stuck. So much for the running for it plan.

I was still coughing when I heard shouting. "Rose? Rose!"

"Get out of here, Adrian! Go!"

"I'm not leaving you!"

"It's spreading too fast. You need to get out while you still can!" I yelled. "I'll be fine," I lied. I had no way of knowing if I would be fine. It seemed the opposite, actually. But he didn't need to know that. "The window's open. I'll meet you around back."

"Are you sure?"

Exasperated and hysterical, I threw my hands in the air. "YES! Get out of here!"

"Okay, all right! I'll meet you out back!"

Relief spread through me. At least one of us would survive this fire.

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, the door to the bedroom sprung open. It was Dimitri. And he looked pissed.

"What the hell were you thinking?" he exclaimed angrily.

"Yell later! Help now!" I shouted.

He swore under his breath and quick as a flash, he was by my side. The fire didn't seem to faze him in the slightest. He threw me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and started rushing out the door.

It was amazing how fast fire spread.

It surrounded us.

"Thanks for trying," I said softly, weakly. Pathetically.

"You're not dying in here," he said feverishly.

He said something else after that, but I wasn't sure what it was, because the smoke inhalation had finally gotten to me. For the second time that day, I passed out.

* * *

Panic swirled in my stomach as I watched her go unconscious.

This was not supposed to happen like this. This was not part of the plan. Of course, sleeping with her hadn't been part of the plan either. Christ, I had nearly blown everything when I had done that. Luckily, I was quick on my feet and improvised, though. It had killed me, watching her horrified expression when she realized what was happening. But it had been for the best. The less truth she knew, the better off she'd be. It was bad enough she had discovered Desden's name.

I shook myself out of my ramblings. I couldn't afford to be thinking about that right now. Not now. She wasn't _actually_ supposed to die. And she wasn't going to. Not if I could help it.

After I saw it was clear that we weren't getting out the front door like Ivashkov had, I ran back towards another bedroom that had been closed off. I pushed the door open and sighed in relief when I saw a fireless room.

But the window was shut. I would have to break it. But I couldn't risk it while I was holding her.

I carefully placed her on one of the twin sized beds then rushed over to the other and grabbed the blanket. I ran back towards the door and placed the blanket in the crack between the floor and beginning of the door.

There was a chair over in the corner and I picked it up, then threw it at the window. Glass shards flew everywhere and cool air rushed inside the room.

Moving fast, I went back over to Rose and picked her up once more. Within seconds, we were safely out of the house. But it wasn't enough. The fire I had set was a dangerous one and I knew the whole house would be up in flames within seconds.

I ran as far as I could, but I wasn't fast enough.

The house exploded and sent me propelling forward, but I had an iron clad grip on Rose. I rolled over with her still in my arms and when I sat up, I set her down on the ground. Mere moments later, Adrian was at our side.

"Jesus, what happened?" he asked sounding frantic.

"Why don't you tell me?" I stated icily. He was supposed to get her out of the house before the fire actually spread as much as it did.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

I snarled at him and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. "What the hell was Rose doing in that bedroom? I told you that's where I was starting the fire!"

"I didn't know where she was going! All she said was 'I'll be right back' and the next thing I know, the whole damn house is on fire with her inside the bedroom!"

I released him forcefully and he stumbled backwards. "Whatever. Get her out of here."

He nodded and picked her up.

"No hospitals," I reminded him. "Remember. From now on, Adrian Ivashkov and Rose Hathaway are nothing but a distant memory. You both died in a tragic house fire on a romantic getaway. Your bones were charred beyond recognition. It was so bad they couldn't even retrieve dental records. Got it?"

"Yeah. I got it," he said as he shifted his weight. "What are you going to do?"

I shrugged. "Don't worry about me. I can take care of myself."

He hesitated, but once again, nodded. "Thanks. Thanks for everything."

"Don't mention it. Just make sure she doesn't come looking for me. Lie if you have to. Tell her I died in the fire or something. Do whatever it takes. Otherwise, this will all have been for nothing."

"What about the princess?"

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "She can't know. It's too risky. They'll have her monitored and will be watching her closely. If she can't pull off a grieving performance, they'll suspect Rose is still alive. Vasilsa cannot know. Understood?"

Though he looked reluctant, he agreed.

I turned around and began walking away when I paused. "If anything changes, I'll contact you. Understand?"

"You don't even know where I'm taking her," he pointed out.

I smirked to myself and shook my head. "I'll contact you," I repeated and then walked off into the night.

* * *

Hey there!

It's time for an update! Yes, already, I know. This is probably the quickest update you've gotten in a long while. But I figured since I left with a bit of a cliffie, I'd be nice and update as quickly as I could.

Okay... so you should all probably know that was the first time I ever wrote anything that even remotely resemembled a sex scene. I was highly uncomfortable with it because I _haven't_ written anything like it before, so please take it easy on me. I'm aware it was probably ten kinds of bad, perhaps twenty, but I thought I'd give it a try. If it's completely hideous, I'll go back in and edit it out. Lol.

Thanks so much for all the reviews! Keep them coming!


	8. How To Deal

**Chapter Eight **

"How to Deal"

* * *

I groaned as light peeked through my half opened eyelids. I was _so_ over this passing out thing.

I tried sitting up when I felt a hand gently push me back down on the comfy mattress I had been placed on. The thought made me significantly happier. A comfortable mattress meant that I was not in a hospital. No hospital equaled heaven for me. I hate hospitals. I've been in them more than enough times and have no desire to go back to one any time soon.

When my eyes fully opened, I saw Adrian sitting by my bedside looking grim. The expression seemed to be a permanent fixture on him nowadays. It was a little disheartening, really. Adrian had always been so carefree and laid-back. Not anymore, though. It was like one day he just decided he was going to grow up and get all serious on me. My eyes narrowed as I studied him further. An uneasy feeling immediately overtook me. I don't think I can remember a time where Adrian looked quite _this _serious. That was usually a look only Dimitri could pull off effectively. What the hell was going on?

"Adrian?"

"How are you feeling?" he asked softly.

Instead of making me feel grateful or whatever stupid feeling I should be feeling, the question pissed me off. That was a dumb question anyway. If I'm awake, clearly there's nothing seriously wrong with me. I scowled at him, feeling annoyed. "Cut the bullshit. Obviously I'm fine if I'm awake. What's going on?"

He looked down at the ground and took a deep breath as he placed his elbows on his knees. When he looked up at me, there was so much sympathy pouring out of his eyes that my breath caught in my throat.

This could not be good.

"Lissa?" I asked in a panic. "Where is she? Is she okay? What's—?"

"Lissa," he said as he placed his hands on top of my mine and eased me back down, "is just fine."

Relief burst through every cell. I don't know what I would have done if he said something was wrong with her or that something terrible had happened. I never would have been able to forgive myself. I'd been a terrible friend lately and the feeling I had just gotten in the pit of my stomach helped me to realize that. If I had been doing my job, if I had been fulfilling my role as a best friend, I would have been the first to know if something awful had happened.

As it was, even my mental connection to her wasn't as strong as it used to be. I stopped getting visions of her in my head, why I didn't know—perhaps out of sheer willpower, the mind connections stopped; I also stopped getting gut feelings when it concerned Lissa . . . The knowledge made me feel beyond guilty. And I was going to rectify this as soon as I could.

Just as soon as Adrian told me what the hell was up.

I gave him a pointed look, telling him with my expression that he'd better spit it out sooner rather than later.

"This isn't easy, Rose," he said quietly.

"Just tell me," I said through my teeth. I didn't like it when people got like this around me. I detested pity.

"What exactly is the last thing you remember?"

I raised my eyebrows at him, giving him a 'what's-this-all-about' look. He was being oddly tactful and careful with me. Both things, he never usually bothered being. He didn't believe in beating around the bush and yet he was. It was making me nervous, so I tried covering up my discomfort with sarcasm. As always.

"I don't know, Adrian. I've always sucked at Memory."

He snorted at my sarcastic remark and rolled his eyes at me. "Just humor me, okay?"

I swallowed and then I felt my heart contract as I started to remember the cabin. The memory came flooding at me like a tidal wave . . .

__

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, the door to the bedroom sprung open. It was Dimitri. And he looked pissed.

"What the hell were you thinking?" he exclaimed angrily.

"Yell later! Help now!" I shouted.

He swore under his breath and quick as a flash, he was by my side. The fire didn't seem to faze him in the slightest. He threw me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and started rushing out the door.

It was amazing how fast fire spread.

It surrounded us.

"Thanks for trying," I said softly, weakly. Pathetically.

"You're not dying in here," he said feverishly . . .

I forced back the lump in my throat. "I remember heat. Lots of heat. I felt like my skin was being burned off."

"What else?" Adrian asked patiently.

I bit my lip tried to calm my emotions. I wasn't exactly successful on that front, but I was trying. "I remember Dimitri telling me he wasn't going to let me die," I said awkwardly. "What's this about Adrian?"

The look he gave me told me everything I needed to know. I didn't need words to tell me what his face clearly was saying. I started shaking my head in pure incredulity. It couldn't be true. Adrian was lying. He had to be. Otherwise, how the hell was I still here? How did I get out of there if Dimitri didn't as well?

"No."

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. "He's gone, Rose."

"No."

"Rose—"

"NO!" I shouted. "You're lying! Why are you lying to me?"

"Sweetheart, I'm not . . . I'm not lying."

Hysteria threatened to take hold of me. He didn't use those endearments. Not ever. That should have tipped me off right there that he was being serious, but it was like my heart refused to believe it.

"You are! You are too!"

"I'm not," he said shaking his head. "Rose—" he began patiently. But I cut him off.

"How did I get out then? He saved me! How the hell did I get out if he didn't?"

He sighed and ran a tired hand through his dishelmed hair. It was then that I noticed the bags under his eyes. He looked exhausted. "He passed you over to me. I—"

I shook my head, cutting him off. "He wouldn't have done that!" I argued. "He's faster than you!"

He gazed at me with soft, gentle, compelling eyes and I felt my argument waning. Now he shook his head and tilted his head to the side. "I was closer to the door. I think he was afraid of not getting out in time, so he handed you to me. I didn't understand it either, believe me, but there wasn't time to question it. Every second was crucial. I thought he was right behind me, but a beam collapsed from the ceiling. It was . . . impossible to get around it."

Disbelief clouded my mind. Dimitri was supposed to be a god. He was supposed to be invincible. How could something as ordinary as a fire destroy him? I hugged myself and glared at the young Moroi sitting beside of me. "But he's a Strigoi! He would have been able to get around something like that with no problem! Or at least lift it up like Superman!"

He shook his head, yet again. "It was on _fire_, Rose. Fire kills Strigoi. Not even he was immune to that. Do you understand that? He couldn't have done anything. He was stuck. I'm so sorry."

Of course there was truth in what he was saying. It was a cold, hard truth as the saying goes. Fires did kill Strigoi. And so did silver stakes. But he had been able to _hold_ one. Like some kind of miracle or . . . _something_, he had held one. Not to mention he showed amazing self-restraint and just . . .

But Adrian was right. Fire was something different. Fire could kill anything in its path, even something as powerful as Dimitri had become.

Realization that Adrian was right and that Dimitri was dead came at me hard and fast. He was gone. The death I had been working so hard to make happen finally happened. It was over. There was no more fighting left.

I stared blankly ahead of me at nothing in particular. I couldn't even really see what I was looking at. I felt . . . nothing. I was completely and utterly numb.

After quite some time of silence and trying to process everything he was telling me, I looked over at Adrian. He winced and I could only guess that it was at the expression on my face. He tried to place a hand on my shoulder, but I pushed him away. I couldn't bear the thought of anybody's touch right now. I couldn't bear the thought of anybody's _presence_ right now.

"Get out," I whispered.

He looked alarmed and baffled that I would make such a request. "Rose—"

"GET OUT!" I screamed.

Adrian jumped at the force at which I yelled. But he wasn't leaving. He simply sat there, not saying a word, looking as grief-stricken as I'm positive that I felt . . . somewhere. Silence consumed us. All that could be heard was the ticking of the clock that was resting on the fireplace mantel. I tried concentrating on those ticks of the clock to keep my mind focused on anything other than what was really happening.

It wasn't even until Adrian's thumb brushed my cheek that I realized I was crying. How could I be crying? I didn't feel anything. Or at least I didn't until I felt the tears trickling down my cheeks. It was like my emotions exploded inside of me and I felt all the pain at once. Damn him for making me realize I was crying. I'd have been fine if I hadn't felt the damn tears rolling down my face.

Adrian got up from his chair and sat on the edge of the bed, curling his arms around me. I felt oddly safe and protected sitting like this with him. It was amazing how one minute I couldn't stand the thought of him touching me, and now he's practically sitting on top of me and it's the most comforting thing in the world to me.

I grabbed a hold of his forearms with my hands and buried my face in his chest, letting myself cry and cry.

I cried until there were no more tears left to cry and then some.

And he let me.

He didn't shush me, he didn't tell me all of the ridiculous things people say while trying to comfort someone else. I probably would have punched him if he had tried telling me it was going to be okay.

He stroked my hair in a gentle, soothing motion and rubbed circles on my back.

When the tears finally stopped, I felt exhausted. My face felt disgusting and above all else, I felt like an idiot. This was what I wanted, wasn't it? I wanted Dimitri dead. Well, he was dead. So why the hell was I sitting here, crying my eyes out?

I barked out a harsh laugh after I had pulled away from Adrian, who in turn, looked at me curiously. "What's funny?"

"Me. I'm a joke."

"Rose—"

"I am. I'm the punch line of the universe."

He sucked in a breath and licked his dry-looking lips. Boy could use some chap stick, I thought humorlessly.

"I'm not sure I understand what you're saying. Why do you think you're the punch line of the universe?"

"Isn't it obvious? Months ago, I set out to kill Di—" I cut myself off. His name felt like led on my lips. It was like pouring salt on a wound. "I set out to kill . . . _him_. I wouldn't listen to reason. I wouldn't listen to anyone telling me how difficult it was going to be to go through with it. I didn't think about Sonya and Mikhail like I should have."

His eyes narrowed. "Who are Sonya and Mikhail?"

I sighed and shook my head. "It's a story I don't have the energy to repeat. Let's just say that my pathetic excuse for a love story turned out to be exactly like theirs. Tragic." I bit my lip and looked down at the sheets. "But that's all besides the point. The point is that I set out to kill him and now that he's actually gone . . ." I let out a cry of frustration. "God, why am I being such a _baby_ about this? It's what I wanted!"

He grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. His gaze was intense and demanding. "You didn't _want_ this. You didn't _want_ him to turn Strigoi. You didn't _want_ him get taken captive back at the caves. You didn't _want _him to leave you."

"Stop," I whispered.

"That's what you're so upset about, isn't it?" he pressed on. "You're mad at him."

"Shut up."

He was so close to the truth. Too close. All these feelings he was describing were the feelings I was keeping buried deep, so deep that even I didn't know they existed. I kept them hidden from everyone, including myself. How was it he was so accurate in his accusations? I didn't like it. Not one bit.

"You're so mad that he abandoned you. He promised you he'd protect you, didn't he? And that he'd always be there for you."

"I said shut up!"

"And when he let himself get taken by those bastards, he left you. He broke his promises to you. He left you alone. He left you scared and confused. He made you leave Lissa—"

I didn't think. There wasn't a single thought filtering through my brain when I shoved him off the bed. His butt connected with the chair, but missed. He landed right on his ass. But that didn't seem to deter him. He simply got up and dusted himself off. He placed his hands on the side of the bed and got right back in my face.

"You loved him. You still love him. That doesn't make you a joke," he said quietly.

And then he walked away, leaving me to my thoughts.

* * *

Two days had passed.

I spent every minute of them in solitude, shutting Adrian out. After he had left the room, I'd gotten out of bed and locked the bedroom door. He'd tried knocking a couple times, but I ignored him. He tried getting me to eat something, but I wasn't hungry. I couldn't even stomach the idea of food.

Most of the time, I spent the hours curled up in the bed, just staring, trying not to think or feel anything. The times when that didn't work were spent crying. I didn't know I could cry this much. I didn't know _anyone_ could cry this much. It was hard. There was so much pain and anger that I hadn't dealt with and I was being forced to feel it now. Adrian had made me feel all of it.

I felt dead inside. It was like there was a giant hole in my heart that wouldn't ever be filled. There was only one person who could fix it and he was dead. Gone forever. And he took a part of me with him. A huge, huge part of me. It was like he took most of me with him and left only a shell of me behind. So I tried to focus on hating Dimitri. If I could hate him, then maybe the pain wouldn't be so bad. Maybe then I could deal with this better.

But every time I tried hating him, it wouldn't stick. I would think of all the times he would curl my hair around his finger, all the times he would save a look just for me, the times he laughed. Remembering all that made it hard to hate him. It only made me realize how much I wanted him right in front of me, smiling that rare, beautiful smile and telling me everything would be okay.

Most of all, I remembered him telling me how much he loved my strength. He said it was why he loved me.

Well, I didn't feel so strong now. I felt weak. I felt pathetic. And perhaps most importantly, I felt ashamed. The thing he had admired most about me was dead. My strength was completely gone. It made me feel like it was just another thing I failed him on. He would expect me to be the Rose he knew, to be strong. But I was letting him down. How could I be strong when _he_ had been the reason for that strength?

As I lay in bed, curled into a tight ball, I realized how ridiculous I must sound. I was becoming a girl I hated. But I didn't care. I didn't care about anything. It made me wonder if I cared if I lived or died. Immediately, I was horrified at myself. I knew how selfish that thought was. I knew how devastated Lissa would be if something were to happen to me.

Lissa.

I grabbed the nearest pillow and hugged it against my chest.

I knew I should have attempted to contact her. And Christian for that matter. He was probably worried sick about me after I just disappeared from the motel parking lot. But I just didn't have the energy or will to do it. I knew it was selfish and careless and cruel and perhaps many other things, but again, I couldn't bring myself to care about it. So what if I was being a selfish bitch right now? I think I deserved the right.

More than anyone, I deserved the right to be selfish.

And as I thought more and more, I grew angrier and angrier. After all the times I'd sacrificed my own happiness and my own well-being for Lissa, she had refused to help me. Yet when I had left, she'd tried to use compulsion on me to get me to stay. She hadn't cared that I had needed to go. All she had wanted was me as her shadow.

She could have helped me. She could have saved _him_. She could have saved _me_.

I clutched the pillow tighter as these thoughts invaded my mind. They weren't pleasant. I felt this animalistic rage inside of me, burning and I didn't like it at all. It was threatening to swallow me whole. My entire body was shaking and suddenly, my thoughts weren't my own.

I was inside Lissa's head. After all this time, I was finally inside her head again. I don't know why it happened, or how, I just knew that once again, her life was invading mine. I felt the intensity radiating off her emotions and it startled me. I don't think I could ever recall a time when she was feeling so much all at once.

She was looking at Aleksandr, who appeared to be in a kind of daze, and then at Christian and for a moment, I thought the ground got knocked out from underneath me. Christian Ozera had tears streaming down his face. Real tears. Granted, he wasn't bawling his eyes out, but it wasn't just one glistening tear he shed.

He moved towards Lissa and enveloped her in a hug. "We'll get through this. I don't know how, but I promise we will."

"She's gone."

Confusion filled me and if I could have, I would have frowned. Who were they talking about? Who was gone?

"I know," he said quietly. "It doesn't seem real."

"She shouldn't have gone," she said quietly.

"Lis," he said with a sigh.

"You helped her." Her tone was accusing. I could feel her rage she was feeling. She was beyond pissed at Christian. While I felt horrible for him, I couldn't help the relief that coursed through me. That must have been what triggered my earlier rage. "You went with her!" she exclaimed, shoving him off of her.

Oh God. They were talking about me. They thought I was dead. They thought that fire killed me.

Hurt flashed on his face. I felt my own heart breaking for him. Her too. Any animosity I had been feeling before vanished as this scene played out. I wanted to shout at both of them and tell them I was still alive, but as I was inside Lissa's head, I couldn't. It was frustrating.

"Why? Why did you go with her?"

"Would you have preferred it if she went off by herself?" he shouted back just as furious. "God, Lissa, do you think you're the only one who's lost Rose? I miss her too!"

"Whatever! You spent half your time hating her and fighting with her!"

"Things change! It was different," he said in a quieter voice.

That seemed to be the wrong thing to do though, because Lissa's anger only increased. "You know . . . you asked me if I would have preferred it if she went by herself. And no. I wouldn't have! I _actually _would have preferred that she didn't go at all! And funnily enough, I thought we had all agreed on the same thing."

Aleksandr stepped forward, looking uncomfortable. "Okay, maybe you should both just take a step back here."

"Stay out of it," they both shouted at once. Once the words were spoken, Aleksandr retreated back to his corner and looked down at the ground.

Lissa continued her rant. "It was _your_ shift! It was _your_ responsibility to make sure she didn't run off!"

He nodded angrily, all traces of tears now gone. "And where were _you_, your highness? What were you and Ivashkov doing that was so damn important?"

"Oh my God, he's _dead_, Christian! Have you no decency? And _don't _turn this around me!" Lissa screamed. "If you hadn't run off with her, none of this would have happened! Adrian would still be alive." Adrian? They thought Adrian was gone too? "_Rose_ would still be alive! This is _your_ fault!"

Christian's face blanched. _Oh Lissa,_ I thought. _What have you done? _There weren't words to describe Christian's devastation. Even if they were to discover that I was alive within the next two minutes, I didn't know if their relationship would be able to recover from that.

"You really believe I'm responsible for Rose's death?" Lissa didn't say anything. Christian didn't say anything. At first. Dread filled my stomach. Christian didn't say nice things when he was pissed. And judging by the look on his face, he was well past pissed off. His lip curled into an awful sneer. "Maybe you should rethink that?" he said coldly.

"What does that mean?"

"Belikov 2, give us a minute."

"My name is Aleksandr."

"And I don't care if your name is fucking Gandhi. Get the hell out of here."

Aleksandr was muttering under his breath and the next thing that was heard was a door slamming.

"You want to know what that comment means, _princess_?" She didn't say anything. Not that I expected her to. "It means that you could have saved Belikov and you know it. She _asked _you to! The one time in her life that she ever asked you for anything! You were just too fucking busy trying to prove a point. You want someone to blame, look in the mirror," he said relentlessly, before turning and exiting out the same door as Aleksandr had.

I couldn't take being inside her head anymore. I wanted out of there. I willed it and thankfully, it worked. I don't think I could have taken another second.

That whole scene was awful to witness.

Lissa's pain . . . she was so alone. And she was pushing Christian away. When she needed him most, she was turning away his comfort.

My eyes narrowed as I sat up, discarding the pillow. I may not have been functioning properly enough to call Lissa or Christian, but Adrian was functioning just fine.

I clenched my jaw together and stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind me. "Adrian?" No answer. I went through another hallway and shouted again. "Adrian!"

The stairs loomed in front of me and I quickly walked down the steps, not bothering to be quiet. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, I saw I was in a kitchen. A very nice kitchen. It only caused my frown to deepen, though. "Damn it, Adrian! Answer me! Where the hell are you?"

Seconds later, he peered through the archway in the kitchen, looking alarmed. "What? What is it?"

I took a deep breath and folded my arms. Trying to remain calm, I looked him in the eye. "Would you mind explaining to me why Lissa and Christian think you and I are both dead?"

Adrian paled.

"You were inside Lissa's head?"

"Yes."

"I thought you said you haven't been able to do that?"

"I haven't. Funny thing though. Lissa's emotions were so strong that I just got sucked into her head all of a sudden. Imagine my surprise when I find out that she thinks that you and I are both dead. Now why would she think that, Adrian?"

"Rose . . ."

"Tell me the truth," I said quietly, straight faced.

"Lissa thinks that you and I are both dead because that's what he wanted."

I stared. I could only assume the "he" was referring to was Dimitri. But that made no sense.

"What are you talking about?"

He sighed and reached for my arm, but I moved out of his grasp. He shut his eyes and I could feel myself growing angrier and angrier with each moment of passing silence. "Come sit down, Rose. It's a long story."

"I'll stand."

"Rose—"

"I _said_ I'll stand," I said through my teeth. "Tell me what the hell is going on, Adrian or so help me I will kick your ass."

"He came to me, all right? It was almost immediately after I found you. We had just gotten you to the hospital and you were still unconscious. You had just . . . you had just came back to life out of nowhere, but you weren't awake yet. I was outside smoking when he literally snuck up on me. He told me he needed my help."

Sadness and more pain crept through my veins. Why would he go to Adrian and not me? Then I realized how dumb I was being. I was knocked out. Not to mention I was kind of trying to kill him. "With what?"

"Keeping you away from him. He was worried about you."

I shook my head and backed even further away from Adrian. "No. No he wasn't. He didn't feel anything for me. He didn't feel _anything_ at all."

"You really believe that?" he asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"He said—"

"Damn it, Rose! He lied! Whatever he told you about not caring and being some monster like we all believed him to be was a lie!"

"Why are you doing this to me?" I asked with tears streaming down my face.

"Because you need to know the truth! And the truth was, he died protecting you! You want to know why I was at the cabin?" I didn't answer him. I couldn't even if I had wanted to. "I was there because he wanted me to be. I needed to be there so I could get you out when he set that fire. Damn it, I had no idea where you going," he said angrily. "You didn't tell me!"

"I don't understand."

I don't know how he heard me. _I_ barely heard me. But he did.

"Look, there are a lot of things you don't know about Belikov. He went to great lengths to pull this plan off. He was worried about your safety and he confided in me, okay? He wasn't like all the other Strigoi out there."

His words brought back another memory. One I couldn't stop from overcoming me. . .

__

He walked over towards me and cupped my cheek. His hands were cool, almost like ice. But I ignored that. The temperature of his body didn't seem to matter. I leaned into his touch, savoring it, relishing it.

I released Adrian's hand and placed my own over Dimitri's. It was as though I were in some kind of trance. I was enthralled with him, enamored. I stood up on my knees as he brought his forehead to mine.

He shut his eyes. "I can't do this."

I felt my whole body go rigid. It was like he'd splashed cold water on me all over again. I tried moving away from him, but he stopped me.

"That's not what I meant," he said with a small smile.

"I don't understand."

"I meant that I can't lie to you anymore." He opened his eyes and they bore right into mine. My breath quickened and I could feel my heart fluttering in the confines of my chest. "You think I enjoy seeing you in pain. You think I mean harm to you. I don't. How could I?"

"I . . . I'm confused."

He smiled and brought me to him, embracing me. Was I dreaming? I had to be. This made no sense to me. He was acting as though he were really Dimitri. But how could that be?

"I'm afraid I've been less than honest with you. I know you believe that I'm just like every other Strigoi out there. You think I'm something cold and ruthless. If only that were true." I stiffened and felt my entire body go tense. "You have no idea what it's like, fighting urges to kill day in and day out. I've not had a single drop of human blood since my turn."

I looked up at him and gaped in shock. "What?"

"Every time I look in the mirror, all I see is a monster. I see a monster who has my old face and body. I'm not one of them, I refuse to be. But I'm not a dhampir, either. It's as though I have no place in this world anymore."

"Dimitri," I whispered. I brought my hand to his cheek, like he had done to me only moments ago. He shivered and his gaze penetrated into me.

"You shouldn't let me touch you like this."

"What if I want to . . .?"

"He lied to me," I whispered.

Adrian nodded. "About so much. But it was all done to protect you. I promise you, if I didn't know any better, I'd swear he still had his soul."

I shivered at the thought. Could it have been possible? Could he have still somehow managed to maintain his soul? Could that have been why he was able to do things other Strigoi couldn't? The thought comforted me, oddly enough. It gave me hope.

"But what does any of this have to do with Lissa believing we're dead?"

"It was part of the plan. You have a _lot_ of enemies, Rose. You may have made a legend out of yourself in the guardian world, but in the Strigoi world . . . they _despise_ you. They want you dead. Worse than. Dimitri was making sure that wouldn't happen. That's when he came up with this fire plan. It was dangerous for him. But he didn't care. All he cared about was getting you safe.

"He wanted you to be able to fake your death so the Strigoi will leave you alone. And he said the princess couldn't know because it was too risky. He was afraid she would be monitored and he didn't know if she would be able to pull off a convincing grieving performance. He didn't want to take the chance."

"But why did you have to die with me?" I asked, still confused.

"To make it more authentic. Plus, with me . . . you wouldn't be alone," he said as he looked away.

Silence passed. Neither of us really knew what to say after that.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. Honestly, the whole thing made me feel warm and fuzzy and mad all at the same time. Since when did Dimitri decide it was okay to dictate my life and make decisions for m? "I can't leave Lissa alone."

"You have to," he argued, looking angry.

"I can't!"

"Damn it, Rose! Why are you being so stubborn about this?"

"Because it's Lissa! What did you think I was going to do? Did you think that I would willingly pretend I'm dead and put her through all this pain? It was a stupid plan is what it was!"

"So Belikov caring about your safety is stupid?"

I clenched my fists into tight balls. My knuckles were practically turning white. "Of course not! But I don't hide from things, Adrian. I never did and I never will!"

"I understand that—"

"Obviously you don't! I can't believe you'd even ask me to do this in the first place! It's asinine! It's cruel and selfish!"

"So you're willing to let his memory die in vain?"

Pure unadulterated rage filled me. How dare he? "That is not even fair, Adrian! Don't you _dare_ use him against me!"

He shook his head and gave me a weak smile. "I have to. If only to see this plan through. You cannot go to Lissa. It's out of the question."

"Watch me."

I turned around and headed for the door. My hand was on the knob when Adrian's voice stopped me. "You know he chose you over his mother."

I paused. "What are you talking about?"

"Dimitri. He was given a choice. Bring you to Desden, or his mother was going to be their next meal."

"What?" I choked out.

"The first time you saw him in the cabin, he was going to go through with it. He had every intention of turning you over, but when he was watching you die because of him, he realized he couldn't do it. So he chose you."

"You're lying," I whispered.

"Am I? Walk out that door and see what happens. Dimitri may be gone, but they still won't hesitate to kill his mother or turn her if they find out they've been duped. They all believe you're dead, Rose. Do you get that?"

He used the one thing he knew that would keep me here. It was dirty and underhanded. He wasn't playing fair. He knew that if he told me someone's life was at stake that I would listen to him, especially if it was Dimitri's mother. I hated him for it. I hated him for knowing me so well and for knowing what buttons to push. "So you're saying I have to keep it that way or his mother will . . ." I trailed off, unable to finish that thought. It was too horrible to even think about.

"We have no way of knowing that for sure, but is that a risk you're willing to take?"

"You know it's not," I said hoarsely. "But what about Lissa? Can't I call her?"

He looked away and sighed as he placed his hands in his pockets. "I'll see what's what. I have some old contacts that knew me by a different name. It was an alias I used for a period of time when I was hiding from the royal courts. They have no idea who I really am. It'll be safe for me to check on things that way. They should be able to tell me if any Strigoi are watching Lissa and Christian."

"And my mother?"

He hesitated and I glared at him.

"Adrian, you cannot expect me to keep this from her! I know she and I haven't always gotten along, but she's my mother! I can't let her think I'm dead! And you know her! She's as good at masking her feelings as Dimitri was."

I shuddered at the way his name rolled off my tongue. It tasted bitter on my lips. It was hard to say, but I needed to start saying his name. I had to.

"I'll get one of those disposable phones tomorrow at the store. We can't use any of our old numbers, so your mom will have to wait.''

Reluctantly, I nodded. I hated this. I felt like a coward.

"You know how much I hate you right now?"

"I know," he said quietly, looking defeated.

"Good. Just so we're clear on that."

"Believe me, I didn't think this was going to be a picnic when you found out the truth. I'm not quite that stupid, little dhampir."

I sighed and finally came back into the kitchen. I looked around and a thought occurred to me. I had no idea where we were. "Adrian, where exactly are we?"

His lips twitched and his eyes twinkled. He looked like the Adrian I remembered when he did that. "We're in the States."

My mind balked at that. How . . .?

"What? How is that even possible? We were just in Siberia!"

"You forget that I have connections."

"As Adrian Ivashkov you have connections. People will bend over backwards for you."

"People will bend over backwards for me under my alias as well. Believe me. I had everything arranged when Belikov and I were going over the plan. We flew here while you were asleep."

"Asleep?"

"You weren't unconscious. You came to right as we were getting onto the plane and when I told you to go back to sleep, you listened. You slept the entire way and never moved a muscle. Your body was exhausted. Honestly, I'm not surprised you don't remember that. You were quite out of it."

I nodded, having no trouble believing that at all.

"So where exactly in the States are we? Not anywhere near the Academy?"

He shook his head immediately. "No, no. No. We're in my home in North Dakota."

"You're home in North Dakota?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

He shrugged. "Nobody ever uses it. It was a disaster from what Andreas told me. He fixed it up for us though. I know it's a bit cramped, but I think we'll manage," he said seriously.

I gaped at him as I took the place in. "You think _this_ is cramped?"

"Well this house only has five bedrooms—"

I snorted in disbelief. Honestly. "Only five? Well hell, I guess the jig is up then because I don't know how I could _possibly_ survive in a house that only has five bedrooms. I think I'll have to leave now and go to the Marriott that's down the street. You're cramping my style, Ivashkov."

Adrian rolled his eyes. "Sorry. I keep forgetting stuff like this doesn't impress you. Just don't let Andreas know that. He'll be disappointed that his hard work isn't appreciated."

"Oh it's very much appreciated. I guess if you have to be dead, this isn't a bad place for your burial plot."

A laugh filled the air. I wasn't trying to be funny, but he seemed to take it that way. It wasn't a bent over at the waist kind of laugh, but the sound made me feel . . . different. Like I wasn't going to fall into the pits of despair.

"I'll be sure to let Andreas know you said that."

I continued surveying the room, though there wasn't much left that I hadn't seen. "Let me guess. Andreas knows you under this alias . . . whatever it is?"

"That would be correct. Anyway, I figure this place is far away enough from the Academy, yet close enough that I can keep an eye on Lissa for you."

I spun around in surprise, facing him. "You did that for me?"

He sighed and looked at me with an unidentifiable emotion in his eyes. He almost looked sad. "When are you going to learn that I'd do anything for you, little dhampir?"

And with that, he walked away from me, leaving me standing alone in the huge kitchen.

Feeling overwhelmed, I sank to the linoleum floor and hugged my knees tightly to my chest. What had I just done? Had I really just agreed to the faking of my death? Resentment filtered through me as I thought more about it. He knew that once I said I would do this, I would keep my promise. Once again, he knew exactly which buttons to push and how to push them.

This was all so much for me to take in and I wasn't sure I would ever be able to process it.

Was I really going to make Lissa think I was dead?

I couldn't do that to her. No matter what I had promised Adrian, I couldn't do that to Lissa. I would figure out a way around this. I had to. For Lissa.

I could feel her emotions much more clearly now that we were only a state away from her. With her emotions on top of my own, I felt like I was going to have some kind of breakdown. So if for no other reason, I had to find some way to contact her to let her know the truth. If only to preserve my sanity.

As I sat there, my head popped up when I heard humming. All too soon, I recognized that it was Adrian in the next room and I let out a frustrated sigh.

Living with him was going to be so much fun.

No sooner had I finished the thought, he started singing very badly at the an obnoxious decibel level.

Yeah, I definitely needed to get a hold of Lissa sooner rather than later. Otherwise, I really was going to wind up like Anna or Crazy Ms. Karp.

* * *

Hello!

First, I just wanted to say thank you so much for all the awesome reviews you guys are leaving me. I love reading them and appreciate all of them. Knowing that there's still so much interest in this story, even when I went for that big time frame without a peep, well it means a lot! It's renewed my inspiration for this fiction, so thank you!

Second thing, I guess, is info on the chapter. There's not much to tell, other than some parts were difficult to write. This deals with the aftermath of everything. I tried to stay as true to Rose as I possibly could, so I hope I didn't screw it up too horribly.

This is the longest chapter I've written for this story so far. I couldn't believe how long it turned out to be, actually. Hope you enjoy it, regardless!

Please keep those comments coming! As previously stated, I love them! You all are awesome!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Vampire Academy series.


	9. The Unexpected

**Chapter Nine**

"The Unexpected"

* * *

I couldn't stop the grin forming on my lips. My plan was working.

It's been three days since I watched Adrian Ivashkov take Rose away and already the gossip was spreading like wildfire. My work was successful and I couldn't ask for much more than that.

After Adrian had taken Rose and the fire had burned out, I stole two bodies that James had taken for his latest meal. He'd nearly drained them completely of their blood and left them to rot, so I figured they wouldn't be missed, whoever they were. I tried not to learn names nowadays. Anyway, once I got the bodies safely away from the hideout, I took them back to the cabin. I then placed them where the bedroom used to be and set them on fire. The smell was disgusting, but it had to be done.

Once the bodies had been scorched beyond recognition, I put on the finishing touches. I'd stolen Rose's I.D. while I was getting dressed after our brief time in bed together. She hadn't even noticed that I had fished through her pockets. And then Ivashkov had given me his. I made sure those were charred as well, but still readable.

The bodies were discovered about a few hours later and word quickly got out that Rose Hathaway was dead.

Most of the Strigoi were out celebrating her demise. If anything, that only made me prouder of her. She'd taken everything I taught her and made a legend out of herself. The fearing of Rose Hathaway among the Strigoi community had been well placed. She was ruthless when she was on a mission. I almost felt bad for any Strigoi that got in her way. Almost.

As I glanced around at all of the Strigoi, I shook my head, feeling rather disgusted. Yes, I was here to celebrate, but it was for an entirely different reason. It seemed these creatures were celebrating their cowardice. They were too damn afraid to go up against her, so they were happy she was dead.

I ordered a drink from the bar and tried tuning into some of the conversations surrounding me.

To the left of me, two Strigoi were talking about Rose and the words spoken caused my fists to clench. "Thank God that bitch is dead. She was really starting to cause problems for us. She took out Seth earlier this week and I heard he didn't even put up a fight." Now my fists relaxed and as I took a drink of my beer, I smirked into my glass. _Score one for Rose,_ I thought proudly to myself.

The conversation droned on and I found myself getting bored with it. So I shifted my attention to the right of me and what I heard made me lose my temper.

"Everybody around here's celebrating this chick's death. Not me though."

"Why's that?"

"Haven't you heard? She was a fine piece of ass. I bet Desden wanted her for a few other things besides revenge if you get what I'm saying?"

The idiot beside of him was smiling and nodding his head. But then he frowned and stared blankly at his buddy. "No. I don't get it."

Moron one rolled his eyes and punched the second Strigoi. "Rumor has it she liked having her blood drank. Among other things."

I stood up from my place at the bar, unable to deal with this anymore and walked out of the dump. If I had stayed any longer, I would have started throwing punches and the last thing I wanted was to draw attention to myself. It would defeat the purpose of everything Ivashkov and I had accomplished.

_Speaking of,_ I thought once I had made it far away enough from the two Strigoi inside the bar. I needed to get a hold of Ivashkov. I pulled out my phone and quickly dialed the number I needed.

He picked up after only two rings.

"How did you get this number?"

I quirked an eyebrow in surprise. This was a new number for me as well. "How did you know it was me?" I countered.

"I have awesome spider senses. Or maybe you and I are just meant to be together after all and my heart knew it was you, honey," he said sarcastically.

I scowled at his attempt of humor. "I'm not in the mood for your pathetic tries at wit, Ivashkov."

"Whatever. How did you get this number?" he repeated.

I grunted. I was tempted to not answer him since he had sidestepped my own question, but I wasn't that childish. "You should be more discreet with your conversations. I could hear yours with Andreas a mile away," I said derisively.

He sighed and in that one sigh, I noticed how different he sounded. He may have been all quips of humor seconds ago, but it had been an act. He sounded . . . tired. "Sorry. We can't all be the definition of stealth. What do you want?" he asked in a clipped tone.

"Is everything okay?"

"Just dandy. Now what do you want?"

I hesitated. Everything did not sound fine. His voice sounded false and that made me nervous. But oddly enough, I believed that if anything big was going on, he would tell me. I have no idea why, but my gut was telling me I could finally trust him.

"Belikov," he snapped irritably, all playfulness gone. Will wonders never cease? Even Adrian Ivashkov has moments of impatience. "I'm growing old here. Would you mind telling me what's going on sometime today please?"

Now my eyes really narrowed. Either he's been spending too much time with Rose, or something was definitely wrong. I sincerely hoped it wasn't the latter.

"What's with you?"

"Just . . . I shouldn't be talking to you right now."

"Is Rose with you?"

"No . . ."

"Then what's the problem?"

He sighed again and released an unsteady breath. "It's nothing. I just need to make this quick, okay? I can't exactly risk her finding out who I'm on the phone with, can I?"

My eyes shut and I hung my head back as I wiped a hand over my face. "You told her."

"I told her."

"How did she take it?"

"You mean before or after she locked herself in her room for two days?"

"Two days?" I asked. The knowledge surprised me—although, it shouldn't have, really. Rose was not one to take pity, so of course she would have preferred solitude.

"This shocks you? She _loves_ you, or did you forget that?" he asked angrily. "She was devastated!" he tried shouting in a whisper.

"We both knew what the result of this would be going into it—"

"No we did not. I never expected to have to tell her you died."

"And whose fault is that?" I countered. "I told you to get her out of there as soon as possible, didn't I?"

I heard him let out an exasperated sound of sorts and, truth-be-told, I rather felt the same. This conversation was making my head hurt.

"If you've called me to rub it in some more about how I screwed up, then I'm hanging up."

"Believe it or not, that's not why I called."

"Then why did you call?" he snapped again.

"Actually, it was to give you good news. The word is out that you and Rose are dead. They've bought it."

Silence passed on the other end of the line before a chuckle sounded. "I never thought in a million years that would be considered good news."

"Yes well, you're not _actually_ dead, so that's what makes it good news."

"True. So was there anything else you needed, or did you just call to tell me that I'm officially dead?"

I hesitated. I needed to know how she was adjusting to everything, so before I could stop myself, I was asking about Rose. "So . . . Rose has agreed to stay there?"

"Yes. Though it resulted with her hating me."

"Why's that?"

"Well I . . . I uh, kind of had to tell her we worked together."

"YOU WHAT?"

"It's not like I had a choice! She wasn't exactly receptive to the idea of deceiving Lissa into thinking she's dead. She was getting ready to walk out the door for goodness' sake! I had to improvise."

"So you told her you were working with me? What did she say to that?"

"Not a whole lot. She wasn't happy about it, but then what do you expect?"

I suppressed a curse and felt the urge to punch something. When I was still a dhampir, I never would have imagined having this kind of conversation. I certainly wouldn't have imagined seeking out Adrian Ivashkov's assistance. But, that was neither here nor there. I couldn't really do anything about either circumstance. "Okay, what else?"

"What do you mean what else? I told you everything already."

I laughed and shook my head, even though there was no one there to see it. "No. You didn't. Have you forgotten whom you're speaking to?"

"If only," I heard him mumble.

And then, just like that, realization clicked for me. There was only one possible thing he could have done that he didn't want me to know about and it had me seething. "Fucking hell, Ivashkov! Did you tell her EVERYTHING?"

"NO!" he practically shrieked.

"You told her about Desden, didn't you? And my mother?"

"You know what? Screw you, Belikov. I really don't owe you an explanation. You gave me an impossible task. You knew that before the words even came out of your mouth. Short of tying her up, and that's if I could have gotten lucky enough to surprise her, there was nothing else that I could have done to get her to stay. That was my draw card and I used it."

"You're being awfully brave now that you're on the other side of the world," I sneered.

"What the hell would you have had me do then? I was out of options!"

A thought occurred to me. As a dhampir, the idea and practice of it had disgusted me. But now, as a Strigoi, it was rather alluring. It certainly had its appeals. "Did you forget that you can use compulsion?"

Dead air hung in the balance. "I won't use compulsion on Rose. That's out of the question."

I let out a breath and I couldn't help but feel slightly annoyed with the situation. I knew I shouldn't have trusted that kid. He jeopardized everything. "Doesn't matter much now, does it? The damage is done," I said lacing as much disgust and venom in as I could. Not that it was a hard task. My tones came across as naturally cold to begin with now, anyway. It didn't seem to faze Adrian in the slightest, though.

"Yeah, well, sorry I actually have morals. I made Rose a promise a long time ago that I would never use compulsion on her and I never have. And I won't."

I snarled a laugh out. "That's comical. Adrian Ivashkov claiming to have morals?"

"I have more than you can ever lay a claim to. You have no soul, therefore, no morals."

"A fact you seem very keen on reminding me of constantly. Yes, I have no soul now. But I've proven I'm not one of them, haven't I?"

"You've proven you're obsessed enough with Rose. I have no idea why it is you're doing the things you're doing. For all I know, you could be doing this as a ploy. This could be your sick, sadistic way of getting her to trust you for some reason—"

"Enough!" I snapped, finally losing my patience. "What ulterior motive could I possibly have? She thinks I'm dead now, you imbecile!"

Adrian sighed. "Whatever. I've had enough of this conversation. Unless you have anything important to tell me, I think we're done here."

Of their own freewill, my eyebrows rose in amusement. I laughed. "Oh, so you're giving me orders now, is that right?"

"I _said_ I'm _done_. I've done what you asked and I'm doing no more. Oh and you should probably know that I'm giving Rose the okay to tell her mother and the princess that she's alive."

"The hell you are," I growled.

"Belikov, do you really think Janine Hathaway is going to run her mouth to the world that her daughter's alive? She's not an idiot. You worked with her. You know that. Rose has already told her mother, in fact. And Lissa . . . I'll admit, it's probably not a good a judgment call—"

"Then you should heed your instinct," I said through my teeth.

"I should, but I won't. You're not here, are you? You don't have to watch Rose suffer through this everyday. I do. And if I can even bring her an ounce of peace or happiness by letting her tell her best friend—her _bond mate_—that she's alive, then so be it. She's been through enough because of you."

My fists clenched and I knew he was right. It was so risky, though. Too risky for my liking. But he'd just said that Rose was suffering and the knowledge wasn't sitting well with me. I didn't want to bring her any more pain and I knew that if she had to stay quiet with Lissa, then she would be. This had to be agonizing for her.

"Fine," I said reluctantly. "She can tell Lissa. But Lissa can tell _no one_. And that includes Ozera."

He sucked in a breath. "I don't think he's going to be much of a problem anymore. According to Rose, they're finished."

I blinked in surprise. I can honestly say I didn't see that one coming. But that was no concern of mine and I didn't really care. That just made the situation that much easier and far less complicated. Now Vasilisa wouldn't feel obligated to run to the Ozera boy and blab Rose's true status.

"That's . . . convenient. That's actually very good news. Hopefully they'll stay that way."

"Like I said—I don't think that he'll be a problem anymore."

"Good. Oh and Ivashkov? If this goes south, it's on you."

I didn't wait for a response. I ended the call and tossed the phone aside feeling more frustrated than ever.

I barely had a moment's peace when I sensed another presence. I heard rustling in the trees and I spun around to find none other than Desden himself standing right behind me. My eyes narrowed and I immediately went on the defensive as I watched his lips curl into an awful sneer of a smirk.

Aside from the sadistic grin he was wearing, he looked just as regal as I last remembered. He moved with a swiftness and grace that amazed even me. But his gracefulness didn't fool me for a minute. I knew how dangerous he was. I wasn't likely to forget any time soon, either.

"What do you want?" I bit out.

Just as I suspected of him, he wasted no time getting right to the point. He had no use for mindless chitchat. "Are the rumors true, Dimitri? Is Rose Hathaway now among the deceased?"

I kept my face blank, glad of the practice I'd had as a dhampir. This was something I could definitely pull off. "Yes. She's dead." My voice was flat and even more emotionless than it normally was.

He sighed. "That's . . . unfortunate."

"How so?"

"I had plans for the Hathaway girl." A look that resembled fondness crept into his eyes and I forced my hands to stay at my sides and not curl into balls. "Such beautiful plans. And now, they're just . . . poof," he said as he gestured an explosion. "Gone. It's awfully convenient that she's dead now, wouldn't you agree?"

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean."

He let out a humorless chuckle and I felt myself growing nervous. "Well first, there was the location problem. You claimed to not know the whereabouts of Miss Hathaway, so that hardly was ideal for you to go and nab her for me. And then, she magically shows up in Siberia of all places. Near your hometown, no less. She was in your grasp. What stopped you?" he snarled.

"She simply bettered me," I lied. "I was lucky to make it out of the cabin in one piece."

A full-scale laughter erupted from Desden. "Am I to believe that a Strigoi of your strength and capability was bested by a mere dhampir girl—and a novice on top of it?"

"She was no novice. I trained her," I said through my teeth. "Her skill level was beyond those her age. Even outside of her age. She was gifted."

"And she gets taken down by a simple house fire? I'm to believe that as well, I assume?"

"The evidence was there. What more do you want?"

Desden paused and I knew instantly that he didn't buy the story that Rose was dead, but I kept my face void of the panic creeping inside of me. I should have _known_ that he wouldn't buy it. He was smarter than the other Strigoi surrounding us. He was superior and I didn't know why I thought my ridiculous plan was going to work. What an idiot I had been. I should have just killed Rose when I had the chance—her death would have been more favorable than her being turned into this. When she had turned down my offer I made her back at the cabin, I'd been proud. Disappointed, yes, but proud nonetheless. A part of me had yearned for her to say yes so that we could be together, but the other part of me, the part that still remembered what it was like to love her . . . well, that part of me wanted her as far away from this as possible. And now she was. She was back in the States, away from Desden's crazy maniacal plans and I couldn't be happier about that fact.

"Hmmm. What I wanted most is now gone. Doesn't seem like there could be anything more important than that."

I had to stop myself from narrowing my eyes. What was he playing at? I knew full well he didn't believe that Rose was dead. The conversation continually played over and over in my head and all signs pointed to his disbelief.

And then, just as quickly as the confusion came, it went. I knew exactly what he was doing now. It was a mind-game to him. It was a mind-game that I was going to try and fight like hell to beat. He had no clue if Rose was still alive or not and it was killing him to not have the upper hand. He was trying to psych me out and make me slip. It was what he did best, after all. Desden may be smart . . . but I'm smarter. And he underestimates me on a continual basis. That is something I will certainly use to my advantage, too.

I tried hard to fight back a victorious smirk. He was trying to trick me, but it wasn't going to work.

"And your point?"

He smiled—cold and menacing as always. "No point, Dimitri. I was merely stating a fact. I am curious, though."

"As to what?"

"Well, she was supposedly so in love with you. And yet she was on a romantic getaway with a Moroi. And a royal, no less. Suspicious, don't you think so?"

"No. I don't."

"Really, Dimitri. For you, it's different. Of course you don't love her anymore. It is not in our nature to love. We want. We lust. Love? That is beyond our capacity. But for humans, for dhampirs, even Moroi . . . from what I recall, those feelings don't disappear quite as easily. And you were a teenage girl's first love."

I forced my fists to remain limp at my sides and I tried desperately to calm myself down. He was doing it again—messing with my head. He was trying to demean what Rose had felt for me as some teenage infatuation. But, I had to grudgingly admit that to an extent, he was right, though. I did want her. I did lust after her. And I believed that I loved her, still. But did I? Could I? I'd been so certain I did. Why else was I going to all these lengths to protect her when any other Strigoi would have simply done what was order of him? Or her. It was confusing and listening to him now made me question everything. Was I incapable of loving Rose? Were all the feelings I thought I still possessed for her simply that? Possessiveness? It didn't feel like it.

"It's funny how she dismissed her feelings of 'love' for you so quickly. Doesn't it make you angry?"

"Why should it? As you said, I don't love her anymore. It's beyond my capacity, remember?" I said, trying to keep the sneer out of my voice.

"That's true. But just because Strigoi are incapable of that particular emotion does not mean we are immune to jealousy. On the contrary, that is one emotion we often feel. It is what drives us—the lust for power. She was once yours. And some creature beneath you took her from you."

I refused to listen to him. She wasn't doing anything with Ivashkov. She never would. Never. But he didn't need to know that. He was trying to provoke me and I wouldn't play into it.

"What difference does it make? They're both dead now."

He studied me carefully. "I almost believe that."

"It's the truth. Rose Hathaway was dead to me long before she stopped breathing," I lied. I lied, and lied, and lied. I was damn good at it, too.

"Is that so?" he asked still smiling.

I sighed as though I were bored. What I was about to say could either get me into a lot of trouble with Desden, or earn me a lot of respect. I was hoping for the latter. "I didn't take you to be the kind to play games, Nathan. You surprise me. I thought this was beneath you."

His eyes narrowed and for a heart-stopping moment, I truly believed that I had overstepped my bounds. I could hold my own against any other Strigoi out there. Nathan Desden I wasn't so sure about. He was strong. Very strong. And I knew if I pissed him off, more Strigoi would come out of hiding. Much like a mob boss, he didn't get his hands dirty. He had his minions to do trifle things like killing for him.

My eyes searched the surrounding perimeter, anxiously awaiting those Strigoi I knew were hiding out. But none came, to my relief and surprise. My eyes flickered back over to Desden and while I felt relief, I still had my guard up, ready for anything he might throw at me. Then unexpectedly, he smiled again. "I like you. You remind me much of myself. You don't have time for bullshit."

"That's right. I don't. So if you've collected your information, I believe we're done here."

I fought the urge to wince. The feeling of déjà vu swept over me. That line sounded eerily familiar. I almost felt bad for lording my power over the young Ivashkov.

He laughed and the sound really did make me want to cringe. "Oh, I believe I've collected more than enough information. Yes, this was a satisfactory visit, I think."

I couldn't stop myself from asking the question. I probably shouldn't have, but I had to know. "And my family?"

"They're still a good bargaining chip. They'll live. For now."

Then, my fists did curl. "I'm in your service now. They have no part in this anymore."

"That's where you're wrong, I'm afraid, young Dimitri. I'm not finished with them until _I_ decide I'm finished with them. Not a moment sooner. Understand?"

"Yes," I responded stiffly.

"Good. Then I'm glad we understand each other. Have a good evening," he finished off with a nod, as though they were old pals.

After he was out of sight, both of my fists turned into tight balls. I wanted to punch something so badly right then.

I began pacing back and forth and ran a hand through my hair. For some reason, I was getting the distinct feeling that I had just been dealt a severe mind-fuck. And I think I lost.

Worry pitted itself in my gut. Was Rose really as safe as I thought she was?

"Shit," I mumbled under my breath.

I pulled out my phone and punched in a number that became very familiar to me since my turn. And as always, she didn't fail to disappoint me. "Dimka, how are you?"

"Not so good," I replied honestly. "But I'll be better if you tell me you can have your plane ready within the hour."

"Consider it done. Where do you need to go?"

"The States."

"Do you know where in the States?"

I shook my head even though she couldn't see me. "Not yet. I'll let you know when I reach the airport."

"All right, then. I'll see you in an hour, Dimka."

"Thank you."

I hung up only to dial another number. Unsurprisingly, the recipient was rather rude and unpleasant. "What the hell do you want? I thought I told you I was done," Adrian replied harshly.

"That you did. But there's been a change in plans. A major change."

"What kind of change?" he asked warily.

"I need you to tell me exactly where you are. Now."

* * *

I was growing restless. The cooped up life was not the life for me. I was ready to wring Adrian's pretty little neck and not even a week had passed yet. It had only been four days. Or was it five? Either way, it didn't really make much of a difference. I didn't know how much longer I could cohabitate with him.

And strangely enough, it wasn't his normal behavior that was off-putting. Adrian had become . . . serious. His carefree lifestyle no longer could accurately describe him anymore. He had mood swings, he snapped at me for no reason sometimes. He would apologize immediately for it, of course, but it was still a little tiring. It's not like I asked for any of this. Quite the opposite in fact. However, I could honestly say that I would rather deal with the old Adrian any day of the week. Sure, he had been really annoying at times, but at least the old Adrian hadn't been quite so serious. It was obvious that all of this was affecting him just as much as it was me. He was used to elaborate. He was used to having things handed to him on a silver platter. But here . . . here, there was none of that. This was probably "roughing it" for him.

The one upside of this so far was that I managed to get a hold of my mother since this whole ordeal started. It had taken a lot of convincing her that it was really me and that I was really fine. There'd been lots of crying involved on both of our parts and I had a feeling had she been in the same room with me, there would have been hugs, too. After I had finally managed to convince her that it was really me, and the tears and I love you's you were spoken, she laid into me really good. She'd yelled at me for being so irresponsible and taking off in the first place.

And oddly enough, I'd had a smile on my face the entire time. Somehow, I just didn't mind the lecture. If anything, it only made me want to hug her that much more. It was strange how much our relationship had changed since she first came to the Academy after my return with Lissa. Strange, but so nice. She had her flaws, just as I had mine. But she was my mother and I wouldn't trade her for anything.

I wish I could say things with Lissa went as smoothly. Hell, I wish I could say things with Lissa _went_. For a reason unbeknownst to me, I still haven't had the chance to tell Lissa I was alive. And it was pissing me off.

I checked on her regularly now and the emotions she was warring with were killing me. She lost Christian, she thought she lost me . . . she was in so much pain and there wasn't anything I could do about it. Well there was—but I knew this wouldn't be a simple matter that was handled over the phone.

Much to my dismay, this entire operation was Adrian's gig. He was, more or less, calling the shots here, but I sure as hell wasn't going to roll over and die. I was ready to tell Lissa. I need to tell her. The pain she was feeling was too great and I was worried about her. The last time I had checked on her, her thoughts had turned far too dangerous for my liking.

It was after the last check in that I found myself searching for Adrian in the ridiculously big house.

"Adrian?" I said loudly.

"Living room!"

Once I finally made my way to the living room, I found him sitting in the armchair, reading. I placed my hands on my hips and let out an impatient huff. "We should invest in walkie-talkies. This yelling is getting annoying."

He didn't look up from his book. "Your wish is my command, little dhampir. Say the word and it's done."

"Okay. Well how 'bout this. Lissa finds out the truth. Today."

Now he did look up. His eyes scrunched together and he looked genuinely concerned. "What's wrong? Is she okay?"

"NO!" I wailed. "She thinks we're both dead! Her boyfriend left her on top of that. How the hell do you think she's doing you moron? I thought you cared about her!"

He nodded. "I do. It's just that the arrangements are taking a little longer than expected."

"Well speed them up then."

Again, he nodded and this time he put his book down. "Okay, Rose. What's going on?"

"Christ, Adrian. Did you forget that she once suffered from depression? Add that on top of her spirit using and you're going to have one hell of a problem. She's angry! She's mad at the world right now; don't you get that? I'm surprised that I haven't had any violent urges lately, truth-be-told."

"The spirit thing, right. No, of course I haven't forgotten about that, seeing as I have to deal with it myself on a daily basis." He took out a pack of cigarettes and shook them back and forth to reiterate his point. I rolled my eyes, not really caring for the condescending manner he was donning. Seeing my sour mood, he sighed. "Okay," he said as he took a deep breath and pulled out his phone. "Let me make a call and I'll see if I can't have Lissa escorted out here within the next few hours."

He didn't wait for a response. He simply briskly walked out of the living room, all but ignoring my presence. Truthfully, I didn't care as long as he was keeping his word and seeing to Lissa.

I sank into the nearest piece of furniture and felt nothing but distress. I wanted this nightmare to be over. I wanted to return to living my life the way that I wanted. I wanted Lissa to know I was alive. I wanted her to be happy again, or at least not in so much pain anymore. I wanted Dimitri to still be alive—not the Strigoi Dimitri, but the _real _Dimitri. I wished he were here. He would know what to say and what to do to make this all go away and make everything better. Because that's what he did. He'd been my rock and now he was gone.

I still was having a difficult time coming to grips with it. Adrian said he was dead and I had accepted it. But now . . . now I wasn't so sure. There were times I could see Adrian out on the back porch speaking on the phone and making angry gestures. Sometimes I could even hear clips of the conversation. There was one moment that I had overheard him speaking and I could have sworn I heard him say Belikov.

And it wasn't even just that. My gut was telling me not to listen to Adrian. My gut was telling me that Dimitri was alive. The more and more I thought back to what happened at that cabin, the more I could scramble bits and pieces together.

Dimitri would never have done what Adrian said he did. He'd been fast and strong as a dhampir and even faster and stronger as a Strigoi. There was no way he would have worried about making it out of there on time.

Adrian's story didn't add up.

No sooner that I thought that, the devil himself walked back into the living room. "Lissa should be here within five hours."

"Tell me again why we couldn't meet her?"

"Because it's safer this way," he said not really bothering to elaborate. He went back to reading his book.

"So now you're ignoring me?" I asked incredulously.

"I answered you."

I let out an exasperated sigh. "GOD! Do you even know who you remind me of right now?"

"Don Juan?"

I snorted. "You only wish. Sorry to say, but that's not who it is in the slightest." I shook my head. "No. You remind me of Dimitri."

I expected him to get a little bent out of shape at least, but nothing. He merely shrugged. "Not a bad comparison. He was like your god, right?"

"You're an ass."

"But an ass that you have to live with, so I'd get used to it if I were you."

"What the hell is your problem?"

He sighed and once again, shut his book. He turned to look at me, his green eyes now regretful. "I'm sorry. I really am. It's just this is all harder than I thought it was going to be."

"What do you mean?"

He walked over and knelt down in front me. My hands were suddenly in his own. "I know you're hurting right now." I looked away from him. This wasn't exactly going to be a comfortable conversation, I had a feeling. "Rose." His voice was gentle, coaxing. Not at all like it had been a second ago. The softness of it compelled me to look at him. "I know I've been more than a little unbearable lately. But it's got nothing to do with you. At least not in the way you think."

"How do you know what I'm thinking?"

He smiled and he looked more like the old Adrian right then than he had in a long time. It actually kind of made my heart flutter a little bit. He was pretty hot, after all. I wasn't blind to that fact. "Because I know you, little dhampir. You think my foul mood has everything to do with you, and in a way, you're right. But I'm only feeling this way because I know you're in a lot of pain right now. You're suffering through it in silence and I know I'm partly to blame for it."

I blinked, not expecting that answer at all. He was more intuitive than I gave him credit for. Actually, he was more of a lot of things than I gave him credit for. I suddenly felt guilty for always being so rude and mean to him. He obviously cared a lot about me.

"It's okay," I said offhandedly. "I'll rebound."

His grip on my hands tightened and his mouth formed a thin line. He kind of looked a little bit offended, actually. "Don't lie to me. This isn't something you can just 'rebound' from. The things you've faced . . . no one your age should have to face these kinds of things. It's not fair. You should have gotten to be a kid a little while longer."

"I wasn't destined for the whole 'kid' thing, Adrian. The moment I was born, I was born into this world. I have responsibilities . . . _had_ responsibilities," I corrected myself painfully. What the hell kind of responsibility did I have here? Sit around and look pretty?

He sighed. "I wish you would talk to me, Rose. This grief, this pain, it's not something you can just brush aside. You need to deal with it. You should talk about it."

"I don't want to," I said through my teeth. "I _want_ to see Lissa and not through our bond."

"I know and I've made that happen, didn't I?"

"Yes," I said reluctantly.

He leaned back on his heels and looked defeated. "If you change your mind, I'm here. I'll always be here. No matter how many fights we get in, how crazy you drive me . . . I'll be like your own personal gnat."

I surprised myself and actually laughed. "You're comparing yourself to a gnat?"

He shrugged as he stood up to his full height. "I'm sure that's what you think of me."

Ouch.

Well that was like a swift kick to the stomach.

I stood up and grabbed his shoulder. I felt him stiffen under my grip and I heaved a sigh of regret. "That's not what I think of you."

He let out a somewhat bitter laugh. I could tell he was trying to keep the sound casual, but there was just that small hint of sourness that crept through. "I'm not an idiot, Rose. Contrary to what you think—"

"Damn it, stop doing that! Stop telling me what I'm thinking! You don't know what I'm thinking!"

"Well then what are you thinking? Because I sure as hell don't know anymore!"

_Damn, he's kind of hot when he yells._

I blinked again, feeling overly shocked at myself. Well hell. What in the world was wrong me? Why did I keep noticing how attractive he was all of the sudden?

I tried shaking it off, but as I watched the muscles in his jaw working, I realized that somewhere in the back of my mind, I'd always thought he was attractive. And for some reason, I had a feeling this wasn't something I was going to shake off any time soon.

"I think . . . I think—"

"What?" he snapped impatiently.

But that was the thing. I _didn't _think. I obviously didn't think because what I did next probably shocked me more than it did him. And let me tell you, he was shocked.

Why?

Well, he was shocked because I grabbed him by the shoulders and kissed him.

I was kissing Adrian Ivashkov.

And I liked it.

**

* * *

**

Phew!

Sorry it's been a while since the last update. I'm trying really hard to keep up with it because I'm determined to finish it. But I've got another project I'm working on. I'm doing my first original story and I'm really getting into it. I've posted chapters of it over at FictionPress.

Anyway, I recently read Blood Promise and it definitely did not disappoint. As soon as I got to the bits with Dimitri I flew through it. I just couldn't put it down and I loved every bit of it. I'm actually reading it again for the second time. I just still can't get over how amazing it was.

Actually, that's partly why you're all getting an update. I got insanely inspired when I read that and started typing up a storm. So I hope this update isn't a disappointment.

As always, thank you SO much for the reviews. I really am excited to see so many people are enjoying this story. It's an awesome feeling. And I'm going to try and get my butt in gear and respond individually to the replies from now on. I should have been doing it from the beginning, but laziness got the better of me and I apologize for it. So from now on, I promise I'll make a better effort to keep up with the review replies. You all rock for taking the time to comment and I hope you continue to do so.

Now, enough of my blabbering and on with the chapter! Hope you enjoy it.


	10. It's Called A Mind Fuck

**Chapter Ten**

"It's Called A Mind-Fuck"

**

* * *

**

Not a lot of coherent thoughts were forming in my brain at the moment. All I knew was that I was kissing someone who wasn't Dimitri and it felt great. I didn't question it either; I just went with it. I was ignoring the voice in the back of my head that was telling me that this was weird and perhaps more than a little wrong. I ignored it because it didn't feel weird and it most certainly didn't feel wrong. It felt nice. Or at least I'm sure it would have if he had been kissing me back.

I was sure it was the shock that was keeping his very soft lips frozen and I had a feeling that with a little bit more time, he would have responded. But the moment was over all too soon because what he did next surprised me. He reached down and placed his hands on my shoulders and pushed me away from him. "What are you doing?"

"I'm kissing you." Duh. What kind of a stupid question was that?

"I _know_ you're kissing me, Rose. What I meant was _why_?"

"You don't like it?" I asked, scrunching my nose in confusion. I'd never gotten any complaints before about my kissing techniques. I was a little offended, actually.

His eyes narrowed. "What's wrong with you? Are you feeling okay?"

I smiled and nodded. "Just great. At least I was until you pushed me away," I remarked teasingly. I leaned back in but he just straightened his arms out, causing me to be even further away from him. My smile faded and was quickly replaced with confusion. And some hurt. Why was he so hell bent on keeping me away from him? "You're really confusing me right now, you know."

Adrian released me all together and took several steps away from me. He shook his head and ran a hand over his face. "And _you're_ confusing _me_. I don't know what's going on with you, but you're not acting normal."

I let out an exasperated shriek. "What's wrong with me finally kissing you? I thought that's what you wanted!"

He was still moving his head back and forth and he'd moved even further away from me. "Believe me, I want it. Never question that."

"Then why—?"

"Because this isn't you! Don't you get that? I want a kiss from Rose Hathaway, not . . . I don't want it to happen like this. Something's wrong."

I blinked, feeling rather astonished. I never realized that Adrian possessed this much self-control. If I wasn't feeling so pissed off at that moment, I probably would have been impressed with him.

"Nothing is wrong! Why do you keep saying that?"

He shouted, causing me to flinch a little. "Because!" His voice cracked a little bit when he spoke next. "Because you wouldn't kiss me out of the blue like that. In fact, I think it's pretty safe to say you wouldn't kiss me _ever_."

There was something in what he was saying that made sense. But I couldn't think of anything that would back up his theory. I _wanted_ to kiss him. I know I did. The only thing I couldn't think of was _why_ I wanted to kiss him. I'd convinced myself it was because he'd been pretty damn sexy when he was angry, but was that it?

I couldn't think of anything else.

This was nothing like Victor Dashkov's lust spell that he'd used on Dimitri and me and I doubted that it was anything similar, either. For one, I wasn't even wearing any jewelry that could act as a catalyst for something like that and then there was the added problem that Adrian had pushed me away and was _still _pushing me away. Dimitri had fought me off initially, but as soon as our skin had made contact, he'd wanted me just as much as I'd wanted him. Adrian clearly wasn't under any kind of influence. Besides, who would be twisted enough to want me with Adrian? Everyone I've ever met has been trying to keep me _away_ from him.

I think it was also safe to say that Adrian wasn't using compulsion on me, either. He looked kind of distressed at the moment. I somehow don't believe he'd put himself through the misery he was obviously feeling.

But I was running out of theories.

I then said the stupidest thing possible, but it was all I had. "Adrian . . . I wanted to kiss you."

"No," he said gruffly. "You didn't."

I felt my patience getting ready to snap. How many ways did I have to say it? "I did!"

He sighed and he sounded as frustrated as I felt. "Do you even realize how little sense that makes, Rose? You've been angry with me for the last five days and now all of a sudden you want to make out with me? I know you. You're _still_ pissed at me, but you just don't realize it. Plus, I know you're not over Dimitri—"

"This has nothing to do with Dimitri!"

"It has everything to do with Dimitri!" he yelled. "You're not over him! You wouldn't kiss me when your heart's still with him. You wouldn't kiss _anyone_when your heart's still with him. Remember, I tried distracting you from him once? Didn't work."

Oh God. He had a point.

And that's when it happened. Suddenly I felt dizzy, like some kind of hold on me had been released. I felt my body shaking and had an overwhelming sensation of nausea. I was disoriented and I had a feeling I had just been compelled. But that made no sense. Adrian sure as hell didn't compel me and there wasn't anyone else around who could. There wasn't anyone else _around_. Period. So what the hell just happened to me?

"Rose? Rose, are you okay?"

"I feel weird," I whispered.

He glanced warily at me. "If I come over to help you to the couch, you're not going to jump me, are you?"

It took all the strength I had in me to muster up a smile. "You wish."

"Ah. There's the Rose I know. Come on," he said gently and helped me sit down. As soon as I sat down I bent over at the waist and rubbed my temples. "Can I get you anything? Do you have a headache or something? Your aura's not looking too hot right now, little dhampir."

"I don't feel so hot right now," I admitted. "Could you get me a glass of water, please?"

"Sure thing. I'll be right back."

When he left, I placed my hands on the back of my head, still hunched over. I'd been compelled before, but it never left me weak like this. The only time I ever remember feeling quite this fuzzy and dazed is when I'd had my blood drunk.

I had no explanation for this that made sense. I was still convinced I was compelled though. I just didn't have any idea how it was possible. Or why it left me this weak.

Before I had any time to ponder it, though, Adrian was back in the living room with my requested water. He was kneeling in front of me and waiting for me to accept the glass. I reluctantly sat up and took it from his hands. "Thanks," I mumbled.

"So . . ." he began after a brief period of uncomfortable silence. "Do you have any idea what that was all about?"

I shook my head. "No. Well, I mean I do, but it doesn't make a lot of sense."

A muffled sound came out of him while he sat down beside of me. "Well I'm sure any explanation you give me right now is going to make more sense than you actually wanting to kiss me of your own free will," he said smirking.

I winced at the comment. He said it jokingly, but I knew that fact had to hurt him. I'd made it no secret how I felt about him versus how I felt about Dimitri. "Adrian—"

"It's fine, Rose. Really. I understand. I'm not happy about it, but I get it." He shifted uncomfortably and cleared his throat. "So, about that theory."

"Right," I said with a sigh. "I think I was compelled." As expected, his eyes widened and I continued hurriedly. "Not by you," I said firmly.

He breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you. You know I would never—"

"When you pushed me away, that kind of gave me a hint," I said with a smile. "And . . . I know you would never do that," I added quietly.

He nodded and gave me a look that said hearing that was kind of better than Christmas. I thought he was going to comment on it, but he surprisingly didn't. "But you're still convinced that it was compulsion that made you kiss me and act like that?"

"Yeah. But there's something else, too. It's just . . . God, it was stronger than compulsion. It made me feel disoriented after the hold on me was released."

"Well, compulsion generally makes victims of it feel a little disoriented."

"I realize that, but this was different. My head was literally spinning."

He frowned and leaned back on the couch. "Well it doesn't do that. I suppose a really strong dose of it could, but I've never heard of anything happening like that before."

"And not only that, there's another flaw in my theory."

"Which is?"

"Look around Adrian. The only person here that can use compulsion is you. In fact, you're the only other person that's _here_. There's no one else around that could have used compulsion on me. And furthermore, why go to the trouble?"

His scowl deepened. "Why indeed?"

* * *

The next few hours passed with Adrian doing research and me doing . . . well, nothing. I asked him loads of times if he wanted help, but he continually waved my presence off and went back to reading. He could be really annoying.

But, I had to admit that I had a new kind of respect for him now. He could have taken advantage of the fact that I basically threw myself at him, but he didn't. Sometimes, I had to wonder if he was just an enigma that I would never figure out. I never would have guessed that he was the mysterious type, but maybe he was a little more secretive than I gave him credit for.

I let out a bored sigh and was getting ready to walk outside when a booming sound scared the crap out of me. I looked over at the desk to find that Adrian had been the source of the noise and he was looking beyond frustrated. "Nothing. This library is a worthless piece of shit," he muttered.

"You know, two heads are better than one. You've only gone through a couple of books, Adrian," I pointed out as calmly as I could. I didn't want to make him even more upset than he clearly already was.

He shook his head and put the books back. "I think it's a pretty fruitless attempt, Rose. I forgot how much the library selection here sucked. Most of the researching stuff that my family has is stored elsewhere, which I currently have no access to."

I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed. That really wasn't what I wanted to hear. "You can't get it through your other name, either?"

He looked thoughtful and he nodded his head back and forth. "Let me call Andreas. Hang on." He pulled out his phone and smiled when he was greeted. "Andreas, how's it going? How's Em?" He paused and started laughing at something. I couldn't help but smile at the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he did that. "That's adorable. Tell her Uncle Ivan misses her."

Uncle Ivan? If I could have, just then, I would have arched an eyebrow. I sighed to myself. It was unfair. Adrian could do that, Dimitri always looked really cool when he did it, and even Mason had managed to do the one eyebrow thing. And still, even after spending all that time with Dimitri, I hadn't mastered it. It was pretty frustrating to me.

"Listen, Drea, I need a favor." He rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. "Funny. No, I need books." I smirked at the scowl now on his face. "Even funnier. You should be a comedian, dude." Huh. I didn't have Adrian pegged as a 'dude' type of guy. "Nah, listen. I need every useful book you can find on compulsion. Do I sound like I'm kidding?" He snorted and my grin widened at the put out look on his face. "Hey, I don't know _everything_ about it. Thus, the book fair request. Can you do that for me?" He looked at his watch and grimaced. "Today would be better if you can manage it. Excellent. Remind me to give you a raise."

He hung up and I couldn't tell if he was serious about the last part he told Andreas.

"You're giving him a raise for bringing you books?" I asked skeptically.

"I was being sarcastic, Rose. It's part of an on-going joke between Andreas and me."

"Oh." I didn't really know what else to say, so I hastily changed the subject. "Shouldn't Lissa be here soon?" I asked looking at the clock on the wall. "I mean you made that one call a few hours ago."

"She'll be here, okay? Don't worry about her."

"I think I want to check on her—"

He reached out and grabbed my arm. "She's fine. I promise. If she's not here in an hour, I'll call her protection, all right?" I didn't say anything. I really, wanted to check on her, just to make sure she was coming. He was saying she was, but I didn't think I could believe it until I saw her for myself. "All right?" he repeated.

I let out a defeated sigh. "Fine. One hour."

"Good. You know, you worry too much."

I shrugged at the statement. "Can't help it. She's my family, Adrian."

"She is, isn't she?" he asked quietly.

"She brought me back from the dead—I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her."

He grew thoughtful and then he nodded. "Ah. I get it now."

"Get what?" I asked carefully.

"The fierceness in you to protect Lissa. You feel you owe her for saving your life."

My eyes narrowed and I knew I was scowling. My dislike for him was fast approaching. I could feel it. "That has nothing to do with it. That's not even kind of close to being right," I said through my teeth. "You're way off base."

He looked like he wanted to argue with me further, but he wisely let it drop. "Okay. As much fun as I'm having in here, I'm afraid I'm going to have to step outside. I need to smoke."

I raised both eyebrows. "What's stopping you from smoking in here?" He always smoked in front of me. It bothered me to no end, so I really wasn't sure why I was questioning it. Maybe it was the way his movements had suddenly become stiff and short.

He didn't look back as he left through the sliding doors. "I want to be by myself."

At the sound of the door shutting roughly, I flinched. But as I stole a glance back at Adrian, I wasn't so sure it was the door that caused me to flinch.

* * *

He was still outside when the doorbell rang. We'd been in our separate corners of the house for the last hour, I realized, and I didn't even know why he was mad at me. It could have been the kissing thing or something entirely different. I somehow didn't think it was because I told him he was wrong about why I was so protective of Lissa. And if it _was_ that, then he was just going to have to get over it on his own.

Lissa and I had been friends since kindergarten. We'd been close long before the bond ever happened. I was supposed to have been her guardian. I was supposed to protect her. It was my job to worry about her. And even if it weren't, I would worry anyway. That's just how it was.

The way Adrian had been talking, he'd been trying to make it sound like I wouldn't be as dedicated to protecting her if she hadn't saved my life, but that's not true. I would be the same with or without the bond. She was my sister and I was hers. There didn't have to be an underlying reason for my protectiveness of her. I just was.

I was somewhat startled out of my thoughts when Adrian came back inside. "That'll be Lissa," he said. "We probably should have sat down and got our stories straight before she came here, but I guess it's a little too late for that now."

"It doesn't matter anyway because I'm not telling Lissa a 'story' as you put it. I'm telling her the truth."

He smirked. "I figured as much. Now try not to look so uptight. I thought this was supposed to be a happy reunion?"

"Fuck off," I muttered.

He simply laughed and went to go answer the door. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest with anticipation. She would finally know I was alive. This nightmare would be over. I wouldn't be living with this gut-wrenching guilt anymore and maybe my best friend will finally be able to find a shred of happiness. That's all I could ask for.

I couldn't see Lissa, but I heard her. "W-wh-what . . . I don't . . . you're supposed to be dead!" she sputtered.

"Disappointed?" Adrian remarked whimsically.

"No!" she shrieked. I heard her launch her arms around him and he chuckled. I could feel the emotions she was feeling. She was incredibly happy to learn that Adrian was still alive. But there were other emotions in there as well. The others that were most prominent were disappointment and guilt. She was feeling disappointed that it wasn't me she was seeing and then she was feeling guilty for feeling that way. She was grateful to see Adrian breathing, but she missed me.

"I really don't understand," I heard her saying. "We . . . they found your body!"

"It's a long story, Lissa. Why don't you come inside and I'll explain everything?"

"Okay," she said quietly.

"But first, I have a surprise for you."

"What kind of surprise?" she asked hesitantly.

He laughed again and when I heard them coming towards the living room, I scrambled to hide. I knew what he was doing. Part of me didn't want to bother with any pretenses; prolonging this was agonizing. She was going to be shocked either way, whether I was standing out in sight when she walked in or if I was hiding. But I hid anyway, why, I don't know, though. "Don't worry. I think you'll like this surprise, I promise."

He cleared his throat and I stepped out from my hiding spot.

Lissa's eyes widened and I didn't need a bond to see she was surprised. It felt like I waited so long to be reunited with her again, yet I couldn't seem to move.

For a very long moment, neither of us moved. We just stood there rooted to the floor, staring at each other with Adrian looking back and forth between us. The silence was probably making him uncomfortable, but I really didn't care. I was barely paying any attention to him anyway.

I think I stayed frozen because I was nervous. I had no clue how she was going to react, what she was going to say. I was trying to tune out the emotions I was feeling through her bond because it was so confusing. There was first and foremost shock, relief, happiness. Confusion. Disbelief. Disbelief was perhaps the strongest, actually, now that I was concentrating more on it.

She blinked and shook her head. "No," she whispered. "This . . . Adrian. Put me back in my own dream. Now."

His eyes and my eyes narrowed at the same time. "Lissa," he said gently. "This isn't one of my dreams."

"It has to be," she refuted. Her voice was cracking as she spoke. "Rose . . . she's . . ."

"She's right there in front of you. I promise."

She shook her head again. "No. No, this isn't real. This is really mean, Adrian."

He looked helplessly at me, pleading with me for help.

"Lissa." She flinched at the sound of my voice. She truly believed I was an illusion. I could feel it inside of her. "I swear, I'm right here. You can reach out and touch me if you want to. I'm real."

She was still shaking her head violently and her beautiful face was drowning in the tears that were streaming down her cheeks. "H-he told us! Me and C-Chr-Christian both!" she choked out. Through our bond, I could feel how much it pained her to say Christian's name. She was still hurting over it, but she was trying desperately to forget it, forget _him_. She was afraid she wouldn't ever get over it, yet she was still forcing herself to say his name. "Some guy named Aleksandr said you . . . he even had this!" she wailed as she pulled out a very familiar piece of jewelry.

My eyes widened and I wanted very badly to reach out and snatch it from her. But I forced myself to stay firmly in place. "My chotki! I thought I lost that forever! It fell off when I was fighting Di—" I cut myself off, recalling when I'd lost it. It was after I'd excused myself from the motel room and I ran into Dimitri again. "It fell off when I was fighting a Strigoi. I didn't even notice it was missing until the fight was well over."

She was still skeptical. She was very afraid to let herself believe I was real.

"This can't be true," she whispered.

Adrian tentatively moved in front of her and put his finger under chin. It wasn't romantic in any sense, but rather brotherly almost. He was being so careful with her, like she was made of glass. "Lissa, she's real. This is real. Why can you believe I'm still alive, but not Rose?"

"Maybe you're not real, either," she argued. "Oh God. I've finally lost it. The spirit's darkness has finally driven me insane."

Adrian let out an exasperated sigh and flung his arms in the air. He was clearly just as frustrated as I was feeling.

"Vasilisa Dragomir, if you do not snap out of this right now, I will come over there and kick your ass out of it, destined guardian to be or no," I said firmly.

She blinked in surprise at the threat and I could feel her resistance starting to cave in.

I wasn't aware how long we were standing there after that, but she made the first move. Her arms suddenly flung around me and when I wrapped my own arms around her in return, I felt her entire body shaking with tears. I soon joined in and once those tears started, I couldn't do anything to stop them. I couldn't even whisper soothing words of comfort to her because I was crying so much. She clung to me as though her life depended on it and I didn't mind. I hugged her back just as fiercely.

When I felt my own sobs lessening, I looked up at Adrian and gave him the best smile I could muster. I mouthed "thank you" to him and he simply nodded in response.

Finally, after what could have been forever or a meager few minutes, Lissa and I separated ourselves from each other, but she stayed close. It was like she was afraid I would disappear and this really would be just a dream.

"I don't understand how this is possible."

Her voice was still shaking and I placed my hand on the small of her back to guide her to the couch. I looked over at Adrian, who was now leaning against the banister of the staircase. "Could you—?"

"No problem. I'll be right back."

Lissa's eyebrows rose in a questioning manner. "You two are completing each other's thoughts now?"

I rolled my eyes and leaned back on the couch. "Shut up. It's not like that. We've just been forced to spend a lot of time together recently."

"And why's that again?"

I could feel the hurt start to pierce through her and I suppressed a grimace. This was the part I was hoping we could skip. But I knew I wouldn't feel completely better if I didn't tell her the whole truth.

"Do you mind waiting for Adrian to come back? It will be easier to explain this with his help."

She nodded and gave me a small smile. "That's fine." Some silence passed between us and I knew she was still trying to mask the hurt she was feeling, but it was still very prominent. So the question she asked next surprised me. "So what's it like living with him?"

I shrugged. "It's a big house. I can avoid him if he's being particularly annoying—which is most of the time, honestly. Plus, he's a shower hog. He steals all the hot water."

The sound of Adrian's voice interrupted us and caused me to jump. I hated when he appeared out of nowhere like that. "Well maybe if someone would get up a little earlier, someone could beat me to the shower and have her own nice, warm shower." I threw a pillow at him after he handed Lissa her glass of water and he smirked at me. "Nice. Very mature."

Because I was feeling strangely light-hearted, I did something I normally wouldn't do and stuck my tongue out him. "I think you're slipping with your comebacks, Rose," Adrian said as he rolled his eyes.

My eyes widened in faux dismay. "You know, you're right? They're becoming almost as lame as yours!"

Lissa sighed. "I see some things never change."

"Old habits die hard, what can I say?" Lissa winced at the word 'die' and I flinched as well at my stupidity. It had slipped before my brain even had a chance to filter it. "Sorry," I said quietly.

"It's okay," she said as she shifted uncomfortably. Clearly it wasn't okay. I felt like a butt. Sometimes, I really hated my brain because it refused to perform normal functions like filtering. Lissa cleared her throat and looked back and forth between Adrian and me. "So is one of you going to explain what's going on or what?"

Adrian and I exchanged careful glances and I began telling her my side of things and when I needed help, Adrian stepped in. He explained things with Dimitri because I wasn't sure I could get through that story without putting my hands around his neck. The whole process was long and draining. Talking about Dimitri was never easy and to hear Adrian explaining the fire was even less pleasing. This wasn't a very dry-eyed conversation. At least not for Lissa and me.

And leave it to Lissa to zero in one fact after everything was all said and done. It seemed like it took a little while for this bit to sink in for her. "You worked with a Strigoi?"

"For a good cause," he argued.

"But he . . . I'm sorry Rose, but he killed people! And you worked with him?" she asked incredulously.

Adrian shook his head. "He never killed."

Lissa and I both turned towards him in surprise. My eyes narrowed when I reluctantly thought back to the second cabin we had been in together. Dimitri, had in fact, told me that he hadn't had a single drop of human or Moroi blood, but then he told me he'd lied about it. And the hard, menacing look that had been in his eyes kind of left no room for argument on that fact. I was so sure . . . "What?" I squeaked. "Was that one of the many lies he told me?" I demanded angrily.

He nodded. "I was surprised, too. I thought for sure when he first snuck up on me that I was dead. Or that I was worse than dead. He had no connection to me before except for an obvious distaste, so I was a bit shocked when he spared me. I have no doubt that had he been as vicious as the rest of them that I wouldn't be here right now. So I have to say that I was more inclined to believe him when he told me he was basically a vegetarian," he said dryly.

Lissa snorted. "A vegetarian?"

"Bad vampire humor?" he suggested with a trace of amusement. If I didn't know any better, I was almost certain that he was going to laugh at his own joke. He's done it before—probably because no one else will laugh at his dumb jokes.

"Very bad. Not to mention lame," she teased.

I was honestly surprised at how well Lissa was taking this. I was expecting more anger, more . . . I didn't know. I just wasn't expecting it to be this easy. Yet it was. She was feeling a little less hurt by everything now that she heard what was going on. If anything, she was feeling sympathetic for me, which I didn't know what to make of. I hated pity and sympathy, but I guess with certain situations, those two emotions couldn't be avoided, much to my displeasure.

"Sorry," he said. "I'll try better next time."

She smiled, then frowned again. "So explain something else to me. I thought you said that Guard—Dimitri," she winced as she corrected herself. As did I. He was no longer Guardian Belikov. She couldn't call him that anymore. "I thought you said Dimitri wanted everyone in the dark about this." He nodded, looking as though he were expecting this question. "If that's true, then why am I here? I mean, I'm glad to be here," she added quickly, "but I just don't understand, I guess."

Adrian smirked. "Well, you're here because Rose basically threw a tantrum until she got her way."

Lissa did something that surprised me. She burst out laughing. "That sounds about right." She shook her head and smiled at me. "Always throwing fits. I'm glad some things just won't ever change." Her eyes widened for the millionth time since her arrival. "Change," she muttered. "I need to call Christian and tell him the good news!"

Adrian and I both exchange wary looks. He was the one that spoke up, though. "That's not a very good idea, Lissa."

She was pulling her phone out of her purse and opened it. "What are you talking about? Of course it is. He . . . he didn't take the news about Rose very well. It hit him kind of hard."

She was leaving out lots of information on that front. I remember the fight they had very clearly.

"Lissa . . . it's not a good idea," I said reluctantly. She frowned at me and I knew if I didn't explain myself, she'd likely be angry with me. I'd taken off with him, after all. She felt very strongly about that, still, and thought he deserved to know the truth. "It's not that I don't want him to know. Christian's cool," I admitted grudgingly. "We just can't really afford many others knowing."

Lissa stood up and threw her bag angrily down on the piece of furniture. "It's not like he's going to go blabbing to people, Rose! He wouldn't do that!"

"I know! I realize that, and I wish I could tell him. But I can't risk anyone back in Siberia finding out that I'm alive. They'll likely have people stationed here keeping an eye on things. It's risky for even you to know and for you to be here, but I wouldn't keep this from you."

"But you'll keep it from Christian?" she demanded.

I sighed. I knew this easy thing wouldn't last very long. "You know what will happen if they find out they've been double-crossed! Dimitri's family is at risk here."

"So what am I supposed to do? Lie to him? Lie to everyone else that's felt the blow of your 'death'?" she asked bitterly. "Why are you doing this to the people you care about for a family you've never met?"

My eyes narrowed and I felt my own anger start to edge up. Our reunion was becoming a little unpleasant. That family would have likely been my future in-laws. My heart was racing because of my temper threatening to flare. "So because I've never met them, I'm supposed to feed them to the wolves?"

"They could get protection!" she countered.

I laughed and the sound wasn't very pretty. "They're dhampirs, Lissa. Dhampir families don't get guardians. They're on their own."

"But—"

I was surprised when Adrian stepped in. He didn't look happy either, which was shocking. He was usually very pleasant towards Lissa.

"I believe that's enough," he said calmly. "Do you have any idea how much it took for me to get Rose to agree to this in the first place? I had to manipulate her, Lissa. She felt like she was hiding from her problems and you and I both know she doesn't do that. She takes things head on, even Strigoi—especially Strigoi. Rose isn't a coward—you of all people should know that."

Lissa suddenly looked very small and instantly felt ashamed. "I never said that."

"You might as well have implied it. You don't know how much she hates this. By default, you should. Do you think she _wants_ to lie to Ozera? Or anyone else that was close to her for that matter?" He paused and took a deep breath. "Can you please look past your hurt for just a second? This isn't an easy situation for any of us. We need—" a doorbell cut him off and glanced at the clock. He sighed. "That'll be Andreas with those books. I'll be right back."

When he left, it was just Lissa and me. She looked up at me with watering eyes and I knew that Adrian had gotten to her. Her eyes fluttered to the ground and some tears fell down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Rose. I didn't mean—"

I knew she didn't. She felt incredibly guilty after listening to Adrian and was embarrassed with herself.

I went to hug her and I felt her surprise and gratefulness. "It's okay."

She shook her head and pulled away from me. "It's not, though. I was so focused on telling Christian the truth about this that I didn't see the bigger picture. God, I said you should abandon Dimitri's family! How can you forgive me so easily?"

"Because. This isn't something that's got an easy solution. And because I felt just as frustrated as you are right now. As soon as I realized that you thought I was dead, I demanded to fix it. I hated every moment of it. I wanted to tell Christian, too, but I also know that Adrian's right. It's too risky."

She bit her lip. "Okay, but at the risk of sounding like a broken record, you know that Christian would take this seriously. He respected Dimitri just like everyone else did. He would want to help. He would want to know you're alive."

I knew she was right. I knew Christian had respected Dimitri above most of the guardians at the school. And I also knew that Christian was a damn good actor. I reluctantly remembered our time in Spokane . . .

"_Come on." I used my best bitchy voice. "Not even a sip of something? My throat's _burning_. Practically on fire." My gaze flicked to Christian as I said those last few words, then returned to the guard who'd spoken._

_As expected, he rose from his seat and lurched toward me. "Do _not_ make me repeat myself," he growled. I didn't know if he'd really do anything violent, but I had no interest in pushing it just yet. Besides, I'd accomplished my goal. If Christian couldn't take the hint, there was nothing else to be done for it. Hoping I looked afraid, I shut up._

_The guard returned to his seat, and after a while, he stopped watching me. I looked at Christian again and gave the wrist tug. _Come on, come on,_ I thought._Put it together, Christian.

_His eyebrows suddenly shot up, and he stared at me in amazement. Well, he'd apparently figured out something. I just hoped it was what I'd wanted. His looked turned questioning, as though asking if I was really serious. I nodded emphatically. He frowned in thought for a few moments and then took a deep, steadying breath._

"_All right," he said. Everyone jumped again._

"_Shut up," said one of the guards automatically. He sounded weary._

"_No," said Christian. "I'm ready. Ready to drink."_

_Everyone in the room froze for the space of a few heartbeats, including me. This wasn't exactly what I'd had in mind._

_The guards' leader stood up. "Do _not_ screw around with us."_

"_I'm not," said Christian. He had a feverish, desperate look on his face that I didn't think was entirely faked. "I'm tired of this. I want to get out of here, and I don't want to die. I'll drink—and I want _her._" He nodded toward me. Mia squeaked in alarm. Mason called Christian something that would have earned him a detention back at school._

_This _definitely_ wasn't what I'd had in mind._

_The two guards looked to their leader questioningly. "Should we get Isaiah?" asked one of them._

"_I don't think he's here," said the leader. He studied Christian for a few seconds and then made a decision. "And I don't want to bother him anyway if this is a joke. Let him go, and we'll see."_

_One of the men produced a pair of sharp pliers. He moved behind Christian and leaned down. I heard the sound of plastic popping as the flex-cuffs gave way. Grabbing a hold of Christian's arm, the guard jerked him upright and led him over to me._

"_Christian," exclaimed Mason, fury filling his voice. He struggled against his constraints, shaking his chair a little. "Are you out of your mind? Don't let them do this!"  
_

"_You guys have to die, but I don't," snapped Christian, tossing his black hair out of his eyes. "There's no other way out of this."_

_I didn't really know what was going on now, but I was pretty sure I should be showing a lot more emotion if I was about to die. Two guards flanked Christian on either side, watching warily as he leaned toward me._

"_Christian," I whispered, surprised at how easy it was to sound afraid. "Don't do this."_

_His lips twisted into one of the bitter smiles he produced so well. "You and I have never liked each other, Rose. If I've got to kill someone, it might as well be you." His words were icy, precise. Believable. "Besides, I thought you wanted this."_

"_Not _this_. Please don't—"_

_One of the guards shoved Christian. "Get it over with, or get back to your chair."_

_Still wearing the dark smile, Christian shrugged. "Sorry, Rose. You're going to die anyway. Why not do it for a good cause?" He brought his face down to my neck. "This is probably going to hurt," he added . . ._

I shook my head at the memory. He'd been so believable. The whole thing had been _my_ idea and yet, I didn't have him figured out until I'd felt the burning sensation on my wrists. He'd had everyone convinced that he was really going to drink my blood, me included. His face hadn't given an inch.

I sighed and turned to Lissa after making sure that Adrian couldn't see what I was saying or hear me. "You're right. I hate lying to him, too." Her eyebrows shot up in excitement. "But if you tell him, Adrian can _not_ know about this. You have to act like you've accepted the fact that Christian can't know, all right?"

"You're really going to let me tell him?" she whispered.

"Yes. But do it back at the Academy. Phone's too risky."

She smiled and nodded. "Thank you, Rose. Thank you."

I returned the smile and for some reason felt oddly better. A thought occurred to me as I was thinking about Lissa and Christian. I looked at her and gave her a sad smile. "You know you have to apologize to him, right?"

She crinkled her nose in confusion. "Who are you talking about?"

"Christian. You have to apologize to him. Grovel, even. Anything to earn his forgiveness."

She sighed and her shoulders sank. "You saw that?"

I guessed she immediately knew what I was referring to. Not really a hard guess, though. "Yes. I saw that. That was the conversation that kind of tipped me off to the knowledge that I was apparently dead."

More tears shed. "God, I'm sorry. I feel like all I've done is cry since I've gotten here. It's just . . . I'm such a mess right now. What I said to him was awful. It wasn't his fault," she whispered. "I miss him so much."

"Then fix it. At least you have a chance to."

My heart tugged at my chest. I tried to bury that train of thought as quickly as possible, but I somehow knew that wouldn't work. My chances with Dimitri were finished. Our happy ending vanished when he got captured.

But Lissa's didn't have to be over.

Before either of us could say anything else, though, Adrian barreled back into the living room. "Rose, I need to talk to you outside."

I frowned at the sense of urgency he was portraying. This didn't sound good. I glanced over at Lissa and she nodded for me to go.

"I'll be fine."

"You sure?"

She smiled and said, "Yes. Go. Don't worry about me. I'll still be here when you get back."

"Okay," I said reluctantly.

I hated to leave after having just been reunited with her, but I was too intrigued with Adrian's hastiness. When we stepped outside, I gave him a curious look. "What?"

"So Andreas just told me something interesting about compulsion. Well, it's more of a spirit ability, really."

"Spirit?"

He nodded grimly. "I don't think what happened with you was the work of compulsion. You were forgetting that you need to have direct eye contact for compulsion to work."

I felt my hope deflate. That had been my best theory. And I kind of felt ridiculous that I had forgotten that minor detail to begin with. That was a little embarrassing.

"Right," I said, defeated. "So the spirit thing. What about it?"

"Andreas told me that he's heard of spirit users that can tap into your mind and basically work their mojo that way. It's pretty scary stuff, actually. He says he remembers reading about that somewhere and that the spirit user can pretty much bend you to their will. It's much heavier than compulsion."

My head was practically spinning. This was an interesting discovery.

"So, for example, that particular spirit user could make someone happily commit murder and have them believe that they _want_ to do it, or need to?"

His face was still grim. "That's the gist of it. Yeah."

"What else?"

He looked reluctant. "Look, I don't know what happened earlier. That was just a theory. But either way, it looks like we may have to pack it up."

"Why?"

"Because, the mere fact that someone fucked with your mind should be a tip off."

Realization dawned and I felt like an idiot for not reaching the conclusion sooner. Some guardian skills. "We have a visitor."

Adrian nodded. "It appears so."

**

* * *

**

Hello!

So this was a pretty fast update, huh? I don't know how quick the next one will be, though.

OH! Song recommendation! I meant to mention this last chapter, but it completely escaped me. There is a song that is kind of perfect for Rose/Dimitri, especially relating to Blood Promise. You should check out Erin McCarley's "Pitter-Pat." That song is pretty epic. Very sad, very beautiful. They've got it on Youtube.

Also, if you leave a comment in the future and would like a review reply, please make sure you enable your PM function. Without it, it won't work, unfortunately.

Speaking of reviews, thanks so much to the response for the last update. That was pretty awesome. I enjoyed reading every bit of it. I seriously think reading reviews is just as much fun as writing this. It's very gratifying, so thank you all. And thanks to my silent readers, as well.

All right, I think that about covers it. Now on to the chapter! Enjoy :)

Oh yeah, major DISCLAIMER: I do not own the passage from Frostbite. That solely belongs to Richelle Mead.


	11. Snap

**Chapter Eleven**

"Snap"

* * *

Lissa returned to the Academy in good spirits, much to Adrian's suspicions. He thought it was a little odd for her to be in such a good mood considering the fact that she'd thrown such a fit about Christian. When he'd voiced that to me after she left, I simply shrugged and feigned ignorance.

"I talked to her while you were with Andreas," I said. "She seemed to calm down a lot then."

I could tell he didn't believe me, but he let it go, thankfully. As mad as I was at him still, I didn't like lying to him. Even as that thought entered my mind, though, I knew I was just kidding myself. I wasn't really that mad at him anymore. Maybe I never was. Being mad at him exerted too much of my energy. Besides, he did bring me Lissa. He was trying and maybe, just maybe, I needed to cut the guy some slack. He wasn't all bad. He wasn't even mostly bad. He was just a bit annoying sometimes.

"Okay," he said reluctantly. He ran a hand through his brown hair and sat down. "I highly doubt you're going to like this, but I really think we should pack it up, Rose."

"And do what?" I snapped. "Keep running until this blows over? Like you said earlier, I'm not a coward. Don't make me be one."

"I'm confused. Weren't you on the run with Lissa for two years of your life?"

I sighed and tossed him a glare. "Yes, but that was different. I was protecting Lissa. There were things going on back at the Academy that didn't make it safe for her."

"Fine. It was different, I agree. But Rose—no one should know you're here!"

I knew he had a valid point. The idea that someone had found us so quickly didn't exactly give me warm fuzzies in my stomach. It obviously meant that our "being dead" story wasn't exactly bought by all. But I'll be damned if I spend another portion of my life on the run. I won't do it again. Being in hiding is bad enough.

"But they obviously do know we're here. So is running really going to make much of a difference to whoever it is anyway? They'll find us again, Adrian. If they were able to find us this quickly already, they most likely won't give up if we bail."

He sighed and nodded. "If you don't want to leave, we won't—I'm simply saying it's an option. I'm not going to force you to do anything else."

There he went and did it again. It really wasn't fair that he kept doing things like this to me. Every time he showed his nice-guy side, it made it that much harder for me to find him annoying.

"Really?"

He gave me a small, sad smile of sorts. "Don't get me wrong. It's not entirely selfless. I have reasons for caving into you that aren't exactly pure."

There's the catch. Adrian's motives are rarely pure.

I smirked and sat down next to him. "Such as?"

"I don't want you to hate me anymore. I don't like you being mad at me, Rose," he admitted.

"Adrian . . . Adrian, I don't hate you. And I'm not mad exactly." He quirked an eyebrow at me and I scowled at him. "I'm just a little frustrated, that's all. I don't do well with staying in one place like this."

"And I wish—"

"I know," I said interrupting him. I had a feeling I already knew what he was going to say. He was going to say something else along the lines of wanting to do everything he could to make me happy. He had the look in his face and I didn't really want him to say that. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that."

"About what?"

I shifted uncomfortably and rubbed at my neck. "Um . . . I kind of wanted to talk to you about Lissa. You didn't have to make things easy for me, but you did."

His nose scrunched and I was feeling, once again, frustrated with myself that I noticed how adorable it made him look. I'm not sure I like being around this Adrian, honestly. The old Adrian made it easy for me to find him annoying—though, I never hated him. He'd gotten on my nerves, but never once did I feel hate or anything close to it.

Now he was confusing me. Now, I kept noticing small things about him that I never took the time to see before. Now, I was forced to realize how much he cared about me. Now, I was forced to think about that kiss that I had planted on him. Now I was confronted with the guilt that was gnawing at me for thinking these things. I felt like a part of me was betraying Dimitri because I was noticing Adrian's attractiveness.

I had to keep my eyes from widening at that thought. He was looking at me strangely enough as it was.

But it didn't stop the color from rising to my cheeks. If I felt that, he sure as hell could see it.

Great. How embarrassing.

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean. And are you okay? You look a little flushed. You're not feeling sick are you?"

He moved to put his hand to my forehead, but I jumped off the couch before his skin could make any contact with mine.

"No," I practically yelped. God, what was wrong with me?

He looked a little hurt at the rejection, but his hand receded. _Jesus, you need to calm down, Rose,_ I thought agitatedly. "Okay," he said, still confused. "Rose, what's going on?"

"N-nothing. I just . . ." I took a deep breath and forced myself to calm down. I had to stop being jittery. This was ridiculous. "I just wanted to say thank you."

His nose did that crinkling thing again. "For what? I didn't do anything."

I let out an exasperated groan and rolled my eyes. "Are you kidding? You brought Lissa to me! I mean, either way—with or without your cooperation—she was going to find out I was alive, but you . . . you brought her right to me, safe and sound. And I can feel how much happier she is."

"That's good," he said with a genuine smile and I felt my heart melting a little.

He really cared about her; I could see it. I guess I could always see it, but just chose not to acknowledge that he had unselfish emotions. Looking at him, it was clear that he was happy Lissa was doing better. And I didn't really know what to do with that.

Everything was so confusing. My heart was still aching for Dimitri and yet I kept noticing all of these different redeeming qualities in Adrian that suddenly made him more attractive to me. God, why couldn't I have gone on thinking he was just a selfish royal? It would have made things so much easier.

I must have been studying him the entire time I was thinking things through because the atmosphere suddenly grew awkward in the room and it was evident that neither of us knew how to fix it.

He stood up to leave, but I place a hand on his arm. He froze and I felt his muscles completely tense. Adrian slowly turned around and gave me a wary look. "Yes?"

I wanted to smirk at the strain in his voice, but I stopped myself. Instead, I hugged him. "Thank you," I said softly.

He was still frozen for a moment, but he must have decided that hugging was acceptable, because his arms enveloped me quickly. I felt him relax and I could have sworn I heard him sigh. "You're welcome. I still say I didn't do anything, though."

I smiled and leaned up to his ear so I could whisper in it. "You did everything."

Then I kissed him.

It was a soft, gentle kiss and this time, he was kissing me back. I guess he didn't think I was under some kind of evil spell now, which was good, because I wasn't. This was something I wanted to do.

Yes, I wanted to kiss him of my own free will.

Perhaps my reasoning behind it was selfish, but I did want to kiss him, even if I was doing an experiment of sorts. I had to see if there was anything there.

I felt his lips moving against mine, and his hold on me tightened. I found that it was becoming difficult to think and that his kiss was leaving me breathless. It was nothing like the kisses I had shared with Dimitri, but then again, I didn't think anything ever would come close.

But I was enjoying this.

The thought made me smile and I pulled away from him very slowly. His eyes were shut and his chest was rising and falling rapidly. He looked dazed.

"What just happened?" he asked in an unsteady voice.

I simply widened my smile, kissed him on the cheek, and walked away, leaving behind a very confused Adrian.

* * *

Outside the Ivashkov residence lurked three unknown presence to Rose and Adrian. One of the beings present was James. He turned to his partner and sighed impatiently. They'd been staking the house for as long as time would allow and he was growing rather bored. He could be out hunting right now. Instead, he was here on this maddening assignment. He didn't see what was so important about Belikov, anyway. Or Hathaway. Both of them had been a thorn in his side since the incident at Spokane. His boss had been none too pleased with Rose Hathaway, or at least that's what James thought. For all he knew, Desden could have been so impressed with her performance that he wanted her to be awakened. It was hard to tell.

"Is that going to be enough?" he inquired edgily.

The other man shrugged. "Could be. Might not be. We'll have to wait and see."

"And if it's not?"

"That's what young Avery is for, James. She'll just raise the stakes this time if the kiss tactic doesn't work. But I'm pretty sure it will."

"Pretty sure?" James snarled at him. He really did find this man insufferable and he hated every minute he had to work with him. "The only reason you're still breathing is because you said this would work. Will it?"

"I told you. We'll find out."

"I swear to you, when I tell Desden—"

"Nathan Desden is of no concern to me right now. He ordered you here, did he not?"

The blond Strigoi growled and tried to calm down. He didn't like having to restrain himself like this. It wasn't something he had to do often. "Yes. He did."

"Then you'll do well to listen to my advice when I tell you to be patient. This is going to snap Dimitri in half, I can almost guarantee it."

"ALMOST?"

"Trust me," the other man said patiently. "You saw the second kiss, correct?"

"Yes."

"The seed has been planted. All we have to do now is wait for the sainted Dimitri to crack. Something like that will drive him to the brink of losing control. Seeing his ex love with another?" The second man made a tsking sound with his tongue. "His imagination will plague him. Trust me," he repeated.

"Trust you, trust you," James griped. "This is no good if doesn't work."

"You, my friend, need to learn some of that control that you hate Dimitri for. You should really look into it, because I can promise you, when he does snap and become a full-fledged Strigoi, your right-hand man position with Nathan will be compromised."

"That's not true—"

"Nathan Desden does not have use for incompetence. Dimitri Belikov is anything _but_ incompetent. You? Well, you're not exactly useless, but your impulsiveness and arrogance will be your downfall, James."

James smirked then. "And what of you, hmmm?"

"What do you mean?"

"What do you suppose is going to happen to you when you've outlived your usefulness for Desden? Has he promised to awaken you, is that it?"

"The arrangement between Nathan and myself is not your concern. Getting Dimitri on your side _is_. As is Miss Hathaway."

"He'll never do it, you know? Do you know how many others he's promised and how many times he's drained them dry instead and left them for dead? You'll never be awakened. That _I_ can guarantee," he said smugly.

The other man's eyes turned into deadly slits. For a moment, James was frightened, which was saying something. It took a lot to scare him. "Do not forget that I could stake you right here. Right now."

"But you won't. Then your chances of being awakened would _really_ be screwed," he stated uncertainly. He tried to sound confident, but didn't quite manage it.

"You're sure of this?" he said with an unsettling smirk. "You know, I have a silver stake in my pocket right now. What's to stop me from using it?"

"I already told you—"

"Your words mean nothing to me, James. When are you going to understand that? I take my orders from Nathan, not you. What happens between your boss and myself is not any of your business, as I've already told you."

James grumbled under his breath and turned towards the chuckle he heard from beside of him. The Moroi to his left was watching the entire seen amusedly and James wanted to pop her.

"What are you laughing at Avery? Is something funny?"

The brunette girl shrugged, her blue eyes still dancing with amusement. "Nothing. Just that you two bicker worse than girls. I'm half expecting one of you to go take a piss so you can mark your territory."

James's nose scrunched in distaste. "Colorful as always. You're a real peach, Avery."

"Here to help."

"Why is that, exactly?" James inquired.

"Are you always this nosy?" she asked as she rolled her eyes. "I believe that is my business, not yours."

"You're either very brave . . . or foolish. My vote goes for the latter. You do realize of the two of us, I'm the stronger one?"

"Perhaps," she said wistfully. "But of the three of us," she said gesturing around them, "_he_'_s_ the strongest. And right now, I have his protection, so I'm not too worried about you, James."

The other man actually snickered at this and patted James on the back. "No worries, James. We're all on the same team right now. We all have the same overall goals. No reason we shouldn't get along, right?"

James grumbled some more. He hadn't been patient as a Moroi, so that particular trait was lost on him. He hated sitting and waiting.

"Fine. Whatever. We'll all sit around a campfire and sing fucking Kumbaya. But what is truly amazing to me right now is that you neither of you seem to care about whether or not this is going to work!"

"It'll work. Trust—"

"Trust you! You keep saying that, but I have no reason to do that. You're a fucking dhampir and you've threatened to stake me on more than one occasion. Yeah. I'm a barrel of trust right about now."

"James, James, James. As I said—just watch. Dimitri _will_ fall; we _will_ crack him. And I know exactly what he's going to do."

"What's that?"

The dhampir smirked again and James nervously watched as he fiddled with what was undoubtedly his stake. Now, normally when his life was being threatened like this, he didn't take his eyes off the enemy. Perhaps it was because he knew he wasn't really going to be stake that he allowed his eyes to wander. He wasn't sure what it was, but something diverted James's eyes from the dhampir and towards the house. A smile fell upon him as he witnessed the Hathaway girl coming outside with a rather pleased look on her face.

His infuriating partner leaned down and whispered, "Watch the games begin, James."

* * *

I was outside, walking the grounds, contemplating the situation I was getting myself into.

Being in close quarters with Adrian didn't allow me to forget that he was good-looking. Not to mention that he had his moments where he was incredibly kind and sweet. Living with him like this made me see him in a new way, a dangerous way. It made part of me want to live up to my promise and give him the chance I said would give him.

But I wasn't over Dimitri. I knew that. I didn't know if I could ever get over him. He was everything to me. My dreams were still plagued with nightmares of him. I remembered the attack on the Academy every day, every night. I remembered the way he faltered for just a split second. Unfortunately, that second had been enough for his downfall. I remember those fangs that bit into his skin . . . It was the night that destroyed Dimitri, destroyed my dreams with him. It had turned any chance that we may have had to be together into ruins. He had been my mentor, my confidant, my best friend . . . my lover. That's a hard act to follow and I didn't know if anybody would ever be able to live up to the expectations I had now.

Before I had another moment to myself, though, my thoughts suddenly weren't my own anymore and I was back at the Academy.

Lissa was walking across the grounds towards the church. They had arrived back at the Academy a little over an hour ago and she'd been working up the courage to go talk to Christian. She thought he might be there and she'd been right. He was up in the attic and looked more than surprised to see her there.

Her heart filled with hope while his eyes were full of pain and agony. She couldn't see the hurt he was feeling, but I could.

"Christian," she whispered.

Those pain-filled eyes suddenly turned to steel and I could feel her hope diminishing by the second.

"What are you doing here?"

Her breath caught in her throat at the iciness in his voice. She had known it wasn't going to be easy talking to him, but she hadn't expected it to be this hard.

"I-I . . . I have something important to tell you. Really important."

The expression on his face didn't waver, but I knew he was concerned. His nature didn't allow him to not be concerned about her. "What?"

"It's about Rose," she started out uncertainly.

I didn't think it was possible, but his eyes hardened even more. Lissa's heart was pounding wildly in her chest. She had never really been afraid of Christian, but the cool look in his eyes was making her think twice about that.

"Really? Come to tell me some more how it was my fault?"

Her hope she had been feeling, the happiness within her had completely shattered. She wanted to break down and cry and tell him how sorry she was, but she was afraid that he wouldn't listen. And in that moment, I kind of had to agree with her. If she had gone to Christian after he cooled off and tried apologizing sooner, he _might_ have thought about forgiving her. But if she apologized to him and then went on to say that I was still alive, it wasn't going to make any difference to him.

"No," she whispered. "I wanted to apologize."

Apparently she was going to try anyway. I really didn't know if this was a good idea or not.

For a moment, he looked torn. I could tell he wanted to listen to her, but he was still having a hard time dealing with everything. Being blamed for someone's death isn't exactly good for the soul.

"Lissa . . ."

"Please," she practically begged him. "I didn't mean what I said. I swear to you, I didn't."

He shut his eyes and turned away from her. "That doesn't change that you said it," he said quietly. His voice had cracked and I felt my own heart go out to him. He was trying so hard to not break down in front of her, but he wasn't having much luck.

"I'm—"

He whirled around and his eyes were now once again made of stone. "Sorry? You're sorry, is that it? I'm sorry, too," he said bitterly.

"Christian, please," she said quietly. Tears were freely flowing down her cheeks now. She didn't bother even attempting to hold them back because she knew she couldn't.

He sighed and ran a hand through his black hair. He walked over to the window to stare out of it. "What did you want, Lissa? I know you didn't come here to apologize."

Lissa fought off the bitterness rising in her chest. She didn't like that he still knew her well enough to know what her intentions were. Then as the thought entered her mind, she felt ridiculous for even thinking it in the first place. It wasn't like months had gone by. Of course he would still know her. But that fact didn't make it any easier for her. The breakup was still fresh and raw in her mind and being in the same room with him was painful for her. And him dismissing her attempts at an apology weren't making things any easier.

"Right," she said shakily. "Of course you don't want to hear my apologies. What's an apology worth, anyway, right?"

"Don't," he snapped. "I can only do so much for you, Lissa. I love you, but I won't be a doormat for you. You can't honestly expect that you can say something like that and not face any repercussions for it?"

"So you broke up with me to punish me?" she shouted.

"No!" he exclaimed angrily. "I broke up with you because you've changed! The Lissa I fell in love with would _never_ have said that to me! Never. Not even if you were really thinking it. Somewhere along the line after Rose left, you changed." He paused and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. When he exhaled, his blue eyes came to meet Lissa's green ones. "I needed you," he said quietly. "You abandoned us when I needed you most."

Lissa sighed. I half expected her to be angry with him for saying those things, but she wasn't. She was hurt, but she understood what he meant.

"And I'm sorry for that," she whispered. "I know what that feels like."

Burn. Now that one hurt. Not that I didn't deserve that, but still. I guess I still had a lot to make up for.

For the first time since Lissa's arrival in the church's attic, Christian's features softened. "I know. And I thought that's why we agreed when she left the first time that we'd be there for each other, no matter what."

Lissa remained silent. She was happy he was talking to her again, but his statement he'd just made caused her to be more than a little upset. She still didn't know why he'd gone with me. She didn't understand it.

"That's what I thought, too," she said gently. "Why did you go with her?"

He sighed. "I thought I explained that—"

"You didn't! You did not and you know it. I want a real answer," she stated firmly.

"Fine," he said defeated. He finally sat down and gestured for Lissa to do the same. "Okay. You and Ivashkov had just left, despite my protests. I knew Rose was getting restless, but that didn't seem to bother either one of you." He didn't say it bitterly or angrily, or any other related emotion. He simply said it as though he were stating a fact. And the fact that he'd been more perceptive of my mood than Lissa or Adrian shocked me.

"Christian—"

"Let me finish, all right? So I asked you guys to stay in that night because I had a weird feeling in my stomach and I didn't like it. But you left. After you were gone, I was worried that Rose was going to try and ambush me."

Shock was the predominant emotion Lissa was feeling, as was I. How the hell had he known I had been toying with the idea of getting out?

"What?"

He nodded grimly. "I could see she was determined to leave. She was picking fights, pushing us away. I had to do something, so I did the only thing I could think of."

"You went with her . . ."

"Yeah. I know it probably wasn't the best decision, but at least this way, I convinced her to let me go with her and one of us was still with her. She wasn't alone." He paused and I saw water forming in his eyes, which he angrily wiped away. "Hell of a lot of good it did. I think we would have been fine if it hadn't been for that other Belikov."

"Aleksandr?"

That genuinely confused Lissa. She had liked him and trusted him. She didn't understand the sudden hardness in Christian's eyes.

"I don't trust him. I didn't trust him the moment he introduced himself."

"But he had nothing to do with Rose—"

"I know that, okay! I'm just saying, something . . . something's not right with him. And I know the only reason Rose trusted him as quickly as she did was because of Guardian Belikov."

He winced after he said that and Lissa suddenly felt glum at hearing him being addressed as such. Both of them felt a great kind of respect for Dimitri. Many of the students at the Academy had viewed Dimitri as god-like and found his fighting skills awe-inspiring. Lissa felt that him being turned Strigoi was a waste, plus, she also felt angry at the fact that he'd been turned. He was, inadvertently, the source of my pain and misery and she hated it.

Although, I had to say, I was a little offended at Christian's statement. It wasn't like I blindly trusted Aleksandr. There was no denying that he was Dimitri's brother. The resemblance had been remarkable. And besides, he'd offered to help with the fight. As far as I'd been concerned, I had needed all hands on deck once I realized I was out of my league with that.

"And besides—why the hell is even sticking around? Shouldn't he have stayed back in his native country?"

Lissa blinked in shock. "Christian!"

"I'm not even apologizing for that. I'm telling you, I don't trust that guy."

"Don't trust him, or you don't like him?"

"Both," he said honestly.

She was skeptical. She still thought Aleksandr was a decent man and I had to agree with her. He'd given me no reason to distrust him and I wasn't about to start to just because Christian didn't like him. Christian didn't like a lot of people. If you looked up antisocial in the dictionary, you'd find Christian's picture beside of the definition.

"Didn't you feed off him, though?"

Christian grimaced. "Don't remind me, please. I try to forget about that."

"I just don't see—"

"We're never going to agree on this, so let's just agree to disagree. You trust him, I don't. End scene, thank you."

She let out a resigned sigh. "Fine. Have it your way, then."

They sat in silence for a little while and I was getting ready to pull myself out of the connection when Christian spoke again. "You said you needed to talk to me about something? Something about Rose?"

She nodded and I felt the anxiety pumping through her. She was nervous. She was scared that the comfortable calmness that had come to surround them would disappear as soon as she mentioned I was alive.

"Yes," she said. "Christian . . . Rose. She's alive."

A twig snapping pulled me out of Lissa's head. "Damn," I muttered under my breath. I had actually wanted to see Christian's reaction to that.

I spun on my heel towards the direction where I heard the noise.

"Adrian?" I called out, expecting the source of the twig snapping to be him.

My eyes narrowed when I saw I was alone. I scanned the yard and only saw leaves blowing in the evening wind. It was deserted.

For some reason, my heart was pounding in my chest and I knew something was wrong.

I don't even know what compelled me to do such a thing, but I looked down on the ground and I saw another shadow. An extremely long shadow.

"Hello, Roza."

* * *

My first thought was that I had gone crazy. Lissa's darkness had finally caused my sanity to fly the coop. But then, I remembered that I hadn't felt any out of control emotions from her since her return to the Academy, so that couldn't be it.

But if that wasn't it, then it must mean that Dimitri didn't die in that fire after all. My instincts about Adrian lying to me had been right. And oddly enough, I wasn't even pissed off at him for it, either. No doubt he'd either done it because he felt he was protecting me, or because Dimitri forced him to. Either way, I couldn't exactly fault him for that.

Perhaps I should have been more shocked at the sight in front of me, more indignant, even, but I wasn't. I think a part of me always knew that he wasn't permanently gone.

And once I had time to process the knowledge that Dimitri was, indeed, still alive, I noticed the hard look in his eyes.

"Dimitri," I said, amazed that my voice didn't falter.

We circled each other, both wary of the other's presence. I had stupidly forgotten my stake yet again and once more, I had no weapon. I really needed to start being more responsible.

"I was told you were dead," I said, impressed at how flat my voice sounded.

He shrugged and continued matching my circling. "Guess I'm not. Are you disappointed?"

"Yes," I replied honestly. Because he was standing right in front of me, that meant I would have to kill him. At least the fire would have gotten rid of him without my hand. I was beginning to question my strength to actually go through with my promise to him. There had been some selfish part of me that had been hoping and praying that my gut was wrong and that Dimitri really had died in the fire.

His face remained the same at my admission. Not even a flicker of emotion. Not that I expected anything different. If anything, it seemed to amuse him. "Such hurtful words, Rose. There was a time you would have come rushing at me with this kind of discovery on your hands."

I still wanted to do that. I wanted him to embrace me and love me like he used to. I still wanted the life I longed for with him. No other could match that.

But he was a Strigoi now. We would never have the kind of life that I wanted together. He would always be my enemy as long as he continued walking the earth as a Strigoi.

When I didn't say anything, he spoke again. "Enjoying your setup here?" he asked.

There was a snarky retort playing on my lips, but as my heart continued pounding in my chest, it died. There was something different about Dimitri than the last time I had encountered him. Something more . . . sinister, I guess was the word. Whatever it was, I didn't like it.

Instead of continuing the game of Ring Around the Rosie, I stopped. He smirked and I felt chills go down my spine.

There was definitely something different about him.

"There's something . . ."

"Something what?" he inquired.

"You're not the same as before. I don't know what it is, but something's not right."

His smirk intensified and I suddenly wanted to do what Dimitri had told me to do in his first lesson ever. _Run_. I wanted to get Adrian and get the hell out.

_Adrian,_ I thought wildly. He was alone. And I didn't know if Dimitri _wasn't_.

But as I was getting ready to attempt to run back to the house, Dimitri's arm shot out and grabbed my forearm. His grip was bruising, unrelenting. The sinister gleam was still in his eyes and for the first time since I had known him, I was truly afraid that he was going to hurt me. Or worse. When we had fought back at the cabin, I really hadn't had time to fear him. Everything had happened so quickly. This, however, was not happening quickly.

His ringed, red eyes bore into mine, full of . . . hatred? My breathing became labored and I knew something was very wrong. "You never answered my question, Roza," he sneered. "How are you enjoying the setup?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Playing house with Adrian Ivashkov?"

I had a good idea what he meant now, but refused to acknowledge it. Instead, I played dumb. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't lie to me," he spoke through his teeth. His grip on my arm tightened and it was so hard and bruising that I had the urge to cry out in pain. But my stubbornness refused to give into it. I bit back my scream and tried tugging my arm out of his grasp, even though I knew it was useless. If anything, the only thing I would succeed at is popping my arm out of place.

"I'm not."

"Then tell me this. Why did you agree to stay here? Was it really because you were looking out for my dear old mother?"

"How—"

"I told you before," he said coolly. "Adrian Ivashkov is not as innocent in this as you think he is. Tell me, have you become his blood-whore yet, Roz—"

His words were cut off with a slap. I used my free arm that I had completely forgotten about and caught him off guard, which was all I needed.

After his backwards stumble, I placed a swift kick to his stomach and I could have sworn I heard him growl. When he looked up at me again, there was pure loathing in his eyes. The seething anger he was admitting shocked me. I hadn't ever seen that look in his eyes before. This threw me and I wasn't quite sure what to do about it.

And I guess my momentary stunning was all he needed, too, because he was coming at me in a flash.

The blow of his tackle knocked the wind out of me and for a moment, I couldn't move. My body refused to. I think he had used _all_ of his strength and muscle in that one. My tenacious nature wanted me to fight back, but every bone in my body ached.

I gasped for breath and painfully grabbed at my stomach. I turned over on my side and fought the urge to curl up into a ball in the fetal position.

I looked up at Dimitri, who was now hovering over my neck. For some reason, I knew pleading wasn't going to help me this time.

"You did it, didn't you?" I managed to get out. "You drank human blood."

"I already told you I had," he said coldly.

I shook my head, still too weak to do much else. If he wanted to kill me or turn me, I wouldn't be able to stop him. That tackle reminded me of when Natalie had thrown me against the wall at Victor's cell. I guess even my body had its limits.

"You were lying then. I know you were."

"What makes you so certain?"

"I . . . are you going to kill me?" I hated how weak I sounded. I was at his mercy and I hated that I was too weak to do anything.

He gave me another one of his smirks as his fingertips brushed hair out of my face. I shivered at the touch, and this time, it wasn't from pleasure. Icy fear captured my veins and suddenly, I wished that if he were going to kill me, that he would hurry up and get it over with. Something was telling me that it wasn't going to be that easy, though.

"When I saw you with him . . . hmmm. I tossed the idea around. Seeing your lips on another's nearly drove me mad." My body tensed. Oh God. He had seen me kiss Adrian. Inadvertently, my eyes swept towards the house and Dimitri let out a bone-chilling laugh. He turned my face towards him, forcing me to look into his menacing face. "He's still there, Roza. I promise you that."

"What do you want?"

His smirk still present, he lifted himself off the ground and stood at his full height and surprisingly, he reached down to help me up. At first, my muscles protested, but I forced myself to stand up. My legs felt like jell-o, but I was not going to fall down if I could help it.

"I'm here to issue a challenge to you."

"A challenge?"

"That's right. A proposition, if you will."

This did not sound good. I was aware that I should just walk away, but I also knew that if I tried, Dimitri would stop me in less than a second. I wouldn't get anywhere even if I tried. Not with my muscles screaming in pain like this.

"What kind of proposition?"

"A simple one, really. We fight."

"And?"

"And if you win, you can kill me. No tricks, no trying to stop you. If you defeat me, I let you stake me."

I swallowed. This couldn't be all. What was the catch?

"And if you win?" _More like _when_ he wins,_ I thought distractedly. After feeling the full use of his strength tonight, I had little hope to best him in a fight.

"You join me. I'll awaken you."

**

* * *

**

Hey!

It's that time again! I can't believe how quickly I'm getting the chapters finished. I haven't felt this inspired for any of my stories in a long time. It feels nice.

Anyway, I want to try and work in Rose's nausea that she gets when she's around Strigoi, but I haven't figured out how to bring it in. I completely forgot that she started to get that way at the end of Shadow-Kissed because I hate reading that part in the caves with Dimitri. It makes me teary-eyed and all that girly stuff and well, as it was, that hasn't been worked into here, obviously. So any opinions on that will be welcome. Should I just keep it the way I have it, or find a way to place it in there? Thoughts welcome!

Once again, thanks to all reviewers and readers. You all rock and I really do appreciate it.


	12. Would You Mind If I Killed You?

**Chapter Twelve**

"Would You Mind If I Killed You?"

* * *

Three weeks passed by slowly, agonizingly almost. It was as though time was taunting me.

All I could think about was my encounter with Dimitri. I wasn't sleeping. Mainly due to the nightmares I kept having, but also because I've been keeping an extra watch on Lissa. I hardly ate anything, and I was bitchier than usual—especially to Adrian. It was hurting him; I could see that. But I couldn't bring myself to open up to him and tell him what was going on. I wanted to. Oh did I want to, but something was holding me back.

So, for the most part, we avoided each other. We spoke when necessary and he kept to himself for the rest of the time. I tried to bring up the kiss once and the tone in his voice had been so quiet and deadly that I never mentioned it again. I felt horrible. Everything was such a mess and really, I only had myself to blame.

I thought I would find solace with Lissa, but even that wasn't helping. In the past weeks, Lissa visited in secret, along with Christian, despite the fact that they still weren't back together. When Christian first saw me, he'd hugged me so tightly that I thought he was trying to squeeze me to death. And I was happy to see him too, oddly enough. I couldn't believe it, but until I had seen him in the flesh again, I hadn't realized how much I'd actually missed him. Adrian hadn't been altogether pleased with me (add that to the many other things he wasn't pleased about), but he'd later told me he had expected it.

All things considered, I should have been happy—or happier than I was. I was getting to see both Lissa and Christian pretty regularly, now.

The visiting wasn't the same, though. I'd grown distant with all three of them. I could sense Lissa's worry for me through our bond, but she never pushed. I think she knew she wouldn't really get anywhere with me if she did. How was I supposed to tell her that the love of my life issued a challenge to me, which I had yet to accept or reject, and that if I lost, I would be joining him in the land of the freaky undead?

Yeah. That would go over quite well, I was sure.

As it was, Lissa and Christian were currently visiting and she was off somewhere in the house with Adrian, undoubtedly practicing her magic, which left Christian and me alone for the first time since he found out I was alive.

"What's going on with you, Rose?" he asked out of nowhere.

My nose inadvertently scrunched in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

He shook his head and looked angry with me. "Don't pull that ignorant shit with me. It may work on Ivashkov, or even Lissa, but not me. I'm not an idiot—I know something big has happened. I can see it."

I sighed and I mentally cursed Christian's ability to read me so well. When had that happened? "I don't know what you mean," I lied.

His anger stayed firmly in place and he let out a grunt. "Okay, if you want to play dumb, I'll go along with it. What I mean is that it's obvious something's going on with you."

"How so?"

"Well for one, you look thinner."

I turned and raised my eyebrows. "And you're noticing something like this because . . .?" He didn't say anything. In fact, he looked suspiciously flustered, which was quite odd for Christian Ozera. Hardly anything rattled him. I smirked. "I knew it. You're hot for my body." He gaped at me, clearly shocked I would say something like that. Well, it was better than letting him keep focusing on the fact that I hadn't been eating, so I continued my teasing. "It's no big, though, Christian. Happens to the best of them."

His face contorted into that of disgust. "I think I just threw up in my mouth. That's gross, Rose."

I pinched his cheek playfully. "Aw, you don't have to hide your feelings for me anymore. It's okay. I can keep a secret," I whispered jokingly.

"Remind me again why I was so happy to hear you were alive," he said dryly.

My grin widened. "Because of your boundless affection for my rockin' bod."

He groaned and put his head in his hands. "You did _not_ just say that," he said with a tint of dismay. "And quit changing the subject."

"I wasn't. You were the one that brought up my weight."

"Regrettably so, too," he said with a sigh. "Have you been sleeping?"

I let out a sound of exasperation and tossed my hands in the air. "What's with the game of twenty questions, Ozera?"

"I've only asked three," he said with a smirk. I rolled my eyes and punched him on the shoulder and didn't fail to catch his wince. "Hasn't anyone told you that violence doesn't solve anything?"

I laughed and patted him on the back. "All the time, Ozera. Never you, though."

He grinned at me and nodded. "True." He sighed again and his playfulness was suddenly absent. "I'm being serious, Rose. You look . . . troubled. The bags under your eyes are obvious and you look paler, too. When's the last time you got a good night's sleep? And I want a real answer, too."

When I saw the look on his face, I knew that he wasn't playing games anymore. He wanted answers. I took a deep, shaky breath and placed my forearms on the long, narrow glass table that was placed beside of the staircase in the living room.

"It's been a while," I said honestly. "I keep having nightmares."

"That's not surprising. Not after everything . . ." he trailed off, thankfully. This whole situation was more than a little awkward, and it made me a bit uncomfortable honestly. "Can't Ivashkov do anything to curb them, though?" he asked through his teeth.

I shook my head. "I haven't said anything to him. He's been . . ." Avoiding me, even in my dreams. "Respecting my privacy. I guess he sees enough of me during waking hours now," I tried to joke.

He let out an annoyed, impatient grunt. "Figures. Douche," he said under his breath.

I couldn't help it. There was just something so uncharacteristic about him using that word that it sounded foreign on him. Not to mention ridiculous. I burst out laughing. "Did you just call Adrian a douche?"

"Better than what I was actually thinking," he muttered. "Anyway . . . so nightmares. Related to real life occurrences?"

My body betrayed me when I stiffened at the question, even though I offered no hesitation when I answered, "No."

"You're lying to me, but whatever. That's your business, not mine. I just want to know what happened to make you so edgy."

"Edgy?"

He quirked an eyebrow. Somehow, it looked slightly less cool when he did it. "You don't realize how jumpy you've become? How irritable and moody? I know you. You don't act like that without cause. So what's going on?"

I gritted my teeth together out of pure frustration. He was starting to get on my nerves. "Nothing's happened."

"Stop lying!"

I spun around and my arms seemed to flail on their own accord. "Fine! You win! Something's happened. Ten points awarded to Christian Ozera for figuring out the mystery behind Rose's bitchiness. Bravo."

"Rose, calm down."

"I'm calm," I bit out.

"And I'm best friends with your new roommate." He paused at my humorless expression and ran a hand through his messy black hair. "Look . . . I'm just trying to help, okay? Now why don't you just tell me what's happened so we can figure out what to do."

I studied him briefly before I turned back around again. The offer was more than alluring. After keeping my run-in with Dimitri to myself all this time, I've felt like a ticking bomb. I hadn't even realized how much rage I had swimming around, and this time, it had nothing to do with Lissa, either. It was all Rose Hathaway rage. And it would be so nice to confide in someone, to get advice. But I wasn't sure if Christian was the right person for the job.

I bit down on my lip so hard that I might have drawn blood.

"I can't tell you."

"Why?"

"Because you'll tell Lissa and Lissa can't know," I said bluntly. "She'd worry too much."

"Does Ivashkov know?" he asked with a hint of disgust in his tone. I somehow didn't think that those two would ever get past their hatred for each other.

I shook my head no and sighed. "No, he doesn't. I told you that already."

Christian cursed under his breath and stood up to move beside of me. He placed a hand on my shoulder. The gesture surprised me and it must have surprised him too, because he almost immediately withdrew his hand as soon as it made contact with me.

"Rose . . . you can trust me."

"I know that."

"So then talk to me. Tell me what's happening. I swear, I won't tell Lissa, either. Not if you don't want me to."

I stood there contemplating my options, unsure of what to do. I didn't want to further strain their relationship. Things were starting to get back on track, but it wasn't quite there yet. And if she found out that he was keeping something like this from her, any progress they'd made would be in jeopardy. I'd already put their relationship through enough. Could I do that to them again?

"Please. If not me, then tell Lissa. Hell, I'd even take it if you told Ivashkov. Something's bothering you and I have a feeling I know what it is."

I snorted. "Sure you do, Christian. Because you know me so well now and all."

He scowled and studied me. "Don't do that. Your bitchy attitude isn't going to work on me. It never did. But if you want to be bitchy, that's just fine. By all means, go ahead. Just know I'll be bitchy right back at you."

"I really don't see how this is any of your business," I snapped irritably.

"It's not my business, Rose. I'm just worried about you, that's all." When I didn't say anything, he continued prodding. "It's Belikov, isn't it?" he asked softly. "He's still alive." I stiffened and said nothing. What could I say to that, anyway? Besides, I was pretty sure the look on my face gave everything away regardless of my silence. "You've seen him," he concluded.

For a moment, I cursed Christian's intelligence. How was it that Adrian, whom I've been living with for nearly a month now, couldn't pick up on that? How was it that Lissa, my bond-mate, my best friend since kindergarten didn't even think of it?

I sighed and despite my better judgment, told him everything.

* * *

"I'm here to issue a challenge to you."

"A challenge?"

"That's right. A proposition, if you will."

This did not sound good. I was aware that I should just walk away, but I also knew that if I tried, Dimitri would stop me in less than a second. I wouldn't get anywhere. Not with my muscles screaming in pain like this—not even fully healthy.

"What kind of proposition?"

"A simple one, really. We fight."

"And?"

"And if you win, you can kill me. No tricks, no trying to stop you. If you defeat me, I let you stake me."

I swallowed. This couldn't be all. What was the catch?

"And if you win?" _More like _when_ he wins,_ I thought distractedly. After feeling the full use of his strength tonight, I had little hope to best him in a fight.

"You join me. I'll awaken you."

The ability to breathe left me. I turned away from him, not wanting him to see the horror that was most likely evident on my face. He'll _awaken_ me? That . . . I . . . it was preposterous.

"No. I . . . y-you can't expect me to . . ."

I didn't even hear him approach me. He came up behind me and snaked his arms around my waist, however, there was nothing romantic about the gesture at all. I felt his fangs nip at the skin on my neck and for some reason, my head lolled back, allowing him the access. I felt a mixture of fear and anticipation. Oh God. He was going to bite me.

He chuckled. "You want it. I can tell you want the bite," he whispered against my flesh.

I shivered and used every ounce of my strength to push myself away from him. And surprisingly, he allowed me to leave him.

"No," I said with some diction. I spun around and faced him. "I'm not going to leave my fate to chance. I won't become a monster."

He quirked his eyebrow and grinned at me. I shuddered. God, how had I never paid attention to those awful fangs?

"Monster? You didn't seem to think I was much of a monster back at the cabin," he quipped.

I winced. Now that I was seeing him in what was obviously a full-fledged Strigoi mode, I couldn't believe I had ever allowed myself to be with him like that again. That had been wrong and creepy on so many levels. I didn't think it at the time—hell, I'd even deluded myself into thinking he had been more like the old Dimitri. But now, I knew that wasn't possible. The intensity in his eyes, the cruelty . . . well, that told me everything I needed to know. He was one of _them_ now. He always would be. Unless I killed him.

And that was the very strong appeal of his challenge. He was giving me an out. If I bested him, if I put to use all of my knowledge of his best fighting moves and could anticipate him, then I had a chance. He claims he would let me stake him. Alive, Dimitri had always been a man of his word and I really didn't have much reason to believe that hadn't carried over to his existence as he was now. If I beat him, I truly think he would let me stake him.

But the risk involved in the challenge wasn't one I could accept. If I lost, I would become like him. I would die before I became Strigoi willingly.

And just because he would keep his word about letting me stake him, didn't mean he wouldn't cheat during combat to prevent it. If I knew Dimitri as well as I liked to think I did, he would do everything in his power to limit me. The old Dimitri would never have cheated, but with the new Dimitri, all bets were off.

And ultimately, that was the deciding factor for me. Despite the appeal of the victorious side, the flip side was the draw. I wouldn't risk my soul. Not even to be with Dimitri.

I then said the hardest thing ever. I lifted my chin slightly and squared my shoulders, looking him directly in the eyes. Perhaps that wasn't the smartest thing in the world to do, but part of me knew he wouldn't use compulsion on me right now.

"I won't do it. I can't accept your challenge."

"Hmmm. So what you're saying is that you don't want to be with me anymore? Is that it?"

I ignored the fact that he basically implied I was going to lose and join him. "Not in the way you want me to be with you, no."

"And I don't believe you. You never could lie to me, Roza." I didn't know how to respond to that. He was right, after all. I couldn't lie to him. He knew me too well. "You want to be with me."

"No. I don't," I lied.

His eyes narrowed and he stepped forward. "Then you want to be with Adrian Ivashkov instead? Changing your tune about him?"

"What happens between him and me is none of your business."

A bad case of déjà vu washed over me. I had said that exact same thing to him when we were at the ski lodge and he'd been questioning me about the time I was spending with Adrian.

"Familiar words, Roza. But here's something for you to mull over. Do you really think that this 'romance' with young Ivashkov will last?" I kept my lips sealed shut. He'd just voiced one of the reasons I've been avoiding trying things out with him. But there was no way in hell I'd ever let him know that. "He'll grow bored with you, you know? The chase is what's been thrilling for him. But once that's over and he's had you . . ."

"Adrian's not like that," I argued, but my voice lacked the conviction. How did I know if he was like that or not? There was still so much about him that I didn't know.

"You don't sound so certain of that," he pointed out.

I shut my eyes tightly and hugged myself. "Why are you doing this to me? Why . . . why haven't you just killed me?"

"Don't you get it?" he snapped. "I can't."

"But—"

"There are only two ways to end this: my death, or your awakening. What's it going to be?"

"I told you," I said through my teeth, ignoring the rapid beating of my heart. "I'm not accepting your challenge."

He smirked at me and brought his hand thoughtfully to his chin. "Perhaps you'd like to rethink that?"

"Perhaps not."

"No?"

"No."

"That's a shame. I couldn't persuade you with a little . . . leverage?"

My jaw clenched and an icy fear penetrating through my skin. I didn't like the look in his eyes. Not at all. "What have you done?"

His smirk remained firmly in place. This was clearly amusing him. "Nothing. _Yet_."

"Yet? What does that mean?"

He moved his hand to brush some hair away from my face. I never took my eyes off him. "Hmmm. Maybe I don't feel like sharing."

"Dimitri—"

"Really, why should I? You haven't been exactly welcoming since my return to the States."

"You want a fucking parade?" I snapped. My fear was getting the better of me. I had my limits with sarcasm and joking, but I was too nervous to care to acknowledge that perhaps this was one of the times I shouldn't provoke him.

His eyes flashed the instant the words were out of my mouth. He grabbed my wrist and yanked me violently towards him. "I wouldn't push me if I were you."

Now normally, I would say something witty or clever about how he wasn't me and I was one of a kind or something like that, but the blazing look in his eyes swallowed my words. My throat was suddenly very dry and I think my face probably drained of color, too.

"Besides," he drawled out. "I really don't think you would like my . . . _leverage_ very much if I told you."

I swallowed. "How can you persuade me to change my mind otherwise?" He said nothing and that only made me more nervous. I licked my lips cautiously. "I bet you don't have any leverage on me. There's nothing—"

"Careful now," he taunted. "Are you so arrogant to claim there's _nothing_ you care about? Nothing at all? No one?"

I froze. "You—"

"How's the last Dragomir doing, by the way? I meant to ask you earlier."

And just like that, my world spun on its axis. His 'leverage' made perfect sense now. He was going to use Lissa against me. My breaths were shallow and I found to difficult to intake any air at all.

"You . . . you would use her against me? You would hurt her?"

He finally released me and then he shrugged. "Her well-being's not my concern. If anything, I should be going after her anyway. The last bloodline of that royal family. The Dragomir Princess," he said with a wistful look.

Anger quickly overtook my fear. If he thought this was the way to get me to agree to anything, he was mistaken. "Well you're certainly improving your chances to get me to agree to the challenge," I said sarcastically. "You think I'd risk Lissa like this? If I were to be turned, she'd lose my protection."

A smug smirk formed on his lips. "She's already lost your protection," he pointed out. "You're here. She's there. Alone. Unprotected. Vulnerable."

I tried my best not to show that he was getting to me, but I had a feeling I was failing pretty miserably. "She has protection. She has guardians."

"Yes, but they're not _you_."

I glared at him and clenched my fists. The knowledge that he was right was like a slap in the face. "What do you want then? Are you telling me that if I don't accept the challenge, then you go after Lissa?"

"I don't recall saying that," he said calmly.

"But you implied it."

"I suppose I did," he replied thoughtfully.

An alarming amount of silence passed after that. It was making me wary and more nervous than I cared to admit. I think I preferred angry Dimitri to the silent one. I shifted uncomfortably and glanced at him. "So what does this mean?"

His lip curled. "It means whatever you want it to mean." He was directly in front of me in a flash—I hadn't even had time to blink after he finished his sentence. He brought a hand to my face and cupped my cheek.

And then he kissed me.

God help me, I tried to resist it, but my body seemed to have a will of its own. I had no control over it and before I knew it, I was responding to the kiss just as eagerly as ever. It was as though he were my drug and I simply couldn't get enough of him.

I clung to him as though he were my lifeline.

But just as things started to intensify, he broke the kiss off. My body protested to the sudden abandonment and thankfully, I resisted the urge to let out a whimper of protest.

When I looked up at him, he was peering down at me with a possessiveness in his eyes that I had never seen before. It caused me to shiver.

He brushed a stray piece of hair away from my face. "I'll be seeing you, Roza."

"But what about the challenge?" I asked, remembering suddenly how to speak.

He didn't answer me though. He simply turned around and started for the wooded area. "Give young Ivashkov my regards, would you?" He paused and for some reason, I was certain he was smirking. "The Princess as well. Goodnight, Roza."

* * *

"The bastard issued a challenge to you?" Christian raged. "And is using Lissa against you to get you to accept it?"

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "That's gist of it, yeah."

Understanding dawned on him. About what, she wasn't quite sure, though. "You've been watching her, haven't you? Checking in? That's another reason you haven't been sleeping," he deducted.

I nodded. "I had to make sure he wasn't going to try anything. But everything's quiet. Too quiet almost. I don't like it. It almost seems like he's baiting me. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do with this! He's not even attempted to contact me within the last three weeks," I said anxiously.

Christian hesitated and glanced at me thoughtfully. "Rose," he said with a sigh. "Don't get me wrong. I'm glad you're looking out for her. But . . . I don't want you to do anything stupid."

My eyes narrowed and I placed my hands on my hips. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm just saying that I don't want you to rush into anything. That's all. I know how much you love Lissa and you'd do anything for her. I also know that while you may have initially shot down his challenge that parts of it—the majority—appealed to you. It's just how you are. And now with this added . . . incentive, I guess is the word, to take the challenge, I'm just worried that—"

I stared at him in astonishment. I couldn't believe he was suggesting I would be so reckless. "That's insulting. It really is."

"I didn't even say anything!"

"But I know what you were thinking. I can't believe you're even suggesting that I would take that risk with my life."

His eyes were blazing and he looked beyond angry. "You've already taken it! How would this be any different?"

"What are you talking about?"

He scoffed at me and folded his arms. "The second you left the Academy and went after Belikov, you risked being turned and you know it. The guy was practically superhuman as a dhampir. He's probably like . . . like the Hulk on crack now!"

I was getting ready to argue, but then I nodded. "You're not very far off on that one, actually. He's twice as strong now, not to mention faster. Plus he's still got all the knowledge and skill of fighting from when he was a guardian."

The words were painful and cruelly difficult for me to get out. I didn't like talking about Dimitri like this. I didn't really like talking about Dimitri _period_, but it seems I have no choice. Now that Christian knows, he won't let this drop so easily.

But at least it was getting to be a little more bearable to talk about him. Sometimes, if I tried really hard, I could separate Dimitri from the word 'Strigoi.' But those moments were rare and few and far between.

I suppose I really only had myself to blame for that. I'd allowed myself to be sucked into his new world, a world that I didn't belong in but on some sickening level, wanted desperately to be a part of.

As hard as it was, I couldn't afford to allow myself to think of Dimitri as human anymore. He was my enemy. That was all he could be to me from now on.

There was a dull ache in my chest as the realization came to me. Somehow, I doubted that ache would ever go away, either.

Christian's voice distracted me from my thoughts. "You're only proving my point. See, when you were off to kill him before, you had more of a chance. You could catch him off guard or something of that nature. You know, sneak attack."

I sighed. "Christian, I could _barely_ pull off a sneak attack when he was a dhampir. Now with his doped up hearing, it would be next to impossible to go that route."

"Again, my point. By issuing this challenge to you, the odds are more in his favor. And who's to say he won't cheat during the actual combat period?"

I stared incredulously at him. It was scary how similar our thought process was.

"I was thinking the same thing." I paused and looked down at the ground. "I have no chance against him, Christian," I whispered. "If I go up against him, I'll fail. He'll turn me."

He said nothing and I didn't blame him. The words were scary to process. Silence hung heavy in the air and suddenly, I wanted to cry. The thought of being turned into a Strigoi made my blood run cold. I didn't want to be like that. Sure, I loved intimidating people and I was a bitch at the best of times, but I couldn't see myself turning into something so soulless and evil. But I knew that if I went through with this challenge that it would likely be my fate. It's not to say that I wouldn't go down swinging, but my whole being didn't want to go down at all.

But Lissa . . .

Dimitri's words kept floating through my head every minute of every day.

"_Her well-being's not my concern. If anything, I should be going after her anyway. The last bloodline of that royal family. The Dragomir Princess," he said with a wistful look . . ._

_. . . A smug smirk formed on his lips. "She's already lost your protection," he pointed out. "You're here. She's there. Alone. Unprotected. Vulnerable . . ."_

Vulnerable. If I didn't do this, Lissa would always be vulnerable to Dimitri. I didn't even know what he was capable of anymore, but I somehow doubted that he would have qualms about hurting Lissa, or worse. He probably wouldn't even so much as blink.

He was so strong for having just been turned. If I let him go much longer, he would only get stronger. With each day, week, month, and year that would pass, he would discover more and more about the newfound abilities that he possessed. He would be impossible to beat. He wouldn't be touched—not unless a handful of guardians were to take him down. Even then, he would probably manage to escape that to. He would be unstoppable. That much I was certain of.

And Lissa . . . he would go after her without a second thought. If anything were to happen to her and I could have stopped it, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I knew she was, as much as the word sickened me, desirable amongst all Strigoi because of her status, but Dimitri would be even more determined. There would be more than power and glory in it for him. I knew he would get some sadistic satisfaction from killing her. It would be a way to hurt me. To get revenge.

And I couldn't let that happened. I owed it to her to at least _try_.

"You're going to do it, aren't you? You're going to fight him."

Yes. "I don't know yet."

"Yes you do," he said quietly. "Are you going to tell Lissa?"

I shook my head. There was no point in lying to him. He'd already figured it out, anyway. "And I don't want you to, either. Promise me you won't."

"Rose—"

"_Promise._ You said when I first started telling you all of this that you wouldn't tell her."

He sighed and then reluctantly nodded his head. "All right. Fine. I promise."

"There's something else I need you to do for me."

"What?"

I bit my lip and glanced at him with apologetic eyes. "You won't like it."

"Tell me," he said stubbornly.

After a brief moment's hesitation, I nodded. When I finished telling him my favor, he was paler than usual. I couldn't blame him, either. For the last three weeks, I've been going over this in my head. I developed this idea not soon after I'd decided that I was going to go through with the challenge. I felt horrible for asking what I did of him, but if anybody would pull through for me, it would be Christian. I knew he wouldn't let me down.

"Can you do it?" I asked quietly.

Face still pale, he nodded. "Yes."

"And Lissa?"

He shut his eyes and let his head fall back. "She won't find out. I promise."

We sat in grim silence after that. I couldn't help but wonder if he now regretted prodding me for information.

We were still sitting quietly when Lissa and Adrian barreled into the living room. Lissa was grinning from ear to ear and Adrian looked happy, too. I forced a smile. "What's got you guys so happy?"

"Adrian's getting better at healing," Lissa said excitedly. "I accidentally cut myself in the kitchen and look!" She held out her hand that she probably had cut and her grin widened. "Not a sign of a scratch."

"That's great!"

I tried lacing enthusiasm in there, but it was hard. Christian ignored them entirely, which wasn't exactly unusual. The only thing strange was the distant look in his eyes. He seemed to be in another place entirely.

But Lissa and Adrian seemed oblivious. I could feel how proud she was of Adrian and my smile relaxed and became genuine. "That's really good, Adrian. Congratulations."

He was practically beaming. It was the first smile I'd seen from him in weeks. "Thanks. Feels good. I think we should celebrate."

"That sounds like a great idea!" Lissa squealed. "Rose?"

I shrugged. "Why not?"

"No thanks," said Christian. "I'm heading out."

Lissa's face fell. She tried to hide her disappointment, but failed miserably. She still wasn't handling their split very well, but these visits helped her cope because she got to see him in a mood that wasn't entirely hostile. Right now, his mood was black and it was evident. I tried to push the guilt down, knowing I was the cause.

"Oh. Okay, then," Lissa said quietly.

He said nothing to anyone as he grabbed his jacket. His movements were stiff and jerky and when he left, the door shut forcefully behind him. Lissa jumped and even Adrian's euphoria had died down at that. To say he was confused would be putting it lightly. "What was that about?"

"Who knows," I said. "We all know how moody he can be. Maybe it's his time of the month," I suggested.

Lissa rolled her eyes. "Will you two ever give each other a break from the constant bickering?"

"Probably not."

She feebly tried for a smirk, but it was half-hearted at best. "I think I'm going to head out, too. I suddenly don't feel like celebrating that much."

Adrian shrugged. "He always was a buzz kill. No worries. We'll celebrate later. I'll walk you out?"

"Actually, do you mind if I do it?" I interrupted. "I feel like I barely got to see her this time," I said, fumbling for an excuse.

Lissa then gave me a genuine smile and nodded. "Sure. That sounds good." She turned back to Adrian and hugged him. "Keep practicing. You're getting so good. Healing cuts is a far cry from your beginning plant stuff."

"We can't all be master healers. Deal with it."

She laughed quietly and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll see you soon, cousin. Take care of Rose for me."

"Sure, sure."

"I'm right here, thanks. And I can take care of myself."

Lissa said with a sigh, "I don't know what's going on between you guys, but I'm sure you'll work it out eventually. You always do."

Adrian purposefully looked anywhere but at me. I sighed, knowing that he wasn't going to respond to that. "Come on. I'll walk you out."

"Bye, Lissa," Adrian said before walking off.

When we were outside, Lissa turned to glare at me. "What the hell is going on between you Adrian? He's not himself."

"Nothing," I lied.

"Please don't take me for an idiot. I know Adrian and I know you. Something's off. Usually he flirts shamelessly with you and you tell him that he can go do something anatomically unlikely with himself. Lately, though, he barely looks at you and when you think no one's looking at you, you're looking at Adrian with something like regret or sadness. I'm more observant than you think."

"I never said you weren't."

"Whatever, Rose. All I know is that he's . . . sad. And Adrian Ivashkov doesn't ever get sad. If you can fix things, you should."

I stared at her, my expression blank. "And you automatically assume that it's something I did?"

"Am I wrong?"

I sighed and shook my head. "No. No you're not wrong."

Lissa's guardian came up out of nowhere and bowed. "Sorry to interrupt, Princess. But we should really be going. It's getting late."

Looking defeated, she nodded. "Thank you, Guardian Salkov. I'll be at the car in a minute."

"Guardian Hathaway," he said with a nod.

I blinked at the address he gave me. That was really quite cruel. "I'm not a guardian."

He smiled and emitted a deep chuckle. "But you will be. Your name is legend. You'll get promised."

A lump formed in my throat. _Dimitri . . ._

I wouldn't make it to full guardian ranks. Not if Dimitri had anything to say about it. I tried hard not to let the tears fall and I angrily pushed them down. Lissa was giving me a strange look, but for once, I didn't want to know what she was thinking. I blocked her emotions as best as I could and forced a smile to her guardian.

"Thank you," I said quietly.

He smiled once more at me, then turned and headed back towards the car.

Lissa was still giving me the same strange look. "Rose? Are you all right?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You look . . ."

I waved off her concern. I really didn't want to deal with anymore questioning right now. "I'm fine. You should get back to the Academy. He's right—it's getting late."

"If you're sure."

"Positive."

She sighed and reluctantly nodded. "Okay, then. Since you're insisting. Give me a hug."

I obliged and felt something odd in the pit of my stomach. This could be the last time I hugged her. This could be the last time that it was safe for me to be around her. It could be the last time she would have my protection . . .

When we broke apart, I felt Lissa's emotions swirling around in her. There was a slight hint of panic mixed in there. She didn't like the hug. It had felt wrong to her. Different.

"Rose . . .?"

"Go on. I'm really okay. I promise."

She didn't believe me, but she nodded in agreement anyway. "Okay. Take care of yourself."

With that she headed back towards her car. Guardian Solkov opened the back door for her as he saw her approaching. She was halfway there when I called her name. She turned around and looked expectantly at me. "I love you. You know that right?"

She smiled. "I know. I love you, too, weirdo. Goodnight, Rose."

"Goodnight."

I sighed and watched with a heavy heart as the car pulled out of the driveway.

Now that Lissa was gone, I had a lot to do. I had to practice, to train. I couldn't afford to go up against Dimitri with being as slack on my training as I had been lately. I haven't exactly been lazing around the house, but I wasn't practicing as hard as I could be.

I needed to start running again and rebuild my stamina. That had gone down too.

_Might as well, _I thought distractedly.

So I began running laps around the house, keeping an eye on things as I ran. At one point, I looked back at the house and saw Adrian watching me run. When he saw that I noticed he was watching, he turned away from the window and then disappeared out of my eyesight entirely.

I shook my head sadly. I hated that things were like this, but it was better this way. If he hated me, it wouldn't be quite so bad for him if/when I lost my fight against Dimitri. Yes. This was better for both of us. Maybe he would see that one day.

I was on my tenth lap around the house and my endorphins were putting me in a great mood for some reason. I felt better than I had in a long time. I was feeling a little winded, but that wasn't surprising. I was out of shape, but it felt great to be running like this again. It gave me a little bit of hope.

I was outright smiling on my eleventh lap when I saw him. I stopped dead in my tracks and put a hand to my chest. He'd literally appeared out of nowhere.

"Roza. Lovely as ever," Dimitri said as he admired me.

His gazed raked over my body and I felt my body responding. I cursed myself. God, I was really pathetic. I should be feeling disgusted and a part of me was. But that part wasn't as strong as I would have liked.

"What do you want?" I snapped. I was forcing myself to get angry. If I was angry, the aching desire for him to kiss me would fade a little.

"I think you know what I came for."

His voice was impatient. Cold as ice. There was no trace of _my_ Dimitri in there anymore. Maybe there never was.

"I've been more than generous with my time. I think I've given you long enough to make your decision." He paused and tilted his head to the side. "Have you made it?"

I swallowed nervously. This was it. No going back after this. "Yes."

"And?"

"I'll do it. I accept your challenge."

* * *

Not much to say about this chapter. Sorry if it seems kind of filler, but I had to transition. Unfortunately, fillers are necessary sometimes.

Oh and I'm starting something else as well. I'll be listing track-titles that I listen to while working on the chapter. Feel free to check them out! Perhaps if I ever figure out how to use my LiveJournal account, I'll set up a playlist for this entire fiction on there. But I'd need help. Lol.

For this chapter, check out these tracks:

"What Have You Done?" by Within Temptation  
"Darker Side of Me" by The Veer Union  
"Ghost" by Cavo  
"Just A Little Bit" by Adelitas Way

And that's about it. I promise, once I figure out my LiveJournal stuff, I'll make a playlist on there somehow.

Anyway, as always, kudos for reviewing! If I haven't gotten to you, I apologize. But I'm pretty sure I've gotten everyone this time around. And thanks to **ScarletWinter** and **SunShineTddyBr** for the anonymous reviews.

OOOOH, and I think I've found my Dimitri if this were to ever be turned into a movie. Ian Somerhalder from Vampire Diaries could work if you give him longer hair. He plays an awesome badass and he's pretty hot. He's got the whole evil thing goin' on and that'll be key for Blood Promise. I really hope they get around to filming this since everyone seems to be on a vamp craze.


	13. Last Stand

**Chapter Thirteen**

"Last Stand"

* * *

I was growing restless.

Two weeks have passed since I accepted Dimitri's challenge and I have yet to hear about a time and place for the fight to take place. He's toying with me and I hate him for it. The waiting and not knowing is driving me close to insanity and somehow, I think he knows it. And if I was edgy before I accepted the "offer," I was downright jumpy now. I was eating even less than I was before and my nightmares seemed to have doubled.

The nightmares produced the same images over and over, too. Dimitri and I were together and we were happy. I would be wrapped in his arms and he would be smiling down at me, those deep chocolate eyes spreading warmth to my very soul. I would be in a state of complete bliss, just being there with him. He would tell me how much he loved me and whisper soft Russian that I didn't understand into my ear.

We would be with Lissa and Christian, our relationship out in the open now. The four of us would be laughing and just relaxing with each other and then Lissa would stare at me with horror written all over her face. I would turn to Dimitri, who looked sad. He would shake his head in disappointment and say, "What have you done, Roza?"

The look in his eyes would nearly kill me. For about a second.

And then I would feel this unbearable hunger taking over me. The sole thought that would occupy my mind was "blood, blood, blood."

Then I would wake up right as I was attacking Lissa. I would be sweating and shaking with sobs. Thankfully, I've barely seen Lissa since their last visit here. Sure, they've both been coming over, but I've been staying away from her. I've been staying away from everyone. Even Christian. If they would come, I would make sure I was busy doing something with training. I could feel Lissa's hurt and confusion over it all, but I mostly attempted to block it out.

I just couldn't afford to be distracted right now. This training needed my complete and total dedication. Otherwise, I was dead—or in this case, worse than. And I didn't want to die. I wanted to live, damn it.

I was currently working out in the gym Adrian had conveniently set up before we even got here. I was working on practice dummies and venting all of my frustration out on them. I was throwing punches, kicks, practicing staking. And I was damn near exhausted. But I didn't stop. There was still time before the day was over and I was going to utilize every minute of it.

At one point, I thought I heard something off in the background, but I just kept working. _Punch. Kick. Punch. Kick. Jab. Elbow._

I was so deep in my concentration that I hadn't heard anyone approach me. It caught me off guard and when I whirled around, I ended up jabbing a face.

"SON OF A BITCH!"

Adrian.

My hand automatically flew to my mouth in shock as I saw him hunch over. He was clutching his eye and he looked as though he were about to fall over.

"Shit," I mumbled. "Adrian, I am _so_ sorry. I didn't hear you."

"Obviously," he muttered dryly.

"Let's go get some ice for that."

He grimaced. "No protesting here."

The walk to the kitchen was silent. Many times, from the corner of my eye, I saw him start to say something and then he would always go quiet again.

Once we got to the kitchen, I went to the freezer to get an ice pack. I motioned towards the barstools as I was retrieving it. "Go sit down. I'll be there with the ice in a second."

He grumbled something under his breath, but seconds later I heard the legs of the chair against the tile. Along with the ice pack, I grabbed a bottled water from the refrigerator for me and took a swig of it while I handed Adrian the coolant. Reluctantly, he removed his hand from his face and I gasped at the damage I'd done. There was already a nasty bruise forming there.

"I am _so_ sorry," I said again.

I went to put my hand to his face, but he flinched. Whether it was because it actually _hurt_ or if it was because it was me touching him, I didn't know. Either way, my hand fell back to my side instantly.

"It's fine," he said gruffly. "I've had worse." I let out a disbelieving snort. I had been in full-on practice mode and my punches were _hard_. I had a feeling he was just trying to save face with that one. "Believe me, it's true. I've managed to piss people off in the past. Can't figure out why, though . . ." I shot him a skeptical stare. Was he being serious? But then he smirked at me. "Joke."

"Oh," I said quietly. I went back to drinking my water.

At that, Adrian's smirk fell. "Okay, what's going on with you?"

"What makes you think something's wrong?"

"For one, the old Rose would have had some smartass remark to what I said before I told you it was a joke. You just say, 'oh.' Rose Hathaway does not just say 'oh' to something with a perfect opening."

I sighed and knew that he had a point, unfortunately. Thankfully, I managed to say something intelligible to that. "I'm just tired, Adrian. That's all. I'll make up for it next time." At least that was true. I _was _tired. I was downright drained of all energy. I was actually surprised I was managing to stand upright.

That didn't seem to pacify him, though. If anything, he got even madder.

"And why are you tired?"

I rolled my eyes and set my empty water bottle on the counter. "Because I was just training. People tend to get tired after a vigorous workout."

"Actually, workouts tend to make you energized and you, being the hardcore endorphins addict that you are, should know that."

I grit my teeth together and glared at him. "Thanks for the health lesson, but I'm fine."

"That's just it! You're _not_ fine!"

I knew what I was going to say next was beyond cruel and unreasonable, but I didn't care at the moment. And if anything, it was going to aide me immensely in pushing him away. "And you care all of a sudden, is that right?" I said icily. "For a month now, you've ignored me. Why? Because of a silly kiss that clearly meant nothing?"

For a moment, he said nothing.

Then a chilling smile formed on his lips. "And the bitch returns. I know you think that was supposed to stab me in the gut or whatever, but it's not going to work. Do you know what this has been like for me, Rose?" He set the ice pack down on the counter and walked the one or two steps remaining over towards me. The guilt I felt when I saw the black and blue on his face nearly swallowed me whole. He couldn't even open his eye the whole way.

When I didn't answer him, he grabbed my by the shoulders and shook me a little. It wasn't like he was manhandling me or anything, but it got my attention enough so that I looked at him. "Every day I've sat by and watched you do your trainings. All you do is train. You hardly eat, you barely sleep and when you do, you have nightmares." My face paled. How did he know about those? He grimaced in pain and grabbed the ice again to hold it up to his bruise. "Shocked I know? You shouldn't be."

"But I—"

"You what? Thought you were covering it up well enough?" When I didn't say anything to that, he gave me a somewhat cocky smirk. How he managed to do that with an icepack covering a black eye that _I_ gave him is something I'll never figure out. "Sorry. You thought wrong. I can hear your muffled screams."

"Sorry. I thought I was being quieter. I'll keep it down," I said deadpanned.

He let out a frustrated grunt and slammed the icepack down on the countertop. "Damn it! That wasn't my point and you know it."

An annoyed sigh escaped my lips before I could stop myself. "Maybe I don't. Maybe you should explain to me this newfound concern. Because you want to know what I _do_ know? I know that every time I've tried to have an even remotely personal conversation with you these last few weeks, you've completely isolated yourself from me—"

"That is such bullshit!" he shouted angrily. There was a darkness behind his eyes that I'd never seen before and truthfully, it was a little frightening. "You've barely talked to me at all!"

"Because you won't let me! I tried to bring up that kiss once and you might as well have slammed a door shut in my face!" I screamed back at him.

"And why the hell did you think I did it?" he growled out. "I know you're not telling me something! I know you're keeping something from me that's causing you to push me away."

"I'm not pushing you away!"

"Then kiss me again," he told me in a low, nearly daring tone.

My jaw dropped. Of all the things he could have said to me, I wasn't expecting him to tell me to kiss him. Definitely not that. Things had been so strained between us from the last kiss that I would have been expecting him to treat my lips as though they had the plague. But he wasn't.

There was an intensity in his eyes mixed with a kind of desperation.

"Kiss me again," he repeated. "Something's happening that you don't want me to know about," he continued. "And I just have this feeling that . . . I don't want that to have been our last kiss."

I wanted to cry. The sincerity in his eyes on top of the sadness mixed in them was enough to cause a stray tear to fall. It was then in that moment that I realized how much he truly cared about me. All this time, I'd been blind to him. I'd thought I was just a chase for him, a thrill. I'd never given him a fair shot. I looked down at the floor in shame. I didn't deserve him. He didn't deserve my selfishness and obliviousness to his affections. He should have someone completely and hopelessly devoted to him—not someone who was preparing to meet her almost certain death.

"You should forget about me, Adrian," I said quietly.

"No," he retorted firmly.

"Please," I choked out. "I'm not good for you. I'm completely screwed up."

He came over to me and placed his hands on my shoulders. "And I wouldn't change a thing about you. Not one." His forehead was suddenly resting against mine. "Give me one night, Rose. Before . . . before you go to _him_," he added.

I looked up at him in shock, which caused our noses to brush. He shivered at the contact. I couldn't help but notice the slight thrill that went through me, either. I did my best to ignore it, though. "How . . .?"

He brought his hand up to cup my cheek. He smiled sadly at me. "Because I _know_ you, Rose. You wouldn't be training this hard unless you were going up against him."

"You're not mad at me?" I whispered.

For a moment, he didn't say anything at all. "I'm scared for you. I wish I could fight him for you and make all of this go away. I wish . . . I wish I could go back in time and make it so he was never turned."

"Adrian . . ."

He shook his head and traced my lips with his thumb. His eyes fluttered shut. "I know I'm not him. You'll never love me the way you did him. I know that. And call me selfish, whatever you want, but I want to help give you peace of mind, even if it's just for a little bit. Just one night—that's all. And then it's all training all the time. I'll even help you."

As his eyes opened, my own fluttered shut and my breathing became labored. "I c-can't. It's not fair to you."

"_I'll_ decide what's fair to me. I know what I'm getting into, and if I get hurt, that's on me. But I'm a big boy, Rose. I can take care of myself."

His offer was appealing. For so long now, my thoughts had been preoccupied with battle tactics against Dimitri and checking in on Lissa. I barely left any time to think about myself. It hurt too much to do that. And I realized that before awkward aftermath of the kiss had happened, Adrian had helped take the hurt away. That kiss had brought me a little happiness. It hadn't been anything compared to the happiness I'd felt with Dimitri, but I'd been happy. Damn it, I'd been _happy_ with him. If just one kiss could do that, what would sex be like?

Perhaps it was wrong to think that way, maybe even selfish. But I did care about him. I cared about him a lot. And maybe, just maybe, if I could manage to make it out of that fight alive, I could finally give in and give him a chance. He really wasn't so bad.

"One night?" I asked softly.

He stiffened for a moment, then relaxed. "One night," he said just as quietly. "One—"

I cut him off and brought his lips down to mine with my right hand. As soon as we made contact with each other, we skipped the gentleness and softness stage and went straight to hungry and passionate.

He edged me towards the wall until my back was pressed firmly up against it and he trapped me with both arms. I clung to him with an almost desperate need and tried pulling him closer.

His lips moved away from my mouth and he began trailing hot, open mouth kisses down my neck. "You're so beautiful," he murmured against my skin.

And when I felt his teeth nip at my skin, I was completely and utterly lost. All thought flew from my mind and all I wanted was him.

His left hand fell from the wall and began skimming the side of my body, leaving a trail of heat everywhere he touched me. He cupped my breast and I felt my knees weaken. "I want you."

Darkened green eyes met mine before his lips reconnected to my own. The look in his eyes had caused all strength to leave me and I clutched him for support. He gripped my thigh and brought my leg up around his waist, then hoisted me up and caught me by my butt, squeezing and kneading it.

He carried me all the way up to the bedroom, never once breaking contact with me. As soon as the door shut, I was spun around and shoved up against the barrier and we had to breathe. I took the opportunity to remove his shirt and as soon as it was over his head, his lips were attacking mine again.

I ran my fingers through his hair and felt him give a slight shudder.

Somehow, I don't remember the exact details, we wound up on the bed with me in my underwear and him in boxers. I didn't really care, either. All that mattered was we were together and I was making him happy. Even if it was just for one night.

* * *

If I thought that being with Adrian would help curb my nightmares, I was sadly mistaken. They came like clockwork, unrelenting and cruel.

And for some reason, they were getting worse. I would actually give into my hunger and kill Lissa. After I killed her, I killed Christian . . . and this time, Adrian was added to the list. But instead of Dimitri looking disappointed in me like he had before, his eyes would be brimming with that evil red in them and he would smile at me. He would take me in his arms and whisper, "Well done, Roza. Now we can truly be together. Forever."

That's when I sat up in bed, sweating and my chest heaving. I still felt slightly panicked from my nightmare and had a little bit of a difficult time calming myself. Seeing Adrian dead did odd things to me, even if it was only a nightmare. I looked over at him and saw his steady breathing and nearly wept with relief. He was fine. I knew he was, but that didn't curb my fear that I would hurt him.

I studied him for a moment, watching the rise and fall of his chest. I thought about how contradicting he was. On the surface, he was often times arrogant and aloof with most people. He'd been that way with me for the longest time and was never serious about anything. But tonight . . . tonight I'd seen a whole new side to him that I never knew existed. He was gentle, passionate, loving—all the things a lover should be. I hadn't known that I would actually enjoy sex with someone who wasn't Dimitri. But I had.

And as I was carefully watching him, I realized that he'd somehow managed to carve his own place in my heart and the thought of me ever hurting him did weird things to my stomach. The thought of me _killing_ him made me want to throw up. It made my blood run cold.

I felt tears prick my eyes as I remembered my nightmare. He'd been so pale, so lifeless. The charismatic enigma that so often irritated me and got under my skin but still managed to make me laugh, had been drained of all life. Because of me.

It was then that I'd decided I'd had enough. Dimitri was close by. I could feel it in my skin. He was waiting. Watching.

Honestly, I'd trained to the best of my abilities. It was time to take this fight to him and be done with it. The wait was not doing good things for my sanity.

I took one last look at Adrian and allowed my heart to speed up a little at the sight of him. I leaned down and kissed him on the forehead and smiled when the left side of his mouth turned upwards just the slightest bit. I touched the side of his face lightly with the palm of my hand and moved to where I could whisper in his ear. "Thank you. For everything. You mean more to me than you'll ever know."

I kissed him on his temple and slid quietly out of bed, pleased that he hadn't stirred. After I found his shirt tossed over one of the chairs and my underwear, I slid my panties on and half-hazardly buttoned the overly large shirt. Once I was semi-comfortable, I tiptoed over to his desk, found paper and a pen and began writing my goodbyes. My first one was to my mom, then Christian, then Lissa, and finally Adrian. It was all so draining. It was a miracle he didn't wake up to the scratching of the pen.

I folded each letter meticulously and addressed each of them, then left them on the desk under a paperweight.

Upon completion of my goodbyes, I stole one last look at Adrian and slipped quietly out of the room and into my own so I could dress properly for this fight. First, I quickly showered, though, and once I was ready, I made my way towards the stairs.

It wasn't quite sunset yet, so he wouldn't be on the surrounding perimeter. The wait alone threatened to kill me. It was torturous, mainly because I kept sneaking glances back at the house. A million things were floating in and out of my mind. Of course Lissa accompanied my thoughts—she never left them. I forced myself not to dip into her head because it would only weaken my resolve to do this. And thinking of Lissa resulted in thoughts of Christian, which, oddly enough, brought a small smile to face. _Christian will pull through for me. He won't let me down, _I told myself determinedly. If I could count on anyone for that task, it was Christian. He would do what I asked of him.

I bit my lip and glanced up at the bedroom window I'd had to sneak out of earlier. I thought of Adrian . . . he should be waking up not too long after the darkness settled in. I felt bad that he would wake up to an empty bed, but it was better this way. This way, I didn't risk letting him change my mind and if anyone had a reasonable shot of convincing me not to do this, it was Adrian, surprisingly. Foolishly, I secretly wished he would come barreling out the backdoor any second now and do just that—convince me not go through with it. I wasn't ready to go up against Dimitri and part of me questioned if I would ever be. This was, yet another reason I longed for darkness. But I knew he would be there soon. I just needed to be patient for a little while longer.

And sure enough, once the sun went down completely, there he was, standing at the beginning of the woods. His head was tilted to the side in amusement and he smirked at me. "Well, this is different. Looking for me?"

I nodded curtly. "Yes. Does your offer still stand?"

"Of course. You know me, Roza. I don't go back on my word."

"I _knew_ you," I corrected. "I don't know you anymore."

He sighed and ran a hand through his loose hair. Dimitri looked rather bored at the exchange that was happening, honestly.

"Must we go through this all again? It's really getting quite tiresome."

Fear was putting me on edge. I didn't want to be any more nervous than I already was and the longer this was prolonged, the worse it would be for me. I couldn't afford to talk to him. Not this time.

"Look, what do you say we skip the dialogue and get to the good stuff? Sound good?"

He quirked an eyebrow and then burst into laughter. "So eager. I thought you would be grateful for my extended absence."

"Grateful?" I said angrily. "You're fucking with my head and I'm smart enough to know that. You didn't do this for me. So drop the good guy act because the Dimitri that _was _good died back in the caves."

At that, his eyes narrowed into tiny, deadly slits and I could have sworn that he _snarled_ at me. I fought the urge to step back in fright and was pleased that I held my ground. This Dimitri was scary.

"Well, since you're apparently eager to be awakened, let's start the fight, shall we?"

"Awakened? You're so certain I'll lose?"

At that, he smirked again. "Oh no, it's not that at all. _You're_ certain you'll lose."

Now I did take a step back. My lack of confidence I had was already starting to dwindle. "Excuse me?"

He nodded. "I can sense it. Your fear. You're absolutely terrified of me right now. I can see it in your eyes." I had no response for that. He simply gave me an annoying, all knowing look. "Well, ladies first," he finally said when he got the hint I wasn't talking.

I hesitated and looked back at the house. A foolish move, but it was one I couldn't seem to help. "Not here."

"What?" he asked, looking a little baffled.

"We fight somewhere else. Neutral territory. That way it's fair."

He shook his head and chuckled. "Have it your way, then. After you," he said as he gestured into the trees. My feet seemed to be rooted in place and he quirked an eyebrow. "Are you coming?"

With one last glance at the window, I sighed and nodded. "Yes. Let's go."

* * *

Adrian's eyelids fluttered open and he found himself staring up at the ceiling. He blinked rapidly at first, allowing himself to get used to the lack of lighting in the room. When his eyes adjusted, he rolled over to his side and glanced at the clock, then emitted a loud groan. Ten p.m. "It's too early," he muttered.

In his sleepy haze, he was about to drift back into slumber when he frowned. Something was amiss.

He rolled over onto his other side and his scowl deepened when he noticed that Rose was no longer occupying the bed. _Maybe she's in the bathroom,_he thought to himself. However, he knew how ridiculous the thought was. His heart knew. She wasn't in the bathroom.

"Rose?" He climbed out of bed and slipped into his boxers that were strewn over one of the bedposts. After waiting in a few moments of agonizing silence, he called out again a little louder as he flipped on the light. "Rose?"

He was about to go in search of her when, out of the corner of his eye, he saw it. His eyes squeezed together tightly as though he were trying to shut out the pain. Seeing that letter with his name on it felt like the biggest punch in the gut he'd ever experienced.

His hand trembled as he reached for it and once it was within his grasp, he stared at it. The urge to rip it up possessed him as a fleeting rush of anger took hold of him. How could he have been so stupid? She'd _told _him it was just one night—that's what she agreed to. _He'd_ been the one to offer the suggestion in the first place. And he thought he'd be okay with just one night. But he hadn't ever thought that she'd leave him in the middle of the night. He'd stupidly expected at least a goodbye that wasn't handwritten.

Gritting his teeth, he unfolded the letter.

_Adrian,_

_How do I even begin to say goodbye to you? I've never been very eloquent with words and honestly, I'm worried I'll sound stupid with whatever I write in here. But I owe you a goodbye. I wish I could have given you a proper one, but I couldn't bring myself to. If anyone would have the ability to talk me out of going to Dimitri, it would be __you__. Shocking, huh? Who would have thought that you would have wound up having so much influence on me?_

_God, I know this is a little ridiculous and perhaps even a little cruel since I've up and left, but about last night . . . I don't regret it. Not for a second. Everything about it was beautiful and wonderful._

Right, he thought bitterly while his grip on the paper tightened. If it was so beautiful and wonderful, how did she leave me so easily?

He shook his head, took a deep breath, and forced himself to not think like that. He knew Rose. She wouldn't say it if she didn't mean it. He had to remember that.

With a sigh, he returned to the damn letter.

_And I know I have no right to ask you to do this—not after everything you've already done for me. But I need you to deliver the rest of the letters. It is especially vital that Christian receives his. Please do not ask someone else to give it to him. I need you to make sure he gets it and you're the only one I trust to do this. It is the last thing I'll ever ask of you._

_You may not believe me, but you really do have your own place in my heart. Last night helped me realize that. You're very special to me, Adrian Ivashkov. Please know that, if nothing else._

_All my love,_

_Rose._

His heart raced. Damn it to hell. He didn't _want _it to be the last thing she ever asked of him. Maybe he was a masochist deep down, but he knew he'd rather have Rose here and use him than have her be dead. Or worse. Because like a fool that he was, he loved her. As pointless and unrequited as it was, he loved her.

Tears brimmed in his eyes and he tried forcing them back. He hated crying. It made him feel weak and pathetic. It didn't do anyone any good; it didn't fix things. It sure as hell wouldn't bring Rose back to him.

Damn Belikov to hell for eternity. This was all his fault. Every bit of it. Rose leaving all those months ago to go looking for him, Rose burning herself into the ground, Rose forgetting her friends and family—however briefly it may have been, Rose slowly killing herself every day. That was all Belikov.

His lip curled as hatred embodied him. If Rose didn't kill him today, he would. Either way, Dimitri Belikov was a dead man.

No sooner had he finished that thought, though, his phone rang. He sneered at it and he really didn't want to answer it.

Adrian sighed in frustration and wiped a hand over his face as he searched for his phone in his jeans. When he found it, he pulled it out and answered without looking at the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"I have information you might be interested in. Perhaps _very_ interested in. This could be the very thing you've been looking for that can help Rose."

As irritated and angry as he was right now, his attention had been grabbed. Instead, hope filled him. "Yes, Andreas?"

"Hmmm . . . do you believe in fairytales, boss?"

* * *

"Ivashkov," Christian snarled. "What do you want? You shouldn't even be here. How did you get past the guards, anyway?"

He shrugged. "Compulsion. And I'm here to deliver something to you upon Miss Hathaway's request."

Adrian reached in the pocket of his jacket and handed him the letter. He eyed it as though it contained some contagious disease before accepting it. "Thanks," he said gruffly.

"Before you read that, though, there's something I need to discuss with you. Privately."

"Well, I have a feeling Rose wanted me to read this pretty quickly, am I right?" Grudgingly, Adrian nodded. "Well then, your request is going to have to wait. I have a feeling I know what this is, anyway."

Completely ignoring his presence, Ivashkov watched irritably as Christian tore open the letter and started to read. By the end, he looked as though he were going to be sick.

"I have to go. I need you to get me past the guards. Now."

"Whoa, where's the fire?"

He flinched at the word fire, much to Adrian's confusion. "Please," he said through his teeth. "I _really_ need to get out of here."

"First, you and I have business to discuss."

Christian was well beyond pissed off now, but Adrian put on his façade of nonchalance. He was feeling far from calm right now, but no one really needed to know that. Damn it, he wanted a cigarette right about now.

"I don't have time for your games," he seethed.

"Well make time," Adrian stated dully. "Do you want Rose to be happy or not?"

His eyes narrowed and the dark-haired boy completely froze. "What are you talking about?"

"What if I told you that we have a shot at bringing Belikov back from the un-dead?"

"I'd say you're crazier than I originally thought, jackass."

Adrian smirked and reached into his pocket. "Thought you might say that. But what do you have to say to this, flame boy?"

At that, he produced a ring. When Andreas had first told him of the ring and how he came across it, he didn't believe it. Truthfully, he'd questioned his friend's sanity. But when he saw the ring in action, he'd felt a spark of hope stirring within him.

Christian sucked in a breath. "Where the hell did you get that?"

"Recognize it?" He nodded and Adrian quirked an eyebrow. "How's that?"

"None of your damn business—that's how. That doesn't matter. But if you have it and you know what it does, then you should also know that the theory behind it is nothing but a bunch of crazy talk!"

"And what if it's not," Adrian argued. "What if there's some truth behind the madness?"

He looked reluctant, not that Adrian could really blame him. "It's not even just that, Ivashkov. If you're putting this much stalk into this hoopla, then I can only assume you've been informed of _everything. _You know what the risks are to you."

And there it was. The risk factor. He should have known Ozera would know about that. "I do know the risks."

The other boy's eyes were blazing. "And what about Lissa? She had to live through your 'death' once. You'd put her through this again?"

Adrian snorted. "You know they call it a risk because it means it's not a certainty. Therefore, much to your disappointment I'm sure, just because there's a risk that I _could_ die doesn't mean that it's _going_ to happen. In fact, I think the odds are more in my favor since I've got magic fingers and all."

Christian rolled his eyes, but turned utterly serious. "This is crazy. You know that, right?"

"Ozera, I've been living with crazy practically my whole life. I'm well aware of everything this entails, but I can't do it on my own." And this was the hard part. He sucked in a deep breath and grit his teeth together. "I need your help." Once that was out of the way, he held out his hand. "What do you say?"

Christian condemningly eyed Adrian's hand, at which Adrian grunted. "I don't have cooties, Ozera."

Still, the other boy looked as though he wanted to throw up again. With obvious reluctance, Christian accepted the outstretched hand. "Hell has officially frozen over," he mumbled.

"Oh good," Adrian said cheerfully. "Now my skis won't go to waste."

* * *

"Where are we going?" I asked somewhat impatiently.

"Neutral ground," he replied calmly.

I huffed. "How is it neutral if you know exactly where we're going?"

"I don't. I'm actually guessing. I've been there once having stumbled upon it by a happy accident. I'm trying to remember where it is."

"Oh great. Now we're Hanzel and Grettle? Are you sure we shouldn't be leaving a trail of breadcrumbs behind us?" I asked somewhat resentfully. I didn't like not knowing where I was going, but then again, I was the one who had suggested neutral territory. I should have stuck with the house. At least then I could have had an advantage. That would have been the smart thing to do, but I have to go and let my stupid conscience kick in . . .

He scoffed. "Nonsense. Besides, the birds would snatch up the bread before we could ever dream of using the trail."

I grumbled under my breath and hated even more that he was right.

Finally, after what felt like miles of walking, we came to a clearing in the woods. I made a mental note of the direction we'd traveled and kept it stored in the back of my mind. But once I stored that information, I felt myself produce a small gasp. Now I knew what Dimitri meant when he said he stumbled across it by a 'happy accident.' This place was truly breathtaking. And very calming. Honestly, it reminded me of something out of Adrian's dream settings.

I eyed Dimitri cautiously. "Why here?"

He shrugged. "I thought you would appreciate its serenity."

Something familiar tugged at my heart and I forced myself to ignore it. This was _not_ Dimitri. I had to tell myself that he was doing this to throw me off guard. He was trying to use it to his advantage.

"I didn't come here to go on a nature walk, Dimitri. I want to get this over with."

He nodded. "As you wish. And as I stated before, I'll allow you the first offense."

"How generous of you," I spat out.

"Your luscious mouth is going to get you in trouble one of these days, Roza. Not all Strigoi are quite as . . . kind as I am."

I resisted the urge to laugh at that and chose to ignore the "luscious mouth" bit. He really was a contradiction. He was Dimitri—he was still giving me "zen lessons," yet . . . I knew it wasn't the same.

I didn't bother with a reply. Instead, I opted to take him up on his "ladies first" offer and proceeded to knee him in the groin. Even the un-dead experience pain when kicked in the jewels. And his face contorted just as I wanted, but I wasted no time. I threw my first punch to his jaw and proceeded to duck his first attempt. Then I punched him in the nose.

I knew my luck wouldn't last long. He wasn't using his full Strigoi strength on me. Yet. I would be in a shit ton of trouble once his rage came out.

He gave me an intense stare before shoving his fist in my stomach. I stumbled backwards and my body was reeling from the pain. But I stayed upright.

The fight continued this way for quite some time. I was nearing exhaustion, where as Dimitri didn't even look as though he were out of breath. But I forced myself to keep going. The moment I slowed down, he would attack me.

I had to give him credit, though. Not once has he cheated. Of course, there wasn't much in our environment to allow him to do just that, but I wasn't stupid enough to let my guard down when it came to his skills. He'd been a master guardian as a dhampir and his abilities were only strengthened now. I felt it with every blow he delivered to me.

That wasn't to say I didn't get my fair share of hits in. He was getting angry with me, which meant I was doing something right. And it helped that I'd scratched him with my stake a few times when the opportunity presented itself. The scratches appeared to have affected him, but just as I was getting ready to deliver another hit, a blinding pain seared through me.

He'd just kicked me from behind and propelled my body to the ground. My stumble was my downfall. The will to get up was so faint and barely there that I contemplated accepting defeat. My body was tired and drained. In all the time I spent exhausting my days with training, I hadn't thought about how much I was destroying my body. By not eating, I'd grown weaker than what I should be. By not sleeping, I allowed myself to grow tired more easily.

But it was all a moot point now. It didn't matter.

My eyes fluttered shut and I could feel myself going in and out of consciousness. At long last, I caved into the blackness and to my immense surprise, I saw Adrian. He looked frantic and serious at the same time. It made me sad. He was always so serious now. He didn't even bother with altering the surroundings of the dream.

He came straight to me. "Rose. You have to tell me what's going on in the real world. I need to know where you are."

I shook my head. "It's too late."

He put his hands on my shoulders and shook me. "No! I won't accept that. Tell me where you are."

"I told you to forget about me. You should. I'll be gone soon. I know it. I'm so tired, Adrian."

Water was pooling in the rims of his eyes and he was shaking his head back and forth adamantly. "No. No, no. You will not be gone. Not if I have anything to say about it. Tell me where you went."

"It's too dangerous," I argued truthfully. "Dimitri's not like he was when you first started helping him. He's lethal now. Now more than ever."

"And I don't give a damn! Quit wasting time. Tell me, Rose. Please."

Hmmm. Well, I suppose Christian would need to know. Christian! I suddenly felt very awake. "Christian! Did you give him the letter like I asked?"

He nodded impatiently and waved off my question. "You knew I would. Delivered in person as requested. But please, Rose. Tell me where you are."

I sighed in defeat, knowing he wouldn't give up. "There's a clearing in the woods. Head westbound and stay west for probably a half of a mile, then go north. I'm not sure where we are, honestly. I _think_ that's the way. I tried to keep track of the direction as best as I could."

Relief clouted his features. "Thank you. Thank you," he repeated.

And then I was gone from the dream. My eyes were flittering open again. Huh. Must not have been out for very long, though part of me was tempted to just given to the darkness again so I wouldn't feel it when the time came for him to turn me. He's had ample opportunity to do so while I've been lying here unconscious, yet I'm still me. I wasn't stupid enough to believe that I would be for very long, though.

I was waiting to feel the fangs in my neck, but it never came. Instead, what I heard next surprised me.

"Get up," he snarled out. "The fight's not over yet."

"I can't," I croaked out.

"Yes you can."

"I'm so tired."

"So you're weak, is that it?" I said nothing. I couldn't think of a good enough response to muster. That didn't stop him from talking, though. "This isn't really surprising. You always were weaker than me. How many times did you beat me before? Once? And I can chalk that up to pure dumb luck. I always knew you weren't as strong as the other guardians. You'll never be good enough—especially if you're just throwing in the towel now. We've not even been at it very long," he remarked unapologetically.

I knew what he was doing. He knew that I hated being weak. It was one of my greatest insecurities and I despised it with every fiber of my being. He was using it against me, taunting me.

And it was getting me angry.

"I'm not weak," I bit out.

"Then get up. Prove it."

I tried. God help me, I did try. But my muscles were screaming in pain. I'd put my body through too much and it was failing me now.

When my arms refused to push me up and my upper half hit the cool grass again, the next thing I knew, I was being hauled up off the ground and forced to stand up.

"Fight."

My head started spinning and a blurred series of images passed in front of my very eyes. As I looked at Dimitri, he morphed into the people I cared about. Mom, Mason, Eddie, Christian, Lissa, Adrian, and . . . Dimitri.

Tears pooled in my eyes as I saw him. There was no red in his eyes, his face was warm and kind—just as I remembered. He was smiling that rare smile of his. "Dimitri?" I whispered.

"Hello, Roza. It's been a long time," he said gently. It made me want to weep. _This_ was _my_ Dimitri. That voice. How could I have forgotten?

"Dimitri," I repeated.

"What are you doing to yourself?" he asked softly. "I know you're stronger than this. I _know _you are. Do you want to fail?"

I shook my head, the motion alone draining me of even more energy. "Then fight. Fight for your life. For us."

"You're gone," I said quietly. "There's nothing left to fight for. I miss you."

He shook his head in a disappointed kind of way. His eyes were sad. "I miss you, too, Roza. But you have everything left to fight for. You have your whole life ahead of you. And I want you to live it. Don't you want that, too?"

"I thought I did."

"And what now? Now you want to become Strigoi? You want to be soulless?"

Fear crept through me at that. "Of course not."

"Then win. You're strong, Roza. So strong. It's one of the reasons I love you so much, remember?"

More tears fell. "I don't feel strong. Maybe I never was. Sometimes I think I was only strong because of you," I admitted.

"Oh, no," he said looking stricken. "You had the strength inside of you all along. You still do. Find it."

"How?"

"You know how. I have to go now. Remember that I want you to win. I want you to live your life. Don't you dare quit, do you understand?" I could only nod. "I love you. Always remember that I love you, Roza."

He smiled at me one last time and then, just like that, he was gone. All I was left with was a memory.

And that was enough for me.

Pod-Dimitri was looking strangely at me. There was a look in his red-ringed eyes that I couldn't quite decipher. "Roza?"

A smile of my own formed on my lips and I was suddenly feeling more awake than ever. More alive. It was like seeing Dimitri again, even if it was just an illusion, rejuvenated me. "Don't call me that."

He still looked skeptical. "Are you all right?"

"Never better, actually. Ready for round two, gramps?"

He quirked an eyebrow at me. "For somebody who just fell on her face, you sure do look oddly chipper."

I shrugged. "I just realized I have something to fight for after all."

"And what's that?"

"My life," I answered simply. "I want to live. And that's more than I can say for you. What do you have to fight for? Seclusion? Eternal loneliness?" I nodded as I listed the items off. "Yep. I can see why you'd want to fight for that."

"Hmmm," he said with a chilling smirk. "Suddenly so cocky. I just have to wonder how long this newfound energy will last. You're on your last leg of adrenaline, Rose. You can only go on fumes for so long."

I cocked my head to the side as a realization hit me. He was stalling. "Why should that matter to you? Shouldn't that make you happy? I thought it was in your intentions to 'awaken' me. You're not worried, are you?"

"Not at all. If you wish to exert the last of your energy, then by all means. Let's begin."

I nodded once. "Let's."

And so the fight began.

Oddly enough, this time it was more evenly matched, too. I used every bit of knowledge of Dimitri's fighting skills that I could remember. I used every lesson he taught me. And it was working. I don't know how, or why, but I felt stronger. It seemed impossible. It should have _been_ impossible. Yet as we eventually tumbled to the ground and grappled at each other, struggling for the overpowering position, the will to live was rushing at me from all sides.

I kept thinking about Lissa and Christian, about my mother. Adrian. Dimitri.

Thinking of Dimitri as he was and not as the being I was fighting worked wonders. Warmth encompassed me, as did the strength he always seemed to bring out in me.

He currently loomed overtop of me and I elbowed him in the crevice of his shoulder before he could trap me. I took the opportunity to switch the positioning and pin him beneath me. He struggled, but I was using every ounce of strength I had to keep him there as I reached for my stake.

"No tricks," I breathed. "I win. Fair and square."

A mixture of emotions greeted me at my declaration. But none of that was quite as disconcerting as his smile. "Bravo, Roza. Now the question remains. Can you do it?"

The warmth and relief I'd been feeling in my triumph threatened to leave me. I had the stake raised, ready to strike. But it stayed frozen in the air.

He chuckled mirthlessly. "Just as I thought. You can't. Because you love me."

Though my heart was breaking, his words helped me. I _did_ love him. Even as this all-encompassing evil creature, I still loved him. As twisted as it was, he was right. But whereas he saw it as weakness, it was my strength. It was _because_ I loved him that I knew I had to complete the job.

Tears pooled in my eyes and I brought my free hand to gently stroke the side of his face. Much to my surprise, he leaned into the touch, then inhaled me before kissing my palm. I allowed myself to run my fingers through the hair that I loved one last time. And as I did those actions, his eyes slowly shut as though he were savoring it.

My heart shattered as my grip tightened on my weapon. "I do love you. I always will."

And then I staked him.

* * *

No tomatoes for the cliffie, pretty please? Don't hate me!

I promise I'll try and get the next chapter out more quickly since I left it like this. And despite the cliffi-ness, I hope you all enjoyed it.

As always, thanks to readers and reviewers. The support is awesome. It's given me enough inspiration to not only finish this one, but I've delovoped an idea for another one. Once I get to the last chapter of this story, I'll leave a little more detail as to what the next story will consist of.

So, songs for this chapter:

"I'm Not Over" by Carolina Liar  
"Falling Inside the Black" by Skillet  
"When It All Falls Down" by Alana Grace  
"Dismantle Repair" by Anberlin  
"Last Stand" by Adelita's Way

Check 'em out. All can be found on Youtube.

Once again, thanks for all the awesome reviews. You all rock!


	14. Never Going Back to OK

**Chapter Fourteen**

"Never Going Back to OK"

* * *

_Four Years Later_

"Rose, we're going to be late!" Lissa shouted down the hallway.

I groaned and hurriedly slipped on my shoes. When I glanced over at the clock, my eyes widened. "Oh shit! Why didn't you say anything sooner?"

A grunt filled the air and when I rushed out into the hallway, Lissa was shaking her head amusedly. "I tried. But Miss-We'll-Be-On-Time insisted on being a Chatty Cathy with her boyfriend."

My face flushed as I got into the car. "Shut up," I mumbled.

She smirked at me and playfully nudged me. "It's okay. You know I like Adrian. Just as long as he doesn't make me late for my own wedding. Then the fangs may have to come out."

Then I laughed. "Oh whatever. You'll be there in time future Mrs. Ozera."

They had a hard time getting to this point, too. Tatiana had put all kinds of roadblocks up for them, but nothing seemed to be able to stop them. Each of them was determined to marry the other, the queen be damned. Needless to say, they did not have the support of Queen Tatiana. Not that either of them cared. Lissa had long ago quit caring about the queen's opinion and Christian had never cared.

A big smile beamed back at me as we started down the road. "Mrs. Ozera," she sighed dreamily. "Vasilisa Ozera. That sounds so good."

I pushed back the pain forming in my heart. This was my best friend's wedding day. I needed to be all smiles for her. I couldn't let her know how much this was really killing me. So I put on my best poker face and stayed on with the teasing. "Gag me," I said playfully.

She patted my thigh, her smile still as big as ever. "Your day with Adrian will come. And then Christian will be the one gagging."

I froze. Feeling a fleet rush of panic, I turned to Lissa, briefly taking my eyes off the road. "Has he mentioned marriage to you?"

Her smile faltered. "Chill out, Rose. You look like I just said he's going to come after you with a dull knife."

I chose not to say anything to that. That's honestly what the prospect of marriage felt like to me right now. I was in no way ready for that big of a commitment, even though we've been dating for the last three years. It's honestly something short of a miracle. I have no idea how he manages to put up with me.

Some silence passes between us and then, like a slap in the face, I felt her worry start to worm its way through our bond. "I'm fine, Lissa," I said quietly. I needed to soothe her worries quickly because she had enough to deal with today. She didn't need to be concerned with me right now. This day was all about Lissa and Christian. It was their day.

She sighed. "You're not fine, Rose. I know today has to be hard for you."

"Why should it be hard for me? I've got Adrian," I said with a tight smile.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love Adrian. I really do. Ever since he found me in the clearing, he's been my rock. I think I would have gone crazy if it hadn't been for Adrian. Especially after the way Dimitri left . . .

Thinking his name was like a stab to my heart. The pain still felt so raw sometimes. He left me. I still didn't understand any of it to this day.

"Rose?" Lissa asked quietly.

"Sorry. Spaced out for a minute. But seriously, Lissa, it's all good. Adrian's great. Really great, actually. Things between him and me are stronger than ever."

"So why did you look so scared when I mentioned a possible wedding day for you and him? I mean you looked horrified at the prospect of marrying your boyfriend . . ."

I put on the best smile I could muster and shrugged. "It's nothing. I'm just not ready for marriage at this point in my life. Maybe not ever," I added quietly as an afterthought.

Lissa looked at me with alarm written all over her face. "What? You don't want to get married? Like . . . _ever_?"

I didn't say anything.

The rest of the drive to the church was spent in silence.

* * *

"There you guys are! I swear, Christian's like a regular little bridegroom in there. Every two minutes it's, 'Ivashkov, have you heard from them yet?' or 'Why hasn't she gotten to the church yet? Shouldn't she be here by now?' Nag, nag, nag. I swear, you just saved my sanity," he said as he leaned into kiss me quickly on the lips.

I laughed at that. "Because you were so _normal_ before," I said with a smirk.

His green eyes were twinkling as he shoved his hands into his pockets. I allowed myself a chance to study him and appreciate just how good-looking he was. His white shirt was loose and unbuttoned and his hair was gelled to look slightly messy. The smile he was sporting only made him look that much more handsome. "Normal's so over-rated. Pretty dull if you ask me." He snuck another kiss on the lips. "Mmmm," he leaned in and whispered. "Have I mentioned how sexy you look right now?"

I felt my face flush. Really, I should be used to those comments by now, but the raspy affect in his voice can still send shivers down my spine. Plus the smoky look in his eyes did nothing to help me. But that didn't stop me from laughing at him and playfully shoving him away. "I look like a hot mess. I'm literally half dressed."

A grin crept up on his face. "I know. I'm just imagining what's under that silky robe of yours right now."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Perv."

"Only for you, dear."

"Seriously guys, we're at a church," Lissa said with faked disgust. I knew she didn't really feel that way though, and so did Adrian. Plus, she wasn't one to talk.

"Says the girl who slept with her fiancé in the church attic at school."

She grinned and got a far away look in her eyes. I suddenly wished I hadn't said anything. With a dreamy sigh, she said, "Trust me. There was very little sleeping involved."

"Oh yuck," I managed. "You're totally imagining sexing Christian up in the attic, aren't you?"

Adrian suddenly looked sick. He shuddered. "That's vile."

"Oh whatever," Lissa said as she punched him on the shoulder. "Like you're brain's thoughts are any better?"

"They are in fact," he said feigning primness. Then he started chuckling. "They're better because Ozera's never once crossed my thoughts in _that_ way."

Lissa burst out laughing. "Lucky Rose."

I smirked at her. "Lucky Christian," I offered.

Adrian scowled and didn't speak the rest of the way into the church.

* * *

An hour later, Lissa, Mia, and I were all completely ready for the ceremony to start.

If you'd asked me five or six years ago if Mia would be in the bridal party of Lissa's wedding, I would have laughed hysterically for hours. As it turns out though, the three of us have gotten to be closer than I ever would have imagined. Sometimes, people in the court would refer to us as The Three Musketeers. It was a little comical really, but true nonetheless. We all had each others' backs and honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Five years has been kind to Mia Rinaldi. Her face lost most of its baby features, though it still had a softness and kindness to it that made her look younger than she really was. And her hair was longer now, which suited her. Truthfully, she looked beautiful in her lavender bridesmaid's dress. I kind of envied her a little. Looking at her, you never would have guessed that she had a kid already—a son named Mason.

When Lissa was off somewhere else in the church attending to ceremony business, I caught Mia studying me thoughtfully. "Yes?" I asked, slightly amused.

"How are you?" she asked quietly.

I pretended to be puzzled, though I knew exactly what she was talking about. "Didn't we already cover the meet and greet, Mia?" I joked.

"Rose," she said firmly. Oh God, it was a total "Mom" voice she just gave me. It was a little freaky. "You know what I'm talking about. So don't play stupid, because you're anything but. So spill while it's just us. I know you've been putting on your brave face for Lissa."

I grit my teeth. This really wasn't something I wanted to get into—today of all days. "I'm fine."

"Okay. Say that without grinding your teeth together and _maybe_ I'll believe you. And even then I probably won't."

I spun around in my chair and faced the vanity mirror we had set up. "I pity my godson, Rinaldi."

She laughed. "Oh Mason's not getting away with anything. Nope. He may be cute as a button, but I know all his tricks already. He can't fool me. And neither can you. This day can't be easy for you," she added softly.

The look on her face was so gentle and motherly that it literally made me start weeping. For so long—ever since I saw Christian's proposal to Lissa in my head—I've been holding everything back. Part of me was overjoyed for my friends. It took them a while to get past their issues, but they finally worked everything out and they were stronger than ever. But the other part of me resented them. They were getting their happy ending, just like I always suspected they would.

It's been just over four years since Dimitri left. Yet I still remember everything like it was yesterday . . .

- Four Years Ago -

"ROSE!"

Numbly, I looked up to see Christian and Adrian dashing into the clearing, looking as though there were hellhounds on their tails. Adrian was sprinting.

"Don't take out the stake!"

"What?" I asked quietly.

"The stake! Leave it in."

"Why?"

"Just do it and get out of the way," he shouted.

But I just sat there, staring at nothing. I felt cold all over. I looked down at Dimitri and I wanted to cry, but for some reason, I couldn't. I killed him—he was dead. So why couldn't I cry? I should be dissolving into a puddle of tears right now, but something felt weird in my stomach.

"Rose," a voice whispered. I think it was Christian. "Come on."

I couldn't move, though. I was still straddling Dimitri's body and my feet refused to move. The next thing I knew, I was being gently pulled up from the ground and a pair of arms were wrapped tightly behind me from behind.

Everything seemed to be happening in a blur. I had no idea what was going on, nor did I pay attention to anything that was happening with Adrian. All I knew was that Christian's arms tightened around me and he whispered, "Look away, Rose."

It didn't matter. I couldn't really register anything that was happening around me anyway. I barely realized Christian was still holding me, wrapped around me like a security blanket.

I could feel myself trembling. I can't believe that after all this time it was finally over. Dimitri was really gone. I killed him. I shoved a stake through his heart. "Easy," Christian whispered. "You did the right thing."

"Then why does it feel so wrong?"

And for that, he had nothing to say.

I honestly had no idea how I was even still awake. I thought I'd be passed out by now. The fighting was intense and my body ached like no other. I just wanted to sleep. I wanted to sleep for a very long time.

Suddenly, Christian's voice rang in my ear. "Adrian!"

I blinked in shock. Since when does Christian use Adrian's name? And why was he abandoning me and racing over towards him?

As my brain began waking up, I saw that Adrian was swaying and on the verge of passing out. He was paler than he should have been and I knew something was terribly wrong; I could feel it. My voice croaked, "Adrian." _I _barely heard me say that. I had no idea what was happening and I was terrified. When I saw him topple over, my heart lurched and I raced forward. "Adrian!"

My voice had shouted that time and I sprinted over towards him. Christian had caught him before he hit the ground and when I reached him, I fell on my hands and knees. Adrian had officially passed out. "What's going on?" I demanded, snapped out of my state of shock. "Christian, what's he done?"

Oh God. I couldn't lose him too. I couldn't lose Dimitri and Adrian all in one night.

He was still supporting Adrian when he nodded to where Dimitri was lying. His face was grim. "He healed him. Or tried too. We'll see how it works. Belikov's breathing."

My heart was pounding rapidly as I looked down at Dimitri. I hated myself for the hope I was feeling. I knew I would only be that much more disappointed if Adrian's attempted healing failed. It was a damn stupid thing to do, anyway. But as I studied his body, I realized Christian was right. Dimitri was breathing. Steadily. Or at least he appeared to be.

Anger coursed through me. "Why? Why would he do that? He would just be returning him to his Strigoi state!"

Christian shook his head. "No. He was dead, so the theory is that his body would have returned to its natural state. And then there was something else aiding Dimitri."

Christian then launched into a story behind a ring. He said it was supposed to be all folklore and fairytales and that it supposedly had special healing powers. He told me of a story his aunt once told him when he was a small boy about a man who'd been turned Strigoi and that the ring that was currently on Dimitri's finger helped restore him somehow to his Moroi state.

The ring was supposed to be magic.

However out of it I was though, one small fact didn't elude me. "How is this even possible? Adrian was just starting to get his healing mojo worked out. He's not strong enough to bring someone back from the dead."

Christian shrugged. "Guess you're not the only one who knows how to keep secrets around here."

I scowled at that, but ignored it, nonetheless.

"But what about Adrian?" I asked quietly. My heart beat faster at his silence. "Christian?"

"Part of the legend says that if a spirit user enhances the healing process that . . . that the ring sucks in the magic."

A funny feeling tightened around my chest. Christian was lying. And surprisingly, I wasn't even angry about it. I was grateful he wasn't telling me the truth. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know it.

"Will Adrian survive this?"

"If he wakes up and can drink blood, he might. But we have to get him to a feeder, Rose."

"He can drink mine."

"Rose—"

"Look around you, Christian. We don't have time, not to mention the means, to get him to a feeder!"

He looked pissed. "You're in no state to give blood! You're weak enough as it is right now. You're body's been through hell."

"And what do you suggest? Because I'm open to ideas," I snapped.

A groan filled the clearing. At first, I thought it was Adrian. But when I looked down at him, he was still out like a light.

Christian froze and I felt like the ability to breathe had left me. If that groan didn't belong to Adrian, then . . .

"What happened?"

I didn't dare move. I couldn't decipher the look on Christian's face. It was shock, but I wasn't sure what he was shocked about. Was it shock from the ring not working and Dimitri was still Strigoi, or was it shock from the ring working? I was too afraid to find out which.

"Rose," he whispered. "Look."

"Rose?"

Slowly, I turned around and what I saw was nothing short of a miracle. Oh God. How was this even possible? He should be dead right now. He shouldn't . . . but he was. He was a dhampir again.

"Dimitri?" I asked tentatively.

He stared. And stared. And then he stared some more. He made no movement towards me at all. But perhaps what shocked me even more was when a look of anger flashed across his face. It startled me. It was the only thing preventing me from running to him and throwing my arms around him like I ached to. His form was stiff and standoffish. It served practically as a warding gesture almost.

"What have you done?" he bit out.

"What?" I asked feeling confused.

My head started spinning. What was going on? This . . . this was everything I had dreamed about for months, and yet I never imagined him to be angry with me. Tears welled in my eyes as I dared to study the look further. I was stunned to find that hatred brimmed under the surface of the eyes I once loved so much.

I moved forward. He stepped backward.

"Don't come near me," he bit out angrily. He practically sneered the words out at me.

None of this made any sense. Shouldn't this have been a happy reunion? Shouldn't he be holding me in his arms right now and telling me how much he loved me? Had something gone wrong with the healing process? Was that why he was acting so strange?

"Dimitri?"

The next words out of his mouth were even colder. "Stay away from me, Rose."

My feet seemed to move of their own accord. The tone in his voice should have told me to stay back and listen, but if I could just get to him, then maybe this could somehow be different. Maybe he could explain this to me. "But—"

He took a few menacing steps forward and suddenly, I was in his embrace, but not at all like I imagined. It was cruel and unyielding. He gripped my forearm and yanked me violently towards him. "I _said_ stay away from me. Now listen closely, okay? I'm going to turn around and walk away and I don't want you to follow me."

I stared, trying desperately to comprehend what was going on. Everything I had believed to be a miracle was ripping at the seams and fraying rapidly.

"I . . . I d-don't understand. I love you."

Inwardly, I cringed. _I _love_ you?_ That's what I said? I could only imagine how pathetic it must have sounded to him.

Something flashed in his eyes, but before I could even begin to pinpoint the emotion, it was gone. His eyes were once again as hard as steel and cold as ice. "Well I don't love you."

Breathe. Breathe. I had to remember to breathe.

"What? No," I argued lamely. "You said . . . you _said_ you loved me before."

He laughed, though it wasn't the laughter I remembered. This was chillingly close to the laughter he'd emitted as a Strigoi. "Ah, Rose, you are a smart girl, so remember the key word you placed in that sentence. _Before_. Perhaps I did love you before. Perhaps it was an infatuation. Whichever it was, it doesn't matter now because it doesn't exist anymore," he said as he released me.

The force of his release was so strong that it caused me to stumble. I felt sick. Why was he doing this?

"You're lying."

"Believe what you want," he said indifferently. "Either way, the facts are simple. I'm leaving and I don't want you anymore."

There were so many things running through my head. I wanted to ask him why. I wanted to ask him what I did wrong and why I wasn't good enough any longer. But I didn't ask any of those things. I didn't say anything at all.

My chest tightened painfully as I watched my entire world collapse.

I was so certain that he loved me. I'd _felt_ it. What we had . . . it couldn't be faked. So why was he tossing it aside like it meant nothing to him? This couldn't be him.

"Why are you doing this?"

His eyes narrowed and his lip curled just the tiniest bit. "What did you think, Rose? Did you think you would turn me back and we would live happily ever after? Did you think it would erase the time I spent being awakened?"

I flinched. Only Strigoi refer to being turned as being awakened. Hearing that come from him left a bitter, acidic taste in my mouth.

"I . . ."

He shook his head, his lips now thinned in a firm, hard line. "Changing me back was a stupid, idiotic thing to do. It doesn't change anything. You should have left me for dead," he said bitterly.

And then, he turned and walked into the night.

And what little was left of my heart shattered.

_- Present -_

I haven't seen him since that night. I've not heard a peep from him. For all I know, he could be dead and thinking that wrapped my body with even harder sobs. Immediately, Mia's arms were around me and she was whispering soothing words. "It's okay. You can cry all you want," she whispered.

"W-why?" I choked out. When I could breath and my tears lessened, I sat up and angrily wiped at my tears. "Why didn't he want me?"

"I don't know, Rose. But I _do_ know that it's his loss."

I shook my head. "No. Jesus, don't say that. You have no idea how many people have told me that since he left me and just walked away from me. I thought . . . God, I thought he felt the same way."

Mia looked like she was at a loss. "I'm sure he did. It's just that . . . Rose, you have no idea what he went through when he was a Strigoi. None of us do. As far as we know, nobody's ever come out of that before and returned to who they once were. That can't be easy."

"But he was alive again," I argued. "He was . . ."

She smiled sadly at me. "He was _mortal_ again. The transformation probably traumatized him, Rose." I looked up at her, genuinely startled and she nodded. "Think about it. When he was a dhampir, he killed the very thing he became for a living. He _hated_ Strigoi, just as much as the rest of us do and then he suddenly was one. It may not have been for very long, but he had everything that comes with being Strigoi—which means the lust for killing, too. He _killed_, Rose. He killed innocent people that he once protected. He tried to kill _you_."

I shook my head adamantly, all but ignoring everything else she said. "No. No, he never tried to kill me."

A pointed look was tossed my way. "Sorry. He tried to 'awaken' you. And that's worse! Can you imagine what he must have been feeling when he got his soul back—all that he did as Strigoi was still with him. It may not have been _him_ that did it, but it was his body. That couldn't have been easy on him."

And suddenly, I felt like the biggest heel alive. God, I was so stupid! In all the time that I spent feeling the devastation over Dimitri's abrupt departure, I never once considered any of this. I was such an _idiot!_

Embarrassment soon took over enough to stop the tears.

I looked over at Mia, who was sporting a small grin. "You look like you've just had the revelation of all revelations. I almost feel like there should be a little speech bubble above your head that says, 'Eureka!'"

I gave her a wry look. "Very funny."

"Are you going to be okay, Rose?" she finally asked after sitting for some time in peace and quiet.

I sighed. "You know? I think I will be. Thanks, Mia."

She beamed and gave me huge hug. "Good. Now let's get your makeup fixed. Lissa will probably have a coronary if she sees you looking like this."

* * *

I sat in the shadows, away from everyone. I tried to disguise myself as best as I could without being too conspicuous, which was a little difficult when you had to wear a suit.

Honestly, I shouldn't have come to this wedding. I don't know what I was thinking. If she saw me, she'd probably castrate me. Not that I didn't deserve it—especially considering the way I left her.

Oh well, it was really too late to anything about it now. I would just have to keep myself hidden unless I wanted to be seen.

While I was sitting in the pew, pondering my last departure with Rose, music started playing.

My heart constricted as the ceremony began. It's been four years since I've seen her last. I've kept tabs on her, sure, but it's not the same as seeing her every day like I was accustomed to before. I could feel my palms sweating with the anticipation. The flower girl came and tossed the rose petals down the isle carelessly and the ring bearer soon followed. Mia Rinaldi came down the isle next, which was a little shocking to me. I heard that she became good friends with the princess, but I wasn't aware they became _this_ close. I can remember the rivalry all too well. It was amazing how things changed.

And then I saw _her_ and I swear my heart stopped. She looked beautiful.

Her smile was just as I remembered, only somehow better. The bridesmaid's gown clung to her in all the right places. While Mia's was a light lavender color, Rose wore a darker shade. And it suited her. She still took my breath away after all this time.

But I wasn't prepared when I saw who she was smiling at.

Adrian Ivashkov.

My fists automatically tightened and my jaw clenched. Of all the people in the world, she chose _him_?

I fought back the urge to laugh. How great was this? After all this time away, I finally get myself together enough to be able to live with what I'd done and accept it and I'm too late. She's obviously moved on from me. Fantastic.

I was fighting so hard to be happy for her, to be pleased that she had been able to do what I hadn't. But damned if it didn't hurt like hell.

There hasn't been a day that passed by that I haven't thought about her. She stays with me constantly. She was the whole reason I was even able to be here today.

When I was first brought back to life, I know I should have been grateful for the second chance. I should have grabbed at it and spent every possible second with Rose. She deserved nothing less.

But there were too many horrors that I'd been through that I couldn't deal with. I'd been turned into a monster of the very worst kind. I'd _killed_ for pleasure. I remembered every moment of my time as one of _them_. And I was disgusted with myself. I didn't deserve someone like Rose. Not after all the horrible things I'd done. Not after I'd tried to take away everything that was good and pure about her.

No, I definitely didn't deserve her.

Especially not when I still had a sickening thirst for blood coursing through my system. It really says something about you when you're brought back from the dead and the first thought that runs through your mind is a desire for blood. That was the worst kind of sick.

It took a while, but after spending time in seclusion and then with my family, I've managed to regain some pieces of who I used to be.

And I was too late.

* * *

Getting through the ceremony was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. I felt like my insides were breaking into tiny pieces while Lissa and Christian were standing there, smiling at each other. They were getting their happy ending.

I fought back the tears that threatened to fall. Lissa couldn't see me sad.

Of course, that's if she were to even see _me_ at all right now. She was totally engrossed with Christian—as it should be. He was her husband now.

I sighed quietly and looked out into the pews. It was a small occasion. Well, small for Lissa, anyway. Christian talked her into compromising on the amount of people at the actual ceremony on the condition that she could invite as many people as she wanted to the reception. He hadn't cared about that; he'd just wanted the actual union to have close friends and family.

And as I looked into the crowd that was now standing and cheering for the newly married couple, my heart sped up for some reason. The hair on my arms stood up and it was as though my senses were on hyper-alert.

Someone was here.

Someone who shouldn't be here.

My eyes scanned the crowed more thoroughly than before. I was now in guardian mode—not maid of honor mode. But there was nothing out of the ordinary that I could see. There was a ton of security surrounding this wedding, so it couldn't be Strigoi that was sending my adrenaline into overdrive.

I frowned when my eyes landed on an obscure figure in the back of the church. Male. Tall. From the looks of him, very lean and muscular.

My heart sped up further as a ridiculous thought crossed my brain. It can't be . . . "Dimitri?" I whispered.

Through the hazy fog that was clouding my mind now, I was vaguely aware of Adrian coming up to me. "Rose? What's wrong?" I didn't answer. I started walking towards the figure when Adrian stopped me. "Rose? Are you all right?"

"Hmmm?" I responded, finally snapping out of my trance.

"Is everything okay?" he asked quietly. His face was the picture of concern and my heart couldn't help but melt a little.

I smiled at him and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, everything's fine."

"You sure?"

"Yep," I replied as I positioned my arm for him to link his through. "Let's go, Mr. Escort. We need to help move these congratulators along."

I could tell he didn't believe me, but he complied nonetheless.

And the feeling that put me in overdrive didn't fade, nor did my uneasiness.

At least it didn't fade until the reception. It was still there in the back of my mind and occasionally I would find myself scanning the crowd, but the intensity was gone. So I forced myself to relax and enjoy my time with Adrian and Mia and Eddie. I barely got to see Lissa, which I was sort of thankful for. Feeling her happiness through the bond was enough. I wasn't sure I could keep myself from throwing up if I had to be there next to her the entire time.

Christian looked downright miserable, though.

I felt a pang of sympathy for my sarcastic friend and knew he must be having a hard time dealing with the amount of people at this party. So I excused myself from my friends and went over to him. "Hey Sparky. It's your wedding. Try not to look like you want to drown yourself in Jack Daniels, yeah?"

He loosened his tie agitatedly and glared at me. "Easy for you to say. You don't have to deal with all these stuck up royals. And you would think that these people would have _some_ intellect, but no. All they care to do is gossip and treat me like I have rabies," he remarked.

I grimaced. "They're still doing that?"

He shrugged. "I don't even care. It's Lissa I'm worried about. It makes her mad when they do that and they're not even trying to be discreet about it. I've felt her temper flare up a couple of times already."

"Oh, so that's what was up? I felt it, too," I said with a sigh. "But I guess nothing can bring her down on her wedding day." His eyes suddenly narrowed and his attention was no longer on me. I craned my neck to see who or what he was staring at. And when I saw what the source of his foul mood was, it made sense. "No way," I breathed. "What's he doing here?"

"That's what I'd like to know," he replied darkly. "I could have sworn I specifically told Lissa to keep Belikov 2 off the guest list."

He made a move towards Aleksandr, but I placed my hand on his chest and stopped him from going any further. "You need to calm down. _I_ will go take care of it. If you cause a scene, Lissa will be furious with you. You'll get the butt on your own wedding night. Not a very good way to start off a marriage," I pointed out.

His jaw was now clenched along with his fists. His eyes were completely trained on Aleksandr. "Just get him out of here," he said without looking at me, and then he turned to walk away.

I had to admire him for that. I knew that must have been hard for him to just walk away. For some reason I still didn't understand, Christian loathed Aleksandr. And he made no effort to hide it, either.

I sighed and made my way over to him and was greeted with a bright smile. It still hurt to look at him sometimes. His resemblance to Dimitri never ceased to amaze me. The features were practically identical. The personalities, however, I'd come to learn were very different. After spending more time with him, I'd come to regard Aleksandr as slightly creepy. I could understand why Christian didn't like him. There was just something about him that gave off an inky vibe. And for some reason, I'd come to the conclusion that there was a deeper reasoning behind Christian's distaste. He was holding something back from everyone, yet no one could pry it out of him.

Whatever the reasoning, it was Christian's wedding day to my best friend and I didn't want him or her uncomfortable. So it was up to me to get Aleksandr out of here before commotion ensued.

"Rose, what a nice surprise," he said cheerfully.

"What are you doing here, Alek?"

He frowned just the tiniest bit. "What? No hello? That kind of hurts my feelings a little bit."

"What are you doing here?"

"I thought it would be obvious," he said amusedly. He gestured around the room. "It's a celebratory reception for the newlyweds. I'm here to offer my congratulations."

"Well your congratulations isn't needed, nor is it wanted. At least not by Christian. So, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

All traces of fun were now gone. He loomed over me and I suddenly felt very small. He was about the same height as Dimitri, but somehow more threatening. I shivered as his brown eyes bore into mine.

And then he smiled.

"Is that necessary?" he quipped playfully.

I took a deep breath and forced myself to calm down. _Think about Lissa and how upset she'd be,_ I reminded myself. After I exhaled, I looked up at him. "Yes, it is. I'd really rather not cause a scene, so if you want to congratulate that happy couple, I'll pass along your sentiments and you can be on your way. No harm done."

"Hmmm . . . I merely wished to speak to you, actually. I knew you'd be here, so here I am."

"Well then, let's speak outside, shall we?"

Suddenly, Christian was by my side. He placed a surprisingly protective arm around me. "Actually, Rose, Lissa was looking for you. You apparently have some maid of honor duty that needs to be fulfilled."

"I'm sure it can wait," I said with a forced smile.

"It can't. Go find her," he said seriously. "And I'll take care of the garbage."

"Christian," I said exasperatedly. "Go away."

"Not unless you go away first. You're not going anywhere with him," he said determinedly.

"I'm a grown woman, Christian. I can make my own decisions. So if I want to speak to Aleksandr privately, that's my choice."

Aleksandr was watching the scene unfold and was looking thoroughly entertained. His arms were crossed and his eyes were playing a game of ping-pong as they moved to each of us as we spoke.

"Well, it's my wedding day. And I'll pull that card if I have to." He turned to Aleksandr and his face looked deadly. "I want you gone. Now."

"I really only wish to speak with Rose. What's the harm in that?"

"The harm is you're breathing the same air. Now go."

"Come now, Christian. I—"

But his words were cut off. He was grabbed from behind and two hands were now around his neck. The face that careened around him caused my knees to tremble. How was this happening? How was he here?

I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It didn't seem real.

But my earlier hyper activity suddenly made sense. I was responding to Dimitri. Dimitri _had_ been in the church after all. I hadn't been imagining it like I thought. My body had warned me that he was here. I couldn't believe that I was still so attuned to him after four years apart. It didn't make sense.

"I believe they asked you to go. You're not welcome here," he said quietly.

Christian's grip on me tightened and I didn't dare breathe. He and I both knew how deadly Dimitri could be when he chose to be. Right now looked like one of the times he was choosing to be.

Aleksandr simply smiled though, as if he weren't at all concerned. "Hello, brother. It's been a long time."

"Not long enough. Now go, before I make you."

"Hmmm . . . like you did before, you mean?"

Dimitri's face turned into steel. He was looking at Aleksandr with pure hatred and disgust. "I've already been at rock bottom. There's nothing you can do to me now, so save your threats for someone who cares. And if I ever see you near Rose again, I won't make the same mistake I made last time," he said quietly. The words may have been quiet, but the way they were delivered caused a flicker of doubt to pass in Aleksandr's eyes.

Finally, Aleksandr nodded. "Very well. I'll go. But I meant what I said, Rose. I do need to speak with you. I'm staying at the Sleepy Head motel near the court."

"Get out," Dimitri repeated.

Aleksandr smirked at him, but finally left.

And I was still too stunned to move. After all this time, all these years, he was finally standing right in front of me. And it pained me to see him like this. This Dimitri appeared to be fighting inner demons; he looked haunted.

Christian, however, didn't look very surprised. "Guardian Belikov. Good of you to come," he said extending a hand.

Dimitri grimaced. "It's just Dimitri now. Or Belikov, whichever you prefer. I'm no longer a guardian."

I blinked. What? Dimitri wasn't a guardian anymore? How was that even possible?

"Sorry," Christian said. "It's habit."

"Understandable," Dimitri replied with a brief nod.

I was still confused. None of this was making any sense to me. Why was Dimitri here? How was he here? And why didn't Christian look more shocked? I felt as though I'd seen a ghost.

"You're a hard man to track down to send a simple wedding invitation."

He shrugged carelessly. "Didn't want to be found. How _did_ you find me, anyway?"

"Ivashkov isn't the only one with resources, you know," Christian said a bit smugly. "Well, if you'll excuse me, I need to go find my wife before she gets angry with me. Belikov," he said with a nod.

And then I was very much alone with Dimitri. But it was like I had forgotten how to speak. I had so many things I wanted to say to him, so many angry things, apologetic things, even, yet none of them came.

"Roza," he said softly.

I flinched at the name and shook my head. It was the name I'd long to here for since he'd been turned. Only now, the name caused me pain. He didn't mean it the way he used to. He had no affection or love for me anymore. He'd made that much clear. I wrapped my arms tightly around myself. "Please don't call me that," I whispered.

A pained expression flashed across his face, but it was quickly gone. He nodded. "As you wish. I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable."

"Uncomfortable?" I fought the urge to laugh. A rock in my shoe was uncomfortable. This was excruciating. I didn't say that, though. "Yeah, you might say I'm uncomfortable."

"Rose—"

He reached for me, but I took a step back. The idea of him touching me was gut-wrenching. It was unfair. He would never touch me the way I wanted again.

_"I'm leaving and I don't want you anymore."_

He didn't want me anymore.

The words kept playing endlessly in my head and I couldn't seem to turn them off.

"What are you doing here?" I asked a bit too sharply.

His hand receded and he shoved both of them in his pockets. "I came to see Lissa and Christian get married."

I nodded. "How long are you here for?"

"That depends," he said quietly.

"On what?"

And what he spoke next shook me to my core. I was in no way prepared for it.

"On you."

* * *

Gah!

Sorry it took me a little longer than expected to get the update out. I know I promised less of a lag between last update and this one, but some things came up and yeah.

Also, I realize I haven't done the review replies yet, but I will. I'm actually getting ready to respond to them after I upload this, so yay! Thanks so much for all the awesomeness. I loved reading all of them. OOoooh, and kudos to new reviewers! I noticed quite a few this time around, so thanks for speaking up and letting me know what you think. I'm glad you're enjoying the story!

Finally, I realize the ending was kind of abrupt, but I meant for it to be that way. So my apologies if it seems too whacky.

Songs to check out:

"Never Going Back to OK" by The Afters  
"Better Alone" by Carolina Liar  
"It Only Hurts" by Default  
"Energy" by Keri Hilson  
"The Mess I Made" by Parachute  
"Again" by Flyleaf  
"All Falls Down" by Adelita's Way

Quite a few to check out, yes. And on a random note, you should check out a song called "Postcards" by The Blizzards just because. They're from Ireland and a pretty awesome group. You can hear them on YouTube.

And that concludes my author's note for this update. Hope you all enjoyed the chapter! As always, please review to let me know if it's a yay or nay.


	15. A whacky sort of author's note

Not a new chapter--sorry folks! Lol.

I just thought I'd put this in here because I deleted the first chapter, so it's occurred to me that problems may arise with the review button for those who have consecutively reviewed. Whoopsie.

Sorry about that guys.

So, this is a nonsense note and just pay me no mind. Lol.

Thanks to snv3 for bringing it to my attention.


	16. The End Where I Begin

**Chapter Fifteen**

"The End Where I Begin"

* * *

"What's with you?" Adrian asked curiously as he bit off a piece of a cookie.

We'd gotten back from the wedding reception and were now lounging around the house, enjoying the silence. We tried watching a movie, but I wasn't really into it. I drifted off, thinking about the events that occurred throughout the day.

I had been in a daze and I wasn't exactly being a dutiful girlfriend and paying attention to my doting boyfriend. Honestly, I felt like a bit of a shithead. Adrian's been nothing but sweet to me and I was treating him like crap because I was off in La-La Land. Some girlfriend I was.

I was currently staring intently at the carpet in our living room, thinking about random things . . . about Dimitri type things. Normally I would have answered Adrian, would have been paying attention. But this wasn't exactly a normal situation that I knew how to deal with.

For four years, Dimitri's been out of my life. Four years. And he chose it of his own free will. Watching him walk away was like a horrible nightmare that I was always hoping that I would wake up from. In some ways, it _was_ a nightmare. Only in this nightmare, I never woke up. I was stuck.

My conversation with Mia in the bridal room helped me put a new perspective on things, but I couldn't exactly change how I felt with the flip of a switch. And seeing Dimitri had only made things worse . . .

_"What are you doing here?" I asked a bit too sharply._

_His hand receded and he shoved both of them in his pockets. "I came to see Lissa and Christian get married."_

_I nodded. "How long are you here for?"_

_"That depends," he said quietly._

_"On what?"_

_And what he spoke next shook me to my core. I was in no way prepared for it._

_"On you."_

_I felt like he had just taken my ability to breathe away from me. It was like he just pulled the rug out from under me and I landed flat on my back._

_I swallowed nervously._

_"What do you mean it depends on me? What do I have to do with your stay here?"_

_He simply gave me a smile that made my toes want to curl. I've only been in the same vicinity with him for a few minutes and I was already turning into putty in his hands. This was bad._

_"I'm staying at the Sleep Inn motel. Room 106."_

_I gave him a questioning look. "And that's supposed to interest me . . . why?"_

_"If you can get away, we need to talk." His eyes flickered away from me and narrowed perceptibly. I turned to try and see who he was frowning at, but I could see nothing out of the ordinary, but that didn't necessarily mean that there wasn't anything there. Dimitri always managed to see things I would miss. "I have to go," he said without looking back at me. "Consider what I said. We really should talk."_

_"But I—"_

_Before I could say another word, though, he was walking away from me . . . again . . ._

Sleep Inn. Room 106.

That information shouldn't matter to me. I should have forgotten it the moment he said it. Part of me almost wishes that I was accompanying Lissa on her honeymoon and that she hadn't hired someone as her acting guardian. At least then I wouldn't be tempted to actually go. I wouldn't be _able_ to go.

Plus it didn't help that this was the first vacation I've had in years. I really didn't know what to do with myself and I was a naturally curious person.

And boy was I curious.

I've not seen Dimitri in four years and he shows up and says that we should talk? Yeah, I'd say I'm bound to be pretty curious as to what he had to say, considering what his last words to me were.

"So I was thinking we could do something together."

I was vaguely aware of what Adrian was saying. But I knew he was talking and that I should probably offer some form of acknowledgement, so I nodded. "Sounds good," I said distractedly.

"Maybe we could take my aunt's private plane and fly to Vegas to see Celine Dion?"

Once more, I nodded. "Mhm—Vegas. Great," I said, still not really paying attention. A certain pair of brown eyes were still occupying my thoughts.

If I'd actually been listening to him instead of thinking about my current problems with my ex . . . whatever he was, I would have heard the atrocity he'd just mentioned and I would have also seen the mirthless twinkle in his eyes.

"Then maybe we could go streaking through the concert hall afterwards?"

"Yeah, that—wait. What?"

He laughed and patted me on the thigh. "I knew you weren't paying attention to me."

I rolled my eyes at him and snuggled into his side, which he happily accommodated for. "My boyfriend's so smart," I said sarcastically. "Can't get anything by you."

"What were you even thinking about, space case?"

"Stuff," I offered lamely.

I knew it wasn't going to fly and that he would bug me about it, but I was hoping that for now, he would just let it go. I wasn't in the mood to talk about what happened with Dimitri—especially not with Adrian. Adrian still had issues with Dimitri and it was even worse since he was now bonded to him. He didn't like discussing Dimitri if it could be helped.

So, needless to say, he'd be less than pleased to know that I'd basically been ignoring him because I'd been thinking about Dimitri.

"What kind of stuff?"

Great. So he wasn't going to take the hint, then.

I sighed and shut my eyes. And this is where the sucky part came. Adrian and I didn't lie to each other. When we started dating, we'd talked long and hard about the kind of relationship that we wanted to have. Turns out, one of the reasons for Adrian's aloofness and carelessness with most people is because of how many people have deceived him in the past. So many have used him because he was royalty and it's caused him to keep people at arms' length. And I didn't exactly have the greatest history with trust issues, either. So we'd promised each other we'd never, ever lie, and, to my knowledge, we've kept that promise. I wasn't about to break it.

"The kind of stuff that you don't want to hear about," I said truthfully.

I felt him tense as he held me and he swallowed hard. "Why the hell are you thinking about _him_," he sneered. I should have figured that he would be able to automatically guess what, or rather who, I'd been thinking about. He knew me too damn well.

"Adrian—"

"Why?" he growled out. "Is it because of the wedding?" he asked, trying to make his voice calmer.

I licked my lips and suddenly, for the first time ever in my life, wished that I smoked. The distraction of a cigarette could be really helpful to me right about now.

I was hesitant, but I nodded, nonetheless. "Yes. He was there today, Adrian. He was there," I whispered.

For the longest time, he said nothing, which made me more than nervous. I was used to Adrian being quiet when he didn't want to talk about something or when he got really mad—because that was the great thing about him. He rarely yelled.

But there was something marginally different this time, only I couldn't quite pinpoint what it was.

"What was he there for?"

Now I was _really_ nervous. His voice was quiet and patient. I didn't like this at all . . .

I didn't know if I should tell him or not that Christian was the one who sent him the invitation. Things between Christian and Adrian were good. They weren't great, but they didn't hate each other. The prospect of being the cause of Adrian's almost certain anger at Christian was a little disconcerting and I didn't know if I was willing to risk the peace that had developed between them.

So I told the half-baked truth. It was still lying, I knew that, but this was Christian's honeymoon week. The last thing he needed when he got back was a fight with Adrian.

"To see Lissa and Christian get married."

"And?"

"And what?" I asked cautiously.

He got up from the couch, forcing me up from my current position. His green eyes penetrated into mine and, for the first time in a long time, I was unable to read him. And that bothered me.

"What else was he for?" he asked bluntly.

I let out a frustrated sigh and grit my teeth together. My earlier nervousness was slowly fading and the only thing I was left with was irritability. Even after all of this time together, there was no one else on the planet that managed to switch my moods faster than Adrian Ivashkov. The fact bugged me, too. Sometimes he made me feel fucking bipolar.

"Don't you mean _who_ was he here for?" Adrian blinked in surprise and I let out a hollow laugh. "Come on, Adrian. If you're going to drill me, at least say what's on your mind. What you really meant was did he come here for me? Isn't that right?"

Anger flashed in his green orbs and his fists tightened together. "Can you blame me for thinking it? The guy's been gone for four years and he never once tried to contact you! Now he just suddenly shows up out of the blue for a wedding to a couple that he barely knew?"

I gaped at him incredulously. He had to be joking. "Are you shitting me? He was Lissa's assigned guardian! Of course he knew her!"

"Not well enough to drop everything after four years to offer a sentimental congratulations. That's bullshit and you know it. What else did he want, Rose?" he asked determinedly. When I didn't say anything, his eyes flashed angrily. "Stupid question, I guess."

I scurried up from the couch and moved to try and get closer to him, but he recoiled away from me. And I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt like hell. My hand fell to my side helplessly. "Adrian—"

"You know what the amazing thing is about all of this? Regardless of if he showed up at the wedding, he shouldn't even be part of the goddamn equation right now! Have you forgotten how things were the whole month after he walked away?"

I immediately felt myself shut down at that.

That month I'd officially hit rock bottom. Seeing him walk away after being brought back from the dead destroyed me. It had been far worse than seeing him being bitten or seeing him as a Strigoi—hell it was even worse than when I _killed_ him.

My heart was gone. I couldn't even call it broken because I'd just been numb. I hadn't been able to feel anything. I'd barely made it through each passing day.

And for Adrian to bring that up was a low blow.

"Don't," I said warningly.

His sneer was still firmly in place, though, and he looked unapologetic. "I think it needs to be done, honestly. You need a reality check, Rose—a reminder of the pain that bastard subjected you to. I won't watch you go through it again. I almost couldn't get through it the first time."

"God, Adrian, he barely spoke to me at the reception. I don't even know how long he's here for! He could be leaving tomorrow for all I know," I said truthfully.

And that _was _true. I didn't know how long he was staying because he never told me. He was just being really annoyingly evasive with his answer. He was being Dimitri.

He shook his head and wiped his hand over his face. Oh yeah—he was beyond pissed. "I need to get out of here."

"You're blowing this out of proportion. I'm sorry, all right? I promise, I won't think about him anymore! It was just . . . I was shocked to see him again, that's all," I pleaded with him. "He was part of my life for a long time—you can't expect me to not think about him when he shows up out of the blue like this!"

I didn't like the way this night was turning out. Adrian and I have had fights before, sure, but he's never felt the need to leave before—or if he has, he's never _acted _on it. I wasn't sure if I could handle him leaving for good and this whole fight was bringing a very bad sense of dread to me.

I didn't know if I would be able to cope with another man that I love leaving me behind.

It was causing my stomach to tighten painfully and I found myself wishing that Dimitri wouldn't have showed up at the reception.

"You don't get it, Rose," he said quietly.

"Adrian, please, just listen—"

I was starting to get a little agitated with myself. This wasn't like me at all. Normally I would just let whomever I was fighting with go—not plead for them to listen. And he didn't even seem to realize it, either!

And part of me still thought he was being unreasonable and blowing this out of proportion. Once more, I found myself going over the argument that Dimitri had been a huge part of my life—he couldn't just expect me to _not_ think about him _ever_? Could he?

"Forget it. I'm done with this conversation."

He went to go pick up his jacket and my eyes widened. "Where are you going?"

"Out," he responded stiffly.

Not one to make a fool of myself and beg, I glared at him. "Fine."

"Fine!" he shouted back over his shoulder.

The next thing I heard was the sound of the door slamming and I flinched.

As the angry silence continually punched me in the gut, one thought kept returning to my brain, and it made me livid.

This was all Dimitri's fault.

* * *

I wanted to give Dimitri a piece of mind, so I left the house and made my way to Sleep Inn to do just that.

I was not going to lose another man that I loved.

Losing Mason had been awful. He was one of my best friends and I loved him like a brother. It had been a blow when he was suddenly gone one day.

Losing Dimitri had been . . . well, there wasn't really a word to describe what it had been like besides hell. I lost him more times than a person should lose someone in one lifetime. Each time had been excruciating, but none so painful as the last one.

I wasn't going to find out what losing Adrian on top of all my previous losses would do to me.

I was _not_ going to mess this relationship up.

Not a chance in hell.

I pounded loudly and obnoxiously on his hotel room's door. My mind may not have been able to function clearly at the reception where I first saw him, but it was working just fine now.

"Belikov, open the damn door!"

Less than two seconds later, the barrier was opened to reveal a disheveled Dimitri. I took a brief second to admire the sight before me and once I drunk him in, before I could stop myself, I drew my fist back and punched him right in the face, earning a string of curses from the man I used to love . . . still loved, if I was being honest with myself.

"Damn it, Rose, what the hell was that for?" he asked as he clutched his eye.

"That's nothing compared to what I _really_ wanted to do to you," I spat out.

He gave me a dry, bemused look. "You know, most women slap men, not punch them."

I glared at him, still seething with anger. "I'm not most women and you know it."

Dimitri nodded. "This is true. You're one of a kind, Roza," he said quietly.

I tried like hell to ignore the way my heart sped up at the old endearment and I suddenly felt resentful. It shouldn't be like this. He shouldn't still have this kind of power of me. I shouldn't still be the naïve girl I was once with stars in her eyes. I shouldn't still _love _him. Not after what he put me through and certainly not when I had a great guy like Adrian by my side.

It was unfair.

I allowed my eyes to flutter shut momentarily, then, I gathered every ounce of strength I had in me so I could glare at him. I couldn't let him know that he still had all of this power over me.

"I asked you not to call me that, remember?" I bit out harshly.

His face was perfectly blank and emotionless as he nodded. "Of course. My apologies, Rose. Come in," he said as he stood aside. He motioned for me to go in and I had to say that I would be lying if I wasn't wary, not to mention nervous.

The only reason I even consented to going in was because this could get loud and I didn't want to disturb anyone else. I wasn't really a fan of broadcasting my problems to everyone, so the privacy would be welcomed.

Once we were both inside, he shut the door and pulled out one of the chairs that was under the table for me to sit on.

"I would offer the bed, but somehow, I don't think that would go over too well."

Just hearing him say the word "bed" sent me into hormonal overdrive.

Four years apart has, unfortunately, done nothing to curb my lust for this man. He was still gorgeous, still sexy. He was still very much in shape.

Did I mention that he had answered the door in a wife beater and sweatpants?

I had to force myself not to blatantly ogle him. I would never admit this to anyone but myself, but he was a sight for sore eyes. _This_ was my Dimitri. His face had lost the hardness he'd automatically gained when he was turned into one of _them_. It now held the kindness and gentleness that warmed me to my very core.

But I couldn't allow myself to think like this about him.

He'd made his feelings about me very clear and I was going to do the same. I was with another man now and I would not do anything to mess it up. My chance with Dimitri was gone now. It was time I accepted it.

"Good call," I replied stiffly. "And no thank you. This won't take long."

He raised an eyebrow and drew himself to his full height. "Oh, really? Why's that? It's been a long time, after all—we should talk."

I ignored the way my heart sped up and tried desperately to keep my anger firmly in place. I would not let him ruin my very detailed telling-off that I had in mind. I wasn't going to get my hopes up. And most importantly, I wasn't going to let him get the chance to hurt me again. I loved him, but I could only take so much.

"_We _don't need to talk. Here's what's going to happen, all right? I'm going to yell and you're going to listen."

Much to my surprise, he smirked. The cheeky bastard _smirked_ at me! What in the hell was wrong with this picture? I was yelling at him and he _grins_?

"Wow. I forgot how high maintenance you are," he said with that annoying smirk still in place.

I gaped at him and felt indignant anger creeping its way through my system. That was _not_ a smart thing to say to me when I was already pissed off.

"And I forgot how much of an infuriating _ass_ you are."

He laughed and the sound was like a knife to the gut. That was the laughter that I've been aching to hear for five years. It wasn't the cold, lifeless laughter he'd emitted as a Strigoi. It was the laughter that was _his_. It was the laughter that was warm and rare and the sound brought back flashes of our times together when he was still a guardian.

I was suddenly starting to feel suffocated.

Coming here was a bad idea. Nothing good was going to come out of it. The only thing that I would gain is more pain and I wasn't going to put myself through this again.

Feeling short of breath, I started to make a beeline for the door, but I'd forgotten how incredibly fast Dimitri was, even as a dhampir. He was blocking the door before I even had the chance to get my hand on the knob.

"Let me go," I said through my teeth.

"No," he replied firmly. He leaned casually against the door and crossed his ankles, then his arms. His chocolate eyes peered down at me with concern and worry. "What happened? A moment ago, you were full of righteous anger and now you want to walk away? That's not very like you, Rose."

I glared at him, turning my pain and sadness into hatred.

"You don't know me," I spat out. "Not anymore."

He didn't even bother trying to hold back a wince. It was like I physically slapped him instead of just verbally attacking him and it actually felt good. It was almost therapeutic.

"That's fair."

And gone was the therapeutic moment and back came the anger. I hated how calm and reasonable he just sounded. First he had conceded far too quickly when I told him not to call me "Roza" and he was doing the same thing again? He always did that with us and I was getting sick of it.

"Don't do that!"

He looked genuinely confused and he frowned. "Do what?"

Seeing him standing there looking utterly clueless was what defeated me in the end. He really had no idea and that was the sad thing. It had always been like this. The lust spell with Victor's necklace, him flaunting Tasha Ozera in front of me. . . It was always so damn easy for him to hide what he was really thinking and feeling and I really don't know why I expected this to be any different.

"Forget it," I mumbled. "Just . . . I shouldn't have come here."

He shook his head, arguing with her. "Yes, you should have. There are a lot of things we have to discuss."

"We don't have anything to discuss. I'm not interested and like I said before, I shouldn't have come here."

"Why not?"

"It was a bad idea, that's all. Now move out of my way."

His eyes narrowed and his eyes bored intensely into my own. "Not until we talk."

"You've had four years to try and talk to me. And for four years, you chose to stay silent—now I'm taking a page out of your book. I have nothing to say to you."

"If that's true, you wouldn't be here right now, would you?" he said reasonably.

Damn. He had a point. But he didn't have to know that.

"I came here to yell at you, but I don't really feel like yelling anymore. It's not worth the effort," I bit out harshly, hoping that it hurt him just a fraction of how much he hurt me. I knew he would read between the lines and figure out what I was really saying—that _he _wasn't worth it. That we weren't.

His eyes darkened and he glared at me. It was the only reaction I was going to get to my words. At least I managed to pack some punch in them, apparently. Otherwise, his face wouldn't have changed at all. "The Rose I know never backs down from a fight. Every fight is worth it to you."

"Not this time. I've changed."

"I don't believe that," he argued. "You're passionate by nature—that's always going to be there. No matter how much you pretend otherwise."

I shook my head stubbornly. "You don't get to say things like that. You don't get to pretend like you know me!"

"I _do_ know you!" he refuted, suddenly changing his tune from earlier. "I've always known you and you'll always be Rosemary Hathaway. You love to pick fights with people and get under their skin and push them and intimidate the hell out of them. If you stopped doing that, you would stop being you. So don't tell me that one fight with me isn't worth it."

"You don't understand. I won't _let_ you be worth it! I don't want you to be anymore," I said in a shaky breath. Annoying tears prickled at my eyes for reasons that I will never understand. I shook my head and angrily swiped them away. "What do you want from me? Why now? Just . . . why? Do you have any idea what you did to me when you left me?" At his silence, I trucked on. "No, you don't. Because _you weren't there_! You ran away from us. Again."

"Rose," he said pleadingly. "I realize I have no right to do this to you. I know that I hurt you when I walked away." I looked away from him and I tried like hell to ignore the pain, but it wasn't really working. I thought I was over all this, that I had moved past everything. But seeing him here, hearing him talk about the past was like ripping the wound open and pouring salt in it. It _hurt_. "I'll never be able to make that up to you. And I won't bother with 'I'm sorry' since that doesn't really quite cover it, does it?"

"Dimitri—"

"I came back because I wanted to talk to you about why I left. I want to try and set things right between us. I know you don't trust me right now and really, you don't have a sufficient reason to, but I wanted . . . I wanted to explain myself to you."

Damn that curiosity. Part of me really wanted to know what he had to say. It was Dimitri, after all. He'd been my entire life at one point. So naturally I would want to know why he walked away from me. From us. Things had been nearly perfect right before the attack and then everything changed. Suddenly, my chance with Dimitri was gone.

But I had a new chance now. I had a chance to be happy.

Maybe I wasn't as happy with Adrian as I had once been with Dimitri, but I couldn't abandon him now—not after time and time again that he's proven to me that he loves me. I wouldn't put Adrian through what Dimitri put me through.

So I decided to ignore my raging curiosity and I gave him a cool stare. "Why? You don't give a damn about me, remember?"

"That is not true and you know it. I never said that I—"

"No, you just said that you didn't want me anymore—that you didn't _love_ _me_ anymore. So really, what else is there to talk about? It seems to me that you covered everything already."

"Rose—"

Suddenly feeling the fight coming back into me, I cut him off, feeling even more pissed off than I had before. "NO! We're not discussing anything, all right? I'm here to tell you go back to whatever rock you crawled out from under. I am with Adrian now and I'm not interested in hearing anything you have to say to me."

His expression, once again, was perfectly blank. He nodded once. "So that's it? You're really not interested?"

"No I'm not."

"Okay, fine. If you really want me to leave, say the word and I'm gone. I can't force anything on you that you don't want. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy and I'm aware that my actions don't exactly support that argument, but I swear to you, that's all I ever wanted . . . and if you're happy now, then I'll go. I'll leave tomorrow."

I hesitated. My big mistake.

But I was thrown off by his speech. Dimitri was a man of few words, but when he did make speeches such as the one he just made, they were usually empowering, for lack of a better word. They came straight from his heart, which made his words that much harder to ignore.

And even though I'd just told him that I wasn't interested in hearing what he had to say, I couldn't help but feel let down. He was just willing to let it go. He wasn't even going to fight me on it. Really, I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was. He'd sounded so determined at first and now it was like he'd been deflated.

It was easy for him to shut down, but I wasn't aware it was quite _this_ easy.

"I . . . it's what I want. I'm with Adrian now," I said a little less firmly than I'd intended.

"Does he make you happy?"

"Yes."

The room was silent and it was the most heartbreaking silence I've ever had to endure. I've never seen Dimitri so exposed and vulnerable before. He was trying like hell to mask the hurt I'd just inflicted on him and seeing him in the pain that I'd caused made me want to take it all back.

His eyes fluttered shut and he moved aside and opened the door. "Well then, I guess you're right. There's nothing left to say, is there?"

"Dimitri, I—"

"You should go, Rose. You won't have to worry about hearing from me or seeing me ever again."

The thought sent me in a panic. What if I was making a mistake? Would he really stick to his word and never bother me again? The very idea left me feeling cold and empty. I wasn't sure I could deal with the mess that I had just created.

God, why was this such a fucking roller coaster ride? Why couldn't I make up my mind?

"But I—"

"Please go."

Feeling more defeated than I have in a long time, my shoulders slumped and I nodded stupidly. "Okay." I headed towards the door and stopped once I was inside the frame. I looked at him with apology. I didn't like that I hurt him—it didn't feel quite as liberating as I expected it to. "I'm sorry."

He nodded. "I know I said I wouldn't say it, but I'm sorry, too, Rose. Goodbye."

The word felt like he just dropped a brick on my heart. But there wasn't anything I could do about it. _I'd_ chosen this. This was my decision and I had to let it stand.

It was the right thing to do.

My eyes shut involuntarily fluttered shut on their own accord—if it was the right thing to do, why did it hurt so much? Why did it feel so wrong?

And why did this goodbye feel so final?

I licked my lips and finally looked back at him. He'd been watching me the whole time, unsurprisingly. I'd felt his gaze on me. His presence was too difficult to forget.

"Goodbye," I whispered.

He gave me a weak, forced smile that obviously took a lot of effort on his part. It seemed as though he wanted to reach out to me and for just a moment, I pretended that I wouldn't push him away if he tried.

But being the inanely good creature of habit that he was, his hand stand firmly at his side.

Then, on impulse and for reasons I'll never truly understand, I reached up, grabbed him by the neck, and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. It was a mistake.

This kiss made me want to not let go. It didn't feel like the goodbye kiss I'd intended it to be. This kiss felt real and raw . . . painful.

Was this really the last time I was going to see him again . . . ever? How did things get so out of control with us? How did it end up like this? We were supposed to be together forever. We loved each other—we were supposed to beat the odds that were stacked against us.

But we didn't. Fate wouldn't let us be together. _I_ wouldn't let us be together. I just can't hurt Adrian. I can't.

_Then why are you kissing another man's lips?_ my subconscious asked me.

I then felt tears slide down my cheeks and when I felt his hand move to come up to cup my cheek, I quickly forced myself away from him. If I'd let our lips stay together any longer than that, things would be going much further than they should.

I shouldn't have even kissed him—I shouldn't have done that to Adrian.

But this was goodbye. I was never going to see him again; he'd said so himself. And I wanted to give him one last memory of us together before he left tomorrow.

I hastily swiped at the tears that had been streaming down my face, then gave him a kiss that lingered just a little too long on the cheek.

"Goodbye," I said again.

"Rose—"

"Goodbye, Dimitri. I'm sorry."

He nodded. "Okay," he said quietly. Then he leaned down and kissed me on my forehead one last time. "Goodbye, then."

And before anything else could be done, the door was shut and if my ears were correct, it was locked, too.

By that point, the tears were shamelessly freefalling and there was nothing I could do to stop them. And I didn't even try.

I wasn't sure how long I walked, but that's what I did. I walked and walked and walked. I didn't even know where I was going—and I didn't care, either.

I still couldn't believe that was the last time I was going to ever see him again. I was having a difficult time wrapping my head around it, which was completely messed up since I was the one that told him to go.

And once again, I found myself doubting my decision.

Had I done the right thing by turning Dimitri away? He seemed pretty adamant that he wanted to talk to me and try to explain, but I had convinced myself that there was no explanation that was good enough.

But what if there was one?

What if I had just passed up the opportunity to be with Dimitri because I was being too damn stubborn and stupid, not to mention prideful?

Could I have just blown things for good? Was he really going to stay away forever?

But before I could even think anymore on the subject, I suddenly felt all the hair on my arms stand up. Someone was following me. I didn't even know what tipped me off, either. But I could feel it.

I was in instant attack first, ask questions later mode and I grabbed my stake from my pocket. Since becoming a guardian, I no longer went anywhere without—even if I was just stepping outside. It was on my person at all times and I felt naked if I didn't have it.

My eyes shifted around my surroundings. It was pretty obscure. Whoever was following me had to have planned this, unless it was a Strigoi, which it very well could be for all I knew. This place was pretty backwoods. I doubted there would be any normal human just randomly walking in the middle of the night like I was.

I kept my eyes trained for any sign of sudden movement, but there was none and it was making me uneasy. And then, when I looked at the mile marker on the road, my eyes widened at how far I'd really wandered off from that motel. I'd walked for a mile and a half without even realizing it.

Great.

Now I couldn't even turn back and make a quick getaway in my car.

I was still wary and I didn't want to make myself vulnerable by not keeping my eyes open, but I knew I needed to walk back towards my car. I couldn't just stay out here. What the hell good would that do me?

I bit my lip and began making my way towards my car and that was when it happened.

_STOP!_ _DO NOT MOVE._

And I stopped.

Suddenly walking didn't sound very appealing anymore. Yes, I would just stay right where I was. I don't know _why_ I wanted to stay where I was, but it seemed like a pretty good idea.

So I dutifully obeyed the voice in my head and stayed where I was.

_GOOD. PUT DOWN THE STAKE_.

That made me hesitate. Why did I need to put my stake down?

_PUT THE STAKE DOWN, _the voice said more firmly than before.

Okay, I decided. Once again, I listened to the command given to me and I placed my stake on the gravel happily enough. I didn't even question it this time.

_GOOD GIRL. NOW, WALK INTO THE WOODS, ROSE. LEAVE THE ROAD, AND COME ABOUT A HALF A MILE BACK_.

Half a mile. Okay, I could handle that.

I did as I was told and started walking into the woods away from the road, leaving my stake behind.

When I reached my destination, the voice told me to stop, so I did.

I trusted this voice in my head, so I had no reason not to.

"Hello, Rose," a masculine voice said. My eyes narrowed—that didn't match the voice that was speaking in my head. What was going on?

I spun around and before I could see who my greeter was, the only thing I saw was black.

* * *

Wow!

I can't believe how long it's been since you've gotten an update for this. But NaNoWriMo is now over, so my other projects are back in the game! I've updated my profile with information about my stories and such, so check it out!

I would like to apologize for not doing the individual review replies for the last update. Time just got away from me, unfortunately. But those will be started back up again for this update :D Once again, sorry for the flub-up with the chapter-deletion for the now non-existent prologue. If I had realized that would have happened, I just would have let the A/N stay there and let that be that. Oh well--now I know. But thanks to those who reviewed and took the opportunity to send me a PM for a review. I loved all the feedback, and this is my mass shoutout to all those who reviewed for last chapter, whether it was a private message or through the review function. Thanks!

There aren't a whole lot of songs to give out really. But here are the ones that were my inspiration for this chapter.

"The End Where I Begin" by The Script (You all should check this out--the lyrics will help the reasoning for my title choice make more sense)  
"Out From Under" by Joanna Pacitti  
"Into the Nothing" by Breaking Benjamin  
"World So Cold" by Three Days Grace

Once again, thanks so much for all the support! I hope there are still people following this. It's pretty much coming full circle and should be finished up soonish. To my knowledge, the review function should be working properly now, so as always, let me know if there's still interest in this story! :)

_**EDIT**: _I just realized a mistake that I had in there that was actually a pretty big one. But I fixed it. Sort of. Lol. So if any of you go back and re-read and ntoice something missing, it's the mistake I corrected. Anyway, happy reading!


	17. The Tangled Web We Weave

**Chapter Sixteen**

"The Tangled Web We Weave"

* * *

"She's waking up," were the first words that I heard.

I couldn't recognize the voice that had spoken them. It seemed like my mind wanted to place the voice, but I just couldn't do it. Just about the only thing I could tell was that it was a female that had spoken.

I had to admit that I was slightly disappointed that whoever they were noticed I was waking up. That ruined my plans—which consisted of me feigning unconsciousness for as long as possible to try and gain some kind of footing here. I had no idea how many people orchestrated this or how outnumbered I was undoubtedly going to be. It was like I was blind with no cane or walking dog to support me.

"It does seem that way," a second voice commented. I could feel my insides twisting as recognition made its course. I knew that second voice. I knew it well, actually. And the only thing I felt at the moment was the sharp pain of betrayal. I didn't even digest the fact that this person shouldn't even be here. "Christ, James. Did you have to hit her so hard?"

A third party growled. My guess would be that it was whoever this James character was.

"Fuck off, Ozera. This bitch deserved harder than that. Don't tell me you wouldn't have done the same?"

Christian let out a low grunt. "No, I wouldn't have. I know how Rose works and trust me. Right now, she's using this to her advantage. She's taking in every word that we say. Isn't that right, Rose?" he questioned against my ear. I didn't move. I didn't dare to, even though I wanted to punch him right in his smarmy, backstabbing face. What the hell was going on? "I know you're awake, so get up," he said icily.

My mind was swimming by this point. God, I couldn't believe that Christian Ozera was one of my captors. What the hell was this?

I kept my eyes firmly shut, if for no other reason than to not have to look at him in his face. The sight of him would probably make me want to vomit.

"Difficult little bitch," James muttered.

The next thing I felt was a fist in my stomach and my head being yanked back by my hair. My eyes flew open and I gasped in pain. I was greeted with the ugly face of one of my captors—my guess was that it was James.

He was smiling at the obvious pain I was in and I wanted nothing more than to stake him. But it was pretty impossible to do that since I no longer had my stake thanks to some twisted Spirit ability and the fact that my hands were currently tied up at the moment.

I could still feel the throbbing in my stomach—the guy's hand seemed to have been made of steel. Oh this bitch was going down as soon as I was back in my full capacity. Once I had a stake or some form of silver in my hands, that freak was mine.

I tossed him the dirtiest glare I could muster, but it didn't really seem to be bothering him all that much. He was pretty much ignoring me now, as was Christian.

_Well, since no one's paying attention to the captive,_ I thought to myself.

That's when I took the opportunity to take in my surroundings.

We were placed in a lush room that appeared to be a suite of some kind. It was decorated in pale ivory colors and gold trimmings. The place screamed posh and I could only guess that whatever Strigoi was keeping me here was loaded.

Over by the sitting area, there was a plasma TV hanging on the wall, a few shelves on another side of the room, plus a fireplace that I probably would have fell in love with had the circumstances not been this. There were two overly large windows and they were covered with thick, impenetrable maroon curtains.

"I'm going to go get Alek and Desden. You and Avery are to stay here."

Christian glanced over at Avery who was smiling at him and looked very much infatuated with him. I could only guess that this was the chick who was responsible for that compulsion or whatever the hell it was. I glared at her, wishing desperately that I could wring her skinny little neck. Christian apparently shared the same sentiments because he made a face and I reveled in his discomfort as he let out an annoyed sigh. "Fine. Just hurry up," he grumbled.

When the Strigoi left the room, I craned my neck to try and see out of the door and I felt my heart plummet when I saw two more bodies standing in front of it. I could only assume they were guards.

This was not good.

My chances of escape were looking bleaker by the minute. This was just perfect.

The door was swiftly shut and locked, then Christian shot the Avery chick a deadly glare. "Hands off. I'm not interested in whore. Plus, I'm married," he added while showing his left ring for good measure.

"Husbands have been known to cheat before," the skanky ho-bag said, trying to be seductive.

"Not this one," said Christian through his teeth.

The bitch called Avery smiled and nodded. "Sure. If that were true, what are you even doing here? Isn't it supposed to be your wedding night?"

I smirked. The girl may be a first class skank, but she wasn't stupid apparently. That was actually a question I was going to ask him myself before she beat me to it.

"Yeah, Christian," I joined in. "Isn't it your wedding night? Where does your wife think you are?"

"None of your goddamn business," he snapped angrily. "Now shut the hell up."

"How could you do this?" I spat out, feeling my anger and hurt get the better of me. The betrayal was a sharp one and I couldn't believe all the times I'd confided in him. "I trusted you," I said more to myself than to him. But he heard me.

He shrugged carelessly. "Your mistake. Now please shut up, or I'll get out some duck tape and gag you. Although, knowing you, you'd probably still manage to find a way to annoy the hell out of me."

"I can't believe Lissa married you," I said quietly. I tried like hell to concentrate on being angry—and boy was I ever—but I never expected the amount of hurt I was currently feeling. The idea that Christian betrayed me like this hurt more than I wanted it to.

I thought he was my friend.

"Well she did, so get over it, Hathaway."

"This is your wedding night," I repeated. "How could you do this to her?"

He smirked at me. "How do you know what I'm doing?"

"You've helped them keep me here. You probably even told them where I was," I said through my teeth. The thought was more painful than I wanted to admit. I never would have expected for Christian to be a traitor. Did he really hate me that much? "What do they want with me?"

Something flashed in his eyes. I wanted to say it was sadness, but I couldn't because as soon as he saw my eyes narrow at his change in demeanor, his face was blank again.

"Who knows? All I know is that this has something to do with the Spokane incident."

I ignored the pinch I felt at the mention of that town. I had grieved and moved on from it, but that didn't mean I still didn't get a little misty eyed at reminders of that time. "Spokane? That was years ago, though."

"Don't ask me. I really don't care what the deal is. I'm just here to hold up my end of the bargain and then I'm splitting so Lissa and I can leave for our honeymoon tomorrow."

"Sick, twisted, bastard," I said through my teeth. "You really think you're going to get away with this?"

His smile was bone-chilling and ice-cold. "I've already gotten away with it."

* * *

It was an incessant pounding on my motel door that jostled me out of my sleep induced state. I tried to ignore it, as I had just gotten to sleep after trying for most of the night, but the person was relentless and obviously wouldn't stand to be ignored.

I sighed and tossed the covers off of me and went to the door, not bothering to throw on a shirt. Whoever was at the door would just have to deal. I was feeling cranky because my few moments of sleep were being interrupted.

After Rose had left, I spent most of the evening with my stomach twisted in painful knots. Her choosing another man was more painful than I ever imagined. And imagine I had. Too many times to count.

I had seen Rose through Adrian many times over the years thanks to that insufferable bond he and I both shared now. So I'd been aware of their relationship, but part of me had been hoping that none of what I was seeing was real, which is probably why I felt so goddamn shocked at the wedding ceremony when I saw her shooting her breathtaking smiles at the royal. I hadn't wanted those things I saw through his eyes to be real.

But it was very real.

And there was nothing I could do about it. Rose made her choice and if she was happy, then I wasn't going to stop her from being with him—even if the thought made me sick to my stomach, which it did.

So needless to say, sleep hadn't come easily. In fact, it barely came at all.

It seemed like I had _just_ gotten to sleep when the knocking started.

Grumbling, I rubbed my droopy eyelids and opened the door to find none other than the Dragomir princess standing on the other side. She was standing eye-level with my chest and her cheeks turned a deep crimson color and it was only then that I realized I had no shirt on. I muttered a curse under my breath. "Hang on a second. Let me get a shirt," I said quickly. "Come in."

"Thank you," she said quietly as she adjusted her purse. I nodded and offered her a chair, to which she smiled at me for. "You know you're not a guardian anymore, Dimitri. You don't have to stand on ceremony or anything," she said kindly.

I shrugged. It was a habit that I probably would never shake. "It's not a big deal, Princess."

She grimaced. "Please. Call me Lissa."

"All right. Do you mind if I ask you something, though?" She nodded. "What are you doing here? This is your wedding night. Shouldn't you be with Christian?"

Lissa sighed. "You better sit down."

I felt my body immediately tense up at her words. "Why?"

"It's about Rose . . ."

The tension doubled. "What do you mean?"

She nervously bit her lip and I found that I surprised myself by maintaining a fairly impressive amount of patience, even though by rights, I should be anything _but_ patient right now.

"I need you to be honest with me, Dimitri. Do you know why your brother is in town?"

I raised a brow in genuine confusion. The question threw me and I had no idea why she would be asking me about my low-life brother of all people. Or what he had to do with Rose. "No. Why would I? I haven't spoken to him in decades."

"Why?"

I shot her a wary glance. Not even Rose knew about this. "Exactly how is my relationship with my brother relevant to this conversation and to Rose?"

"It's very relevant. Trust me. Now what happened between you and your brother?"

Though I was still reluctant to share any of this information with Lissa, the determined set to her jaw and the fierce look of protection she had for Rose made me think twice about keeping it to myself.

It was something I didn't like thinking about, let alone talking about, but it seems I had no choice.

I let out a defeated sigh and ran a hand through my hair. "I was barely a teenager when we had our falling out, but I knew without a doubt what I wanted to do with my life. I was determined to prove myself as a dhampir and become a full-fledged guardian—I wanted to be just like my brother." I let out a grunt. Thank God that hadn't actually happened. "Well, I don't know if Rose told you or not, but I was raised in a dhampir commune."

Lissa shook her head quietly. "No," she whispered. "She never said that. She never told me anything about you. Not like that, anyway."

I nodded, unable to help a fond half-smile. Even after everything, she'd still kept some things between us to herself.

"Anyway, obviously, blood-whoring was more than a little common. I was never one of them, though. It kind of disgusted me a little bit. Becoming a blood-whore . . . it changes you. It completely screws up your mind because you're high on endorphins constantly and when you're not, you want to be."

"Not to be impatient and rude or anything, but I know all of this already. What does that have to do with Aleksandr?"

My fists curled involuntarily. It was a natural reaction that couldn't be helped when I heard that name. I despised my brother and it was why I never mentioned him to anyone. For all intents and purposes, he is dead to me.

"Well I hadn't known when it was going on, but apparently my brother was something of a blood-whore himself."

Lissa's eyes narrowed. "That doesn't make sense. He's perfectly in control of himself," she pointed out.

I shook my head. "He's just good at covering it up. That's why none of us noticed it to begin with," I said bitterly. "One day when I around thirteen, I think, I saw him letting one of the Moroi visitors drink his blood. I was shocked, but not completely thrown off-balance by it. Normally dhampirs that live in a commune allow their blood to be drunk at least once.

"When I asked him about it, he said it only happened that one time. I believed him."

"So what happened?"

I drew in an unsteady breath. "I caught him having sex with his charge and allowing her to drink his blood at the same time."

Lissa's face blanched. Couldn't say I blamed her. "What?"

I nodded, aware of the grimness on my face. "Needless to say, I didn't believe him anymore after that. So I followed him. And I assume you can surmise the rest."

"I'm sorry," she said quietly.

"That's not the worst part, though."

"How does it get worse?"

I ran a hand over my face, feeling my blood start to boil as our argument floated through my head. I rarely thought about it, but when I did, I remembered it as clearly as though it happened mere hours ago instead of years.

"We had our argument and let's just say that when Alek's riled, he tends to let things slip out that he maybe necessarily shouldn't."

"What kinds of things?"

"Apparently having his blood drank wasn't enough for him anymore. The endorphins warped his mind and got him in so deep that he . . ." I trailed off and drew in a shaky breath. My fists were still tightly clenched and I tried to get myself calm. It wasn't really working, but I couldn't just leave her sitting there waiting, either. "He started going to Strigoi. He wanted a stronger hit. But that's not even what the final straw was for me. I would have tried to help him if that had been all. The reason that my brother and I no longer talk is because he's insane."

"Not that I disagree, but why do you say that?"

My lips curled into a bitter sneer. "He's insane because he wants to become a Strigoi. He's been working for them for a long time now, trying to be a service to them so they'll turn him. I have no idea who he's worked for or who he's working for now and I don't care. Now what exactly does this have to do with Rose?"

"It has more to do with Rose than you know . . ."

* * *

"Desden and Alek are on the way up," James said as he waltzed back into the suite. "Should be an interesting show. Could get a little intense. Sure you want to stick around, Ozera?"

"I still have my part of the bargain to hold. And besides, I'm not the one with the weak stomach, remember?"

James frowned for a moment, but otherwise ignored Christian's obvious jab. "What exactly _is _your part of the bargain, again?"

Christian smirked at him. "Nothing you really need to be concerned with."

To my surprise, James smiled. The sight made me want to hurl. His smile was twisted and his fangs were showing, too. "You know, something, I was a little skeptical at having you on board for this at first, but then I remembered who your parents were. You've done them proud, Ozera."

Disgust bubbled up in my stomach at this man's words. Christian had spent years being ridiculed for the lifestyle that his parents chose. He finally managed to overcome it and show everyone that he wasn't his parents and now that's just all been a lie?

Bile rose in my throat as a horrible thought occurred to me. I didn't want to believe it, but it was a possibility. She was the prize to be won amongst the Strigoi community, after all. The Strigoi to take her down would have all the glory and respect and notoriety imaginable in their world.

"Oh my God," I whispered.

Christian raised a brow at me. "What?"

"This . . . Lissa," I choked out. "You want to become one of them and then change Lissa!"

For a moment Christian said nothing. Was it just me, or had his face gone slightly pale? Well, paler than it usually was. The possibility sparked a new emotion for me. I dared to hope that this was all just some sick, stupid misunderstanding. If it was, I would hug him in an instant. Punch him first, yeah, but I would still hug him.

But my hope was misplaced. I guess I just imagined that he looked ill at what I had suggested. "That would be a brilliant plan, wouldn't it? And no one would have expected it, either."

My eyes narrowed. "What does that mean? Does that mean that I'm right or not?"

"That's for me to know and you to dot, dot, dot," he said with his trademark smirk.

"If that's what your plan is, it'll never work," I said determinedly. "If you were promised to be changed, or awakened, or whatever the hell you want to call it, you should know that whoever promised you won't do it. When your usefulness runs out, they'll kill you."

His smirk was still in place and he was clearly unaffected by my speech. Part of me wondered why I was even wasting my breath. "I didn't know you cared. Gives me warm tingles inside," he said with an eye roll.

"Asshole," I muttered to myself.

I then glanced over at Avery who had been suspiciously quiet since she'd questioned Christian about what he was doing here on his wedding night—a question that I would still really love to know the answer to. Seriously, what moron ditches his own wedding night halfway through just to get some kind of stupid deep seeded revenge? That was so wrong on so many levels. Not to mention ridiculous and pathetic.

Anyway, she wasn't doing much. She was literally twiddling her thumbs. Who does that?

The girl let out a prolonged sigh and got ignored. When she sighed again, James rolled his eyes, but continued ignoring her. Even though I hated James with a passion, I had to admit that I was a little impressed with his restraint and patience with this Moroi. I would have lost it by now and I've only been conscious with her for a very short amount of time.

When she sighed a third time, Christian snapped. "Would you stop it? Nobody is paying attention to you!"

"But I'm bored," she whined.

To my surprise, James, Christian, and myself all said at once, "Who cares?"

I blinked at the unexpected chorus. What were the odds that a Strigoi, a Moroi, and a dhampir were all in agreement at the exact same time? The likelihood of something like that ever happening again was next to nothing.

She let out a disgusted huff and thankfully went back to being silent. Of course that only lasted about a millisecond. "You know," she said as she walked up to Christian. She ran one of her bony fingers down his arm and once again, I felt as though I were going to spew. At least I wasn't alone in that department this time. Both males in the room mirrored the same expression. "I could _make _you entertain me," she said suggestively.

Christian's eyes flashed angrily as he grabbed her by the wrist. I couldn't help the smirk that was forming on my lips. He may be a son of a bitch, but at least he was a loyal one.

She gulped at the glare in his eyes and I didn't blame her. "Try it," he said through his teeth. "I dare you."

"You're hurting me."

"Good. Are you done whoring yourself out to me now?"

"You really are a bastard," she said scathingly and proceeded to wrench her arm out of his grasp.

He shrugged. "I know who my father was, so I think that discredits your accusation."

Well, at least he was still a sarcastic asshole. I could count on that, if nothing else.

At that moment, the door opened and my eyes flickered towards it to see who would step over the threshold.

My lips curled into a sneer at the first body: Aleksandr. I felt the second sting of betrayal, and even though it wasn't nearly as great as Christian's, it was still there. He gave me a cool smirk, as though he were amused.

"I told you should have come to see me, Rose," he tossed out.

First Christian, now this? What the hell was going on around here?

Disgust bubbled up inside of me. Honestly, Aleksandr's role in this wasn't that shocking to me. At first, yes, but once I got over the initial shock, not so much. I had trusted this dhampir. Never blindly, though, as Christian had claimed. I had trusted him because he was related to the love of my life. But then his behavior had started becoming more erratic and suspicious, so that kind of lessened the blow. I still couldn't believe this man was Dimitri's brother, though. That just seemed so wrong.

And then, blind hatred coursed through me as I saw the Strigoi that bit Dimitri back in the caves. That was a face I would never forget. His face still haunted my dreams. I wanted him dead. Deader than he already was. I wanted him to pay.

I began thrashing in my chair, trying viciously to get out of the bonds that tied me down so I could launch an attack at that creep. "You," I spit out.

The Strigoi emitted a deep, rumbling chuckle that sent chills down my spine and not in a good way. But even as his soft laughter prickled at the hairs on my skin, I couldn't help but be transfixed. He was mesmerizing. His movements were fluid and graceful. How was that even possible? How could a creature of such evil nature be so beautiful?

"Ah, Rose. I see you remember me after all," he said with a somewhat cheerful disposition. "I'm flattered."

This scum wasn't worth my snarky comebacks. And I had plenty to offer, too. But I wasn't going to waste perfectly good material on his sorry ass, so I stayed quiet instead. However, instead of pissing him off like I'd intended, he merely seemed amused.

"Well, I suppose you want to know why you've been brought here, is that correct?" Still, I said nothing. I kept my eyes trained on him and felt nothing but pure hatred seeping through me. I never thought I could feel anything like the burning desire I had to torture this Strigoi in front of me. I wanted him to suffer and I didn't care that even whatever I did to him wouldn't be enough for the pain he's caused. I had comfort in knowing that he would burn in hell for eternity and that was enough to keep me going. "I've heard many things about you, Miss Hathaway, but no one informed me that you were able to hold your tongue like this. I'm a little shocked."

I tried not to react, but it was hard. Staying this quiet went against my very nature, but I didn't want to give this bastard the satisfaction of knowing he'd riled me up.

"So you're really not interested in why you're here? I find that unlikely."

When it was clear that I was not going to cave into his taunting, another voice spoke up. "Rose is giving you the silent treatment," Aleksandr said with the faintest of grins. "She still blames you for the demise of her relationship with my dear brother."

"Is that a fact?" Nathan asked, clearly intrigued. "What happened to 'true love conquers all'? Not a believer?" When I once more remained silent at his question, he no longer looked amused. It was clear his patience was thinning. Good. "You are trying my patience, Miss Hathaway." I fought hard to keep my smirk at bay. Who knew Strigoi could be so transparent?

While Nathan Desden was losing his patience, Christian looked thoroughly amused. He grinned and surprisingly, he emitted a deep chuckle. "Had I known this was all it would take to shut her up, I would have brought you in ages ago, Nathan." Nathan shot Christian a glare, who merely shrugged. Dirty looks didn't faze Christian. "Whatever. I told you that she was going to be difficult. She doesn't enjoy cooperation very much. Rose has a very long rebellious streak in her."

"That is true, isn't it?" he questioned. He placed his hands on the arms of the chair I was currently tied to and started to lean closer to me. I shuddered from revulsion and tried to lean as far back into the chair as I could without it toppling over. I then turned my face and tightly shut my eyes, only to feel two fingers grab my chin and jerk my face forward. The unexpectedness of it threw me enough to cause my eyes to fly open. Mistake.

"How about we knock it out of her? Get rid of some of that spirit, yes?" He was staring at me with pure loathing and disgust. For the first time since I woke up here, I was truly afraid. Who knew what this Strigoi would do to me? "I tire of your interference with my plans, girl. First Spokane, then Dimitri. I'm really quite put out, my dear."

"What are you talking about?" I spat out.

"She speaks after all. Yes, I thought that might get your attention."

"What are you talking about?" I repeated.

"Have I told you yet that I detest parrots? Such annoying creatures."

I shouldn't have done it. Not when I was scared out of my wits and it was clear this Strigoi was stronger than me. But I couldn't stop the words from coming out of my mouth.

"What are you talking about?" I asked again, part in defiance and part impatiently.

The next thing I felt was a sharp sting on my cheek and my face accordingly fell to the side. The force he hit me with was so strong that it sent me tumbling backwards in the chair.

Angry, humiliated tears pooled in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall.

I was completely useless with my hands tied behind my back like this. I had no way to fight back. I was at this Strigoi's mercy.

"Ozera, pick the chair up. Now."

He hesitated for a moment and then I heard his footsteps, then saw his feet. He lifted the chair up and I had never felt more humiliated and helpless than I did right then. The strength I had to fight back the tears was weakening.

I was a born fighter and there wasn't a damn thing I could do right now.

As Christian situated the chair, he shocked me when he looked at me. There was real regret in his eyes and he wasn't even bothering with trying to cover it back up again.

And then I felt a small burning sensation prickling my skin. My eyes widened and he gave me a small smirk.

The ropes didn't fall, but they were loose. Loose enough for me to try and get free.

But when I looked back at Christian again, his face was once more a mask of indifference. His eyes were now cold as ice, but I now understood the game and I couldn't even let any of my elation that I hadn't just been betrayed by my brother-in-law show in my face. Otherwise, Christian would be a dead man.

Nathan looked positively bored and it didn't appear as though he suspected anything odd having just took place—which was a definite relief.

I tried composing myself, which wasn't easy, but somehow I managed. My eyes narrowed at Nathan. "What did you mean about me interfering with Spokane and Dimitri?"

"You took out two of my best minions at Spokane," he growled out. "They were worth every penny I paid them. I've had my eye on you ever since then."

A thought occurred to me just then. I remembered crossing paths with a Strigoi who had taunted me about Dimitri. "A few years ago, I was killing one of you sick bastards and he said something interesting to me right before I gutted him."

"Oh? What was that?"

"He claimed me to be one of the 'chosen.' What does that mean?"

He laughed and then clapped a few times. "Oh that would have been Nikoliah, I presume. He certainly was amusing. I was actually quite disappointed to hear you staked him."

"My bad," I said with an eye roll.

"Hmmm . . . one of the chosen." He sighed wistfully. "Yes, I was marginally upset that you had killed two of my finest workers, but I was impressed. Your first kills at such a young age. Marvelous, really. You've made yourself something of a legend around our kind—one that any one of us would all too happily take out."

"You can try," I spat out.

"So cocky. But, I suppose that's neither here nor there. As for your young lover, I was angry about him because he was to be one of my greatest warriors. He had such strength; such potential. Such a waste that he was returned to his dhampir state."

"Says you," I said hatefully.

"As it stands," he continued on ignoring me, "you have two choices."

I sighed. It always seemed to come down to two choices with me.

"And?"

"You could become one of the chosen. You could become one of us."

That's what that freak had meant about me being 'chosen'? Talk about a letdown. "I'll pass," I said immediately. "Next, please."

The look on his face belied bemusement. His lips began a journey upward into a slight curve and I suddenly felt a sense of dread for some reason.

"Your second option?" I nodded. "We use you until you're dried up. You become a blood-whore. Either way . . . you're mine."

* * *

So there it is. Christian's role in this will be explained in future chapters. It will be done in either the next one or the one after that. I'm estimating that there's probably three chapters plus an epilogue left. That's not definitive or anything, but it's probably a realistic estimate.

Anyway, I hope that was unexpected. I've had that planned out for a while now, so I'm interested in hearing thoughts on it.

Songs for this update are:

"You're Going Down" by Sick Puppies  
"This Is War" by 30 Seconds to Mars  
"Savior" by Rise Against  
"Bitter Taste" by Three Days Grace

Once again, thanks so much for all the reviews! I love reading them and they make my day!

Before I sign off, though, I encourage you all to check out my profile. There is a summary of a new story that I'm going to be working on for Vampire Academy and thoughts/opinions would be welcome!


	18. The Fatal Wound

**Chapter Seventeen**

"The Fatal Wound"

* * *

I felt sick to my stomach.

My two "options" weren't _options_ at all. They were curses. And there was no way in hell I was going to choose either one of them. I'd kill myself first.

"Fuck you," I bit out. "I'm not doing either, you sick, demented bastard."

He smirked at me. "Well, seeing as how you're currently tied up, you don't have much say in the matter, do you? If you choose to remain human, then your neck is mine," he replied confidently.

And he should be confident because unfortunately, the asshole had a point. I was very much out of commission at the moment—at least for now. I couldn't shake the ropes off so soon after being in close proximity with Christian because it could put him in unnecessary danger. For now, I'd just have to bide my time until it was safe to shrug out of the binds.

So I opted for another strategy instead while making a show of trying to get out of the rope. At least then I could try and make it believable that I wormed out of them on my own.

This Strigoi seemed like he was the type to get bent out of shape if his power was questioned, so I was going to try that route. Threatening ego and power usually worked, so hopefully this time would be no exception.

"That's real nice," I said sarcastically. "Keeping me all tied up like this, I mean. What's the matter? Afraid you can't beat me in a fair fight?" I asked defiantly.

He let out a laugh, which surprisingly sounded rather appreciative. This did not bode well for me. Perhaps I was losing my touch. And that was really a rather depressing thought. "Try a new tactic, and maybe one that's a little more imaginative while you're at it. Threatening my ego will not work."

"Damn," I muttered under my breath. Of course it wouldn't work because that would mean luck would be on my freaking side for once.

"Why are you so against the idea of being awakened? You have no idea what it's like, Rose. It's . . . transcendent. Magnificent. Your senses are rejuvenated. It's like nothing you've ever experienced before."

Aleksandr stepped in next. "Think about it, Rose. If you chose to become awakened, you could turn my idiotic brother back. You would be together forever. Isn't that what you've always wanted?"

I fought back vomit. He wanted me to turn Dimitri back again? The very idea made my insides churn. I'd rather cut off my arms and legs and be completely defenseless for the rest of my life than do that to Dimitri. And for his own brother to wish that on him . . . that was just sick.

"No," I said through my teeth. "I won't do it. You'll have to kill me."

Desden chuckled to himself. And then, much to my disgust, he brushed a stray piece of hair out of my face. His touch was cold and icy, feather-light. Completely contradictory. It sent a shiver of fear down my spine that I had never felt before.

"Killing you is not an option," he said, smile still in place. I gave a rough swallow as he brushed my hair to the side, revealing my neck. I tried to let my hair fall back into place and shrink from his touch, but I had little to no room to do so. His hands were placed in on the back of chair, making it impossible to move even an inch. It was then that I knew that I had to do something. If I didn't, I would fall into a deep oblivion that came along with being a blood whore. "But I wouldn't mind sinking my teeth into you right now."

And then, he did just that.

I felt his fangs penetrating my flesh and I wanted more than anything to be able to shake him off of me, but something was stopping me. And it wasn't the ropes.

My eyes fluttered shut of their own accord and I couldn't help but think about how long it's been since I've felt something this wonderful. Sure, sex is great—especially sex with Adrian. He was pretty damn talented in the bedroom. But I don't think I've ever experienced another high quite like my blood being drunk. There was nothing like it. It felt like I was flying.

Then I somehow, by nothing short of a miracle, managed to remember that I _could_ get out of this and that I needed to. Because if I didn't try and get free, I wouldn't be in control of my own body anymore. Not really, anyway. If it came down to them questioning Christian, I would fight with my last breath to protect him.

So I finally shrugged out of the ropes that had been binding me and quickly socked Desden in the neck with my elbow.

I felt my flesh being ripped apart as the movement made practically forced him off of me. I had to bite back a cry of pain—and _fuck_ did it hurt like hell—and fend off James at the same time.

He'd snuck up behind me when I wasn't looking. I somehow managed to swat him off and untie the ropes at my feet, after which, I gave Desden a good kick in the stomach.

And then Aleksandr had me in a tight body grip, completely immobilizing me.

Fuck.

And I thought Dimitri was fast.

His brother was like a freaking fox. Sneaky, agile, and quick.

Bastard.

I thrashed pointlessly against him, knowing it was useless but still giving it everything in me. If I was going down, I was going down swinging. Good Christ, everything was happening so quickly that I was having a hard time keeping up. I was amazed it wasn't just a series of blurred images to me.

Desden was grinning at me, his fangs showing, lips covered in blood—my blood. I felt ill. I knew that soon enough, if I couldn't get out of here, I was going to end up a blood whore or worse . . .

"You can't beat me, Rose. You're outnumbered."

"Not quite," a voice said out of nowhere.

I froze in Aleksandr's grasp and glanced over at the newcomer.

Dimitri?

What the hell? How had he even gotten in here? The front door was completely guarded—not to mention it was still shut and locked. Then there was the added fact that he wasn't even standing in front of said door. He was standing by the back wall near the humongous bed, which was confusing the crap out of me. What in the world? Was there some sort of hidden panel that he came in through? That seemed to be the only logical explanation. He couldn't very well materialize out of thin air; as cool as that would undoubtedly be, Dimitri was no god. He had no superpowers. That much was proven back at the caves. He was very much mortal.

Then, as if those questions weren't enough, the biggest one that was currently preoccupying my mind was how did he even know what was going on in the first place?

Maybe he did have superpowers . . .

I watched in silent awe as he moved across the room. He completely ignored Christian's presence, although that wasn't saying much; he wouldn't look at me, either. This was frustrating as hell because his attention was trained on his brother who was directly behind me—yet he couldn't be bothered to spare me a single glance?

Talk about a kick to the gut. Ouch.

"Let her go, Alek."

Dimitri's voice was low and dangerous. It was commanding and it sent shivers down my spine. Truthfully, the fact pissed me the hell off, too. I hated that he could still affect me this way, yet _he_ was so nonchalant and indifferent with me. How was that fair?

"Hello, brother," Aleksandr said without releasing his hold on me. I tried shifting out of his grasp, but his grip merely tightened. "What a nice surprise. Please, tell me how it is you managed to sneak in here undetected."

Dimitri smirked at Aleksandr and it was truly unnerving. His eyes betrayed no emotion. None.

I'd never seen this side of him before—at least not while he was a dhampir. Sure, he'd been pretty scary when we were visiting Victor Dashkov in his holding cell, but that was nothing compared to this. He could give Strigoi a run for their money. I couldn't believe the coldness that was seeping out of him. His eyes always managed to bring me warmth and strength; they were always filled with kindness and it I couldn't come to grips with this changed Dimitri.

His smirk still in place, he gave a small, careless shrug. "Guardian secrets," he said simply.

"Dimitri, what a nice surprise," Desden said with a chilling smile.

I didn't know how it was possible, but his eyes darkened even more at the sound of Desden's voice. His entire body went stiff and he looked like he wanted to kill every single person in this room.

"I'm here for Rose. Now let her go and we'll be on our way."

"Doesn't seem like a very fair trade-off. What's in it for me?" Desden asked with his head tilted to the side.

"You get to live. Sound fair enough to you?"

"Big words. Care to back them up?"

To my dismay, Dimitri looked like he was truly considering it. Why wasn't he saying 'no'? Where was all the control he'd tried to teach me?

My stomach fell as more moments of silence passed on and it became dreadfully clear that he could very well accept the challenge. I fought back the tears that were now starting to pool in my eyes. I couldn't lose him again. Not like this.

Nathan had bested him once. He'd gotten Dimitri off guard for a split second and that had been enough. One second was all it had taken.

Now, more years had passed and Nathan Desden was stronger and Dimitri was unquestionably weaker. He'd stopped being a guardian and while I felt the slightest twinge of guilt for doubting him, I couldn't help but wonder if he'd stayed in training.

Even if he had, would it be enough to best Nathan? Would he really be willing to risk it?

"Don't," I said before I could stop myself.

The moment the word slipped out, Dimitri's eyes snapped towards me at attention. He'd been ignoring me just fine before, but the moment I said something—something stupid to boot—his eyes are completely fixated on my mine.

But if I thought I would be able to read his own or detect a flicker of emotion in them, I was sorely mistaken. The only emotion I could read in those beautiful brown eyes of his was anger. He was pissed off at me and I felt like an idiot.

Here I was having an internal blubber fest and he was completely unmoved with my plea for him to maintain his sanity. I only managed to make him mad with it. So immediately after reconciling that Dimitri simply just didn't care, I regretted the single word that escaped my mouth. How could I be so stupid?

This was going to egg Nathan on. It would amuse him and become another game.

"Interesting," he said.

"Let her go," Dimitri repeated.

"Now why would I do that?" he asked with a wry grin. "I was being serious, you know? Why don't we settle this silly little feud between you and me once and for all? You win and you get Rose. I'll let you leave and never bother you again."

"And if you win?"

I swallowed nervously, even though I knew what was coming. Nathan didn't even have to really say it. I knew. "If I win?" he asked with a cocky smile. The way he'd said 'if' was a clear indicator that he really meant '_when_.'"If I win, I think you can guess the outcome of that scenario."

What Dimitri said next caused my heart to stop beating. I felt the ability to breathe swiftly leaving me and my world began spinning. "Done," Dimitri said.

"NO!" I shouted.

"Stay out of this, Rose," Dimitri said through his teeth. "This is between Nathan and me. It always has been."

I shook my head as I tried to squirm out of Aleksandr's grasp once again. "No it isn't! This started back from Spokane. It's me he wants—"

His head snapped towards mine and he looked at me with fierce, determined brown eyes. His face was, once more, impassive. "That's what you believe?"

"It's what I know."

Something flashed in his eyes and his fists clenched into tight balls. His gaze flickered towards Nathan again. "You told her that this was all because of_her_?"

Nathan shrugged and a small smile played on his lips. "It was fun. Watching her brood over it was highly amusing."

My eyes narrowed in confusion and thankfully, I wasn't the only one who appeared lost. Christian did as well. He looked like he was about to scratch his head any minute now. Not that I could blame him. I had an inclination to do the same, truthfully, because I didn't understand a thing that was going on. It was like Dimitri and Nathan were having a private conversation within their actual conversation. How weird is that?

And why was it fair that I was being kept in the dark about this? How was it _right_? Obviously there was more to this than what Nathan Desden led me to believe.

"You're amusement is ending after tonight," Dimitri responded coolly. "After I beat you, you're going to leave Rose alone. And me. And the Dragomir princess," he added.

My eyes widened at that and I felt something tugging at my stomach, more accurately at my heart. It was a feeling that I'd been ignoring for years now and it was threatening to swallow me whole.

I could feel annoying tears welling in my eyes at Dimitri's thoughtfulness. He wasn't a guardian anymore and he really didn't have any obligations towards me, either, and yet he was protecting me. Again.

And it was right then that I knew.

I knew I was going to have to break things off with Adrian. My heart broke for him—it ached at the thought of hurting him. But I couldn't stay with him, either. It wouldn't be fair to him. I couldn't stay with him and only give him half of myself, knowing that the other half was going to always be with Dimitri.

A low growl interrupted my thoughts.

It didn't take long to figure out where it came from.

"That was not part of the terms," Nathan said agitatedly.

"Actually, it was."

I expected a humorless laugh to escape Nathan, but there was nothing—only malice this time. He was proving to be very difficult to read, indeed. "How do you figure that one, _Dimka_?"

A smug smirk curled into appearance on Dimitri's lips. "You said you'd leave Rose alone."

"I did," he agreed.

"The princess is tied to Rose. If you go after the princess, you go after Rose."

At the moment, Nathan currently reminded me of one of the cartoons where the character is so pissed off that he or she has smoke coming out the ears. His nostrils were flaring and I think if it were possible, his face would have turned blazoned red from anger.

"Fine," he spat out. "Agreed. And this is between you and me only. No interference from others." Dimitri nodded in agreement and I felt all the nerves in my body implode. I don't know if I could watch this and _not_ do anything. Of course with Aleksandr's vice-like grip on me, there wasn't a chance in hell that I could do anything anyway, so it was a moot point. "Then we'll begin. Young Avery, you are to stay out of his head. Understood?"

She pouted and I bit back a grunt of disgust. She'd been miraculously silent throughout the entire exchange and I'd found myself forgetting her existence. I was sorely disappointed to be reminded of it.

"But—"

"If you even attempt it, our deal is off. You are to stay out of this fight."

Her pout deepened and she folded her arms with a dramatic flair. "Fine."

Nathan gave a curt nod of recognition and refocused his attention on Dimitri.

"Then it begins."

* * *

They'd tied me back up to the chair before anything started. Dimitri still had yet to look at me with any other emotion then contempt. James appeared to be bored with everything—possibly frustrated as well. He could actually be lumped in the same category as Avery because they both looked as though they were pouting. Aleksandr was watching with his complete attention while Christian's expression was utterly unreadable. He was currently standing watch over me.

"Do something," I hissed at him.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "And what would you have me do?" he whispered back. "Blow the room up?"

"That's not a bad idea," I grumbled. "At least it would stop this fight from taking place."

His blue eyes were studying me intently. "I can't do that and I think you know it. This is your boyfriend's fight. He needs to be the one to finish it."

My heart fluttered as he referred to Dimitri as my boyfriend. While it should have made me feel guilty for feeling that way, I couldn't help the onslaught of emotions that came with the terminology. "He's not my boyfriend," I argued pointlessly.

Christian rolled his eyes and let out a low grunt. "Maybe not right now—but he will be." I glared at him and he smirked at me. "What? You can't honestly tell me that after tonight you'll still be with Ivashkov. You're half-assing that relationship and you know it, Rose."

My glare remained fully in place. "It's none of your business," I snapped, "especially since you helped to orchestrate this."

"This is not the time for this discussion and really, you shouldn't be so hostile towards me," he growled out. His voice was barely detectible to even me. "I loosened the ropes didn't I? I thought you would have caught on that I'm _not _the bad guy," he finished through his teeth.

Even though I knew he was right and that he wasn't the bad guy, I was still hurt and confused. The brief period of time where I truly believed he'd betrayed me had been pretty devastating and I was determined to get an explanation from him—even if it wasn't the right time. "Then why are you here?"

"Quiet," he bit out. "I'll explain everything when we get out of here. Just shut up."

Reluctantly and begrudgingly, I listened. I didn't want to get him caught, after all. Lissa would kill me for sure I let anything happen to him. So to protect his stupid ass, I kept my mouth shut and quit arguing.

The silence and the waiting were starting to kill me, though. Since Nathan declared their 'game' ready to begin or whatever, no moves had been made. No words spoken. And I didn't understand it.

Dimitri's eyes finally fluttered over towards me and once more, I couldn't make out what he was thinking. He then gave Christian a pointed look and a curt nod as he acknowledged him for the first time since his appearance. "Get her out of here, Ozera."

Indignation took over. The nerve of that completely gorgeous asshole! I didn't think I could be anymore annoyed with Dimitri than I already was, but I was very wrong.

"Like hell!" I snarled out at him.

I heard Christian let out a low chuckle. "Sorry, Belikov. I value my life, so I think I'm going to decline."

"That wasn't a suggestion," he stated tersely. "She's not going to be in here for this."

"Actually," Nathan started, "I think she is. After all, she's just as much a part of all of this as you are. Unless of course, you'd be too distracted having her in here?"

Funny. Nathan was clearly using the same tactic I'd tried on him earlier when I attempted to test his male ego. He'd told me to try something more imaginative and what was he doing? He was using a classic taunt against Dimitri.

And I couldn't help the smug grin that came to my lips when Dimitri didn't rise to the jab. It amazed me that even with all the changes I could see in him that he was still the same Dimitri that had been my mentor, my friend, my lover. His control over his emotions had always been one of his many talents that I envied. I never did learn the control that he'd tried to teach me. Of course I was better, but I wasn't nearly as great as he was.

He shook his head at Nathan. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was amused. "That's not going to work. I'm surprised you even suggested something like that. You're really losing your touch, _Nate_."

To my surprise, Nathan growled at the shortened name. Apparently he had beef with being called 'Nate.'

And that was when everything started.

The fight began before Dimitri could utter another protest about my presence and I could only watch in awe.

Dimitri was . . . fast.

And I mean he was _fast_. He was quickly proving to be Nathan Desden's equal and I couldn't help but feel guilty for doubting his abilities. Part of me wondered, though, if he'd somehow maintained some of his enhanced abilities from his time as a Strigoi. It seemed possible with the strength and speed he was demonstrating.

Watching them fight was almost like watching poetry come to life. Everything was so matched and perfectly timed and neither looked the least bit winded. Nathan's blows to Dimitri made me grimace every single time I had to watch it happen, but then again, Dimitri got his fair share of hits in, too.

I wasn't sure when it happened, but at some point during the fight, Christian had untied me. I glanced up at him with confusion and he pointed towards the same direction that Dimitri had magically appeared in. "There's a hidden panel," he whispered. "We need to get to it."

My eyes widened and I instinctively took a step back. "No. I'm not leaving him."

"He'll be fine, Rose. We need to leave," he hissed back quietly. "Nothing will happen to him. The fight will be over soon—trust me."

Trust him? While it was clear that he was on my side, he still wasn't omniscient. There was no way of knowing that the fight was going to be over soon or that Dimitri would be okay. How could he ask me to leave him in the middle of all of this? "Just because you say so, that doesn't mean I'm going anywhere," I said through my teeth. "You should know that better than anyone."

Christian's eyes went wild and suddenly, he had my wrist encased in his fingers. His grip was bruising. "You don't know what Desden's planning. _I _do. We need to leave while we still can!"

There was a tint of panic in his voice—something I'd never heard from Christian. Christian Ozera does not panic. And that fact caused _me_ to panic just a little bit.

And just as that thought occurred to me, another one did as well.

No one seemed to notice that I was untied. Furthermore, no one seemed to _care_. Dimitri and Nathan were still busy duking it out and didn't seem to have made much progress. Avery wasn't paying attention to anything and was seemingly off visiting Crazy Town—perhaps looking to take up a permanent residency. But the two people who I thought would surely notice—James and Aleksandr—paid Christian and me no mind at all.

And that made _no _sense to me. None. Quite truthfully, it made downright uneasy.

Christian's hand was still wrapped around my wrist and he began tugging at me, trying to get me to go with him. "Let's go," he ground out again.

He must have said it louder than he intended to, though, because at that moment, Nathan's eyes collided with mine. He looked positively livid. But I didn't care. Because even though Christian just revealed his true nature to Nathan, it gave Dimitri the opening he needed—and Dimitri recognized that fact, too.

He swiftly maneuvered them to where he had Nathan pinned and the stake raised, ready to strike.

And after that, everything seemed to happen in slow motion.

A maniacal grin presented itself on Nathan's ugly face and I felt my blood run cold. I could hear shouting in the background, but nothing mattered. My gaze lifted from Nathan and for some reason, shifted over to James.

And he had just whipped out a gun.

A Strigoi with a gun? I'd never heard of anything like that before. It was mind-boggling and it stunned me just for a moment. Strigoi didn't need mere weapons like guns. They could kill with their bear hands alone. So why did this one possess firearms?

Aleksandr was moving towards me and I could recognize easily enough what he was doing. He was creating a distraction for James. However, I seemed to be the only one to realize it because Christian took care of him. Literally. He shot fire at him. While I was grateful to him for protecting me, I couldn't help but be a little miffed because he found out too late that it wasn't Aleksandr that he should have been worried about. He seemed to catch on the moment that he killed Aleksandr, too.

At the same time that Christian fried Aleksandr, James fired off the gun.

I watched in a sick, deadly fascination of sorts as the bullet zoomed towards me. A part of me registered that I should move out of the way, but I couldn't. And as I took in the view of the bullet coming my way, I recognized that it was fairly similar to when the movies slow down the frame. I found that odd, too. Shouldn't it be happening quickly? I would have preferred it.

I braced myself for the impact and my muscles inadvertently tightened as the tiny pellet lodged itself into my chest. My hands automatically went to cover the new hole in body, even though it was pretty pointless.

I couldn't hear anything around me, but all I saw was chaos and all I could _feel _was pain. It was excruciating; I could almost taste the bitterness of blood in my mouth.

Dimitri shoved the stake down into Nathan's heart and just like that, he was dead. I managed a small smile at that and I was vaguely aware of Christian getting rid of James with another fireball.

After I watched him burn, I finally collapsed in a heap to the floor and felt myself shaking.

This was what dying felt like? If this was what it was, I wanted it to be over quickly. I didn't want to feel anymore pain.

It occurred to me that this was probably the very last time I'd ever draw a breath again and the thought saddened me a little, despite the intensity of the aching my body was feeling. I would never get the chance to be closer with my mother, I wouldn't get to hear another one of Christian's surly, sarcastic remarks, I would never see Lissa again—I wouldn't be there to protect her like I had promised. That's what really killed me. Lissa was everything to me and I would miss her.

Adrian . . .

I felt my chest tighten at the thought of him. He was going to be so sad. A part of me really did love him. He'd been my knight in shining armor for so long, despite all of my protests. He'd refused to go away when I'd given him plenty of reason too. This was going to devastate him.

And Dimitri.

I looked up to find Dimitri falling to his knees by my side and to my surprise, there were tears marring his beautiful chocolate eyes. He gripped my hand protectively and comfortingly. He looked a mess. I don't think I've ever seen him like this before. It must be serious.

"Dimitri?" I croaked out.

I don't even know how I managed that one word. It drained me of even more energy and left me weaker than I ever felt in my life. This was how I was going to die? After all the fights I'd survived against Strigoi, a gunshot wound was going to send me to meet my maker? Oh, it was unfair.

I didn't want to die, but I didn't want to fight anymore, either. I'd never felt such blinding pain before.

It hurt to even blink my eyelids.

His voice was shockingly strong, despite the tears that were freely flowing from his eyes. "Stay with me, okay, Rose? Can you do that? We need to get you to the hospital. It's not very far away."

That made sense, surprisingly—easy access to unsuspecting, weak, frail humans.

"H-hurts."

"I know. But you're going to be fine," he said. "I need you to be strong for me." I wanted to. I really did. But I was too weak. That bullet must have struck pretty close to a vital organ. I could only be thankful it didn't hit one. Otherwise, I'd probably be dead already.

"L-Lissa," I stuttered out. I looked at him, trying to communicate what I wanted from him. I knew I wouldn't be able to get out a whole sentence.

He shook his head roughly. "Look after her yourself. An ambulance is on the way. Christian just called one." Christian did that? Of course he did because that was the stupidest thing I'd ever heard. They were bringing an ambulance here where there were other creatures of the damned lurking around? Idiots. "The other Strigoi that were here are long gone by now. And there weren't that many, anyway—calm down."

That brought a weak, pitiful smile to my face. He really was my other half. He knew what I was thinking without me having to say a word. But some things needed actual words and I felt that I needed to say this before I left him for good. As the old Magic 8-Balls would claim, my outlook wasn't good. The only good thing that had happened out of all this was that Lissa and Adrian hadn't been here; they'd been safe. I had that to be thankful for, at least.

I tried to return his grip, but it was pathetic. My fingers just didn't seem to work anymore—or any of my other muscles for that matter. "L-lov-love y-you."

His hands tightened on me and his body was now heaving with open sobs. Seeing him like this made me want to endure the pain. If it meant sparing him this, then I wanted to suffer through it.

"Don't say that. Not you. You're going to be fine," he repeated. "Everything will be all right. Please," he said desperately. "Please, don't leave me."

I shook my head, knowing he was lying, trying to convince himself that I would be fine. But I wasn't as strong as he made me out to be. I knew better.

With every ounce of strength I possessed, I brought my other arm up to his beautiful face and held his cheek. He immediately leaned into the touch and brought one of his own hands up to cover my much smaller one. "Love you," I breathed.

And those two words were my last before I had only darkness for company.

* * *

Yeah, yeah, yeah--finally an update! Sorry for the cliffie, though. But I just _had_ to do it. Couldn't resist.

I know I said Christian's role will be explained in this chapter on the last update, but my outline changed a little bit. This chapter didn't really leave a lot of room for Christian's 'story' but have no fear--the explanation will most definitely come. This chapter gave me a bit of trouble in certain parts, so I hope it's not completely horrendous. Scattered bits of it certainly seem that way to me, so I hope that's just my own worst critic coming out.

That being said, I hope you all don't think it too corny for a gun being brought into the picture. Seems a little outlandish, yes, but my reasoning for the gun involvement will be revealed in the closing chapters.

And seriously, you all rock for giving me all this positive feedback. I think I have some of the best readers out there and I thank you immensely for it! It keeps me motivated. And believe me, it was definitely needed this time around. You deserve medals for your astounding patience!

I can't believe there's not much time left with this story! It's so exciting, yet kind of sad at the same time.

Songs for this time around (one of which is repeated from a previous chapter)...

"The Fatal Wound" by Switchfoot  
"All Falls Down" by Adelita's Way  
"Something To Die For" by Carolina Liar  
"Dear Agony" by Breaking Benjamin

Yeah, they're a bit depressing, but so is the ending. Lol. Until next time lovelies!


	19. Story Interruptus

**P R O G R E S S U P D A T E**

**

* * *

**

Wow. I really suck majorly.

First, I want to say sorry for the non-update and sticking you all with a crappy author's note. But I did want to update you all on how things are going.

Second, I am so sorry the update for this is dragging. I don't know why, but I'm having a ton of trouble with it. The document is actually opened up right now and I'm trying super hard to get it finished or to make any kind of headway with it. I only have about 750 words done up, which is about three pages.

I am going to try to have something up for you guys before the weekend is up. I am determined. Lol.

Also, I wanted to give you all a preview of my new idea for my next Vampire Academy story. I don't know how many of you have checked out my profile recently, or at all, so I thought I'd post it here. And I was thinking of putting a preview of the first chapter up on this story after its completion. Let me know what you all think!

* * *

**I'm Not Over** (_Projected to release upon completion of "Crashed")_ -- Rose/Adrian, will end Rose/Dimitri. Slight AU. I promise that _Crashed_ will be finished before this is worked on. I have the concept in my head, but that's it. I, more or less, know what will happen and plan to develop the outline for it soonish.

_Summary_

Rose was devastated when Dimitri accepted Tasha Ozera's offer to become her guardian. And with Dimitri's pitiful excuse for a goodbye, it only adds pain to the departure. To make matters worse, she can't openly show her devastation--not even to Lissa.

But then she finds comfort in an unexpected source: Adrian Ivashkov. When no one else can be, he's there for her to help her through the pain and heartbreak.

And just when she thinks she's ready to move on with Adrian and is past all of the hurt, Dimitri returns to help when the Strigoi attack the Academy. But he returns to a very different Rose. Will he be able to handle the changes that he inadvertantly caused?

* * *

So what are opinions based on the summary? Should I bother with it, or just scrap it? This will be a little more angsty than my current story, but there will be some humor instilled in the appropriate places so it's not completely depressing to read. Lol.

Oh! And expect review replies before the new chapter. That's generally when I tend to do them. An early "thank you," though, to all the reviews. You guys rock!

**And P.S.** The above story that is mentioned will END R/D. There will be R/A, but I am ultimately a Dimitri supporter. I adore Adrian, but when I write a story, Rose and Dimitri will always end up together. I just wanted to clarify that because the feedback so far seems a bit confused for the ships, so I wanted to clear it all up. :D


	20. Note to Self: Don't Die

**Chapter Eighteen**

"Note to Self: Don't Die"

**

* * *

**

"Dimitri," someone whispered behind me. I was currently scrunched up in a chair in Rose's hospital room, waiting for any flicker of improvement. But there was nothing. There'd been nothing for over a week now. I wasn't going to give up hope, though. I wouldn't. "Dimitri," the voice coaxed again.

My eyes fluttered open and I found Lissa crouched down in front of me with a sympathetic expression on her face. She looked terrible. I imagine I didn't look much better, though.

This week had been rough. I hardly left the hospital, along with Lissa, Christian, Adrian, Mia, Eddie, and their son. All of us took turns sitting with her and even Janine came in when she heard what happened. I had no idea where she was right now, though. Most of the time it was me who sat with her. I hated leaving her side.

I talked to her all the time. I had no way of knowing if she could hear me or not, but I had to have faith that she could. Most of the time I whispered into her ear different Russian phrases. I remember her telling me once that she liked when I talked in Russian. It soothed her apparently.

I sighed and looked over at Rose's sleeping form. She looked so small and defenseless in that bed with all the wires hooked up. I'd never once thought of her as defenseless and the thought left a bad feeling in my stomach.

I also hated that I was so _helpless_. I wasn't used to not being able to do anything. I couldn't help her, though.

"What is it, Lissa?"

"You need to go home."

I resisted the urge to laugh at her. What home? I have no home to go to. Rose _is _my home. But I knew laughing at her would be in ill taste right now, so I shook my head roughly instead, biting my tongue. "No."

"Dimitri—"

"I'm not leaving her."

She glared at me and folded her arms. Clearly she wasn't pleased right now. "You need a shower." Couldn't argue with that one. I'm positive I had a less than pleasant odor emitting itself from my body right now, but I waved off her concern.

"I can use the hospital showers."

"You need food." At the mention of food, my stomach growled, but I still wanted to throw up at the word. That I could argue with, still.

"I can go to the cafeteria if I finally get hungry."

She scowled, which I, in turn, ignored. Her frowns and glowering had nothing on Rose's. I would give anything to have her wake up and glare at me again. "You need sleep," she finished.

"I _was_ sleeping," I pointed out irritably.

Lissa rolled her eyes and I had to resist the urge to pick her up and lock her outside of the room. Harsh, I know, but at least then she wouldn't be able to bug the hell out of me like she's doing right now. Can't she see that all I want is to be left alone? Well that's a lie. All I want is for Rose to wake up.

"I meant that you need _proper_ sleep. When was the last time you had more than thirty minute power naps?" When I didn't respond, she sighed and leaned against the bed Rose was currently unconscious in. The thought rejuvenated the ever-present pain in my stomach and heart since she'd gotten shot. "Dimitri . . . she would want you to take care of yourself," she said quietly.

My eyes snapped over to her and my fists involuntarily clenched into tight balls. I didn't like the way she was talking about Rose. I didn't like it at all. It made my entire body go cold. "She's not dead. Don't talk about her like she's gone," I hissed out.

Tears welled in the princess's eyes. "I didn't say she was," she sniffled.

"You might as well have implied it."

"You're not the only one having a hard time dealing with this, you know," she snapped out.

I felt momentarily guilty over my harshness towards her and on some level, I acknowledged that it wasn't her fault I automatically associated her with Rose. Normally if I were to be having a conversation with the princess, Rose would be standing along side of her making some snide comment to Christian, ultimately resulting in a bantering session.

But now there was no Rose. She was hovering somewhere between life and death and there wasn't anything I could do to help her. If only I had gotten Desden staked a few seconds earlier, maybe then Rose wouldn't be at death's door. Maybe that idiot James wouldn't have gotten out that damn gun.

In the midst of fighting with Desden, I'd completely forgotten that either my brother or James was armed. Before I had gotten to the suite, Lissa had briefly filled me in on Christian's little undercover stint and informed me that Desden was planning to kill off Rose.

That had been his plan all along.

I'd killed his mate years and years ago, so he wanted to kill the woman I loved and make me suffer. An eye for an eye. The problem was that he had a distinct advantage over me. The kill had gotten lost in the many Strigoi I'd killed throughout my years as a guardian and I hadn't seen this coming at all.

I'd forgotten about it. After all, what was another Strigoi death to me? I kill the bastards for a living.

Well, I _killed _them for a living. Past tense. I guess the old saying about your past coming back to haunt you is true. Now Rose is paying for something I'd done. I should be the one laying there, not her. She did nothing wrong.

"Dimitri . . . this isn't your fault," Lissa said quietly as though she knew what I was thinking.

"Actually, that's where you're wrong," I said bitterly. "All of this is my fault and nothing you can say will change that."

She was getting ready to say something to me when there was a knock at the door. I turned to the sound and sighed when I saw Ivashkov in the frame. I imagine he was holding up just about as well as I am. He looked just as bad, that much was true.

"Any change?" he questioned.

I shook my head, defeated. "No. There's no change. If anything . . ." I trailed off, unable to finish that sentence. She was getting worse. Her vitals weren't improving at all.

"Do you mind if I have a few minutes?"

My eyes narrowed at the expression on his face. Something about his demeanor wasn't sitting right with me. Of course he looked awful, but it was more than that. There was agony in his eyes.

And for the first time since we got our stupid bond, I used it to my advantage. I embraced it and I placed myself inside of his head.

I immediately wished I hadn't.

The emotion showing on his face was only about a tenth of what was going on inside of him for real. I was shocked to find that it matched my own level of torment. Me, being the selfish person that I am, had arrogantly believed that no one could love Rose like I could, or more than I could.

But I was so wrong.

Adrian Ivashkov was really and truly in love with her and his heart was breaking in about a million pieces right now.

He wanted to leave. He was going to.

Rose would be devastated if she—I immediately cut myself off. _When_ she wakes up. _When_. It had to be 'when' because if it wasn't . . . the alternative was something that sent an icy fear through me that was unlike anything I've ever felt before.

Adrian's thoughts mirrored my own.

He knew that each day she didn't wake up her possibilities of living were less and less. I didn't miss the look that he stole to her monitor. I also didn't miss how defeated he looked, either, how defeated he _felt_.

Unable to stand the warring emotions a moment longer, I detached myself from him.

And when I looked at the new expression on his face, I grimaced. Lissa had already complied and left the room just as I was getting to leave as well.

"Sure, no problem," I muttered.

I was making my way to the door when he grabbed me by the arm. I looked down at his hand in shock at his show of surprising strength.

He glared at me. "Stay out of my head," he spat out. I nodded once towards him, then made my way to the exit only to have him stop me again. Only this time, he thankfully didn't grab me, otherwise I might have strangled him—heartbroken or not. His eyes were icy and cool, full of pure loathing. "This is the last favor I'm ever doing for you. Got it?"

My eyes narrowed in confusion. "What do you—?"

"God, you don't even know . . . you don't deserve her."

Truer words have never been spoken. "I know," I said, my voice barely audible.

"You've done nothing but hurt her and every single time it was _me_ who picked up the pieces."

The stoniness and bitterness in his tone left no room for argument. Even without it, there was no room for argument. He was right. Again. All I'd ever done was hurt her. I _didn't_ deserve her.

"I know," I repeated.

His jaw was tightened, his fists balled. "So tell me why she loves you more than me. Explain the hold you have over her to me so I can try to make some kind of sense out of it."

I sighed. That was thing. Rose may love me but she had chosen _him_. I shouldn't even be here right now; I should have respected her wishes when she came to my motel room that day . . .

_"I came back because I wanted to talk to you about why I left. I want to try and set things right between us. I know you don't trust me right now and really, you don't have a sufficient reason to, but I wanted . . . I wanted to explain myself to you."_

_She looked curious. That was a good sign. At least if she was curious, she wouldn't shut me out completely. I still had a chance to win her back. I needed to make her see. I needed her to understand why I left._

_I could see the confliction in her eyes, though. And that caused my heart to tighten painfully in my chest. She cared about him; she'd developed feelings for him after all._

_And when her expression turned stony, I felt the first hints of panic threaten to overcome me. What if I'd finally gone too far? What if I lost her for good?_

_I wouldn't let her see that, though. I kept my face blank._

_"Why? You don't give a damn about me, remember?"_

_My gut clenched as I saw all the raw hurt in her eyes. I caused her so much pain. _I _made her believe that. And I only had myself to blame. But I needed to fix it. I needed to make her see that was a lie. How could she have not known I was lying? "That is not true and you know it. I never said that I—"_

_"No, you just said that you didn't want me anymore—that you didn't_ love me _anymore. So really, what else is there to talk about? It seems to me that you covered everything already."_

_Oh God, I had said that. I had said every spiteful word she was throwing back in my face. But I hadn't _meant_ any of them. "Rose—"_

_Her face was determined, though. It was like the fight in her had sprung back to life. "NO! We're not discussing anything, all right? I'm here to tell you go back to whatever rock you crawled out from under. I am with Adrian now and I'm not interested in hearing anything you have to say to me."_

_I knew those words had been coming, or at least some form of them. It didn't lessen the blow of it all, though. If anything, it just made it worse. "So that's it? You're really not interested?"_

_"No I'm not."_

_What right did I have to push it? What right did I have to be here in the first place? None. I had no right to this. Not after everything I put her through. I just needed to make sure this was what she absolutely wanted._

_"Okay, fine. If you really want me to leave, say the word and I'm gone. I can't force anything on you that you don't want. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy and I'm aware that my actions don't exactly support that argument, but I swear to you, that's all I ever wanted . . . and if you're happy now, then I'll go. I'll leave tomorrow."_

_I saw the hesitation in her eyes._

_But I didn't dare to hope for anything. I couldn't afford to. I wasn't sure I would be able to handle the rejection._

_Rose had this larger-than-life image of me in her head, but really, I was just me. She was the one who had the strength and fire and passion in the relationship that I just refused to allow to come through. I was too afraid to. When I loved someone, my whole entire heart was with them. My whole entire heart was with _Rose_._

_But hers wasn't entirely with me. How could it be after I'd abandoned her like I had?_

_"I . . . it's what I want. I'm with Adrian now."_

_I noticed the wavering and uncertainty in her voice, but chose not to call her on it. Maybe it was better this way. Maybe she deserved a clean break if this was what she wanted._

_"Does he make you happy?"_

_"Yes . . ."_

Yes. He makes her happy. Not me. _Him_.

She was happy with Ivashkov, just like she deserved to be. Admittedly, I don't like the royal, but if he makes her happy then there's really not much to be done about it.

For the first time, though, since before that bastard turned me into a Strigoi, I had wanted to fight for what was mine. I wanted to fight for Rose. I came back to the States, knowing I didn't have the right to after how I'd left her behind. But for some reason when I got that invitation in the mail, I couldn't walk away.

So I came back only to find that she moved on. I didn't want to accept it, but I had. At least I had until she told me she loved me while I was holding her . . . it was so confusing.

Was I being fair to her? I didn't know what to do.

So I did the first thing I could think of.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I lied.

"Wow," he breathed out. "I think I just lost every ounce of respect for you I ever had. Not that there was much to begin with."

My fists involuntarily clenched at my sides. "She may love me, but she doesn't _want_ me, all right?"

He openly gaped at me. It honestly made me feel like I'd grown a second head. "Jesus. If you believe that, than you're fucking stupider than even I thought. Did your common sense go out the window when you were away all this time?" I was ready to say something to him, but he cut me off. "You know what? Just forget it, all right? Get out of here. I would like some time alone with my _girlfriend_."

I hadn't missed the emphasis on the 'girlfriend.' The word alone in reference to Rose was enough to cause me to flinch. So I gave him a curt nod and then left him alone.

When I stepped out the door, I saw Christian curled up in one of the chairs trying to get some sleep. His appearance was the best kept out of all of ours, but I wasn't fooled; I don't think anybody was. We all knew he was having a difficult time dealing with everything.

Mia and Eddie were even there with their son Mason. Because of their child, they obviously couldn't be here all the time like the rest of us, but they were here enough. Rose would probably scold them though if she knew. She adored her godson and would hate that he was being cooped up because of her. Eddie was currently trying to occupy their kid, but he was restless. Unfortunately, I overheard the questions he started asking.

"Daddy, when's Auntie Rose wakin' up?" he asked eagerly. "She said she'd play with me."

I watched sympathetically as Eddie gave a rough swallow. I had no idea how he was holding himself together. I didn't know if I would be able to do it. "She's still sleeping, kiddo."

"Oh," Mason said disappointedly. "She's been sleepin' a long time. Can't we go wake her up?"

The poor guy looked like he was about to lose it and break down right in front of his son. I saw a few stray tears fall down Mia's porcelain-like face and she quickly wiped them away before Mason could see them. "We can't wake her up, Mase. She's real tired. Remember when you were sick a few months ago and slept more than usual?" Mason nodded quickly. "This is kind of like that, all right? You need to be patient with your Auntie Rose," he said kindly.

"Okay. She's gonna wake up soon, right?"

Eddie wiped his hand over his face and took a deep breath. "We hope so. But you know your auntie. She likes her beauty sleep," he tried joking.

Mason smiled and nodded in agreement and I bit back a smile of my own.

And just like that, he was satisfied and went back to playing.

Eddie was trying his best not to cry, but his face betrayed him. Mia recognized this, too, and was currently rubbing his back in an effort to show support. I had to turn away when he clutched her hand.

Lissa was waiting outside the door and raised her brow at me. "What happened in there between you two? I'm surprised Adrian's still breathing," she tried teasing.

I shrugged and gave her a half-hearted smile. "I'm going to go back to my motel to get a shower."

She gave me a wry grin. "What happened to the hospital showers?"

"They don't come equipped with clothes."

"Dimitri—"

"I'll be back later. Call my cell if anything changes," I said, knowing nothing would happen in the fifteen minutes it would take me to get a shower.

She let out a defeated sigh and nodded. "Fine."

I strode away and reluctantly made my way to the motel I'd been staying at. Though I didn't want to leave the hospital, I knew I needed to take care of myself. A shower and change of clothes was definitely needed. When my stomach growled in protest at being empty, I grudgingly admitted to myself that I should probably get something to eat, too.

So I went and after I showered and changed, I looked longingly at the bed.

I should go back to the hospital, but I was so tired. I was practically running on fumes by now. And besides, Rose had Adrian with her right now. She was in good hands. And Lissa said she would call if anything changed. Maybe a few minutes in a bed wouldn't hurt . . .

* * *

My hearing came back first.

A soft, familiar voice was coaxing me out of my deep, comfortable sleep. "Little dhampir, I need you to wake up. Wake up for me."

I didn't want to. Being asleep was nice. It was pain free. I wanted to fall back into oblivion. Being awake sucked. Because the second thing that I was capable of noticing was that I felt like I got hit with a bulldozer. Every inch of me was aching as I tried to open my eyes. When they did open, I blinked rapidly, trying to get used to the lighting.

A small groan escaped me and when I swallowed, it felt like about a million knives were going down my throat.

"Rose?"

I knew the voice. I knew it well.

"Adrian?" I croaked out. My voice was dry and scratchy and it hurt to speak. But the pain was worth it, seeing the hope come to his face like that. He gave me a bright smile and brushed some of my hair back. "W-water."

His face became serious as he quickly moved to pour a glass of water. He even put a straw in the glass for me. I would have smiled at the gesture if it didn't hurt so damn much.

He gently placed the straw in my mouth and I sucked up the liquid greedily. I could tell it was probably at room temperature at least, but it felt like ice going down. I guess I tried drinking too much at once, though, because I started coughing up the fluid almost at once.

Adrian pulled the straw away from me. "Easy," he said softly. "Don't drink so much at once. Greedy," he said with a small smile. "I should get the doctor," he said.

I shook my head slowly and was grateful when he sat back down. I just wanted a little bit of time alone with him before I had to be poked and prodded at.

I swallowed again and let my eyes shut for a moment. I don't know how I could still be so tired. I'd just woken up. "Lissa?"

His smile was still in place when I opened my eyes again. As I had just done moments earlier, he shook his head while he brushed a finger against my cheek. "I should have known the first thing out of your mouth would be a question about Lissa. She's fine, Rose. She's just outside with along with Mia, Eddie, and Christian."

I tried to keep the disappointment off of my face. I couldn't help but notice that Dimitri wasn't included in that list. But I forced myself not to focus on that. If I did, I would just get depressed. "Mason?" I asked hopefully. I loved my godson and he would definitely be something to help cheer me up.

"He's probably terrorizing Christian," he said with a grin. I glared at him, even though it kind of hurt. "Sorry," he said sheepishly. "You know I love that little guy."

And he did love Mason. He loved Mason probably just about as much as I did. He was impossible not to get hooked on. I was hooked on him the moment he came out of Mia's gigantic stomach.

I tried sitting up on my own, but found there was no way I could do it. He seemed to realize this and helped me, telling me I was stupid for trying to sit up so soon. I simply smiled at him and he rolled his eyes after I won.

After a few moments of silence, he sighed. "He was here, too," he said, not bothering with a name. I felt my body tense against my will. Dimitri was here? He actually didn't leave me? "I asked him to leave, though. I . . . I needed some time with you."

I didn't know why, maybe because of the sadness in his voice, maybe because of something else entirely, but memories of our fight bombarded me and I hurt in a whole different way. It most have shown on my face because he looked startled. "What's wrong?"

Tears stung in my eyes. "Do you," I paused for a moment and inhaled a sharp, painful breath. "Do you hate me?" The words came out slowly, but I got them out without stuttering at least.

His eyes widened and he grabbed my hand. "Hate you? God, why on _earth_ would I hate you?"

"Our fight . . ."

He looked pained as he squeezed my hand. "Rose, our fight is insignificant. It doesn't matter, I promise. I swear you have no idea how worried I've been about you. How worried we've _all _been. Hell, your mom even came," he muttered out.

That surprised me. "My mother's here?"

He looked at me as though I were stupid. "You were fucking shot, Rose! Of course she's here." My eyes widened in surprise. Adrian rarely cursed. "Sorry," he said quickly. "Just blame my lack of sleep."

"Exactly how long have I been out?" I asked. I resisted the urge to groan. I haven't even been awake for ten minutes and I was already so over not being able to speak above a whisper or without wheezing. This was not my style at all.

He hesitated and rubbed the back of his neck. I watched as he squirmed a little bit. "Over a week," he finally admitted. "We didn't know if . . ." he trailed off and a small shudder went through me. I remember I didn't know if I was going to make it or not, either. I'd been so convinced I was going to die.

"Did you? Tell me you didn't," I managed.

He smiled, not at all looking ashamed or regretful. "I just gave you a little pick-me-up. Your vitals were slipping and Lissa . . . well, Lissa's not using her magic anymore. So it was up to me."

I bit my lip. I should be dead, but I wasn't. Thanks to Adrian. "Thanks," I whispered.

He nodded. "We should talk, Rose," he said quietly after a few moments passed between us.

I glanced at him curiously. "About what?"

Adrian took a deep breath and ran a hand through his already disheveled hair. He was nervous. "I'm . . . Christ, I don't know how to say this."

"Adrian?"

"I'm leaving, Rose."

I blinked. For a moment I couldn't really comprehend what he was saying. It seemed like it took forever to sink in. And when it did, I didn't bother stopping the tears from spilling over my cheeks. "Why?" I already knew, though. Deep in my heart, I knew.

"You know why," he said softly. There was no bitterness in his tone, which somehow made it worse. He was just Adrian. "I'll stay for as long as you need me during your recovery, but Rose . . . there's no place for me here anymore. I don't know if there ever really was."

"Don't say that," I said, trying to lace as much conviction as possible. "That's not true. You have a place here. You always have and always will."

"That's nice of you to say, but it's not right for me to stay. My job was to take care of you and love you and I loved every minute of it. But that's not my job anymore. It's his," he said.

"But I love you," I argued.

Back in the suite, I'd made the decision to choose Dimitri. I knew this goodbye was coming. But somehow, letting Adrian go was so much harder than I thought it would be. He's had a bigger impact on me than I ever thought he would. I _did_ love him. I just loved Dimitri more.

He gave me a sad smile of sorts. "I know. But I'm not the one in your heart. Just don't ask me to stay, please."

"I'm sorry." I looked down and away from him. The guilt that came at me was worse than any pain from the bullet injury.

"Hey," he coaxed. He put his forefinger under my chin and forced me to look at him.

Tears brimmed in my eyes again. "I tried."

His smile was still in place. "I know and that's all I ever asked of you. I knew that there was always a chance it could turn out this way, and it's okay. I promise everything will be all right." He leaned down and placed a kiss on my forehead. "I love you."

My lower lip trembled when he placed his forehead against mine. "I love you, too."

"Just not enough," he said quietly.

I nodded regretfully. "Just not enough." I grabbed his hand and placed it over my heart. "You'll always be in here, though. I promise."

"Thanks. Scoot over," he whispered. I complied eagerly, even though it hurt like hell. He wrapped me in his arms as soon as I accommodated him and let his chin rest on the top of my head. He started playing with my hair and it felt soothing. "Does it hurt?"

"Like a bitch."

"Do you want me to make it go away?" he asked.

I shook my head. "No. I want to remember this because it'll make me hate those bastards even more."

He chuckled and kissed my hair. It was probably disgusting. I don't know how he could stand it.

"I figured. You know I tried my dream thing on you while you were out," he admitted. "I couldn't find you." His voice cracked, almost like he was trying not to cry.

I squeezed his hand that was around my stomach. "I'm right here. I promise I'm not going anywhere."

"You better."

We laid together for a few more minutes and I felt myself growing tired again. My eyes were beginning to droop and I didn't know how much longer I'd be able to keep them open.

"I'm going to get the doctor. When you wake up again, he'll be here. I promise."

I nodded and felt myself slipping into darkness again.

His lips on my skin were the last thing I felt before I caved in.

* * *

Always true to his word, Dimitri was right by my side when I woke up again. I vaguely remembered the doctor's and nurses coming in, but that didn't really matter to me. I was just happy to be able to breathe normally again. This time was thankfully less painful. It still hurt, but at least it didn't feel like a truck ran me over again.

His warm brown eyes bore right into mine and it was the most beautiful sight I've ever seen, despite the dark circles under them. He was really here.

He brushed back my hair and smiled at me. "Welcome back. Do you need anything?"

I shook my head and grabbed his hand. "Just you will do."

"Do you mean that?" he asked so quietly I barely heard him.

"Yeah. Yeah, I mean it."

His eyes were sparkling the same way they had at the cabin the first and only time we made love. I don't count the second time. I think that was just pure lust. It had felt different and left me feeling hollow. But none of that mattered now. What mattered was that he was looking at me like I was the only thing in the world that was important to him. Just that one look made me feel like I _was_ his world.

"We have a lot to talk about, Rose."

I nodded. "We do."

"Maybe we should wait, though," he offered. "This isn't really an appropriate place for this conversation."

I shook my head. "No. The distraction will be good." When he nodded his consent, albeit reluctantly, I bit my lip and prepared to ask the one question that had been plaguing me for four years. "Why did you leave?"

A smile played at the corner of his mouth and he raised an eyebrow. I knew he was thinking about my earlier statement when I adamantly protested that I wasn't interested in why he left. But I think he knew I was lying then. Still, seeing that raised eyebrow made my heart fluttered a little bit and I grew embarrassed as the monitor beeped a little faster. He couldn't keep his smile back after that and his amazing laughter soon surrounded me. There may have been so many unanswered questions, but I didn't care. I'd never felt happier. I never thought I would hear that laughter again.

It brought more annoying tears to my eyes. I swear, I never thought I would cry this much in my entire life.

His laughter suddenly stopped and he looked alarmed. "Hey," he said with concern. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

I made myself stop crying and hastily wiped away the tears. "It's stupid." He gave me that determined look he always gets when he wants something. I knew then there was no use fighting it, so I just decided to go ahead and get it over with. "I never thought I'd hear you laugh again."

His eyes grew pained and haunted and I was immediately in his embrace. He spooned me against him after he climbed in the bed, all the while being incredibly gentle. Truthfully I was amazed he fit in the bed since he was so tall, but I couldn't really be bothered to see if his feet were dangling off the edge or not because I started crying again. I cried into his shoulder and wrapped my own arms around him and listened contently while he whispered soft words of Russian into my hair. "It's not stupid, Roza. I am so sorry. So sorry," he said. "I never wanted to hurt you."

When the tears subsided, I felt exhausted, but I forced myself to stay awake. Breathing his scent in helped me stay awake, too. He smelled like he just had a shower recently and the scent was wonderfully Dimitri. I let my head rest against him and reveled in the feel of his fingers threading through my hair.

"Why did you leave?" I asked again.

"I had to." That was his answer. I looked up at him and found that same grim expression marring his handsome features. He had his own tears pooling in his eyes and when one fell stray, I used the pad of my thumb to gently swipe it away. He leaned into my touch and kissed the palm of my hand. "I had to because of the things I'd done. I felt sick after I was . . . myself again. I didn't feel worthy to be here."

My heart broke for him. So Mia had been right after all. Not that it was surprising, but hearing him say it seemed to make it worse.

"Dimitri," I said softly. "You did nothing wrong."

He shook his head. "I should have—"

"You should have what? You should have had control over your actions?"

His jaw tightened and I watched the muscle move back and forth in a familiar rhythm. "Yes! You don't understand, Rose. I _had_ control. I beat it," he confessed.

I frowned. "What do you mean?"

"For the longest time, I refused to drink off humans or Moroi or dhampirs. I couldn't let myself do it. I lived off of animal blood. It was . . . disgusting. But it was enough to keep me going. For a while, I considered letting myself starve." I flinched and felt my blood run cold. If he'd done that, he wouldn't be here right now. "But when I was around blood, I couldn't help myself. But anyway, the point was that I _was_ in control, Rose."

"I don't understand," I admitted. "What happened, then?"

He looked away; it was as if he couldn't bring himself to look me in the eyes. "Jealousy corrupted me. I snapped."

I frowned again. What would he have to be jealous of?

But then my eyes widened in recognition. The night he came to me with the deal, I'd been right. There _was_ something different about him. And as I racked my brain for what could have possible triggered his 'snap,' I felt sick to my stomach. "Adrian."

He nodded grimly. "I saw. I saw you two kissing and I just lost it."

"Dimitri—"

"Did you ever wonder why you kissed him?" he asked out of nowhere.

I bit my lip as I looked back up at him again. I had a good idea of why I kissed him after having met that whacko Avery. "Avery?"

He smiled and confirmed my suspicion. "Avery."

"But why?"

"It was part of Desden's mind games. He was a master at them, Rose. My brother helped orchestrate everything. He, James, and Avery were waiting outside your house just behind the wards. The distance was nearly too long for Avery to do it, though. That's why it was as weak as it was."

"So they made sure you were watching?" I felt bile threaten to worm its way up. "That's sick."

He shrugged. "It was fun for them. There wasn't really any reason for it. Nathan just wanted to prove something to me. He wanted to wield his power over me and he did. It was a perverse pleasure for him. And all part of a master plan of revenge that I later came to discover."

"For the whole Spokane thing, right?"

He shook his head. "No. It never had anything to do with you, Roza. You were a pawn and he was just messing with you."

"So then why . . .?"

Dimitri sighed and a tendril of his hair fluttered out of his face, then fell back down once the breath was complete. "He was using you to get back at me. I'm sure turning me into one of them was worked in there somehow, but I don't know why now that he's dead."

"But why did he want to get back at you? What did you do?"

"I killed his mate a long time ago. She was one of my very early kills and to be perfectly honest, I'd forgotten all about it."

I stared in shock. "Wow. So he's been developing this revenge plan for a long time. That's crazy."

"He _was_ crazy, Roza. I just didn't realize how crazy until Christian entered the picture."

"What's Christian have to do with anything?"

"Well I'm sure you're aware of his disdain for my brother, right?" I nodded. Everyone was aware of Christian's hatred for Aleksandr. "Very obviously, he didn't trust him. Rightfully, so, too. My brother was probably just as crazy as Desden," he muttered. "Anyway, apparently Christian got a bad feeling that Alek was up to something. He found it strange that he just showed up out of nowhere and happened to run into _you_ of all people.

"So one day he cornered him. He knew he was working for some Strigoi somewhere and that there was something bigger going on. So somehow—I don't know how he did it because Aleksandr was certainly not stupid—he convinced Alek to allow him to be in on whatever was happening.

"Christian was able to easily convince Nathan of his allegiance and was soon confided in. Nathan was planning on killing you to get even with me. He didn't even know you existed when he developed this 'plan' of his. You just happened to be the girl I fell in love with and for him, that was enough."

"So all this time he was watching and waiting for you to fall in love?" I hated to think it, but I had to ask. "What if you would have never fallen in love?"

He smirked. "Nathan knew I would fall pray to cupid's games soon. It was inevitable. And he had no problem biding his time and watching. He was a Strigoi; time had no meaning for him. He had plenty of it to waste."

"Wow," I repeated. "I hope I haven't inadvertently killed one of those bastards' mates. I think I've had enough excitement to last a lifetime."

He rested his cheek on my head. "Let's hope not," he agreed.

"So . . . why did you enlist Adrian's helped? I asked quietly.

"Call it a gut feeling. Nathan's behavior was odd to me and I had a feeling that you searching for me was just playing right into his hands. I needed help trying to throw you off. He wanted you. I knew it then because he was very adamant that _I _hand-deliver you. He knew I wouldn't do it willingly, so he blackmailed me. The threat against my family was very real and both he and James took great pleasure in holding them over my head. When all of that didn't work and he discovered you were still alive, the Avery plan came in. He figured if I turned into a full-fledge Strigoi that I would have no problems handing you to him on a platter," he said with a wince. "I played right into his hands."

His voice was laced with disgust and when I brought my hand to his cheek, he flinched away from me. It hurt me a little, but I wasn't deterred. I forced him to look back at me. "It wasn't your fault." He grunted, disagreeing with me. "It wasn't! He was a master manipulator. Plus he knew your weaknesses, Dimitri," I pointed out.

He frowned for a moment and grew thoughtful. "What do you mean?"

"Well he watched you, right?"

"Yes," he said skeptically. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"If he watched you, he studied you. He knew what makes you tick and used it against you. You had no way of knowing."

"Doesn't change anything," he said softly. "I nearly got you killed. I don't know what I would have done if . . ."

I smiled and nudged him. "It's going to take a lot more than a bullet to get rid of Rose Hathaway. I hate to break it to you, but you're stuck with me now. So you might as well quit wallowing because that's only going to piss me off."

He grinned down at me. There was still a sadness in his eyes, but it wasn't as dominant as it had been before. "I'm stuck with you, huh?"

"Absolutely. I might have to kill you if you walk away again." His lips brushed my forehead and the stupid heart monitor betrayed me when it kicked up again. He chuckled again as he did before. "Ugh, I wish that would stop doing that," I muttered.

"Mmmm, not me. I hope it never stops doing that."

I smiled as I leaned into him, but I couldn't help but feel guilty. Here I was, so deliriously happy with the man that I loved and Adrian was leaving because of me. That brought a frown to my face.

"Dimitri?"

"Hmmm?"

"Did you know that Adrian is going to leave?"

I felt him tense for a minute, then his body relaxed in the next instant. "I had a feeling. Why?"

"It's just . . . I'm sorry, but I love him, Dimitri."

His eyes shut and I felt him swallow roughly. "I figured," he said slowly. "What does that mean, though?"

"I just think . . . well, he said he was going to stay through my recovery and I just think that we should maybe . . . wait."

He was silent for a moment and I felt myself growing anxious. "Wait? How long?"

"I don't know," I admitted. I sighed and shifted my position. The movement hurt, but I tried my best to ignore the pain. "I want to take this slow, though. I know you said you're not leaving again—"

"I'm not," he argued fiercely. "I swear I'm never leaving you again."

I shut my eyes, trying to get a grip on myself. I wanted so badly to believe him, but the fact was that I still had some trust issues with Dimitri and we were going to have to work through them. "I know. I just need some time. When you left, it was horrible. I understand now why you did it, but it doesn't change what I went through. Adrian was there for me and I feel like I would be spitting on everything he and I shared if you and I just jumped right into this. Plus, I have some issues of my own I need to work through."

"I understand," he said. There was clear shame there and I felt horrible. But I wanted everything to start out honestly. No secrets.

"So I was thinking that we should . . . date."

"Date?"

"Yeah. You know like dinners and movies, that sort of thing. We should get to know each other again."

"Date," he said again, genuinely perplexed. "Huh. Do you know how long it's been since I've been on a date?"

"Hmmm, forty years?" I teased.

He rolled his eyes. "Very funny."

"Don't think that just because I got shot that my grandpa jokes are out the window," I said lightly. We sat there for a while and I simply enjoyed listening to him breathe. It was the best feeling I'd had in a long time. "So are we starting over?"

"I think so," he agreed. "Clean slate."

"Sounds good to me. Rosemary Hathaway," I said and stuck out my hand.

He grinned. "Dimitri Belikov." His large hand gripped my own and I was thankful that my heart didn't speed up. That would have been embarrassing.

"I'm pushy."

"I'm a control freak."

That put a smirk on my face. "I like to have things go my way and tend to get grouchy when they don't."

"I have a horrible temper."

My smirk grew. "I just happen to have a thing for ill-tempered Russians."

He laughed and it gave me the warmth that it always did. I didn't think I would ever get tired of hearing his laughter. "And I have a thing for pushy, high-maintenance American chicks."

My eyes widened and I feigned offense. "I am _not _high maintenance, thank you very much."

He simply smiled, not saying anything to that.

I couldn't even argue my claim again, because I had more visitors come in.

My argument was forgotten because my smile widened, if that was even possible, when I saw Lissa, Christian, Eddie, and Mia all crowed in the room. I was a little deflated that Adrian wasn't there, but I knew that was expecting too much. It wasn't fair, I knew. But I couldn't help it.

However, my spirits were raised when I spotted my godson. Mason was gripping Eddie's hand and his eyes widened with excitement.

"Auntie Rose is up from her beauty sleep!" he exclaimed.

I was sure I looked perplex and it was confirmed when Eddie smacked his forehead. "Mase, you're gonna get Daddy in trouble, buddy."

"But you said she liked her beauty sleep," he said innocently.

"Did he?" I questioned giving Eddie an amused look. "What else did Daddy say, munchkin?"

Dimitri was trying to contain his laughter while Christian didn't even bother hiding his amusement. Eddie groaned and let his head fall into his hands. "You're killing me, kid."

The conversation went on and I was pleased that they didn't treat me like I was made of glass. Everyone was joking and full of laughter. I could feel Lissa's elation and that, in turn, made me happy. She and I would have to catch up on our later.

I had to try hard not to join in on the merriment, though, because it hurt like hell to laugh. But a certain kid in the room made it a little difficult. It was all worth it though. My godson's antics were so like our Mason's that it made me wonder if he was really Eddie's kid or Mason's. I may or may not have made a suggestive comment, which caused Mia to blush cherry red while Eddie took it in good humor, snickering at his wife's embarrassment.

Dimitri had gotten off the bed, much to my disappointment, and when he stood up, Mason demanded that he got to climb him. Mia scolded him, but Dimitri took it in stride and dutifully picked the little one up and placed him on his shoulders. If it was possible, I fell even more in love with him. It made me a little sad that we would never be able to have our own child together, but that didn't even matter. I was just happy we were finally together after all this time.

"Wow," he breathed out. "How tall are you?" he asked in pure wonder that only a child could manage.

His lips twitched and he looked up at Mason. "I'm six-foot-seven."

"Whoa. That's tall. That's bigger than my daddy."

Eddie frowned, while Mia snickered behind him and Dimitri nodded in agreement. "It sure is."

"I'm gonna be that tall one day. I'm gonna be six-foot-seven just like you."

He spoke so determinedly that I had no doubt in my mind that he was going to do everything in his power to reach Dimitri's height. It would prove to be an amazing feat.

Eventually, Dimitri lowered Mason to his back put his arms around his neck, holding him in place that way. It was adorable when Mason fell asleep on his shoulder. He stayed there for a little while and Mia then very carefully removed him from Dimitri's back.

I felt my own eyes drooping and people began to file out of the room. Lissa and Christian lingered for a moment and I smiled at them. "Sorry I ruined your wedding night _and_ honeymoon."

Christian shrugged. "You always did have a flare for drama."

Dimitri snickered and I punched him, the small tinge of pain so worth it.

I gave Christian the most serious look I could muster while being utterly exhausted. "Thank you," I said sincerely.

He smiled a real smile that shocked me. "You're welcome."

And then I promptly fell asleep, unable to fight the exhaustion any longer.

* * *

So I didn't exactly get it up before the weekend, but I tried super hard.

I'm actually kind of pleased with how this turned out. It started out a little rough, but then once I found my pace, it was very easy to write. I hope it wasn't too cheesy or corny, though.

And I'm gonna be honest... I cried a little bit when I wrote in Adrian and Rose's conversation. That was a bit hard to write. Some of the stuff with her and Dimitri was, too. I was just feeling sappy this update. Lol.

I was going to do review-replies before I uploaded this, but I am exhausted. I'll get to them as soon as I can, though. For now, though, I'm going to do a collective amount of shout-outs instead. I was seriously overwhelmed with the response this last update got. It really boggles my mind and I'd just like you all to know I really do appreciate each and every one of your reviews. You all are awesome!

Thanks goes to:

**puppylove216, addiction4jane, bella roza913, Joanna11, rachelalexandra, AddictedVampireFan, Twilighternproud, Winterlover888, snv3, XxSunShinelovesTeddyBearxX, elly94, Ur fantasy luver, toooldforthis, RiRi17, Lucia Rayne, Talyn EllieBell, Bella's Decathexis, Arivamp12, Little Lady Lioness, HopelessRomantic984, Tasha, **and** kblossom**

I think I got everyone. If I missed someone, please let me know and I'll fix it. Also, if I got the name wrong, please let me know that as well. :D

No songs this time, I'm afraid. Title is "Note to Self: Don't Die" by Ryan Adams. That's about it.

Anyway, I'm about ready to peace out and go to sleep. Once again, I'll get to the review responses as soon as I can. Enjoy the chapter!


	21. Second Chance

**Chapter Nineteen**

"Second Chance"

* * *

My recovery was surprisingly slow. I hated every minute of it, mainly because I wasn't used to being out of commission like this. About two weeks had passed since I woke up in the hospital and I still wasn't back in the field yet. Lissa and Christian still weren't back from their honeymoon that I had forced them to go on and even if they _were, _I couldn't be her active guardian again, yet anyway. Just knowing that was the worst kind of torture for me.

It was even worse than Adrian going back to flirting with everything that wore a skirt. He just recently picked that habit up again a couple of days ago.

And yeah, it sucked.

Day in and day out, I watched him flirt with girls far prettier than me and that really blew. I knew I didn't really have a right to be jealous—I mean I certainly didn't expect him to become a monk because we broke up—so I did my best to keep that green-eyed monster under wraps and I tried like hell to be happy that he was moving on. I was also trying desperately to think of the positives of it all and the only thing I came up with was that if he was flirting with girls, then maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't leave after all.

It seemed unlikely, but hey. I could dream, right?

As much as watching him with other women hurt, I had to admit that I would much rather him stay and be with other women than have him leave. It was selfish and cruel of me and completely unfair, but he'd been my friend before we dated. I didn't want to lose him.

But I could feel him slipping away.

He said he'd stay through my recovery, but he barely spoke to me. And when he did, it was all very superficial and fake. It was as though a flip had been switched and he was back to being the Adrian Ivashkov I first remember meeting. So that also meant that our personalities were beginning to clash again.

Part of me wanted to tell him that I was just dandy and that if being in the same room with me sucked so much that he could just go ahead and go.

He was making my depressed state worse and it wasn't even like I could enjoy myself with Dimitri. I'd been serious when I said I still had trust issues with him and wanted to take it slow. I probably would have felt the same way, even if Adrian hadn't been part of the picture.

To make matters worse, I didn't even have Lissa to talk to about any of this. Melodramatic, yes, but it's the truth. It's not exactly like I can call her up on her honeymoon and vent my guy problems to her. She was normally the first person I went to when Adrian and I were having problems, but she was definitely out this time around. Besides, I still wasn't exactly comfortable talking to her about Dimitri. Part of me felt that she still didn't understand my relationship with him and I could sometimes feel her resentment when Dimitri was around. She would try to cover it up, but I could always detect it.

I sighed heavily. Honestly, I just wanted this whole recovery over and done with. I wanted to be myself again. Being pissed off all the time was not the best thing in the world.

But the healing process was taking a lot longer than I expected it to. The bullet that James had struck me with had grazed a pretty important part of my anatomy apparently. The doctors had droned on about it, stating how lucky I was that the bullet only nicked whatever they were talking about, but I honestly hadn't been paying much attention. I was currently at my check-up and the doctor was _still_ going through this mindless medical terminology that I had zero understanding of.

I let out an impatient sigh and glared at him. "Yeah, whatever. When can I get back to training?" I snapped out. Dimitri gave me a disapproving frown that only made me feel slightly guilty, but still made me want to apologize, nonetheless. "Sorry," I mumbled.

The doctor seemed genuinely surprised and confused at my apology and I fought back a snicker. It wasn't the first time I'd been rude to him. It was just the first time Dimitri had been present for it. He didn't like it when I was crass with people and he was the only person that had any kind of control over me with stuff like that.

"Oh don't worry about it," he said with a breezy smile. "Believe me, I've had patients that are far snippier than you."

At that, Dimitri let out a chuckle and I promptly elbowed him in the shoulder for making fun of me. If anything though, I ended up hurting myself more than him. It was really amazing, but I think that somehow, he managed to hold on to some of his super strength he'd gained when he . . . wasn't Dimitri.

Any time I asked him about it, though, he would answer with an, "I don't know," shrug and be all broody for hours afterward, so I just stopped asking. It wasn't that he was lying or anything. He was probably telling the truth in fact, because any other aspect of that time that I asked about, he would answer me. He wasn't happy about it, but he'd answer me. I think it probably just makes him feel sick that he could still be connected to them. Not that I can blame him for that.

"Right," I said, clearing my throat. "So about my training. When do I get a clean bill of health?"

He smirked slightly, which irritated me. "Perhaps when you start taking it easy like I told you."

I frowned. How could he possibly know that I'd been sneaking in training sessions? It didn't seem very likely. "What do you mean?" I asked innocently, feigning dumb.

Dimitri snorted and I cursed myself. Damn. I hadn't been as sneaky as I thought I had.

"Miss Hathaway, your wound is not healing like it should be. There are stress indicators on it, which means you've been exerting yourself."

I let out a frustrated sigh and shifted in my chair. "I'm sorry, but I'm not cut out for this bed rest shit, all right?"

"Rose," Dimitri warned.

"I'm serious!" I argued, ignoring his scolding. "It's driving me fucking insane, all right? I'm an active person. I can't stand being lazy," I growled out.

His jaw tightened and he glared at me. "You were shot, Rose! That hardly constitutes being lazy."

"Well it _feels_ like laziness. Don't tell me you wouldn't be going just as stir crazy had our positions been reversed."

The comment was supposed to be my trump card. Instead, it made me feel ill when I thought about the possibility of him getting shot. I could feel the color draining from my face and he seemed to notice, too. His eyes softened and he cupped my cheek, silently communicating to me that he was perfectly fine.

It was times like this, when his eyes were completely trained on me, looking at me and _only _me, that I was tempted to forget about our agreement to take things slow. Plus it didn't help that I was feeling rather sexually frustrated lately. It's been nearly over a month since I've had sex and that kind of time-period sucks when you're accustomed to getting some practically whenever you want.

And Dimitri radiated sex appeal without even trying. The air between us seemed to crackle with electricity and his touch sent shivers down my spine and gave me goosebumps.

I bit my lip, suddenly very aware of him. See, this had recently grown to be a problem. My thoughts would stray lately, usually during the moments I would catch him without a shirt. And staring into his brown eyes always made my heart thump wildly in my chest, especially when he would look at me like he was now. Lord, I was hopeless.

He smiled a bit, as if he knew what I was thinking and the possibility that he could read my thoughts so well made me blush for some reason. It was more than a little embarrassing, especially since my thoughts of him lately had been purely X-rated. His smile then turned to a smirk and if possible, my cheeks reddened even further.

I shoved him off of me and he chuckled a little.

When I turned to look at the doctor, he looked one hundred percent perplexed. Poor bastard. He was probably itching to scratch his head, or judging by Dimitri's still shaking shoulders (maybe I'd been more transparent than I thought), something else entirely.

Okay, ew. I didn't need to think that.

The doc—and no, I don't know my own doctor's name since I never paid attention during the introductions—cleared his throat and looked so uncomfortable that I wanted to laugh a little.

I decided to be nice for once and I mustered up a sheepish smile somehow and turned in my chair. "Sorry, Doc."

He finally seemed a bit more comfortable and finished the rest of the check up.

Thank God.

When we were outside of the office, the doctor shut the door behind him so quickly that Dimitri and I looked at each other and burst out laughing.

* * *

"Little dhampir," Adrian said from behind me.

I turned around to find him grinning lazily at me and his green eyes were twinkling. The sight caused my heart to flutter just the tiniest bit. He did have some pretty tantalizing grins up his sleeve. Once I got over the swooning bit, shock took over as I realized that it had been a while since he used one of those grins on me and I couldn't help but smile widely.

My mood seemed to lift perceptibly.

"Hey, Adrian," I said, smile still in place.

His hands were in his pockets and he was leaning against the arch frame. Lord, he looked like GQ model sometimes, especially when he stood like that with that lazy smirk on his face. "You're in a good mood," he noted.

"I am," I agreed. "So are you, though."

His grin widened and his dimples became noticeable. I always did have a weakness for his dimples, especially since they were hardly seen. Visible dimples on Adrian were like Dimitri's laugh. Rare. "Rose Hathaway, are you trying to tell me that your moods are connected mine?" My face flushed from embarrassment for the second time that day and he laughed at me. "Well that's to be expected since it's me," he joked, "but I have to say that I'm honored."

"And smug?" I asked dryly. I'd thought about throwing in cocky in there, but decided against it. I didn't want to spoil the light-hearted teasing.

He chuckled again. "And smug," he agreed. "That fact _does _give me a little bit of an ego boost."

I snorted. "A little?"

He simply grinned and shrugged. "Anyway, you're right. I'm in a _very _good mood."

I cocked my head to the side, studying him. "Why's that?"

"An old friend of mine is coming in today for a visit. I haven't seen her in years," he said wistfully.

I squashed the part of me that wanted to be jealous. He was genuinely happy and he deserved it, especially after all the crap I put him through.

I miraculously kept my smile on my face. "That's good," I said, lacing as much cheerfulness as I could without sounding fake. "What's her name?"

"Gretchen," he said, still smiling.

_What kind of a name is Gretchen?_ I thought, inwardly scowling. Instead of showing my inner jealousy, though, I grinned at him. "Gretchen, hmmm? Will I get to meet her?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Do you _want _to meet her?"

I definitely wanted to meet this chick. For one, Adrian looked like he was completely infatuated with her and another reason was I needed to satisfy my curiosity. Plus, it would give me an excuse to test her out. If this girl was a total skank, someone had to warn Adrian.

"Sure," I said with a shrug. "Why not?"

His eyes narrowed and he became suspicious. He shoved himself off the frame and took a few steps towards me, openly scrutinizing me to the point where I was becoming agitated. He pointed his finger at me. "You are totally busted."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, genuinely confused.

He shook his head at me and rolled his eyes. "If I agree to let you meet her, there will be absolutely _zero_ grilling from you, understand?"

I smiled innocently. "Would _I_ do something like that?"

"Yes," he said without hesitating.

I laughed anyway, still in a good mood. He was talking to me, after all. And he was talking to me like he was Adrian again, or at least _my_ Adrian. I don't think anything could put me in a bad mood.

"All right, I promise."

I didn't tell him my fingers were crossed, though.

* * *

It turns out that his old "friend" was really an old fuck who happened to be a model. Yes, a _model. _She was absolutely gorgeous and . . . sweet. And okay, so I didn't know for sure if she and Adrian had known each other intimately, but come _on_. If I were a guy, I'd totally screw this chick and I'm not embarrassed to say it, either. She was every straight man's wet dream.

Her name was Gretchen Stephens and she's modeled for so many ads that I recognized her as soon as she walked in the door. I wanted to hate her, I wanted to find something wrong with her, but I couldn't.

She had hair so blonde that it almost looked white and it was obviously natural. There were no dark roots that hinted her hair was ever another color. Even her tan looked natural. It didn't have that orange tint to it that so many girls had nowadays. Her eyes were the bluest blue I've ever seen and they held a kindness to them that just drew people to her like a moth to a flame. And I always thought models weren't supposed to have a chest, but this girl had _boobs_.

Jealousy all around on my end.

Adrian left to go get drinks, which left me alone with Barbie. She was currently smiling at me. "So, you're Rose Hathaway?"

"Last time I checked."

Her blue eyes were amused and her smile widened as she chuckled slightly. "Well, it's a pleasure to finally meet the girl who tamed Adrian Ivashkov."

My nose scrunched involuntarily and I immediately felt my guard go up. "Excuse me?"

Her eyes widened and she looked horrified. "Oh, goodness. I didn't mean that in a bad way. Sometimes my mouth tends to run away from me, I'm so sorry."

I allowed myself to relax just the tiniest bit. She seemed genuine enough. But I still was wary—I wasn't stupid enough to let myself completely go around her. "No worries," I said calmly. "I'm the same way, actually, only I usually tend to mean what I say," I finished with a grin.

Gretchen's expression turned a bit scared momentarily, but she still held her smile. "I have heard that."

An uncomfortable silence passed and I wanted to laugh as she began to squirm a little bit. If I was normal like her, I'd probably be doing the same thing, but uncomfortable, awkward silences stopped getting to me a long time ago. However, it _was _annoying. Where was Adrian with those drinks?

I decided to show some pity and I sighed. "So how do you know Adrian?" I asked casually. "Old flame?"

She snorted. "I wish. Sadly, Adrian and I were never involved sexually," she said regretfully. "He was far too arrogant for his own good back when we saw each other all the time."

My face blanched. "And he didn't go for _you_? Are you kidding me? You're hot!"

She smirked at me, her expression bemused. "Thank you, but I wasn't always."

Had I been able to, this would have been a moment where I would do Dimitri's one eyebrow thing. Disbelief filled me and I was unable to picture Gretchen as anything but gorgeous. "Yeah right," I said, voicing my skepticism.

Now she laughed. "While your instance upon my 'hotness' is very flattering, I can assure you that I, like most all young girls, had my awkward phase. Adrian and I were good friends, but I was too much of a geek to catch his interest. I had ugly, unflattering freckles, wiry hair, thick glasses . . . I mean it was the works. I didn't have a lot of friends, but he was there for me. Everyone always called him an ass, and plenty of girls that weren't interested in being mean to me told me to be careful around him, but I never saw that side of him. He wasn't ever mean to me. In fact, he warded off the bullies for me."

"You had bullies?" I asked, still unable to process it all.

She nodded solemnly. "Oh yes. I had quite a few. One of them was a girl Adrian had been with at one point and when he caught her in the act, it wasn't a pretty sight. I'd never seen him so cruel before. I mean he was just awful to that girl," she finished with a shudder.

"That doesn't surprise me."

"Why's that?"

"Adrian doesn't let a lot of people in. He's a very closed-off guy. But the ones he does let in, he'll protect them with his last breath. I should know," I whispered. Some more silence passed between us and I sighed. If Adrian wanted to move on, I wanted him to at least give Gretchen a shot. She was a nice girl. "Don't hurt him like I did, okay?"

Before she could say anything, Adrian waltzed back in with three drinks in tow. "My two favorite ladies. Miss me?" Gretchen and I shared smirks as we accepted the drinks and Adrian suddenly grew uncomfortable. "I'm never leaving you two alone ever again."

* * *

"Hey."

I spun around to find Dimitri leaning in the doorway of my bedroom . . . in nothing but sweatpants. Okay, that was my wishful thinking. He did have on a muscle shirt, though, which left his very defined arms exposed for admiration.

"Hey yourself," I said with a smile.

"Can I come in?"

A piece of his soft brown hair fell in front of his face and I fought the itch to brush it back. I wanted to walk over to him and run my hands down the length of his arms. I wanted to lift that shirt over his head and rake my fingers down his muscled, strong back.

God, I was feeling too damn horny.

He couldn't be here. Not if I was going to practice any kind of self-control. I had none when it came to him. I'm surprised I managed to last this long without jumping him.

"No," I said finally. "That wouldn't be wise."

He looked confused. "Why's that?"

I rolled my eyes and sank down into my bed's mattress. "You do the math. Two of us, one bed . . . we're alone. Getting the picture?"

He sighed and his eyes drew to a close. "Rose, I'm not going to jump you just because we're alone. I have more control than that," he said dryly.

I bit back a snort. _You may, but I don't_, I thought miserably. It was unfair. I would give anything to have even a _speck_ of his control.

"Dimitri . . ."

"Fine, I'll make this quick, then. I wanted to ask you to go on a date with me," he admitted quietly.

I couldn't have been more shocked if he'd just announced I won a million dollars. To say I wasn't expecting that would be an understatement. "What?"

He nodded. "You said you wanted to date. So I'd like to take you on one if you'll have me."

I wanted to scream "yes" a thousand times to him and the request put an unstoppable smile on my lips. For the briefest of moments, though, Adrian's face flashed in my mind, but I thankfully quickly shook it off. I wouldn't be doing anything wrong if I went on a date with Dimitri. Adrian was no longer my boyfriend and besides, if my hunch was right, he had Gretchen now. It put my mind at ease to know that she could make him happy. There was already a noticeable difference in his moods. Her presence seemed to calm him.

Just like Dimitri always calmed me.

My smile grew as I realized that maybe, just maybe, I'd finally be able to have my ever-after with Dimitri. "Of course I'll go on a date with you."

His own lips soon had his own, warm smile to match my own. "Good. Get dressed, then."

I blinked in surprise. "You mean you want to take me on a date_ now_?"

He shrugged. "Why not now?"

My brain was becoming muddled. This didn't sound like Dimitri at all. He didn't like to do spontaneous things like this. "I just . . . this isn't something you'd normally do."

He smiled sadly at me and offered a small shrug. "I'm not the same guy you used to know anymore, Rose. That's the whole point of this 'dating' gig, right?" To that, I didn't say anything. He was right. We were both different people now. "Can you be ready in a half hour?"

I nodded. "Of course."

"Good. Meet me at the car?"

I rolled my eyes and smiled at him. "How romantic."

He grinned back at me and chuckled. "Half hour, Rose," he said, then turned and walked out the door.

* * *

I was on my way to meet Dimitri when I spotted Adrian.

His eyes openly roamed over me, though what I was wearing couldn't really constitute as "sexy." Dimitri had later mentioned to dress casual and I did just that. I was wearing a pair of jeans that did nice things for my butt with a yellow tank top underneath a dark brown one. I didn't really bother with makeup. I just put a touch of foundation on and left it at that.

I was surprised to see that the look on his face was almost sad. Usually when Adrian gave me roamy eyes, it was pure lust. Not this time, though. "Date, huh?"

Oh.

"Yeah," I said quietly.

He smiled and tilted my chin up. "It's okay, Rose. I expected it, I knew it would happen eventually. And Dimitri talked to me," he admitted.

My eyes automatically snapped to his. Dimitri and Adrian actually _spoke_ to each other? The two of them despised each other! "What?"

Adrian nodded. "Yeah. He cornered me the other day and forced me to sit down and have a talk. Every bit of me wanted to just pummel the guy, but I'm not stupid. He could have me down in two seconds flat," he said with a wince. "So I conceded and we talked, sort of."

"And?"

The next thing I knew, I was enveloped in his familiar embrace. I inhaled his scent and forced myself not to bury my face in his chest. I couldn't do that anymore. I thought it was strange that he was hugging me just out of the blue like this, but I didn't question it. I welcomed it. "Thank you," he whispered.

Then I pulled back and glanced up at him, baffled. "For what?"

His smile returned and he brushed my cheekbone with his knuckles. "Now's not the time for this conversation. Not when you're getting ready to go on a date. Just know that I want you to have fun tonight," he said seriously without bitterness or sadness. "Don't hold back or feel guilty at all. Okay? Promise."

"Adrian—"

"Promise," he said determinedly.

"I promise," I said weakly.

He smiled widely at that and began to literally shove me out the door. "Good. Now get going."

I rolled my eyes at his pushiness. I'd forgotten how bossy he could be sometimes.

After I was across the threshold, I turned back to him and he raised a brow in expectance. "Yes?"

"I like Gretchen," I said with a wide smile on my face, then shut the door to his stunned expression.

* * *

The date went off without a hitch.

It was, surprisingly romantic. For Dimitri. He's not exactly a romantic at heart and I know he sometimes has trouble letting me know how he feels about me, so I'm guessing this date wasn't quite as spontaneous as I'd imagined.

The night consisted of a picnic with all of his favorite Russian foods and my favorite in general. He even snuck a piece of pepperoni pizza in there for me. We then went to a carnival and played some of the games and he won me a cute stuffed penguin.

And we talked. We talked about the stupidest things imaginable and I don't think I can remember a time where he smiled more than he was tonight.

We were currently walking on the docks at the lake, holding hands. Our fingers were intertwined and for the first time in a long time, I felt content. The moon was sparkling on the water and the stars were shining so bright that it didn't seem like we should be on the east coast. It felt like were back in Montana, actually.

Only that wasn't exactly true.

Had we been back in Montana, we would be keeping our relationship a secret. That's what I associated Montana with. Secrets. And sadness.

There were a few good memories out there, of course. Montana was the place that I grew closer to Dimitri, where we formed our bond. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I was just happy that we could finally have our relationship out in the open. I've never felt this . . . free.

I mean I was holding hands with the man of my dreams and there wasn't anything anyone could say to us. It was finally, _finally_ okay for us to be together.

So why was I insisting on taking this slow when I knew he was it for me?

Yeah, I had some issues with him taking off and leaving like he did. He'd devastated me and it had been a long time before I was myself again. But could I really take this time for granted? Could I really let my hurt and my pride and fear get in the way of something that could be so great, something I'd been waiting to happen for years?

What was I doing?

"You're quiet," he said softly.

"Sorry. Just kind of thinking."

He raised a brow and an amused smirk settled on his handsome features. "Kind of thinking? How can you 'kind of' think about something?" I gave him a dry look and he chuckled, the sound deep and low and wonderful. "Sorry. What were you 'kind of' thinking about?" he teased.

"Us," I admitted.

An apprehensive look crossed his face and I felt him tense. "And?"

I sighed and gave his hand a squeeze. He seemed to relax a little at the gesture. "This date helped put things in perspective."

"How so?"

We stopped walking and sat down on one of the nearby benches. "Dimitri," I started. "I've waited to be able to do this for years. When I was seventeen, I was absolutely crazy in love with you, but we couldn't be together for obvious reasons. And then . . . and then the caves happened," I choked. "I thought our chance to be together was gone forever."

"Rose . . ."

"Let me finish. Like I said, I thought I'd never get another chance to be with you ever again. But then you did the impossible and came back from the dead. I'll admit, when you left, it hurt. After I got over the shock of seeing you back in your dhampir state, I couldn't help thinking we'd been given a second chance. So when you just left and walked away so easily like that, it crushed all hope I had."

Stray tears began falling and he rested his forehead against mine. His thumb brushed the liquid away and he kissed the tip of my nose, then my forehead. His chin was now on the top of my head as he drew me into his arms. "I'm so sorry, Roza," he murmured. He whispered in Russian that I still couldn't understand and he thread his fingers through my hair that I'd worn down. "The look on your face that day still haunts me. But please, understand I was so disgusted with myself. Every act I'd committed as a Strigoi stayed with me and . . . I didn't think I deserved the second chance. I didn't think I deserved _you_. Not after what I tried to do you," he mumbled.

I sighed into his chest. "Don't ever say you don't deserve me. I love you no one can make me happier," I promised. "And that wasn't _you_ that did those things. It was just your body, Dimitri."

"Same thing," he argued.

"It's not. You didn't have control over your body, so stop punishing yourself. I've forgiven you for it a long time ago. You need to do the same," I said softly.

He pulled back and stared into my eyes and swallowed roughly. "You've forgiven me?" he asked in awe.

I cupped his face in my hand and smiled. "Of course. That's what I was trying to tell you." My thumb traced the luscious curves of his lips and I heard him let out a contented sigh. "I don't want to wait anymore," I admitted.

Surprise lit his features. "Are you sure?"

I nodded. "Yes. We've been given a second chance, Dimitri. Not many people in the world get that, but we did. We couldn't be together before, but we can now. I don't want to waste this chance and risk something else getting in the way. I want you and only you. Always."

"Always?"

"Always. I love you."

He smiled and gathered me in his arms again and I felt the low rumble of his laughter in his chest. "Thank God. I love you, too, Roza. I love you so much. More than you know."

* * *

He walked me to my bedroom door. His right hand was resting on the wall and his left was curling a tendril of hair around his finger.

"Thank you for tonight, Dimitri."

He chuckled. "Was it romantic?" he teased.

I smiled and nodded, not bothered at all by his joking. "Very. Who knew you were a big softie?"

"Don't tell anyone," he said quietly.

"Darn," I said teasingly. "I was hoping to broadcast that you were a big teddy bear in disguise." He grinned and I sighed wistfully. "Tonight was perfect. I wish it didn't have to end."

His face turned serious as his eyes bore into mine. "Who says it does?" he whispered.

My heart thumped erratically in my chest as his lips descended closer to me. His whole entire being was so intoxicating and the anticipation sent pterodactyls through my stomach.

When our lips finally made contact, I felt every worry, every doubt I ever had slip away. This was right. How could it be otherwise?

The kiss was sweet and feather-light. Gentle. A whisper of a promise.

He pulled back, his brown orbs questioning me. I bit my lip and nodded and he smiled. His long fingers went through my long locks again and eventually, he reached the back of my head, cupping it with care.

Our lips found each other again and he maneuvered us to where he could open the door with his hand that had been on the wall. We stumbled through the barrier, never breaking the kiss that still had yet to become heated or hurried.

Dimitri was taking his sweet time with this kiss.

Once we were completely inside, I tossed aside my prized penguin, glad to be rid of it so I could wrap my arms around his neck. My fingers wound their way through his long hair and I sighed contentedly into the slow, torturous kiss.

Eventually, he took advantage of the occasional sigh that would slip and allowed himself entrance to my mouth.

The moment his tongue collided with mine, I was a goner. My knees trembled and threatened to give way. They would have had it not been for Dimitri's tight hold he had on me.

He pulled me closer to him and nudged my leg upward so that it wound its way around his waist. The other soon followed and he hoisted me up, supporting me at my thighs.

This was going too slow for me.

I was sex deprived and I wanted him. Slow could come later.

"Dimitri," I mumbled against his lips.

"Hmmm?"

"This slow thing is great, but I want your clothes off."

He smirked. "I see your impatience transfers to the bedroom, too?"

"I'm nothing if not consistent," I commented. "Plus, I'm horny and turned on. Shirt off."

His eyes darkened as he walked me over to the bed and literally dropped me on the mattress. I gazed up at him through hooded eyes and watched patiently as he began unbuttoning his dress shirt. I licked my lips unashamedly when he peeled it off his arms and practically turned into a puddle of goo when he lifted his undershirt up and off his very nice chest. It was a good thing I was already sitting, otherwise, I would have sank right to the floor. My legs were useless by now.

He walked towards me and I placed my thumbs in the loops of his pants, then pulled him towards me.

His tall, lean frame was now hovering over me and I began to unbuckle his belt, my eyes never leaving his. I pulled the belt off and began to work on his buttons when he caught my wrist.

I felt him nuzzle my neck and he began trailing kisses up to my earlobe. "How is it fair that I've lost three items of clothing and you're not even halfway naked yet?" he whispered huskily.

I smirked. "You're slow, gramps."

He actually growled at me. "You'll pay for that comment, later. I promise you that."

Before I could even think that I would be looking forward to it, my shirts were suddenly off. I blinked in surprise. How the hell did that happen? How did he get me in my bra before I even realized what he was doing?

Now _he_ was smirking. And he looked damn smug. A look I was not accustomed to seeing on him, but I didn't exactly hate it, either—especially under the circumstances. "I told you you'd pay for that comment. This is just the beginning."

He took a moment to admire my bra, which was a cute, lacy black number with purple tints. Yeah, I'd dressed prepared tonight. His eyes glazed over slightly and I felt my own moment of smugness wash over me. I still looked damn good in a bra. Apparently, he was more interested in what I looked_out _of it, though.

It was extracted from my body rather quickly and we were now equal as far as nakedness went.

He leaned me back on the mattress and before I could draw a breath, his mouth was on mine again. Our tongues soon met again and our breathing became heavy and choppy.

I raked my fingers down his back, eliciting a soft groan from him. I loved his back.

As my fingers explored his body, his lips moved from suckling on my tongue to kissing my neck. He gently nipped my collarbone and my eyes fluttered shut at the contact.

He made a soft trail upwards and stopped to suck the skin along the way. His tongue was doing amazing things to my body and I didn't ever want him to stop. When he made contact with my earlobe again, his left hand made its way to cup my breast.

His fingers squeezed and kneaded, his thumb occasionally tweaking my already peaked nipple. I was drowning in ecstasy and this was just the beginning of the foreplay. He hadn't even gotten my nether regions yet.

Eventually, his lips left my neck and trailed down to my chest.

He took my abandoned breast and lowered his head and my eyes rolled to the back of my head. I arched into his caress, to his kiss. His tongue lavished attention on the perky nipple and he then alternated his efforts.

The entire time he was loving my upper body, he'd taken extra care of my bullet wound. Normally when I did strenuous activity, like jogging or sometimes even just stretching, phantom pains would shoot through my entire body. Now, though, I was too far gone to notice anything around me. I'd forgotten completely about it, truthfully, and would have continued to do so had he not been gently tracing the scarred area.

While his mouth was working wonders on my breasts, his free hand made its way down to my jeans. He caressed me through the material, without bothering to unbutton me yet. "Oh God," I whispered.

My toes involuntarily curled after he got around to slipping the pants off and his hand delved inside my matching black and purple-laced thong.

He drew my nipple upwards with his teeth and glanced up at me.

I was panting with needed as his fingers found their way inside of me. "You're beautiful." I swallowed as he continued teasing me. I was so close to pure bliss, but he was dangling it in front of me. Smarmy bastard. "Mmm, and you're so wet," he murmured. "I've barely touched you."

I squirmed as he began slipping my underwear off. My hips lifted to help him rid the material off of me. My mind was so muddled and foggy with need by that point that I didn't even really register what he said. I only knew I wanted more.

"Dimitri, please," I breathed out. "I need you in me now."

I'd had enough foreplay. I was obviously ready for him and I wanted the teasing to end.

He leaned down and kissed me. As his tongue slipped into my mouth again, I hastily began unbuttoning his pants and yanked them down his long legs impatiently. He kicked them off, helping me out and made quick work of his boxers. My fingers cupped him and his eyes fluttered shut.

I did a bit of my own teasing and was pleased when he hissed out a breath. I loved that I affected him just as much as he did me.

Then he suddenly groaned, half pleasure, have annoyance. "What?"

His forehead rested on mine. "Protection."

I bit my lip. There was no chance of me getting pregnant with him and my only other partner had been Adrian and I know he was faithful to me. I wasn't exactly sure of Dimitri's sexual history between his "healing" time and now, but I somehow doubted I had anything to worry about. "I trust you," I said readily. "We can't get pregnant, but as for the other stuff, I trust you, Dimitri."

"I'm clean," he promised. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," I spit out impatiently. "I need you," I said again. He nodded and kissed me once more, then gently entered me. Oh God, this felt so good, so amazing. There were truly no barriers between us now. "Oh God," I breathed out. "Faster," I urged.

He obliged and picked up his speed, still being incredibly gentle.

The strokes were strong and powerful and completely controlled. I met him thrust for thrust and locked my legs tightly around his waist, digging my nails into his strong back.

Throaty moans and sweet nothings were whispered into the air.

As his length brought me closer and closer to my much-needed release, he buried his head in the crook of my neck, nipping gently at the skin. He supported himself with one hand and his other found its way to my breast, once again. The soft pinching of my nipple, combined with his throbbing member inside of me, sent me toppling over the edge. I saw stars and screamed as I clutched frantically at the sheets and he soon followed with his own release.

He collapsed on top of me, spent and I wrapped my arms around him, enjoying the feel of the skin-to-skin contact. The feel of his bare chest crushing my breasts was enough to turn me on again, even in my tuckered out state.

I placed a soft kiss to his forehead and he sighed contentedly. "I love you, Roza," he whispered.

"Mhmm . . . I love you, too."

I ran my fingers through his hair, still not minding the weight of him on top of me. I felt at home, complete, especially with him still inside me like this.

"Still think I'm a grandpa?"

I giggled a little, unable to help myself. "I don't know."

He raised an eyebrow. "What?"

My giggling increased when I ran my hands down his back again and cupped his butt. I felt him start to come to life inside of me again when I squeezed his hard, pure male behind. "Depends."

"On what?" he asked, intrigued.

"Are you up for another round, or are you worn out?"

"You're seriously asking me if I'm _up_ for another round. You should know the answer to that already, Roza," he said with a slight smirk.

"Hmmm. I think the gramps comment is still up for grabs, then, don't you?"

"You're asking me to prove it again?" he questioned teasingly.

"Absolutely."

And then he went onto prove that maybe he wasn't as much as a grandpa as I teased him to be.

* * *

Wow.

I can't believe the ending is here. Damn, I'm kind of sad about this. This has been such an awesome story to write for! There will be an epilogue after this, and then this story will be finito, my friends.

I wanted to say thanks for all the support for this fiction. I can't believe how well this has done and all this is just really incredible. After the epilogue, I will be doing a list of collective thank-yous for not only reviewers, but all who have alerted this and favorited it. Silent readers deserve some lovin' too.

Anyway, here are my thank you to reviewers for this round:

**Lucia Rayne, Cathleen. Belikov, Joanna11, snv3, toooldforthis, SunShineTeddyBr, RiRi17, Arivamp12, roserage, Talyn EllieBell, Little Lady Lioness, VA-FAN, **and** ur fantasy luver.**

Epilogue coming soon!


	22. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

_Five Years Later_

_

* * *

_

"Mason, quit tugging at your sister's hair!" I shouted from the hallway.

I chuckled as a complaining grumble from my eight-year-old godson filled the air. A verbal response would surely be following any second now with claims that his sister did it. "But Aunt Rose, Lily started it!"

"Did not!" she exclaimed.

"You did so," Mason argued back.

I let them go back and forth, keeping an ear out for any escalations in the fight. I didn't have any siblings of my own, but from what Dimitri told me, he insisted it was usually better to just let them argue it out. The only time he said I should interfere was when it seemed like it was going to get out of hand.

So far, though, it was just pretty innocent bickering.

Mia and Eddie were away on vacation and had left the little rascals in my care while they were away. They were probably working on a third rugrat right now. At least I hoped they were, anyway. They made some damn cute babies.

I really wanted babies of my own, but I knew it was impossible. I could tell Dimitri wasn't fooled and was well aware of my want for children and we've actually sat down to talk about it a few times.

We were discussing adoption and debating the pros and cons of it.

As it was, though, neither of us were in a place that we could fathom having a kid right now. I was busy guarding Lissa and Dimitri was going back into training to get reinstated as an official guardian.

Things were looking up for us.

Christian was currently holding back a snigger and since the kiddies were out of eyesight, I flipped him the bird, to which he rolled his eyes and let out a snort. "And you're going to punish the kids for bad behavior? You're such a hypocrite, Rose Hathaway," he whispered.

I frowned at him and scrunched my nose. Rose Hathaway? Try Rose Belikov. You'd think he'd be used to my name change since I haven't been Hathaway for a good three years now.

"First of all, it's Belikov. Second? Screw you."

Lissa's arms were soon snaked around Christian's waist and she peeked her head around him. "That's my job, thank you very much."

I made a gagging gesture and crinkled my nose in pure distaste. "Ew."

My best friend rolled her eyes and smiled. "So have you heard from Adrian or Gretchen?"

That put a smile of my own on my face. Gretchen really was awesome and it turned out that she was pretty perfect for Adrian. Sometimes I would get a little wistful or sad when I thought about our relationship because Adrian and I really do have some incredible memories. But honestly, I wouldn't change anything. He deserved someone who could love him completely and Gretchen seemed to be up for the job.

She was taking less and less modeling gigs and confessed to me one day that she was thinking of retiring altogether so she could open her own fashion line. Lissa had squealed with excitement and while I was happy about it too, I'd never been much of a squealer.

Anyway, Gretchen promised free samples when she got it up and running and I told Adrian then that he better marry the girl. He grinned at me and said he was planning on it.

And now, I knew for a fact that she had a big fat ring on her finger from him. I'd talked to him earlier and he said she accepted.

I nodded happily in answer. "Indeed I have. I've heard from both of them, actually. Adrian called first, though."

Lissa's eyes grew wide with anticipation and Christian rolled his eyes. "I'm going to leave before I lose my eardrum."

He kissed Lissa on the cheek and then walked away and muttered, "Women," under his breath. The blonde royal shot him a glare at his back and I felt her playful annoyance through our bond. I chuckled and loved that she wasn't so ridiculously in love with him that she thought he was perfect. In fact, he probably got on her nerves more than he's been getting on mine lately. Weird, right?

Amazingly, they rarely had major blowout fights and were basically able to reach compromises on most things. Their marriage was something I thought was amazing and admired greatly.

"Now that Debbie Downer's gone, tell me!" she said hurriedly.

"You better get your planner out again, Liss. We've got another wedding to help prep."

I suddenly wished that I had left with Christian.

* * *

"Hey, you," Dimitri said from our bedroom doorway.

I smiled as he leaned down to give me a long, lazy kiss. He brushed a thumb across my cheek and I shivered. Dimitri started chuckling into the kiss and the mood was suddenly killed, though I was still grinning. "Hey yourself."

Dimitri and I had been officially married for three years, but Lissa, Christian, Mia and Eddie tease us and say we may as well have been an old married couple with how much we bickered about silly things.

He managed to grate my nerves and I still got under his skin and knew how to push his buttons, which often led to rapid cursing in Russian. I'd at least come to recognize _those_ words. I pretended I didn't, though.

I loved being married to him, but whoever said marriage was easy was a damn liar. I'm happy, definitely, but it's not something that's all sunshine and daisies.

When we had first gotten back together and started sleeping in the same bed, I discovered he'd been keeping the fact that he had nightmares from me. The first one I had to sit through had been absolutely horrible.

I remember him thrashing and sweating and there hadn't been anything for me to do except wait. I'd tried waking him up, but nothing I attempted worked.

So I had to sit there and watch him. When he finally woke himself up, I'd been crying a river. The sight of him so vulnerable like that, so broken . . . it had broken my heart.

At first, he wouldn't talk about them. It was almost like he'd been ashamed, which I later discovered was indeed the case. When he'd realized that I witnessed everything, his face had hardened and he stormed out of the bedroom, shutting me out completely. I'd been so angry and scared and just at a loss. I hadn't known what to do, so I finally resorted to calling my mother. And, as it turns out, she gives some pretty damn good advice. She said while she obviously wasn't an expert on relationships, the best words of wisdom she could give was to hash it out with him.

And hash it out we did.

Finally, we'd gotten into a big fight about it and eventually, he came clean and told me what they were about and why he'd walked away from me after the first one. His pride had been severely damaged.

Apparently the nightmares were all from when he was still a Strigoi. And they included me as one of them.

He still never really talked about what he did in his time away, though. His face would grow haunted and pained and I never forced him. It just didn't seem right to.

Occasionally, he would still have a few nightmares, but for the most part, they'd stopped after we got married. Thankfully.

"What are you doing?" he asked, looking at all the magazines I had spread out. "We're already married, honey."

I laughed and sat down on the bed. "No shit? Really? Must have slipped my mind."

He raised an eyebrow at me and gave me a grin that made my heart beat about a billion times faster. That husband of mine took the few steps it took to reach me and hovered over me, supporting his himself with his hands on either side of me. His lips bent down and nipped at my ear. "Want a reminder?"

"Absolutely," I said with a large grin.

He smirked at me and shoved all the magazines off the bed, causing me to laugh as he hopped on the bed beside of me.

And then he went on to remind me in the best possible way that he was, indeed, mine.

THE END!

* * *

Wow!

I'm so excited! And sad. I can't believe this is officially the end. And it's been exactly a year since I first started posting this. I know it's a pretty short ending compared to the rest of my chapters, but most epilogues I've ever read aren't super long. I hope I managed to bring this to a close all right.

And sorry for all you readers out there who were secretly (or not so secretly) hoping that Rose and Dimitri get pregnant in the end. I couldn't figure out a justifiable way around it without completely going against my fanfiction values, so you have my apologies for no baby Belikov.

Also, I know I didn't conclude whether or not they adopt, or clarify about what went on during Dimitri's four years away, but I figured I'd leave that up to readers. You can use your imagination and tell me your ending if you wish to. I would definitely be interested in reading thoughts behind both of those. :D

Anyway, I don't have the preview ready for the next story. I'm going to wait to start it because I want to finish the new fiction I have for Harry Potter first. And, I want to be able to be sure I'll complete the new story. I don't want to start something and go through serious lags in updates. There were a bunch of those with this story and I didn't like to do it. So, no promises on the new story. I'll think about it and play around with the idea and see what I come up with. Perhaps I'll just develop it into a short story, I don't know, though. We'll see.

So first things first. Final stats for "Crashed" are the following if anyone's interested:

**Pages: **241  
**Words:** 109,750  
**Favorites: **121  
**Alerts: **119  
**Hits: **15,467

Whoa! That's pretty impressive to me. I'm super happy with the turnout for this story and am very thankful to have such awesome support from everyone here. It just boggles my mind, really.

I don't really have any 'extras' or 'out-takes' to offer for this. My process doesn't really work that way and any editing/cutting I did, I didn't save, stupidly. Perhaps if I do choose to go through with the new story idea, I'll do that for you guys if you're interested.

I am thinking about doing a major edit on this, though. I'll admit freely that the beginning isn't the best of work and definitely could use some improvement. It honestly kind of makes me cringe to go back and see the starting chapters. I can't help but wonder, "what the hell was I thinking?" Lol. So perhaps in the future you'll see a revamped version of "Crashed" and maybe even under a new name. Now that I think about it, I'm not entirely sure that it's an appropriate name. Lol. I happened to be on a Daughtry kick when I started this, though. Hehe. So any name change suggestions, feel free to speak your mind.

Now on to my respective thank-you's. As soon as I get this posted, I'll get around to the review replies! I did notice, though, that there were a few new reviewers in this round, so shout-outs to you guys! You know who you are.

REVIEWERS:

**winterlover888, puppylove216, snv3, CathleenBelikov, XxSunShinelovesTeddyBearxX, Treya, Angie1212, Airvamp12, Little Lady Lioness, RiRi17, Twilighternproud, toooldforthis, Lucia Rayne, Nefarious1972, Joanna11, **and** parkesy23.**

FAVORITES:

**-potatomash-, -TWINZ-, addiction4jane, AddiictedVampiireFan, Airvamp12, akfirefly, amandaemcmahon, AmericasDawn, Angie1212, Animefan1875, APM0829, bandit32, Be sAfe - biiTe mE, bella roza913, Blood Always Tells, brinna202, chelle131623, chloebrady348, ChronosNumberVII, CrimsonsNight, Crossing-My-Heart, DarkestAngelHeart555, DarknessLightsTheWorld, Deino1217, Dimitri's-babe, dogangelsrule, DuctTapeShoey37, Dynell, elly94, emerald and onyx, excalibur snape, feartheroo, felicity anne, HopelessRomantic984, Hyuchiha Ruki, iamavampirebiteme, ilovenat1995, IsabellaMarieandEdwardAnthony, Jappa, Jasper's chic, Joanna11, Kasa Bella, kiss-me-question-mark, kitty00, krf70au, kunoichixakura, L's-True-Successor23, Lady Knight of Masbolle101, LaL., lilquinon3, Little Lady Lioness, LittleStormy, loveispainn, LRPworks, MakeMeProud, MeantForSomethingMore, mighty-moo, mizzcrakster, Mrs. Whitlock Ivashkov Hale, Ms. Damon Salvatore, Muntzy09, mustluvbooks, nadine belikov, nanettka, natalie3008, nb716, Nefarious1972, nejiskunoichi0011, neverthink121, parkesy23, Pindah, pinky1717, Proonnggs, puppylove216, racerchickjr01, Rachel Swan Cullen, rachelalexandra, Raelover, raniacullen, RawrEvaRawr, redglasses, RiRi17, Risika Silver, roserage, roza123, ruthless527, Sakura Breeze, scared-of-tellytubies21, ShakespeareActressVamp, shaniakeddy, shel-shel, Shelby Allane Masen, Skyler Cullen, sls926, StaceyKay, .rawr, StoryGirlAngel, sunfiresoftball, Talyn EllieBell, Tay Vamp, taylor1adrian, Team Jane, teckechick, There'sSkittlesInThere, this is ah-mazing, tiffanyr, tinkerbell72, TotallyInLoveWithYou, Treya, Twilighternproud, twlight-princess, Ur fantasy luver, VA-FAN, VAMPGIRlDIMITRIE, Vampire-Chick91, winglessangelsstillfly, winterlover888, xXpretty lovableXx, **and**XxSunShinelovesTeddyBearxX.**

ALERTS:

**-potatomash-, -TWINZ-, abbyroxursox, AddiictedVampiireFan, agirlnamedraven, akfirefly, AKSimons, AlphaDog, amandaemcmahon, angeldog14, Angie1212, anki145, APM0829, AudreyGrace, bandit32, bella roza913, Bezzaletta, Blood Always Tells, BloodlustedInk, BreatheIfYouFindDimitriHot, brinna202, Celestial Dawn, Crossing-My-Heart, csi-ds9, d4renee, DarkestAngelHeart555, DimitriRozaForever, DnCnChIcK369, dogangelsrule, eliiseeee, Ellis Mom, elly94, ElusiveAuthoress, Emberseve, emerald and onyx, eternallymusical, existingcrisis, feartheroo, FrontlineChaos, Hoku-ao, HopelessRomantic984, iamavampirebiteme, ilovenat1995, Inu-Angel1313, It'sAlreadyTooLate, Jazz-A-Mine, Jhaxe, Joanna11, juneva, Kasa Bella, Laughtered, LaurenKay, Little Lady Lioness, littlemissreality, littlevampette, LittleXDhampir, LizLoveDante, Lucia Rayne, MarahxXx, Margeret Asher, meg123930, 21, mizzcrakster, morning-fight, mrs-dimitri-belikov1, nadine belikov, nanettka, nejiskunoichi0011, nessa1178, neverthink121, Number-1- Twilighters, Parasite Eve, puppylove216, rachelalexandra, RawrEvaRawr, RedJewel2662, reverie96, RiRi17, Risika Silver, robsad79, Roza-and-Dimika-Forever, roza123, RozaRedbird, , Sakura Breeze, scared-of-tellytubies21, ShakespeareActressVamp, shelbe10, SkyBel, sls926, snv3, Soon to be vamp, StaceyKay, sunfiresoftball, supremeviloverlord, Talyn EllieBell, Tay Vamp, the-Upside-Of-Down, theevilcookiemonster, theoneandonlyher, thinair, Thorntangle, tiffanyr, toooldforthis, TotallyInLoveWithYou, Treya, Twilighternproud, twlight-princess, UchihaSophitia, Ur fantasy luver, VampDeez, VAMPGIRlDIMITRIE, vietgirl, Welcome-to-the-FAYZ, winter windwhisper, winterlover888, xoIts Just MExo, **and** XxSunShinelovesTeddyBearxX.**

Wow! That took me a while to do up. A lot of them are repeats, but eh. I just copied and pasted from my account list, so it wasn't too grueling. Also, some of your names may not be entirely correct because the site is weird and is uber-sensitive with periods that connect words for some reason. So my apologies for that.

I want to thank anyone who reviews in the future under the anonymous function. Obviously if you do that, I won't be able to reply to you, but you have my thanks anyway! And thanks to all those who may happen to alert/favorite this as well.

Now that this is officially over, I can do my happy dance! Woot!

And yes, I'm going to do some shameless plugging. I've mentioned before in previous chapters that I have an original work up over at FictionPress, which is still true. I'm diligently working on completing that, but I also have another story up called Bad Moon Rising. It's available on two sites. One is over at FictionPress and another is Authonomy. You can find a link to both in my profile. Bad Moon Rising is a werewolf romance, so if you're interested in original characters, please feel free to check it out!

Anyway, this story is now really and truly finished.

Once more, I must say thank you. I've heard that if you say it too many times, it sounds insincere, but I promise I mean it. Lol. You've all been amazing readers/reviewers and you simply rock!

Peace out!


End file.
